And so, here we are. The epic collab.
Che-yeah. Seriously.
Disclaimer: Not ours.
Dedication: To music, soda-pop, and friendship. Oh, yeah, and CAPS LOCK ABUSE.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Shisui is a chick. Yes, we twisted his/her gender. BUT THERE IS A REASON. JUST YOU WAIT.
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To: iUchiha
From: ramenkamisama1
Subject: Because this concerns you
You know what totally grinds my gears?
I'll tell you what grinds my gears, good sir: totally asexual-too-good-for-you-because-i-am-an-uchiha-bow-down-to-me-now males. Especially those that tend to have a stick up their ass.
If you haven't caught on, Itachi, I'm talking about that loser brother of yours. I'M TIRED OF HIM! LIKE, SERIOUSLY!
He's either always off in emo-land being a little prick and angsting about the world and plotting how to slit his wrists without being stopped this time and it totally brings my hype down, you know? I mean, god, what have you people done to the guy?! Elementary, Middle, High school and now COLLEGE?! He's scarred – and he's scarring me. And he's totally breaking my balls, man.
We have to, like, make a confederation and make him all…..not emo, you know?
Like, just yesterday we were in Psychology, right, listening to Ibiki-sensei go on and on about the human mind and whatever – and he was staring off out the window. And by 'he' I mean your brother – the retarded one. The one that's emo. That one. Anyway, yeah he was staring out the window, brooding and sulking and being all Sasuke-ish, only not really because he was being angsty triple the max.
AND THERE WAS NOTHING TO BE ANGSTY ABOUT, YOU KNOW.
So thus, this is my example as to why we should make a confederation for those whose balls are breaking due to Sasuke-teme's anti-social, no-girl-banging, emo, angsting, slit-cutting, suicidal, passive aggressive habits.
We shall call it, Anti Sasuke-teme's Anti-Social, No-Girl-Banging, Emo, Angsting, Slit-Cutting, Suicidal, Passive Aggressive Confederation.
In which we well group up to make him… like, stop being what he is and therefore being what he's not which is social.
Yeah.
-Naruto.
To: ramenkamisama1
From: iUchiha
Subject: Because you are a busybody
1. Grinds your gears. What are you, an engine?
2. Uchihas can get any girl they want.
3. I only have one brother. Who else could you have been referring to?
4. In a previous life, Sasuke was probably the only survivor of a massive genocide of his family where a relative of his was the perpetrator. The blood letting would represent his despair.
5. A glass is sitting in front of you. Half empty or half full?
Sasuke sees it as half empty.
6. Are you gay for my brother, Master Uzumaki?
7. Uchihas are experts at Passive Aggressiva. It's a skill you seem to lack.
Itachi
P.S. We shall… "confederate".
To: iUchiha
From: ramenkamisama1
Subject: Because you are gay
…..ADFGHJKL;
NO I AM NOT A FRICKEN ENGINE! I AM A MAN! A BIG, STRONG, SEXY MAN! I SHAVE! AND I HAVE THE POWER – THE POWER, I TELL YOU. SO NO, ITACHI VONSTRANGLE, I AM NOT AN ENGINE. YOU, THOUGH, ARE AN OBTUSE SO STICK THAT UP YOUR ASS ALONG WITH THE POLE! I AM NOT GAY FOR ANYONE, MAN. WE ESTABLISHED THIS – I AM A MAN! YOU'RE GAY! YOU'RE GAYGAYGAY! ME… GAY, TCH. BLASPHEMY I TELL YOU.
And what's up with the fricken numbering, man? This is a damn email, yo – no numbering, your highness. Sheesh. U kan eben slanggg lyke diz, 2, u kno.
ALSOALSO. Uchihas can't get jack shit – you wanna know why? COZ THEY'RE ALL GAY. GAY, I TELL YOU. BUT IT'S OKAY. IF YOU WERE GAYYYYYYY, THAT'D BE OKAYYYYYY!
I don't understand you and your glass of water; Sasuke-teme probably just didn't finish drinking it because he wasn't thirsty. What does this have to do with Sasuke-teme's faggish ways?
