A/N: This story was written for Elpis of Hope as my exchange story, who gave me the inspiring first sentence.
Prompt: He stepped out the door and it felt like rain.
Pairing: Alexander/Hephaistion
Dislike: None
338 BC Pella
He stepped out the door and it felt like rain. It was not pouring rain as in the summer time, rather, it was fine almost mist like cold rain. It first settled on Hephaistion's soft auburn hair like a spider web, but slowly it seeped into his hair to make its way onto his scalp, then from his nape down his spine. The rain was so fine, yet it still soaked him from head to toe.
The leather boots he wore did not give enough protection from walking through heavily saturated grass either. His toes were freezing, and the pains from the tips of his toes were becoming almost unbearable. A bead of water trickled down along his spine again making him shiver and his teeth chatter. He quickened his steps into almost running in the hope of keeping himself warmer. The white breaths mingled with the fine rain and trailed back as he breathed heavier.
He blinked a few times to clear his vision. He wiped his eyes with his forearms; a sharp sting burned his scraped skin. His whole body was covered with bruises, minor cuts, scrapes, and dirt that was slowly washed away as the raindrops streaked down his bare skin. The burning pain reminded him of the humiliation he just received.
Ever since they came back from Mieza, Philotas, the commander of a cavalry squadron where Hephaistion was assigned, had treated him rather harshly. Philotas was the eldest son of King Philip's trusted General Parmenion, and was a close friend of Prince Alexander. As a matter of fact, Philotas was Alexander's most trusted and closest friend until Hephaistion came to Mieza.
Both Parmenion and Philotas were certain that their family was the one who would secure the highest positions in the Macedonian court; Parmenion from Philip, and Philotas from Alexander. Now with Hephaistion receiving the full attention of the Prince, the balance of power around Philotas was delicately shifting. Consequently, it was obvious to anybody's eyes that the unfair treatment of Philotas against Hephaistion was the product of his jealousy and insecurity.
None of Alexander's friends had liked Philotas. He was arrogant, and reminded them of his father's politically high status whenever he could take an advantage. Yet, for that same reason, nobody had really protested against Philotas. His father was a powerful man in the Macedonian court, and they were afraid that their futures might become jeopardized if they openly opposed Philotas.
This Afternoon was no different from any other day. Hephaistion was given the most challenging training by Philotas. However, it went a little too far during the wrestling training. As usual, Hephaistion was paired with the largest man. He was a full-grown adult, and both taller and thicker than Hephaistion. His bulky muscles rippled as he moved.
Hephaistion did not worry too much. He knew that he would make enough of a statement even if he lost to this professional warrior. Wrestling was one of his strongest skills; he knew how to maneuver his lithe body to full advantage. As he expected, the larger man tried to pin him down by forcing his weight on him. Hephaistion quickly ducked, and went through between his opponent's legs while swiping one to make him fall hard on his bottom.
As the match progressed, it was apparent that the warrior was getting more and more frustrated. Despite the chill in the air, their bodies became slick with sweat, and he could not quite make a good grip on Hephaistion's rather delicate slender body. On the other hand, Hephaistion's quick movement gave a clear advantage. Although the man was too heavy for Hephaistion to pin him down for long enough to win a point, he was gradually and steadily gaining ground.
As others' matches came to an end, the spectators started to gather around the warrior and Hephaistion to cheer their favorite. When Hephaistion knocked the warrior down one more time, a big cheer rose up, and the large man's face became very red with embarrassment and anguish. He lost his temper with sudden anger, and everybody gasped at the next move he made.
The man grabbed Hephaistion's loincloth and ripped it off. As Hephaistion hesitated for a split of a moment, he slammed him hard on the ground with a dull thumping sound. Hephaistion lost all the air in his lungs at the impact. When his eyes met with the warrior's Hephaistion was alarmed. He saw the anger turn into lust within a moment in his dark brown orbs. Before Hephaistion could react, the man flipped him over and forced his knees in between Hephaistion's shapely thighs while pressing his hairy chest on the shoulders to pin him down. Hephaistion quivered under the disgusting sensation of the contacts and felt a chill of fear.
Philotas stood in the front row of the spectators and just looked down at them with a cold sneer on his face.
"You know that even your father would not be able to get you out of the mess if anything ever happened to Hephaistion on your watch?"
Cassander's emotionless half statement and half questioning voice rang by Philotas' ear. All of sudden he became aware of the surroundings, nobody was cheering any longer. The spectators were in complete silence, and Philotas finally came to realize the seriousness of what he was just about allowing to happen right in front of his eyes. He kicked the man hard on his bottom, and snapped at him angrily.
