A/N: Well, here it is! My very first TRC fanfic! It also happens to be my first ever crack fic so I'm not sure how good it is. Well this one was inspired by friend I met on Mangafox and said friend demanded that I write it. I even got to use one of he nicknames for Kurogane. And with that, I've used at least 25 nicknames for the bugger in this fic. -dies- Anyway, this only took me 2 months to complete. Amazing, isn't it? And it's now the longest thing I've written. Much longer than Club Relations... Gah, this thing killed my fingers though. -_-

Also, I'm planning on making this my place for all my lovely crack pairing fics. Don't ask how many there will be, I'm not even going there. I've got too much on my plate right now. Anyway, Please enjoy~!

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in the fic, CLAMP. I came up with the basic idea but that's about it.

Crack: A Love Story

FaixKuroganexClow Addition

It all began one sunny afternoon in a new world. It was a rather boring place, a valley of plains and rock cliffs. The struggling course grass was the only thing in sight and wasn't very edible. Fai had tried.

But at the moment Fai and Kurogane were laying against a nice, comfortable rock. Syaoran and Sakura had gone with Mokona to do... whatever it is they do when they're alone. Conversation had been lax as of late and, for some reason beyond understanding, Kurogane seemed intent on keeping it that way. So Fai, naturally, decided to ruin that plan.

"Hmm~ such a nice day isn't it, Kuro-sama?"

No response.

"I wonder if we'll find on of Sakura-chan's feathers in this world. What do you think, Kuro-pu?"

Again, no response.

"Syaoran-kun and the others sure are taking awhile aren't they, Kuro-chan?"

He snapped. "Tch, bastard! Stop using those weird names!"

"Waa~ but they're my tokens of affection! Accept them!"

Furious, Kurogane stood up, with Souhi in hand, and leapt at Fai.

"Hyuu~!" he sang as he easily moved out of the way.

The tall ninja continued his blond magician head-hunting as said blue-eyed beauty danced – quite literally – gracefully away. This game of catch-and-chop was going really well until a blast of a multi-coloured Rainbow of Doom exploded in front of them. The pair skidded to a stop in front of a tall, longhaired, bifocal wearing man.

"Waa~!" Fai cooed. "A visitor!"

"Greetings," said the strangely dressed man politely. "You two seem to be enjoying yourselves."

"Like hell!" Kurogane protested.

Fai waved the comment away. "Don't mind Kuro-chii, he hasn't had his vitamins. He approached the stranger before Kurogane could properly complain. "By the way, you are...?"

The man seemed to have to think about it for a moment. "Hmm? Oh, my name Clow Reed."

The slightly shorter man stared at him in wide-eyed fascination. "Oh, really? Impressive. I'm Fai and this-" he gestured behind him, "-is Kuro-tan."

"Kurogane!"

No one paid any attention to the poor ninja.

After several minutes of amused silence, Fai suddenly jumped on Clow, proclaimed, "He's cuddly!" and proceeded to affectionately rub his head on Clow's shoulder. Clow embraced him, patting him in a loving way.

Kurogane stood frozen in place and stared in both shock and horror at this... interesting display. He had lost any capacity to speak even thinking was beyond him. The only thing he could do was watch the two mages in their loving hug and wonder what had come over them. Well, birds of a feather

Fai looked over to where Kurogane awkwardly stood. "Aww, how lonely!" He waved him over. "Come over here, Kuro-wan-wan! Clow-san has enough love for two!"

That seemed to snap him out of it.

"Tch, bastard! Don't call people like they're dogs!" He began to move, once again planning on teach the beloved Celes wizard a lesson.

"Waa~!"

"My, my."

Fai ducked behind Clow in order to avoid the enraged ninja's wrath.

But as said ninja lunged at the pair, his foot caught on a large rock and caused his foot to lovingly plant itself on a small metal object with various knobs and switches like a lover that it has not seen in a while. The hard "thwack," signaled their emotions at that time, complete longing for one another.

"I suppose that might have hurt," Clow commented just before the light of the Rainbow of Doom engulfed them. The spectrum of colour blinded them, knocked them off their feet and made them feel all warm and fuzzy like a furless wolf given sheep's clothing.

Kurogane groaned, rubbing his head to ease the throbbing. His body felt strange – tingly, light – not at all like his usual hard muscled self. And something was laying on top of him...

