[Author's Note]

I hope you're all still enjoying this story. Special thanks to Panda Hallows, who so kindly let me steal one of her (apparently many) euphemisms.

Chapter Three

Penny drives in utter silence, doing her best to keep the stranger next to her as far from her mind as possible.

Obviously it doesn't work.

She'd been able to convince the doctor before leaving the hospital that she was fine to drive, but now she's been faced with the idea that she actually has to live with the consequences of Sheldon's accident. She has to see him in the hallways, and when she visits the rest of the guys for Thai food nights and Halo night. What was she going to do? Was this going to be forever? She was terrified of the possibility that the Sheldon that she knew and… well, tolerated…may never come back. A little over a year ago, she would have been ambivalent at best. Now, the idea makes her a sadder than she would have ever expected it to.

All of this is flowing through her mind at warp speed, making her grip the steering wheel way harder than she should. She isn't the best driver anyway, but right now she's driving like someone right out of NASCAR. Her foot is pressed to the floor and no light is red enough to stop her. Despite her best efforts, Sheldon makes no remarks whatsoever about her reckless antics. In fact, the car is ungodly quiet. Aside from shooting Howard glares every now and then from the driver's seat, everything has been smooth. No one dares to speak quite yet, and for once she didn't mind reveling in the silence. It gave her time to wonder just what the hell she was going to do about Sheldon, who remains seemingly oblivious to her inner turmoil.

Not that he was any good at recognizing it in the first place.

Now he's less than a foot away from her, staring out the window and humming along to the radio. She does a double take, not so subtly. Sheldon Cooper is humming. Penny continues to examine him from the corner of her eye. She realizes with a jolt that he isn't wearing a seatbelt. Sheldon always wears his seatbelt.

"You're staring," he observes suddenly before turning to face her with disarmingly blue eyes and a slight grin. "See anything you like?"

Penny's jaw drops and she almost chokes on the shock. Flushing more than she anticipated, she tears her eyes away from Sheldon to keep a better eye on the road in front of her. She doesn't trust herself to respond, so she doesn't.

"Dude," Howard pipes up from the backseat, "You're starting to sound like me."

Sheldon takes a fleeting moment to spare Howard a look over his shoulder and scoffs.

"God, I hope not."

Howard sputters indignantly in his own defense and Penny laughs despite herself. Hey, she mentally defends. It was funny. This earns her another surreptitious glance from the man next to her that makes her chest constrict way more than it normally should in his presence. She averts her eyes again and wonders to herself just how long it's going to take for him to snap out of whatever freaky twilight zone he's fallen into.

What normally would have seemed like a short drive felt like hours by the time she parked the car and climbed out of the driver's seat, staring at the sidewalk rather than at Sheldon. Howard was rattling on about something—she wasn't really paying attention—and it felt like white noise. For the first time since she met him, his rambling didn't really bother her. It provided a backdrop for what was already proving to be a fanatically weird day.

"Do you know where we are, Sheldon?" Howard asks in his best patronizing tone. If Penny didn't know better, she would say he was doing it on purpose. "Do you remember this building?"

Sheldon answers him with a roll of his eyes.

"Of course I do," he answers impatiently, "My memory is in no way impaired." He stops in the middle of the lobby, staring down at Howard. "As a matter of fact, I don't see why you're still here. Penny is more than capable of caring for me on her own."

"Caring for you?" Penny squeaks. She hadn't thought of that.

"I assumed you would be," he tells her carefully, "Leonard and Raj are at work, and I don't really care for Howard's presence right now. That leaves you."

"Right," she says uncertainly and offers Sheldon a weak smile. "Are you sure you don't want Howard to stick around? You're not supposed to sleep for a while, and you guys could play Halo or something. Or Klingon Boggle! I know how much you guys like that."

"Not tonight," Sheldon replies and gives Howard an appraising glance. "Howard, thank you for your attention today. I appreciate it. I'll see you later."

"Uh, okay," he says as though Sheldon had been addressing him in a language completely foreign to him, "Are you sure, man? I could stick around and, you know, keep you company. Or something."

Yeah, Howard, Penny thinks. Real genuine.

"Trust me," he replies, throwing Penny another glance, "I'm sure."

Those were the magic words, Penny notices as she watches Howard fly out of the lobby like a bat out of hell. The little wimp didn't even look back. Penny grimaces at her bad luck, shaking her head. Once again, she's left to take care of Sheldon while the rest of the gang turned tail and fled for their lives. Maybe she was the loser in this arrangement, but as least she got points for compassion.

"Come on, sweetie," she instructs, lightly patting his arm, "Let's get you upstairs."

----

Leonard and Raj climb the stairs two at a time, clamoring to get to the apartment as fast as humanly (and superhumanly) as possible. Wolowitz had texted them two hours ago, after Sheldon had banished him from the building in favor of Penny, and they just had to see this. Judging from the occasional squeals coming from the apartment, the show was going to be even better expected. They had fifty bucks riding on who shed the first blood.