-Naruto.
P.S. HELL-FRICKEN-YEAH. THE WORLD SHALL BE SAVED.
To: ramenkamisama1
From: iUchiha
Subject: Because you are obsessed with Yaoi
1. I applaud your English teacher.
2. You seem to be obsessed with men. You use the word five times.
3. Ditto with "gay". I am not going to bother wasting my time counting the number of times.
4. This is why I'm an Uchiha and you are not. My numbered emails make sense. Yours is gobbledegook.
5. I am going to pass over the fact that I just used that word.
6. … You really are a dobe.
7. I shall forget that I agreed with my foolish little brother.
Itachi
P.S. I assume you have a plan.
To: iUchiha
From: ramenkamisama1
Subject: Because you seem to not have a brain
Listen here you stupid little fartknocker. I am not gay, nor am I obsessed with men! You know why? Because I am a man! Therefore, I like females! And am I s'possed to be impressed that you can count?! Because, like, I'm not. Seriously… okay I am – I thought little prissy bitches were stupid.
AND WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO BE AN UCHIHA?! HUH?! THEY ALL SUCK! MAJOR ONES! Andandand….you talked gibberish! HAHAHA. The great Uchiha Itachi talked gibberish!
Oh jeez, the world's coming to a complete end! IT'S THE APOPELYPSE! OH MY GOD. SOMEONE SAVE THE RAMEN!
-Naruto.
P.S. When don't I? Like, seriously, you wound me.
To: ramenkamisama1
From: iUchiha
Subject: Because you are named after a ramen ingredient
1. That will be news to me. Have you ever had a girlfriend? And who would sleep with you? Correction: How much would you have to pay them?
2. I will not lower myself to speak in such a dirty manner.
3. You, Uzumaki, are merely talking in a jealous fit of rage. Go drink some Arizona tea and meditate.
4. Let the ramen go. I will never talk in such low terms ever again.
Itachi
P.S. Then tell me your plan. Or are you all talk?
P.P.S. Correction: you may always have a plan, but does this not involve ramen? Or something blowing up?
To: iUchiha
From: ramenkamisama1
Subject: Because you are delusional. And blind.
You know what, you fricken weasel? I am not even gonna answer you! I'll spontaneously combust by the time you SHUT THE FUCK UP! So I, being the adult and mature guy I am, am going to stop this violence because you know what? Violence is not the answer IT'S THE QUESTION. AND THE SOLUTION AT TIMES, BUT STILL.
….Okay, I can't take it – I HAVE SO HAD COUNTLESS OF GIRLFRIENDS! AND…..what's that s'posed to mean?! I don't pay anyone anything!
Also, I am not jealous of anything – do you have a million boxes of ramen? I didn't think so. Therefore, I am not jealous. AND LEAVE MY ARIZONA OUT OF THIS, SHE'S SACRED. SHEESH.
You, good sir, have just committed a crime. I might just have to report you to the ramen police. Tch.
-Naruto.
P.S. MAYBE IT'S TOO GOOD TO BE TOLD THROUGH AN EMAIL, HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF THAT?!
P.P.S. Heyhey, leave ramen out of this! AND IT WAS ONLY ONE TIME. I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GONNA EXPLODE, OKAY?! Meet me at Ichiraku's, okay? We'll talk then!
To: ramenkamisama1
From: iUchiha
Subject: Because you would be made of ramen
1. You don't have balance.
2. … Really? Countless means little when it comes to you. You probably can only count to twenty and lose track.
3. If it was twenty (which it wouldn't be), would that make you a whore?
4. The Arizona you and my foolish little brother took out of my refrigerator whenever you are broke.
5. … The ramen police? Really…
Itachi
P.S. Sasuke is many things, but a hacker he is not.
P.P.S. Really… I believe you just can't spell the words necessary to tell me your plan.
P.P.P.S. We will meet in ten minutes at Ichiraku Ramen on Main Street. If you are late, I'm taking back all of my Arizona and I am going to bribe every ramen seller in Konoha to never make ramen for you.
