Epilogue – Final Words

Summary: There's something preceding a new beginning...

Note: One last time for this story I'd like to thank Rosa for providing the beta :)

I would like to thank everyone who ever wrote a comment once more for taking the time to let me know what you think. I would like to especially thank all the people who regularly reviewed every chapter, you people really made my days during this time! But I'd also like to thank everyone who put the story on alert or on your favlist. I'm very honored you included it in your lists :)

It's my first large story finished, so I'm still a bit nervous about what you'll think about this "ending after the end" but reading the comments from the last chapter, I'm in high hopes, you'll like this really small little something just as well.

And now we should start with this part before the author note gets longer the chapter itself *lol*.

Disclaimer: CSI:NY and the associated characters are property of CBS, A. Zuiker and other people whom I don't belong to. This is fan fiction and not for profit…

It was still dark outside when she woke up. She was sore in places she hadn't known she had before. However, it was a welcome kind of sore; a pleasant one too. A smile played over her lips while she stretched her arms over her head. Her feet sliding over the sheets she was looking for a warmer spot because she could feel the cold creeping up her legs. That was when she finally recognized what was wrong about the situation.

Sometime during the night, her human hot-water bag had vanished from the bed.

Confused she felt around the bed sheets; in case her still a little fuzzy brain had actually managed to miss the five foot nine guy. In the end she had to admit to herself that the bed was far from being big enough to lose sight – or touch – of the man. Which raised the question of where he had gone instead – and why? Did he regret what had happened?

In a way they had danced around this night and the accompanying topic for the last five years or so. Although she had to admit that for most of that time, they had barely scratched the surface of the depths they had found themselves in during the last three months. It had taken them both a very long time not only to see where they were heading but also to get to a point to accept it.

Well… she had accepted it.

Him being absent from the bed wasn't really a good sign in that regard. But maybe he was just in the bathroom? She couldn't hear the water running, neither could she see any light shining below the door. Doubtful he was in there…; no light from the hallway or the living room either.

A frown started to develop on her forehead. Where did he go? His apartment wasn't really big enough to run away from her.

That thought was frightening in its own way. Would he run from her? Had he run from her already? Because he regretted going this far? She had thought they both wanted this; they both wanted to go for this last step to try and be something else – something more. This was their chance to finally find a place for themselves; a place with a name and a meaning. Somewhere outside of work where they not only fitted in but where they really belonged to.

Together.

Getting up she checked the bathroom but as she had suspected, he wasn't in there. So she pulled the bathrobe from the hook behind the door and wrapped it around her naked body. A cold breeze was gusting over her bare calves, coaxing her in the direction of the living room. Slowly she walked through the darkness, pale moonlight the only thing illuminating her path. A lonely curtain in the living room was silently moving with the wind. The night air was cold and she pulled the robe tighter around her shoulder, when she stepped up to the balcony door.

He was sitting on an old wooden chair which hadn't been very well tended to during the last years. The former white paint was scaling off the splintering wood. But the chair seemed to be sturdy enough to hold his weight. He was wearing sweatpants and a thin woolen sweater. Instantly her worry turned up a notch. How long was he sitting there already? If he stayed out here too long he could catch his death.

That was when she saw two slow tears running down his cheek.

Instantly her heart seized. He was really regretting this, wasn't he? And now that they had taken this step, there was no way for them to get back to the point where they had left when they had first decided to bring their relationship to a new level. Of course there had always been a possibility of… of one or both of them being unable to cope with the new situation. But never during the last night had she felt him being anything but content with where they had found themselves.

When he moved she can see, he was clutching something to his chest. Clouds were hiding the moon, taking even the little amount of light she had to work with here. She was still too afraid to say something; scared that he might send her away after all. Staring at him she tried to find the right words to pull him from wherever the night had taken him – preferably to bring him back to her.

The clouds finally moved, illuminating his slumped form and the deflated beach ball he held so close to his heart. Why was he sitting here in the middle of the night on Christmas morning, clutching at a beach ball of all things? Frowning she stepped outside on the cold stone floor, ignoring the biting cold that instantly seeped into her soles.

"Mac?"

Surprised he turned around and smiled at her tenderly.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked carefully.

He smiled at her even more. She can see the pain in him but also something else… something suggesting a new beginning, promising hope, pledging devotion.

"Saying farewell."

So one last time I would like to ask for your opinion on this part as well as the whole story - even it if some time might have passed by now between me publishing this one and you reading it.

If you enjoyed it, please give me a note, if you didn't... do it anyway! :)

If there's anything in this part you didn't understand, please re-read chapter one first and feel free to ask all your questions afterwards. ;)