Hidden:

The complexity of our relationship really ramped up when I was 17. I had made Jonin ad was appointed Ambassador to the Leaf. Gaara was Kazekage then and he wanted to lay the ground work for a permanent alliance between the two villages. Given our own betrayal of the tentative alliance a few short years ago, Gaara knew he would have to put in a lot of time and effort and send someone reliable and important to be ambassador. So I got the job. And guess who they assigned to be my guide while in Kohona? Lazy of course.

He treated me to a picnic in his family woods to celebrate my promotions. There we had our first kiss. For him, it was his first real kiss. For me it was my first kiss period.

As previously mentioned I had no interest in the boys of Suna and we don't do kisses in our family. We don't even hug except for very rare occasions. So when he kissed me I was too overwhelmed to kiss him back. I know I blushed because Lazy made a comment on how cute I looked. All that positive input was simply too much for me and I panicked. I knocked out poor Shika and raced back to the safety of the consulate.

Frankly I was scared, excited, flustered and frustrated. Scared because of the new level of our relationship. Excited at the prospect of our affection towards each other. Flustered at not really knowing just how to respond to Shika and frustrated at my own weak sense of sexuality. Up to that point I had never seen myself as an attractive woman. Knowing that Shika was interested in me made me want to develop that long neglected and suppressed part of me.

However, not know how to deal with all this at once I did what I usually do when I feel threatened; I lash out. Poor Shikamaru got the most severe tongue lashing of our relationship and I felt so bad afterwards I hid in the consulate. By the time I left for Suna I was sure I had completely turned Lazy away with my sharp tongue and cold shoulder.

Once back home I went to my only trustworthy female friend; Matsuri. She was a few years younger and a commoner but she had a much more normal upbringing. At the very least she knew about clothes, make up, dates and even kissing. It is a very sad fact that Gaara had his first kiss with Matsuri before I had mine with Shika. Of course I had to find out from Matsuri. Gaara may be my little brother but he is also Kazekage and very slowly adjusting to a more normal life. His friendship with Naruto and his relationship with Matsuri have helped out a lot.

With Matsuri's help I managed to collect myself and start on some positive changes. For one thing, I updated my wardrobe. Gone were the short shorts, low cut tops and bright colors of children. In came more modest dress with the darker colors of adults in Suna.

It would take a while for our relationship to advance again. Shika was part of the relief effort sent by the Leaf during Gaara's kidnapping, death and revival. Shika led the team that saved me for which I was grateful.

Shika was too mission focused to say anything about my new attire and I was too emotionally drained to make any advances on him. Almost losing both your brothers in one day is extremely taxing. I remember Shika embracing me in one of the hallways of my home, whispering soothing words in my ear as I rested my head on his chest. Being inside is arms made me feel safe and loved, like I belonged there. The whole hug thing wigged me out enough that I always made sure that someone was always around Shika and myself. This time I didn't lash too badly. I just needed more time to get my poorly trained emotions worked out. There was no doubt that I liked Lazy. It was not until the hug that I hadn't realized that I had fallen in love with him.

I still wouldn't tell him that for another three and a half years. Stupid of me when you take into account just how fast your life changes in the shinobi realm.

Still, the visit by Shika wasn't a complete loss. Kankuro and Matsuri got to know him some and their opinions mattered to me. Kankuro thought I could do better than a lazy Chunin from the Leaf. Matsuri on the other hand had made mention of his young age, his smoking habit, his adopted son, and lazy attitude as cons. On the up side they said he was caring, incredibly smart and not a half bad nin even if he came from another village. Gaara merely said he didn't mind the shadow user's company, a huge compliment coming from my youngest brother.

After Shika's short visit I wouldn't see him again for several months. I used the time to get my head on right and heart ready for what I had planned; I was going to let Lazy know I welcomed his advances by kissing him. The terrifying part of the plan was the actual kiss. The only kiss I had been a part of was one sided so I was nervous.