P.P.P.P.S. Ever. Ever. Again.
To: ramenkamisama1; crazyproctorchick
From: iUchiha
Subject: Because Uchihas just can't be gay
Anko-
1. I know that you said you'd find a punishment worse than castration if I ever contacted you after we broke up (and I know that, if anyone could find something worse than that, you could), but this is pretty serious.
2. Naruto thinks Sasuke's gay and needs to refine his social skills before he ends up one of those old people with one million and one cats.
3. We would like to set up a communication link between Sasuke and a girl using your position as the student teacher of his Psychology class. If just having him is weird, rope your whole class into communicating with a series of people whose identities are unknown. Using the contents of their communication, they could try to figure out information about their subjects.
Itachi
To: iUchiha; ramenkamisama1
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: I'm going to kill you.
Itachi,
You're still numbering your e-mails. I thought I told you to stop that. It's ridiculous, and makes you look like a fool. But, given that I love your mother (how is she, anyways?), and since I don't want her to die from a broken heart caused by having two gay sons, I'm actually willing to help.
Naruto thinks your brother is gay. Naruto. The King of Ramen. Are you serious?
…
Well, maybe Naruto does have a point; it's true that all that Sasuke does is sit and moan to himself. His grades aren't falling, but he does tend to sit in corners, and… I dunno, stare out the window. It's a little odd.
You want to set him up? Isn't that a little cruel? But oh, I'm so in! Hm, there are a couple of girls I'm sure would make him entirely lose it… But it would be awkward. I'll talk to Ibiki, and see what I can do.
I'm still prettier then you,
Anko
To: ramenkamisama1; crazyproctorchick
From: iUchiha
Subject: As if you would dirty your hands
Anko-
1. This is why you could never be a diplomat. You are certainly bad at diplomacy AND you are unorganized.
2. Mother is well. She's enjoying retirement in Tahiti. Father's face says little, but one of my sources tells me that he thinks it unbearably hot. It cannot possibly be any hotter than the uniform he wore for forty years.
3. I am not gay. Sasuke's a toss up.
4. Ask Naruto. I don't support incestuous thoughts, let alone the authentic action.
5. Are there tomatoes outside the window?
6. Please don't make him "lose it". The force of eighteen years of suppressed hormones should not be forced upon anyone.
7. Do talk to Ibiki. Tell him I still remember what happened the Fifth of October.
At least I don't have split ends,
Itachi
To: iUchiha; ramenkamisama1
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: Give me some credit, I'm not afraid of a little dirt.
Itachi,
I'm a psychology teacher. If that's not a diplomat, what is? For god's sake, please stop numbering your e-mails, for my sanity's sake! That is one of the reasons I dumped you! Oh, when you next talk to her, tell her I say 'hello', yes? Your father still scares me, quite honestly.
I raise my eyebrow at your statement. As far as I remember, you were definitely gay (you paint your nails purple; need I say more?). And incest doesn't suit you, anyways.
Why the hell would there be tomatoes outside the window of a university?!
Oh, I did talk to Ibiki. He's cruel enough to let me do what I want. So, what I've decided is this; they'll do a penpal program. I get to pair them up. I won't be that brutal, but I'll certainly set Sasuke up. What was the Fifth of October? Tell me-e-e-e. I must know!
Wow, the fact that you are petty enough to talk about hair just proves your sexuality.
I'm still prettier then you,
Anko
To: ramenkamisama1; crazyproctorchick
From: iUchiha
Subject: I don't give credit. People give me credit.
Anko-
1. You are a student teacher. Not a psychology teacher.
2. You've never been sane, so I don't have to worry about your nonexistent sanity.
3. She says hello as well as wondering how your… "love life" has been. I prognosticated your response and told her that it's in the same state as your sanity.
4. Purple nail polish distracts people so I can take them into custody before they start running. I believe I told you that the uniform is hot…?
5. The one thing Sasuke loves more than… Let me rephrase. The one thing Sasuke comes close to loving is a tomato. My foolish little brother would tell you that tomatoes enhance intelligence.