"That is enough, let him go!"
The warrior groaned with disappointment, and stood up reluctantly. Hephaistion could not move. He just lay there breathing hard.
"The show is over!"
Everybody started to break away as Cassander spat out. They were all gone when Hephaistion picked himself up and sat up on the ground, except Perdiccas who approached him with a chiton in his hand.
"Are you all right?"
Hephaistion just nodded as he took the chiton from Perdiccas, and stood up to put it on.
"Do not tell anything to Alexander."
"Do you seriously believe that you can keep it from Alexander? People will talk. Besides what Philotas did to you was way out of line. He should pay for the consequences."
"What consequences? Nothing has happened. If Alexander finds out from the rumor, then so be it. It is just a rumor, not truth, but don't volunteer the information."
Hephaistion spurted out angrily; the last thing he wanted from Alexander was pity. He finished putting his boots on with his trembling hands, and rushed out the door of the training building.
A new wave of emotions attacked him as he repeated in his mind what had just happened. A mixture of shame, anger and sadness flooded his mind overwhelmingly. Hephaistion hurried to the stable. He did not have a plan where he was going, but he simply could not stay here, and go to the dining hall to meet his friends, especially Alexander.
When he took his mare from the stable, Alexander's stallion stamped his front hoof eagerly, as he was used to going along with Hephaistion's mare. Hephaistion patted the stallion's nose and left him behind. It must be close to sun set, but it was hard to tell the time since the sky was grey and the fine yet persistent misty rain mingled with the horizon. Hephaistion tucked his chiton underneath him, and rode with no sense of destination in his mind, but deep in bitter thoughts.
His mare stopped, and he raised his gaze. Evening fog rose from the surface of the water pool. It slowly moved to the shore and spilled over the plain weaving together with the delicate misty rain. He realized that he had come all the way to Edessa. Hephaistion wrapped his arms around the mare's neck, and buried his fingers under the mane while pressing his upper body against the warmth of the beast.
Hephaistion bit his lips hard to suppress the sobbing noise escaping from his throat, and clung tightly onto his horse. His wet hair spilled over his cheeks, and curtained his pale profile. Hephaistion had never felt so lonely, humiliated, and miserable. He jumped when he felt a light weight of soft material cover his shoulder. He was so caught up with emotions that he had not heard anybody approaching.
"Alexander…"
Alexander just nodded, and took the rein of Hephaistion's mare. Bucephalus nudged Hephaistion's horse with his nostril, and neighed while beating the ground with his front hoof excitedly.
"I made a fire in a cave not too far from here."
Alexander guided their horses to turn their directions, and led the way. They rode through the wet prairie in silence surrounded by the white mist produced by four living creatures, and the rhythmical sounds of footsteps from two animals. They stopped when they came in front of the cave where thin purple smoke was swaying out. They tied the horses under the canopy of a large oak tree and stepped inside the cave.
A warm orange glow welcomed their wet cold bodies. A thick blanket was spread over the soft sandy ground. Alexander raised his hand and brushed Hephaistion's wet hair off his cheek, and cupped his face. Then, he kissed away tiny water beads that had settled on Hephaistion's long eyelashes. Hephaistion was looking down at all times. Alexander noticed the nasty cuts and bruises all over Hephaistion's body, but he did not question.
"You are freezing. Here, change to these dry clothes before you catch your death of cold."
Alexander handed Hephaistion a set of dry chiton and loincloth, and changed himself, as well.
"It has been a while since we camped out. I brought us some supper, too. We can spend a night here, and leave for Pella tomorrow morning. The rain should clear up by then."
"Can we really do that?" Hephaistion let out a relieved sigh.
"Sure we can. You know, Hephaistion, it will not hurt to take advantage of being a prince's friend once in a while. I know that you get more hardship than benefit. I told Philotas that I am taking you with me for a survey trip and will not be back until tomorrow afternoon."
If Alexander had insisted on knowing what had happened to him, then Hephaistion would have become frustrated, ashamed, angry, and left. Yet, Alexander did not ask even a single question about what had made him leave Pella without telling anybody. On the other hand, Alexander wanted to verify so badly whether what he had heard from Craterus was true or not, but at the same time he sensed that he should keep silence if he wanted to respect Hephaistion's honor and pride. Hephaistion looked at Alexander for the first time, and gave him a weak smile.
They shared a simple supper in front of the fire, and then lay together.
"Thank you, Alexander."
