Yes I know how many stupid screwups there are in this thing. I don't care. This is the result of boredom mixed with math class and energy drinks. Eff off.

Listening to: Wow, I can get sexual too by Say Anything, Bad touch by the bloodhound gang, Welcome to Chicago by Kill Hannah, New york City Speed by Kill Hannah, and the Gangster Song by Hollywood undead.

Chapter one: STFU. There be enough lemons for everyone.

"No, goddamnit, I will not fucking sit down! Who are you to tell me to stop talking when all you do is lecture?!"

"Young man if you don't sit down this minute, you're going strait to the principal!"

"Good I'd rather be anywhere but here!"

The blonde boy slammed the door behind him. Matt and Near exchanged a look—"WTF not again…" The lecture resumed, and the class lapsed into a sleepy silence, broken by the wail of sirens about fifteen minutes later. Muffled shouts and bangs echoed into the hall from the main office.

"Get off me! Get OFF!! God, it's not like I killed him or anything, he's only unconscious, geez! No, I will not put my hands up! Hey! Give me the damn paperweight back!"

Matt rolled his eyes. Third time this month that fool got himself arrested. But really, being under 18, what can they do to him? They were already in the alternate school. (Matt for drug use, Mello for assault, Near for incompetence.) Matt passed Near a note a few minutes later.

"You up for busting him out tonight?"

"Am I ever."

Near had forgone his bleach white pyjamas for jet black cargo pants, a tight black turtle neck, and a black skull cap. Still, the exposed skin of his face and hands glowed in the light of the moon. He spotted Matt about fifteen paces away, leaning inconspicuously against the side of an alleyway, smoking a cigarette. He was also clad in all black.

"You ready?" Near asked, making Matt jump. He hadn't seen him coming.

"Yeah. Lets go."

They stole quietly around the back of the building Matt had been leaning against , eyeing the police station across the street where Mello was being kept overnight.

And, throwing all secrecy to the wind, Matt threw a decent sized rock through Mello's window.

Sirens blared, lights flashed, and a sleepy looking Mello climbed halfway out the broken window, wobbled, and fell ungracefully into the bushes two stories below him. There was a thud, a muffled "Fuck." And then Mello was off and running. He spotted Near's glowing, and once Mello caught up to them, they all ran as a laughing black herd to their hideout—the attic of an abandoned warehouse. Matt brushed a spider off the cracked leather sofa, onto which they collapsed, laughing their asses off.

"That was fucking awesome!" Mello rubbed his temple where a substantial bump was forming.

"Nice fall, dipshit." Matt poked the bump, saying "Squish."

"Who's the dipshit, dipshit? Anyway, I didn't know Near could even run—um, Near, you okay?"

Near was bent over, head-in-hands, panting and exhausted.

"I think…I'm going...to…fain…" he went limp, passed out. Mello and Matt stared at him. Mello whacked him on the back of the head so his forehead slammed into his knees. He sat up blinking.

"Ow."

"Now we match!" Mello pointed towards his bruise, then to the swelling on Near's forehead. Near simply glared, cursing the fact that he bruised easily.

"Yo, Mello! Catch!" Matt tossed Mello a beer, who took a long drink then held the ice cold bottle to his temple.

"Thanks. This'll ease the swelling too."

Near didn't bother pointing out that a hangover wouldn't help anything. He preferred to watch Mello suffer the next morning. Revenge for making him look like a fool.

"Hey Near, want one?" Matt held up a second can.

"Actually, I'd rather NOT pass out again, seeing as this wont go away anytime soon, and I don't want another one."

"Eh. Loosen up." Matt chucked the beer at Near, who ducked just in time. The beer hit the wall and sprung a leak; a small stream of yellow liquid was spraying nearly five feet into the air.

"Dammit, now I gotta piss." Mello climbed down the ladder to the bathroom on the first floor of the warehouse. Even if the toilets are broken, there's always a drain in the sink.

"Well, isn't that lovely." Matt shook his head. Near retrieved the leaking can, taped over the hole, and stuck it back in the cooler. Mello returned, grabbing the half empty beer and draining it in one gulp. His other was already empty.

"Heey, did joo guys no I haz a low casapidy for alcohol?" Mello slurred, sipping. Matt and Near exchanged a look.

"And hoo migh dis bee?" Mello sauntered over to Near, lifting his chin with a gloved finger. "Mightyy fiiine!"

"Uhm…Mello?"

"Ya wanna do somefing for meh, babe?"

Mello snuck his fingers below Near's waistband, petting his thigh. Matt stifled giggles. He loved watching drunken Mello.

"Mmf!" Near's eyes shot wide open, not sure how to breathe with Mello's tongue halfway down his throat. Mello pulled away just as Near was turning blue.

"Yer miiine…" he inched his fingers towards Near's cock, swayed a few times, and collapsed, passed out on the floor. Matt exploded into hysterical laughter. Near, blushing, pulled his pants up.

"I-I'm going to the bathroom…" the albino shuffled off down the ladder. Matt watched as the sleeping Mello twitched, muttering something about lemons. Matt shook his head again, stood up, and carefully tied a piece of spare rope to said blonde's ankle, and hung him upside-down from the rafters. He revolved slowly, face turning red. Matt waited until there was hardly any blood left in Mello's foot at all, then hacked the rope. Mello landed in a crumpled heap on the floor.

"Ow."

"Awake?"

"Painfully." Matt laughed and Mello hoisted himself to his feet, stumbling.

"Where'd shorty go?"

"To the bathroom. Why, are you going to continue molesting him?"

"Possibly."

"I'm bored."

"Cause that wasn't random at all—woah, what happened to you?" Mello took in Near's disheveled, slightly molested appearance, almost laughing at how ridiculous Near looked with a huge purple lump on his head.

"You, is what happened."

Mello cackled wickedly.

TBC. when i get another random idea. suggestions welcome!!!! REVIEW OR I KICK YOUR VIRTUAL ARSE!!