He sat up to stare in the face of a very confused looking Clow. The situation only grew more awkward as he noticed that Clow was sitting on him like – well... let's just say it was a very compromising position.

Face turning red, he yelled, "Oi! Get off!"

But Clow only looked more confused. "K-kuro-r-rin?" he stuttered.

Kurogane, who had been preparing to shove him away, stopped at one of Fai's many nicknames for him. Clow Reed didn't seem like the type to use nicknames (then again, he doesn't get out much so who really knows?) and he certainly didn't know all the weird ones Fai used.

Something a few feet away caught his attention and he looked over to see himself standing up. Or more like his body, which looked over at the pair and smiled the same smile Clow wore.

"My, my," he said, rather amused. It was only then that Kurogane realized he was wearing Celesian clothes... and that he remembered how he was seated.

"Ahh!" he all but shrieked as he shot up causing the body of Clow to fall over with Fai's typical "Waa~!" Examining himself, he saw only the nimble mage's body. "What's going on here?"

Kurogane's body moved to stand over the strange device it had previously face-planted on – in fact, there were still marks.

"It seems," the body began in a tone quite like Clow's, "that we have switched bodies."

"Waa~!" came a Fai-like voice from Clow's body. "So I'm Clow-san, Clow-san is Kuro-min and Kuro-min is me? How exciting!"

"Tch, don't say such stupid things. How do we fix it?"

Clow – or more like Kuro-Clow – looked thoughtful for a moment. "You seem to be taking this quite well."

Kurogane – Fai-gane? – felt as if his nerves would snap. Were all mages like this?

"Hmm," Clow-Fai breathed. "Maybe this thing that Kuro-chii fell on caused this."

The trio stood around "this thing", Fai-gane extremely uncomfortable. He did not like this body at all.

"Well, how does it work?" he questioned impatiently.

"I don't know," Kuro-Clow commented absently without a care in the world.

Clow-Fai squatted down and gazed over it. Seeing nothing useful, he poked it a few times.

It whirled to live, indicating that that was, perhaps, how it functioned. And it also seemed that the Rainbow of Doom activated every time it was touched. The same feeling came over them though, now that they were aware of it, they could almost feel their bodies switching – their souls being sucked out and shoved somewhere else. It felt weird to say the least.

They woke to find themselves once more laying on the their backs.

"So, now who's who?" asked Fai playfully from the body of Kurogane as he sat up.

However, the question wasn't necessary, it was easy to tell who was who just by looking at their faces. Clow was now occupying Fai's body – for some reason the two seemed to share similar facial expressions – and from how Clow's face looked, Kurogane was not happy.

"Well, at least we know how it works," Kuro-Fai said, standing up.

"And this is certainly an interesting experience," Fai Reed added.

"Tch, stop saying such useless things!"

"Waa~! Kuro-wanka's mad!" Kuro-Fai laughed, amused by the whole situation. Feeling the pull of Kurogane's body, Fai began examining his current body. He twisted this way and that, stretching and moving in every possible way. Much to the real owner's annoyance.

"Hey, stop that!"

"Hmm? But Kuro-mi's so manly!"

Clow-gane roared with rage (which sounded really weird in Clow's voice) and lunged at the ninja-mage. Unfortunately, he tripped over Clow's awkward robes fell, once more, onto his face. Thankfully, the body-switching device was not near him this time.

Fai Reed chuckled at the display. Kuro-Fai danced over to him and gleefully embraced him.

"You're even more cuddly like this!" he exclaimed joyfully.

"As are you," his partner brightly replied.

By now, Clow-gane was absolutely feed up with everything. Especially those damn mages. He stomped over to the device and kicked it with all the might his current body could deliver. Not that it was entirely necessary to do so.

After the body switching was complete, Kurogne found himself wrapped in the tight embrace... of his own body.

"Huh?"

"Waa?"

"My, my."

Kurogane (who seemed to have returned to Fai's body) threw off his body (which was still occupied by Fai) as Clow (now back in his own body) produced a small black notebook from somewhere in his robes. If either of the other two men had paid close attention to the book – or even knew how to read English – they probably would have wondered what death has to do to with notes. Magically retrieving a pen from his finger, Clow flipped the book open to a blank page.

"CHANGE," he wrote. "'Switches the bodies of those that come in contact with it.' This certainly has given me yet another good idea for a Card." Returning the little book and pen to their original place, Clow smiled brightly at the still switched pair.