6. Is it possible that Sasuke is under the influence of hallucinogenic substances…?
7. Thank you.
8. How should I say this… The Fifth of October involves a horse, three bottles of gin, a guitar, an open window, and that movie Say Anything.
I'm sorry that you are in denial.
And I am confident enough in my masculinity to discuss hair.
I hope you are enjoying your trip down a river in Egypt,
Itachi
To: iUchiha; crazyproctorchick
From: ramenkamisama1
Subject: BLASPHEMY. TOTAL BLASPHEMY.
Hi, I think you two should either get a room and get this pent up sexual tension over with, OR you can suck it up and stop being douches. I seriously don't need to read all of the junk you two say to each other – gosh, you're both worse than high schoolers, like, seriously! Don't send me any more of your emails in which you two are flirting via verbal abuse, UNLESS, it has porn.
Okay? Okay.
I appreciate what you two are doing to help the cause; you two are very generous in helping out the Anti Sasuke-teme's Anti-Social, No-Girl-Banging, Emo, Angsting, Slit-Cutting, Suicidal, Passive Aggressive Confederation. Your contribution is taken to heart.
And… You guys should totally think about the porn, man. EPIC.
Right. Anko-sensei, don't hurt me.
-Naruto.
To: iUchiha; ramenkamisama1
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: Credit? You? Please.
Itachi,
I'm a student teacher for a psychology class. Have you met Ibiki? He lets me teach the class myself! Anyways.
Wow, you're actually agreeing that I have a vigorous and extremely healthy sanity? I really appreciate that (especially in reference to my sex life. So I didn't sleep with you; you probably couldn't get it up anyways)! And purple nail polish, Itachi! Purple! It's no wonder your mother likes me better then you; she thinks you're gay! Scratch that, she knows you're gay!
Okay, now I really have to know what happened on the fifth... Should I ask Sasu-cakes? (And yes, I really think it's quite possible he's high a lot of the time. Seriously, some of the looks he gives the rest of the class are just so... uhm, how do I say this politely... absent? Read: his eyes are glazed over, he's pale like-a-sparkly-vampire-from-a-horribly-written-teen-novel, and, in general, he looks like he's on a bad trip.)
Naruto, I expect a five-page essay on the history of the light bulb, and it's psychological effects on humanity, on my desk Monday morning. (And just for the record, if you ever mention me sleeping with any Uchiha ever again, I will cut your tongue out; lawsuit or not, yes?)
I'm still prettier then you both, and all your fangirl-created impossible-man-pregnancy babies.
Anko
To: iUchiha; crazyproctorchick
From: ramenkamisama1
Subject: UHM. UHM. UHM.
EXCUSE ME CRAZY LADY!
LIKE, HI, YEAH. THERE IS NO HISTORY ON THE LIGHTBULB!
It was just invented because it was needed and candles with fire caused too much fires and such.
The end.
Kaythanksbye.
-Naruto.
To: ramenkamisama1; iUchiha
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: Suck it up.
Just for that, make it ten pages. Double-sided.
Anko
To: crazyproctorchick; iUchiha
From: ramenkamisama1
Subject: EXCUSE ME, I DON'T SUCK.
WHA?!
WHY?!
YOU'RE ABUSING YOUR POWER. ABUSING I TELL YOU!
-Naruto.
To: ramenkamisama1; iUchiha
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: No, you blow.
It's not abuse.
It's just... stretching.
Smile, I'm still pretty!
Anko
To: crazyproctorchick; iUchiha
From: ramenkamisama1
Subject: No, I lick, kthxsbai
Dear Anko-sensei,
Ever since the day I met you, I always thought you were a crazy woman that was not right in the head. Even Sasuke-teme thought so! And that's saying a lot because Sasuke-teme doesn't think anything about anyone unless it's 'annoying'. Anyway, I digress. So yeah, you're weird and mean and crazy andandand...
PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WRITE THAT TEN PAGE ESSAY! PLEASE!
-Naruto.
P.S. Have I told you lately, that I love you?