Hephaistion murmured softly feeling Alexander's warm body behind him. Alexander tightened the grip and pulled Hephaistion closer. He brushed his lips against Hephaistion's nape.
"Hephaistion, one of these days, I may not say anything to protect you, or even worse, I may say a terrible thing to hurt you just to keep order and the balance of power. But, please remember that I need you with me at all times, because without you, I am nothing."
"Do not worry Alexander, I will be with you, till the end."
Hephaistion felt his pain and loneliness melt away under Alexander's touch. He pushed his body towards Alexander to lean against his warmth, and then sighed contently. Hephaistion promised himself that he would pay any cost if he could only be with Alexander.
326 BC India
When Hephaistion opened the flap of his tent, he was met with the pouring rain. The rain in this foreign land was not what they were used to. It rained hard for several hours, and when it stopped, the heated air became so thick and saturated with moisture that you could almost cut through it. Hephaistion ordered a servant to bring his mare. The servant looked at him hesitantly, but Hephaistion's sharp cold gaze did not let him protest. He bowed, and left to retrieve his horse in the hard rain.
Hephaistion knew that he was supposed not to leave his tent, but he did not care at this point. He was so whirled up that he simply could not stay confined. If Alexander had to punish him physically for that, then it was fine with him, rather, it was more welcome that way.
When the servant came back with his horse, he took the rein from him, and hastily got on his back.
"Do not worry. I will not go too far."
With this, Hephaistion left his tent. He could not bear to see his servant's pitiful eyes on him. The driving rain fell so hard and steady that Hephaistion felt as if he was swimming. As he rode further away from his tent to the edge of the camp, his anger settled into unbearable loneliness and sadness. He could take verbal abuse from anybody, but not from Alexander, his Alexander. He knew that he was called lots of names by soldiers of all ranks; from his colleagues to foot soldiers.
One reason why they targeted him for their mocking was that Alexander loved him, and they were jealous. The other more fundamental reason was because he looked different. Although he had spent most of his adolescence and adult's life in the rough army, he still possessed grace and sophistication, and unless you were fighting right next to him, nobody could imagine how effectively and furiously he could fight. His graceful beauty and delicacy simply overpowered people's minds, and blinded them. In other words, he did not quite fit the stereotype of a warrior.
Craterus was one of his colleagues who confronted him with every single matter. Especially after Philotas was executed, and Hephaistion divided the power with Craterus in the army, his jealousy against Hephaistion had escalated. It started with a minor disagreement on one afternoon, but as the argument became more heated, Craterus changed the subject and went right into the core of his frustration; he started to accuse Alexander of favoritism.
"Now I know why Philotas was executed. There was no conspiracy against Alexander by Philotas, was there?"
"What do you mean? You were the one who told Alexander what Philotas was planning."
"No, I just pointed out to him that Philotas must have known about the plan. Don't you see? Alexander used the opportunity to make a personal revenge."
"What revenge? Everybody knows that Alexander had trusted him since we were in Pella."
"And everybody knows what he did to you in Pella."
"No, everybody knows what he did not do."
"Do they? That is not what Alexander was made to believe. Besides, you have forgotten that the story tends to develop into something more dramatic as it is told repeatedly.
"What?! What did you tell him then?!"
"I did not tell him any more than what he needed to hear. What conclusion he drew out of it was totally up to him. He was furious when I told him about it though; he shouted at me that he would make certain that Philotas would pay for it. And I see he finally did. Hephaistion, you are the poison to Alexander's mind, and you are the source of his corruption. You bring down Alexander from the god to the human. Alexander would not have killed Philotas if it were not for you."
"Are you accusing Alexander of being a murderer?"
For that moment, the inside of Hephaistion's brain went totally white with rage. He knew that Craterus had hated Philotas for his arrogance and was jealous for his higher position in the army, but what he did was so devious. He was the one who fed Alexander with the false information, and despite the fact that he was the one who made Alexander believe that Philotas had something to do with the conspiracy, now, he was accusing Alexander for the death of Philotas.
Hephaistion could not believe that Craterus would go to this extreme in his craving for power. He would not let Craterus insult Alexander by bringing down the military decision of execution to the personal level of murder. The thought also pained him that Alexander might have believed the old rumor since it had come from the trusted source, Craterus, and pitied him all those years.
Now Craterus was openly accusing Alexander as a murderer in front of the army. Hephaistion had to stop it. He was supposed to be the protector of Alexander; both of his soul and body. Hephaistion drew a sword unconsciously. And Craterus drew his as a response. It was then Alexander rushed to the site. His face was almost green with overpowering rage.