Fai-gane growled in growing rage, though it sounded a bit more like a purr of satisfaction in Fai's voice. This caused Kuro-Fai to start giggling in a weird way, made weirder by being in Kurogane's body. Kurogane does not giggle. Glaring at his troublesome companion, Fai-gane jumped up and slammed his feet into the device again. It only produced similar results, this time with Fai back to his original self. Not that Clow-gane was about to give up.

He pounded on the device over and over again, constantly switching the trio around. Sometimes Fai and Clow were placed back in their own forms. Kurogane never got that pleasure. Just when they were beginning to have fun, it suddenly stopped.

In this break before another switch, the trio was left with Kuro-Fai, Clow Reed and... Fai's body acting in a rather... interesting manner.

The blonde's body was a tree, standing stalk straight but wriggling strangely in the wind. The other two could only stare in wide-eyed fascination at the unusual spectacle much the same way Kurogane had done when they had gotten all lovey-dovey.

"K-kuro-pon?" Kuro-Fai stuttered, carefully approaching his body. Just as he was about to place a hand on his shoulder, a very strong wind gusted in and 'blow' the body away. At least that was how Fai's body acted.

"Ah, Kuro-ryun!" he called as the body crudely danced away in the wind.

"Wait," Clow spoke, as Kuro-Fai was about to chase after him. He bent over and picked up a tiny that he had trapped beneath his right foot. He held it up for his companion to see.

Kuro-Fai leaned in to get a closer look at the thing pinched between the older man's fingers. "A leaf?" How did that get here? There wasn't a tree in sight!

"It must have come with me when I came to this world," he explained. Closing his eyes and waving his other hand over it, he whispered a few more words of power.

The new green leaf suddenly became animated. It wiggled around in a rather cute way, electing yet more strange giggles from Kuro-Fai. The cute little leaf began to make squawking noises that sounded almost like... talking? With a few more murmured sentences from Clow, the pair was able to hear what it was saying.

"Oi, bastards!" the leaf yelled. "Get me out of here!"

Kuro-Fai squealed in delight. "Kuro-poppo, is that you?"

"Stop with those stupid names already!" the leaf scolded him.

"Waa~" the ninja-mage cried excitedly as he pulled everyone into a bear hug. "So you turned into a leaf! Oh, Kuro-mi, I was sooo worried!"

Clow pulled out of the embrace. "Fai-san, I think it might be best if we went after your body now. It wouldn't do to keep Kurogane-san like this any longer than necessary; something might eat him."

Before Kuro-Fai could respond, another huge breath of wind tore past them. It whipped about, tugging at clothes and pulling at hair. It pried at Clow's fingers, finally ripping Leaf-gane from them and blowing him away.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" he screamed as the wind took him.

"Kurogane-san!" Clow yelled, worried for his newly acquainted leaf-ninja.

The pair raced onward, attempting to catch up with the runaway plant.

"What happens if we lose sight of me?" Kuro-Fai panted.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that." For a guy who didn't seem to get much running in, he certainly was pretty fast. "He's the only leaf in around."

Then, in typical cliché style just to prove Clow wrong, a swarm of leaves rushed by them and intermingled with the still screaming ninja-turned-leaf.

"Hmm," Clow spoke thoughtfully. "Should have seen that coming."

Since this world had not a tree in sight – where all these leaves came from is anybody's guess – it was quite easy to see a certain handsome blond jiggling about among its fellows.

"My body!" Kuro-Fai exclaimed, jumping to great himself.

A hand slapped down onto his shoulder. "Wait," the black-haired mage commanded. "You go after Kurogane-san. I'll catch your body."

The younger man nodded at preceded to pursue him.

Clow, on the other hand, simply stood there. By now, the leaf in possession of Fai's form wasn't even going in the sane direction the wind was blowing. It pranced happily in twirling circles, drawing closer to the mysterious root-of-everyone's-sorrows. Said root-of-everyone's-sorrows raised his hands as if about to cast a spell. Fai-Leaf spun and danced and looked like he/it was enjoying itself to no end. Leaves are such strange creatures.

When it almost seemed like the two were going to collide, Clow's left hand shot out and greeted Fai-Leaf's face with a solid 'thwack'. Fai-Leaf gave off a Fai-noise as it fell over dazed.