To: ramenkamisama1; crazyproctorchick
From: iUchiha
Subject: Please vacate the area and take your age-inappropriate romance with you.
o1. Let's get back to the plan.
I believe you start, Anko...?
Itachi
P.S. No one wants to know about your "sex lives". Least of all me.
To: iUchiha; ramenkamisama1
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: You're just angry that you can't get it up.
Naruto, if it's not on my desk Monday, I'm dropping your grade a letter. No, I am not kidding. Itachi, I'm attaching the assignment right now;
Dear cretins,
It's that time of year again, and we have a very special assignment for you all. As you all know, this class is based on human interaction, and it's effects on the human brain.
So, in an effort to get you all to use those "brains" of yours, and make some connections, Ibiki-sensei and Anko-sama have decided that your long-term project this year will be a pen-pal project with the local high-school. This project will determine your final grade, and whether or not you will be exempt from the exam. Your partner will be of the opposite gender, so that students may gain a working knowledge of the differences of the male-to-female thinking processes. We expect you to keep up this daily correspondence for the duration of this course (yes, that means three months of daily e-mails), and we expect a ten-thousand word essay on The Human Condition As Seen From A Sex-Indiscriminate Position at the end of term.
Or, the student may hand in to us a print-out of all of their correspondence with their partner, and will equally receive full marks.
(This means, rats, that if you do your work in class, you'll never have anything to worry about.)
The rules of this assignment (and believe me, maggots, if you break these nice, easy-to-follow rules, we will know about it):
A) Each partner will have a codename. We don't care what you use, as long as you do. Part of this correspondence will deal with your daily activities, so it's likely that you will be speaking about the people you spend most of your time with - your friends. In this correspondence, we expect that you address these friends by their codenames when in contact with your partner.
B) It is perfectly acceptable for partners to meet prior to the end date of this assignment; therefore, it is perfectly acceptable that partners exchange information (that is the whole point of this assignment).
HOWEVER.
Should both partners agree to meet (as is transcribed above), we expect that you do not disclose the codenames of the people you know. This is simply common courtesy, as it is not your right to go around telling tales.
C) This is your quarter project, children. GO.
Anko-sama, out.
---
There, is that good enough, oh dear, gay ex-boyfriend of mine?
Anko
To: ramenkamisama1; crazyproctorchick
From: iUchiha
Subject: My heart aches with pain. / When I see you, I vomit. / Die away from me.
1. It is passable.
2. My girlfriend says hi.
-Itachi
To: maskedIchaIcha007
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: Your email is so inappropriate, I'm amazed you still have a job.
Hi.
I have an eensy-weensy teensy-tiny favour to ask of you...
To: crazyproctorchick
From: maskedIchaIcha007
Subject: You know you love it.
As for the job part, that's what's nice about having tenure.
I'm sure it's tiny.
Is it tinier than you?
-Kakashi-sensei
P.S. What does this "eensy-weensy teensy-tiny favour" entail?
To: maskedIchaIcha007
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: Are you retarded?
I am going to ignore the jab about my height, because I actually kind of like you, and I want you to live long enough to let me have my way.
(You may interpret this in any manner you so choose).
And about that favour...
(Uhm, yes-I-need-your-help-it's-not-funny-shut-up.)
Can I borrow your AP-Pre-college-level-Psych-thing class? Pretty please?
I'll love you forever!
To: crazyproctorchick
From: maskedIchaIcha007
Subject: Not any more than you, dear.
Jiraiya's latest book came out.
If you were interested in practicing your... reading skills. ^_^
(You are a midget with a temper.
Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.)
Awww, Anko-chan needs help! :D
You know it's illegal to test things on minor's.
Then again...
That has never stopped you before.
Do you even believe in love?
To: maskedIchaIcha007
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: I'm just crazy - crazy is better then retarded. Are you related to Naruto? God, I hope not...
I only read literature, sorry Kakashi.
But I do like chocolate body paint. Just so you know.
SHUT UP. THIS IS NOT FUNNY. And don't call me 'Anko-chan', it's degrading.