The opportunity came on Shika's 15th birthday. I was in town making arrangement for the upcoming Chunin exams. Even though it had been three years at this point, some people still held a grudge so Suna was only allowed a very limited number of candidates. This only added to my irritation as did the combined ambush of Tenten and Ino at Shika's party.

I waited until the party was over to make my move. I had us take a walk in the woods on the Nara estate. As we were walking through the woods Shika made a comment about my change in wardrobe. I now wore purple kimono that covered up my chest and went down to mid shin. I explained to him that in Suna the single women wore clothes that ended above the knee. Married women wore clothes that went below the knee.

Shika got quiet for a moment and then put his poker face on before asking who was the guy. I just smiled at him, leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. With him sufficiently stunned, I moved in for the kill and gave him a long kiss on the lips. When we came up for air I merely explained to him that he hadn't let me kiss him back the last time. From then on there would be plenty of kissing.

The next stage in our relationship was initiated by me as well. I mentioned in an early 16th birthday letter that I wasn't too fond of his smoking even though it was a tribute to his old sensei. When I got to Kohona Ino sought me out and thanked me for coming. Apparently, the week prior, Shika had gotten Kunerai's blessing to stop smoking. Shika plus withdrawal equals a very cranky Shika all the time. For the first time everyone in the village had to deal with a Shika that wasn't laid back and easy going. They just didn't know how to handle it. Fortunately for all I arrived and his mood improved very much. Seeing what Shika did for me made me love him even more. And the event helped warm Ino and Tenten up to me a little.

Our next adventure at his birthday party and once again I opened the door. After all, I was the pace setter of the relationship. Up to that point all we did was kiss and hold each other. Shika never let his hands wander and that was fine with me. It let me get used to being kissed and held in a loving embrace. It also worried me after a while when Shika didn't try to touch me. After everyone had left the party we went to our spot in the family woods. I let me hair down, a very rare occasion since it took a while to get my shoulder length hair back into the four pony tails. Still, Shika loved it when I put my hair down because he liked running his fingers through me hair.

Shika knew something was up and he inquired about it. I asked him why he never let his hands roam and his answer surprised me. He said he respected me too much to try and take advantage of me. Not that he'd get far before I beat him into a bloody pulp. Still I was flattered and rewarded Lazy by guiding his hand to my chest. We both blushed but we both started to explore each other with our hands. It might have been over clothes but we were both content.

The next time we got together Shika was quick to get me hot, bother, and over the edge. Ever since our kissing days Shika's close presence would be enough to get my head in the gutter and get myself worked up. Normally after our make out sessions I would retreat back to the consulate and take care of myself. So I wasn't completely oblivious to the kind of pleasure but we hadn't been touching each other that long. When Lazy got me off, after the haze had passed, I wondered where he had acquired his knowledge.

He said Ino and I lost it. I always had felt threatened by Ino because of the special relationship she had with Shika. There were teammates, friends since birth, and his main female advisor. My deepest fear was that I'd lose my Shika to Ino as she did have a lot of advantages over me. Platinum blonde to my dirty blonde. She was so much thinner but still had a great figure while I was definitely thicker. Most importantly she lived here, not three days away.

Also I was fairly sure that Shika had never done anything prior to me or with anyone since. Shika said he had learned from Ino my world shattered and I tried to kill him. The shadow using bastard hid in his element and I couldn't find him. Finally my frustration ran out and the heart ache set in,

I'll admit it, I cried like a child. I've broken bones, been wounded, nearly lost both brothers in the same day and through all that I never cried. Then again, I hadn't been hurt this deeply before. While I feared losing Shika to Ino, I never thought he would actually cheat on me.

Shika let me cry and mutter to myself for a while before he caught me in his shadow possession jutsu. He had the gall to ask what was wrong. I snapped my answer at him, that I was faithful to him while he obviously wasn't to me. Lazy then explained that he had only gotten verbal tips from Ino and I was instantly relieved. Shika wanted to know why I had gotten so upset. I told him that he was my first and only. I honestly thought he would have figured that out when I change wardrobe. I mean, I was only with him.