"What is this madness? You both know that drawing weapons on each other at the camp is a serious misconduct in the army! Have you forgotten who you are? How can I keep order when two of my highest ranking officers broke this rule?"
As soon as Craterus saw Alexander, he sheathed the sword, but Hephaistion just stood there gazing at Craterus with a blue flame, his naked sword still in his hand. Alexander grabbed Hephaistion's wrist, and let out the words through his clenching teeth.
"Hephaistion! Do you hear me? Are you disputing with me? Can't you listen to your king? "
Alexander's frustration was building up to a dangerous level, but Hephaistion did not seem to even recognize the presence of the king. His eyes were still fixed on the now sneering Craterus. Alexander raised his voice even more. If Hephaistion did not withdraw his weapon right this moment, Alexander did not have a choice but have Hephaistion arrested for serious misconduct, which could result even in Hephaistion's execution.
"Look at me Hephaistion! You can disagree with me as much as you want, but you should know that you are nothing without me!"
Hephaistion finally looked at Alexander with a blank expression. He slowly put his sword back in the scabbard, turned around, and then left without a word. Alexander's words repeatedly rang in Hephaistion's mind painfully; he was indeed nothing but the object of pity to Alexander. Alexander regretted right away what he had said when he saw Hephaistion's withdrawn expression, but he soothed himself thinking that he had at least avoided Hephaistion's arrest.
By the time Hephaistion came to the small stream at the edge of the camp, the rain had subsided into a more steady and tame one. Hephaistion's eyes roamed to the horizon, the storm clouds were starting to break, and the setting sun was fighting to come out. A streak of yellow ray painted the edge of the dark clouds.
Hephaistion heard the footsteps of the horse, and turned his head. He saw Alexander's distressed figure. He smiled at Hephaistion uncomfortably, and put a cloak around Hephaistion's shoulder. Hephaistion trembled with the sudden memory of twelve years back. Alexander took the rein of Hephaistion's mare, and guided them along the riverbank. Hephaistion did not protest or raise his gaze feeling defeated, and being too exhausted.
They stopped when they came to a tent built along the river, isolated from the rest in the camp. Alexander dismounted, and gestured Hephaistion to follow. Hephaistion's mind told him to leave, but his heart craved for Alexander, and he was too tired to fight. Alexander opened the flap, and let Hephaistion go in first. There was not much in the tent; just a simple cot with blanket, a table with two cups and a jug of wine, and some light supper on the tray with two chairs. Alexander lit a small lamp on the table. A yellow glow flooded the inside of the tent, and took over the dimness of the space.
"This was the best I could do. There is not a cave around here."
"Don't patronize me Alexander."
"I am not."
"Yes you are. It was a pity that you did not ask me anything on that day in the cave, and it is a pity again that you came after me today! Did you believe what Craterus said?"
Unfounded anger and disconsolate emptiness occupied Hephaistion's mind, and he did not know where to put himself.
"Listen to me, Hephaistion! It did not matter for me what Craterus said. The only thing that mattered was that you were there, and alive. I was so afraid that I had lost you and you had gone forever. Do you honestly believe that our love is so insignificant … so insignificant that just a single incident could make a difference? Nothing can destroy or change my love for you. Do you remember what I said to you on that day? "
"You said … that you might say a terrible thing to hurt me just to keep order and the balance of power. But so what? It does not mean or tell me anything."
"Yes, but I also said that I needed you, and I am nothing without you, and it still speaks the truth from the bottom of my heart. Now the question is … do you still feel the same way about me?"
Hephaistion looked at Alexander, and was rewarded with the sincere stare filled with love and admiration. He looked down at the ground ashamed for doubting Alexander due to the clouded mind of rage.
Alexander closed the distance, and cupped Hephaistion's cheeks in his hands, then kissed the moisture away from his eyelashes, just like he did in the cave.
"I am sorry Hephaistion."
Alexander whispered against Hephaistion's lips.
"So am I Alexander, I should have never doubted you. My heart tells me the same. I will be with you till the end, and nothing matters if I can only be with you. My life means nothing without you… I am nothing without you."
"Neither does my life, and neither am I…"
They clasped each other into a tight embrace.
As the loose soils firm up together after the hard rain, Alexander and Hephaistion felt their love for each other restored and reinforced after the confrontation. The rain had stopped, and the rays of the red sunset shone through the wall of the single tent at the bank, wrapping warmly around the two figures that were now melted into one.
End