I'm teaching a Psychology class, there has to be some mental testing! And anyways, it's just a pen-pal project.
Well, it's just a pen-pal project to determine how well my students are doing. Seriously.
...Are you seriously asking me that? Me?!
Do you remember how I was?!
To: crazyproctorchick
From: maskedIchaIcha007
Subject: Thank god I can say no without lying.
It is very well-written literature. It is filled with passion.
Chocolate body paint... that explains a lot.
Okay, Anko-chan.
...
They gave you a teaching degree.
Did you get them drunk or something?
Okay.
What is really up? And I won't believe you if you say, "Just for fun."
You weren't like that in college.
And no one changes that much.
Exactly.
I wish I didn't remember.
Pooooooooor Idate.
By the way, what happened to that weasel kid?
To: maskedIchaIcha007
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: Okay, good. Because, really, if you were lying... I'd have to say it explains a lot.
What on earth are you talking about? It's SMUT! And you read it in front of your class!
And my chocolate body paint tastes as good as it feels. And it isn't... orange. And vulgar.
I'm going to kick you.
Shut up. They gave you a teaching license, too, and don't you dare tell me you're any better then I am!
I'm just prettier.
And please, I have more class than getting them drunk. I'd rather drug them - it lasts longer.
I hate the fact that you know me so well.
So maybe I'm doing it to help my gay ex-boyfriend ascertain that his younger brother is really as gay as I've always said. (I pity him, his mother is going to kill him when she finds out that both her boys bat for the other team.) And if you don't shut up about me dating the previously-mentioned gay ex-boyfriend, I will kill you, yes?
To: crazyproctorchick
From: maskedIchaIcha007
Subject: I never lie. Just the occasional white fib.
They are high schoolers.
And it's not like the boys don't look at it on their own computers.
So at least it has a pretty cover.
Take that how you wish.
Too bad I beat you at cross country in college.
Welllll, I'm much better looking than you. And less likely to damage my students's mental health.
That's why I'm going to be a teacher longer than you because I'm not going to DRUG them.
So stick that in your chloroform and suck on it.
You like it.
And you have to admit that I must be good enough for you.
I mean, remember that One Night?
And I don't think he's gay. I mean, I caught WeaselBoy with his tongue down the throat of some blonde chick last night...
But the little brother...
Yeah, definitely gay.
No need to try and prove it.
Except this kind of sounds like fun and torturous.
To: maskedIchaIcha007
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: You are such a liar. Such a liar.
But they don't watch it in public! You're a horrible role model, Kakashi! (Why did they let you have a teaching license?!)
And it's not pretty.
NOT. AT. ALL.
But I still got first place, because I bribed the judge.
With cleavage.
Re-mem-ber?
You? Better looking then me?
Tell that to my C-cups, inferior human specimen.
I am so prettier then you.
(AND SHUT UP ABOUT THE CHLOROFORM, THAT WAS ONCE.)
That was one night, and it was Not So Great. (BIGGG smile.)
...Are you blind? He was probably making out with his room-mate.
How can you be so sure that Sasuke's gay? I mean, have you even met the kid? (Although, this was my first impression of him...)
It would be a quick and painful death.
That would have nothing to do with my chocolate body paint.
Seriously.
SO.
Can I borrow your class? PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE?!
To: crazyproctorchick
From: maskedIchaIcha007
Subject: Repetition doesn't do a thing for you, dear.
How many of your students spend their free time watching porn on the university computers, do you suppose? That ramen kid especially... The ramen probably warped his brain.
It's prettier than a certain purple-haired woman I would know.
Hey, are you free sometime...? ;)
So you didn't actually run faster than me.
Ha.
If I had C-Cups, I think everything about this would be different.
i.e. I would have legibly won that race as well as gotten the prize.
(Once.
Suuuuuuuuure.)
That's not what you were saying that night... ;)
His roommate is freakishly tall with blue skin. Totally not the same person.
& she had certain... attributes that are definitely NOT in males.
If you see where I'm going...
It depends on who's going to die.