He told me that I was his first and only too but he had figured that I would have had a few boys before him due to my older age. We made up and promised to try to avoid major foul ups like this again.

Shika caught me off guard the next time I was in town. He invited me to dinner with parents. I had met his mom and dad in passing at his birthday parties hadn't really talked to either of them. Shikaku, Lazy's father, looked like an older version of him. Yoshino, his mother, was a lot like me actually. I knew from Lazy that his mother ran the household with a silk gloved iron first.

What caught me off guard, and his folks as well judging from the looks on their faces, was when Shika introduced me as his girlfriend. In one fell swoop Shika had formally introduced me to his parents and made us official. The surprise announcement didn't phase Yoshino. I had a pleasant conversation with both of them but I could tell it wasn't Shikaku I had to impress. Dinner was just the first round. After dinner I offered to help Yoshino clean up and the real interrogation began.

I had an inkling of what was to come. I did grill Matsuri a little when she first showed an interest in Gaara and he showed interest back. Mostly to warn her that she would have to be patient and slow with Gaara, but also to make sure she wasn't trying to take advantage of Gaara. House Sabaku is the most power and wealthy house in Suna. Think of the Hyuugas in Kohona. For Matsuri, being courted by Gaara was a huge step up the social ladder.

For my grilling, Yoshino started out easy. She just asked about my family history and my goals as a kunichi. I told her how my brothers and I were the last of our noble house and I planned to be a nin for as long as I could. Yoshino filled me in on the Nara family history and told me a lot that Lazy never told me.

The Nara clan weren't the Leaf's best spies for a reason. They left that to Ino's family. They were the Leaf's best assassins. It's dangerous business, even in our line of work, and why Shika was the only heir to the Nara line. My lazy shadow nin was a cold heartless killer. The revelation shocked me somewhat. Killing in combat was one thing but Shika was trained in taking people out silently and in secret. It took a little bit to get over that but then again that was his job.

What shocked me even more was when Yoshino asked how many seduction missions I had been on. I quickly answered none as that was the truth. I must have answered too quickly because the next thing I knew I had a kunei against my throat. Yoshino asked if I was on such a mission now. I told her I wasn't and that my interest in her boy were purely my own. I also added that even if she didn't approve of me I'd still see Shika. That must have been what Yoshino wanted to hear because we got back to putting things away. We discussed things like my hobbies and the possibility of giving me a room in the Nara estates. A little fast I know but Yoshino seemed to expect Shika to be a perfect gentleman so there would be no issues from her point of view.

Still I had to decline. It wouldn't be well received in Suna if it was known I had quarters outside of the consulate. Gaara was under enough pressure dodging questions as to who I was promised to because of how dressed. Once I explained that to Yoshino she smiled and said I had her approval. As we both entered the den where the men had retreated to, Yoshino loudly exclaimed that she wanted a wedding and grandkids. I'm not sure why Shika's face faulted but mine did at the prospect of children. Not because that would involve sex, a huge road block I wasn't ready for, but because I didn't see myself as a good mother.

Lazy's formal introduction to my brothers came a few months later. Matsuri was also included in the family at his point since Gaara and her were official as well. I didn't find out about my brothers' test for Shika until after the battle royal was over. I still don't know what exactly happened but Shika fought Gaara and Kankuro to a standstill and said that he loved me out loud. I was so happy to hear those words that I kissed him in front of both my brothers. A huge break from the absolute privacy that was normally required before any intimacy but then again, Shika did use the "l" word.

After the blessing by combat from my brothers, Shika and them got along fairly well. He'd play shogi with Gaara and Kankuro wouldn't try to kill him. At least no openly.