Clow stood over the body, carefully examining it for a minute. Now he only had to figure out how to get it back.

~-~-~

Meanwhile, Kuro-Fai was in pursuit of the bunch of leaves.

"Waa~! Kuro-san, stop running away!"

"I'M NOT TRYING TO!" Leaf-gane responded angrily from somewhere in the pack.

The wind kept up its stormy pace, scattering the swirling leaves. Kuro-Fai continued his chase, snatching at any leaf that got close and discarding it when it didn't shriek at him. He was very glad that Kurogane was in such great shape or he might not have been able to keep this up. In fact, he might just want to stay this way to explore this body to its fullest. But the question of how and why the wind always kept Leaf-gane just out of reach bounced around in his head.

"Probably a plot device," he muttered to himself.

That was when he saw it. The land on which he ran dropped abruptly. An opposing cliff face stretched out in either direction about 20 feet away. And the leaves would were flying right towards it. The ninja-mage would have to jump. The problem, however, was that he'd have to catch his dear friend while doing so and he still wasn't sure which one he was. Well, there was one way. The ninja-mage quickly did the calculations in head before enacting his plan.

"Oh, Kuro-puppy~! Come here, you Big Doggy!"

"STOP SAYING SUCH RIDCULOUS THINGS!"

There, it was that one.

Kuro-Fai leaped high into the air as his foot touched the cliff's edge. His arm stretched out, hand grasping the leaf from which sound emitted. Later, Fai would claim that he was able to do many awesome, awe-inspiring mid-air stunts while desperately clinging to his beloved Kuro-wanko as of his very life depended on it. Sakura was the only one who truly believed him though Syaoran wondered about it for months afterwards.

Back in the present, Kuro-Fai's feet landed hard right on the end of the cliff. His arms swung widely as he attempted to stay on solid ground. He tripped, pitching forward and falling flat on his face. Well, Kurogane's body was only as good as the person using it.

Muffled screams came from the now crushed leaf containing the unfortunate Kurogane. He was ignored.

"Hyuu~!" Kuro-Fai breathed, turning over onto his back. "Wasn't that exciting, Kuro-ru?"

There was no response.

He bolted upright. "Kuro-pii?" he asked as he opened his hand.

If it were possible for a leaf to death glare, he was sure he'd be seeing it. The magiked and crumpled little leaf lay there, making strange coughing and wheezing sounds. If one listened closely they might have heard the leaf-ninja matter something about doing some naughty things to the poor ninja-mage that quite a few (particularly said ninja-mage) would take the completely wrong way. Fortunately, Kuro-Fai wasn't paying too much attention to anything he was saying. As usual.

"Oh, Kuro-bee! I'd thought I had lost you! You were just so quiet!" His fingers curled around Leaf-gane once more as he hugged the helpless life form to his chest.

"Bastard, stop that!" Leaf-gane was tired and frustrated. All he wanted was to return to his own body and get as far away from this world as possible. "Just get us back already!"

"Aww, Kuro-daddy doesn't want to spend any quality time with Fai-mommy!"

"CUT THAT OUT ALREADY!"

"Okay~!" Kuro-Fai clipped cheerfully, giggling like a schoolgirl. He stood and began backing away from the cliff's edge.

"...What are you doing?" he was questioned by the leaf.

"Well," he started. "You said you wanted to go back. So that's what I'm doing!"

"No, wait!" They began moving forward. "Stop!"

"Hang on, Kuro-woof!"

"No, STOP IT! AHHHH!"

"Hyuu~!"

~-~-~

At long last, they arrived at the place it all started. Clow was already there with Fai's unconscious body. And it was obvious from his neat appearance and brightly grinning face that he'd used no physical means to return there.

"Clow-san!" Kuro-Fai called loudly, waving Leaf-gane high up in the air. "Look what I found!"

Leaf-gane was to upset to say anything.

"Good work, Fai-san," Clow replied.

The human and leaf pair stopped beside the other two right next to the device that had caused them so much trouble like a certain selfish mage who shall not be named.

Easily and comfortably, Kuro-Fai slid an arm around Clow's waist. "So, what now?"

"What now?" the not so innocent leaf shreiked. He'd been bombarded with random, nonsense babble all the way back and had decided it was best just to keep quiet. Sometimes the mage just didn't know when to shut up. Now, he freaked. "Get us back in our bodies, idiot!"