"Dude, do you have your video camera?" Raj asks as they reach for the door to the apartment.

"Oh, crap!" Leonard exclaims, smacking his forehead with an open palm. "I knew I was forgetting something. Oh, well. Both our phones have video."

"Good point," Raj offers and pulls out his phone. "Set video to 'record.'"

"Done."

"Alright," he says, taking a long breath, "Let's do this."

"If anything happens," Leonard starts, stopping Raj with a hand across his chest, "I want you to escape. Save yourself."

Raj just stares.

"Duh, dude."

Leonard glares.

"Whatever," he replies, "Go on my count of three." He places his hand on the knob, taking note of the subtle sound of voices on the other side of the door. "One… two… three!"

They burst in the door in a flurry of movement and they're greeted with a high-pitched squeal. They write it off as one of Sheldon's neurotic tirades until they notice that Sheldon is completely and totally calm.

And sitting on the counter.

Both Raj and Leonard forget about their phones as they watch the scene ahead of them. Sheldon is watching, obviously amused, while Penny is crumbling various foods all over his spot on the couch. They watch, horrified, waiting for Sheldon to go nuclear and take out the entire state. Much to their surprise, he just sits and watches her as though she's doing some type of interpretive dance rather than destroying his spot.

"Dear God," Leonard whispers, stunned.

"Ditto," Raj adds under his breath.

"Sheldon, I swear to God," Penny threatens, oblivious to their new audience, "If you don't snap out of it right this second, I'm going to lose my mind."

"I'm not entirely sure you haven't lost it already," he fires back. "I have no idea why you would think a worthless couch cushion would mean something to be. But by all means, continue what you're doing if it matters that much to you."

Leonard's jaw drops, Penny shrieks, and Raj stares before saying the only thing that came to his mind under the circumstances despite the fact that Penny was still in the room.

"Holy cheese fries."

Raj's simple statement finally garners the attention of the combatants and they both turn to face the two newcomers. Sheldon is seemingly happy, a smile on his face. On the opposite side of the room, Penny is red in the face and breathing heavily.

"Oh, you're back," Sheldon observes from his perch. "How was work?"

Leonard is about to reply when Penny interrupts, "Oh, thank God. You're here."

"What's going on?" Leonard asks, watching her brush her hands off on her thighs. "What have you guys been doing? Besides, you know, destroying my living room."

"Sheldon's hurt worse than we thought," she tells him, "The swelling will heal and everything, but we're now experiencing some technical difficulties."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that Sheldon has lost his marbles, what few he had to begin with," she says. "But now my shift on the psych ward is done, and yours is just beginning." She grins, holding up her right hand and grouping two fingers on each side. "Live long and prosper."

"Penny, wait!" Sheldon suddenly cries. She tops and turns back around. "Where are you going?"

"Home, sweetie," she says and Leonard doesn't miss the irritation in her voice. "Leonard and Raj are here now, and they'll keep you company."

"And what if I prefer your company to theirs?" he asks, jumping off the counter to head her off on her way out the door. "You don't really blame me, do you?"

"Um…" she starts, "Well, I'll check in on you later." When he still doesn't seem to accept that as a viable alternative she adds, "I promise."

"I guess I'll have to make do until you get back, then," he says and she offers him a weak smile. Before she can leave the apartment—and all its craziness—behind, he leans forward and places a kiss to her cheek. Suddenly paralyzed, she stands still and holds her breath at the feeling of his lips on her skin. The contact is gentle, but brief. When it's over, he steps back and she stares at him, her mouth open and unmoving.

"Have a good night, Penny," he says and she nods, unable to form any kind of coherent communication otherwise. "I'll see you later."

She walks like a zombie out of the apartment and shuts the door behind her, not speaking another word to any of the three men in the room. Sheldon stares after her for a second before turning to face Leonard and Raj, frowning at their slack-jawed expressions. He crosses his arms over his chest and eyes them critically.

"What's gotten into you two?" he asks.

"Dude," Raj starts unsurely, "You just put the moves on Penny."

"Yeah!" Leonard suddenly pipes up, "What's the deal?"

"I would hardly call an expression of gratitude and affection 'putting the moves' on someone," Sheldon replies, walking past them and into the kitchen to examine the contents of the refrigerator.

"Um, that's exactly what the rest of the world calls it," Leonard insists, steadfastly remaining in his position in the middle of the living room. "What makes you so special?"

"Do you really need the list, Leonard?" he asks, pulling a carton of milk from the refrigerator and pulling off the top. Much to the horror of his friends, he brings the carton directly to his mouth and drinks from it. When he's done, he replaces the cap and returns it to the shelf… label pointing backwards.

"What the hell is going on?" Raj cries suddenly. "Who are you?"

"Sheldon Cooper," he replies stoically, leaving out the letters after his name to the shock and awe of the other men. "Who were you expecting?"

Leonard spares a look at Raj, who shrugs noncommittally. They turn toward the door at the same time with one word on their lips.

"Penny!"