Things coasted a long until my 21st birthday. Shika somehow managed to be in Suna on business. Since my party was a major political event I had to be dressed up, something I really didn't enjoy doing. Mostly because of all the time and effort it took to get ready. Make up took for forever as did picking out what to wear. I finally went with a blue kimono with gold trim and the house emblem on the back. I had Matsuri put my hair up in a bun, another tradition amongst the non-single women of Suna. That was mostly to keep the stupid politicians at bay that didn't know I was already taken. Being the Kazekage's sister, everyone wanted me for the wealth and power I'd bring them. However, everyone in the village knew I was spoken for, just not by who.

Shika actually dressed up too. He wore a dress kimono as well, green with the Nara clan symbol on the back. He also had his hair down instead of the usual pineapple look. I spent the majority of the party on his arm and he even danced with me a few times. Once everyone left the real party began. Kankuro got drunk and passed out somewhere, Gaara and Matsuri went off someplace together and I took Shika to my room.

I took off my clothes first and let him do a once over. He must have liked what he saw because he said I was beautiful. Then it was his turn to strip and my turn to look over him. He was just as defined as my finger tips know him to be. While I had also felt him against my stomach a lot, seeing him was something else. Still, I led him to the bed and let him take over from there. Then the fireworks began.

Shika was a kind and considerate lover. He got me warmed and relaxed before he buried himself in me. Don't get me wrong, it hurt so much I made Shika's back bleed and I cried a little. He kissed away the tears and apologized. I told him not to be sorry because I loved him. He had waited a long time to hear those words from me and I know it made him very happy.

As for our first time together it was a slow affair. Both of us were virgins but I think we did pretty good. The pain went away and I got some pleasure out of it. I know Shika did because I felt him finish inside me. That sensation was plenty enough to give me a mini orgasm.

We collapsed next to each other and went to sleep very well sated. There is nothing more romantic then going to sleep next to your lover except for waking up next to them. When I awoke, I took full advantage of Shika's morning readiness and we made love again. I was sore and it hurt for a while but I still enjoyed it. I couldn't walk properly for a day or two afterwards but it was so worth it.

We hadn't used any birth control but I didn't get pregnant. We tried condoms but we tended to forget them once the clothes started flying. So now Shika thinks I'm on birth control which I'm not. Given the frequency of which we saw each other and the general lack of period due to my stressful life style, I decided just to risk it. And it worked out. I didn't get pregnant. Back then.

Over the next few years a lot has changed. Shika is chief advisor to the Hokage Naruto. Between those two and Gaara they actually managed to hammer out a permanent alliance between the Leaf and Sand. The price; I had to marry a noble from the Leaf. To say I was unhappy once I found out is an understatement. Any normal person would have experienced fear when I came barging into his office and made him explain to me why he was agreeing to have me married off. Gaara merely looked up from his work, patiently waited for me to stop yelling at him and then explained. He agreed because I would be married off to Shika. Then he went back to work.

I wore a blue kimono with gold trim for the wedding. Not white I know but blue is the tradition in Suna. Fresh clean water is the idea behind it since nothing is more precious in desert. Still, the gown had the effect on Shika that I wanted. We spent the honeymoon in our hotel room keeping rather busy the entire time.

Naturally I moved to Kohona. I brought with me a five million ryu dowry and not much else. I was rather embarrassed that I had a dowry but Suna was more traditional. Shika's clan was well off and could more than provide for us. At first I spent my time in my new home adding my touch to it. I did do a few missions here and there but they grew farther and fewer between. Before I knew it I was a housewife and strangely happy in that role. My body unstressed enough for me to get a regular period and since I wasn't on birth control I got pregnant. Never having been pregnant before I thought I was just putting on weight and had the flu. Mom, Yoshino, was the first to notice actually. She carted me off to see Sakura and it didn't take the medic nin long to confirm that I was indeed knocked up. Now just wait until I tell Lazy.

A/N: There you have it. The companion piece to Memoirs. I wrote this on fire guard whilst in basic for the story isn't the greatest. You can't only get so much done in an hour shift in a sleep deprived state. Still I saved the papers and have typed it up finally. Enjoy.