He frowned. "Hmm... What if I don't want to?"

This was followed by insulting and angry gibberish and chuckling.

"I think it's about time we stop teasing poor Kurogane-san. This device has already had its revenge." Leaf-gane sputtered at that. Clow then gently tapped the device.

The Rainbow of Doom exploded around them and when their senses returned to them, they found themselves laying down – although Fai had already been in that position.

He sat up and stretched, his muscles achy and stiff from all the changing and swapping. Though it was nice to be back to his usual self, Fai was a little sad that he was no longer 'Kurogane'. He sighed. He'd just have to find other ways to explore the ninja's body.

A startled scream broke him from his peaceful contemplations of naughty thoughts. He looked up to see a frantic Clow and a calm Kurogane. "Hmm? Are Clow-san and Kuro-woofy still switched?"

Clow-gane growled. "That's it! One more time! If it doesn't fix this once and for all I'll-"

Whatever threat he had planned went unheard however, as a loud explosion made them all jump. Turning to the origin of the noise, they saw black smoke emanating from the body switcher.

"Oh my, that can't be good," Kuro-Clow commented emotionlessly.

Clow-gane gawked at him for a moment, wondering if he had a serious mental condition or was dropped on his head as a child. Then, muttering indistinct and kicked the device.

Nothing happened. He kicked it again. Still, nothing happened. He pounded it. It did not activate. He went crazy on it.

Fai walked up to the crazed man, placing a restraining hand on his shoulder, and said in a cheerful sing-sing voice, "I think it's broken~!"

Clow-gane stopped dead and ever so slowly, almost robotically, turned his head to face the shorter man. "Ehhhhh?"

"I do believe he's right," Kuro-Clow agreed. How could he be so calm in this situation? Maybe it was all his fault, he'd already messed up so many other things.

"So that means Clow-san and Kuro-pii are stuck... this... way..." his voice trailed off as realization hit him.

The towering mage-ninja stared at him warily. "What?"

The expression on Fai's face became dazed and dreamy as he gazed back. "Kuro-tan gets to stay like this!" He glomped Clow-gane, latching onto him and gushing over how cute and cuddly he now was and how he'd never let him go. Clow-gane, a little understandably, was shocked, confused, horrified and a bit flattered by this. He was unable to form proper sentences but it was clear Fai's affection were returned, even if he did look like he was about to murder the Celesian blond. Kuro-Clow simply watched with a knowing grin.

"Kuro-pu! Fai!" came a tiny, high-pitched voice. "You have to hear this! Mokona was just with Syaoran and Sakura and Syaoran was all like, 'Princess, I will definitely get all your feathers back' and Sakura said, "Oh, Syaoran, thanks for doing so much for my sake!'" the small white rabbit thing rambled on, perfectly impersonating the young lovers' voices though she did paraphrase quite a bit. "And then this HUGE dragon came out of NO WHERE and-" Mokona paused, stopping her tale as she laid eyes on the trio. She noticed one dark-haired man in particular. "Clow!"

Kuro-Clow nodded a greeting. "Mokona." This only served to confuse her.

"Kurogane... is calling Mokona... Mokona?"

"Ah, don't worry, Mokona," Fai waved her over and she hopped onto his shoulder. "Mommy will explain everything!"

~-~-~

"Ohohohoho!" Mokona laughed after Fai finished his – likely exaggerated – story. "I see. So, Kuro-ryun is now Clow and Clow is Kuro-rin?"

"That's right! Kuro-myuu's so happy too!"

Clow-gane glared at them. "You-"

"Aww~! This is so exciting!" Mokona interrupted.

"Isn't it, though?" Fai agreed as his grip on poor Clow-gane tightened.

The little joyful creature bounced into Kuro-Clow's hands. "Now Mokona can flirt with Kuro-poppo and he can look cute!"

The ninja-mage chuckled. "I'm flattered. Mokona is adorable as well."

"Aww~ Stop~!" she cooed, turning away with a blush in her face. She loved teasing people, especially Kurogane.

And of course, Clow-gane freaked. Thus, their adventure ended with Clow-gane yelling and being angry in general while Fai flirted and played with him and Kuro-Clow and Mokona flirted endlessly. They were stuck like that, in each other's bodies, for a long, long time.

Clow decided it was best not to mention that he could switch them back whenever he wanted.