I'm too fast for you, ye-who-bribes.
Okay, I will.
But you have to go on a date with me, be yourself, not attempt to get me killed/kill me yourself, and act nice.
Wait.
You're not normally nice.
To: maskedIchaIcha007
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: It doesn't make it any less true. You are a liar.
I try not to think about how many of them are mini versions of you.
Don't talk about Naruto, okay? We both know he's missing a few marbles. Or maybe all of them.
I still wo-on!
(But then the judge-guy stalked me and my glorious boobs for... like, a week.
And did I say to shut up about the chloroform?)
If I remember correctly, I wasn't the only one screaming. ;)
Are you sure? Because I distinctly remember his room-mate being androgynous, blond, tall, and very, very gay.
Ugh, he's so annoying. He should just tell his mother that's he's into men and get it over with.
ANYWAYS.
Hm, who dies depends on what kind of death it is.
And hey, the bribery so works!
(My chocolate body paint is sitting right next to me. It looks delicious...
You have no idea what kind of self control it takes to just not eat it right now!)
A date for three month's worth of torturing my students, and yours?
I am so in.
But if you're late, I'll never forgive you. :D
To: crazyproctorchick
From: maskedIchaIcha007
Subject: You're cruel. I like to think of it as "Creative Processing".
He displaced his marbles in favor of ramen. That is my theory.
And thank whatever kami exists that none of your students took after you. Else there would be many megalomaniacs roaming around.
Well, I'm up to racing you anytime.
Weasel Boy can be the judge.
Your memory is dysfunctional.
But if, hypothetically, both of us were screaming, you were screaming louder.
But then again, I could always prove you wrong. ;)
Noooo, Blonde Guy is the one who lives down the hall from him, but almost lives in Shark-Guy and Weasel Boy's room.
But I'm completely serious when I say he's not gay.
And you know I can't resist poking fun at him.
Bring it on our date.
Next Tuesday. The Micky-D's on Third.
Just kidding.
Luffy's Family Restaurant on Fifth.
Leave your potty mouth at home.
Don't worry. I got black-cat repellent...
To: maskedIchaIcha007
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: I'm pretty. I can be cruel.
Look, we don't need another Orochimaru, okay? He was the creepiest teacher I've ever had.
And he was always staring... At everyone... AGH.
And Naruto's just... special. In many, many ways. But, god, he's such a five-year-old...
Weasel Boy would let me win just because I have a running death threat count against him; so far, it's at five hundred seventy-seven, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want it any higher then that.
Sorry Kakashi, I think you definitely screamed louder.
Hypothetically.
What time?
And you're so lucky I decided to keep reading after you mentioned ... that place.
You know how much I hate MacDonalds!
What potty mouth? (innocent look)
And I kind of like black cats, you know...
See you then, I guess. ;)
(And if you're lucky, I will bring the chocolate body paint. But only if you're lucky...)
To: crazyproctorchick
From: maskedIchaIcha007
Subject: You're cruel. You're passable in the looks department.
Wait.
Didn't he teach at Oto Tech?
He was creepy. I'll actually agree with you on that.
I was thinking Naruto's more like a fetus. He's that out of it.
Weasel Boy would prefer that I win. And he's gotten a lot better at martial arts than he was the last time you decided to attack him.
I'm going to schedule you for an appointment with an otologist.
Hypothetically, you weren't able to speak for the rest of the week after that One Night.
Six.
That's because Kabuto worked there during lunch time, remember? He had quite the... relationship with Snake Face.
Fine then. You can follow me around (as in, you have my permission to "stalk" me now) and catch the black cats I run into.
I was born lucky.
To: maskedIchaIcha007
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: Rude. Very rude. If I wasn't totally gorgeous, would you be asking me out? No.
Yeah, he did.
And he was seriously the scariest teacher I've ever had.
Let's talk about something different, okay? Naruto's brain processes... are non-existent. A fetus is a very good analogy.
He would totally prefer I win; I know where he sleeps. I also have sevenral months worth of black-mail on him.
Hypothetically, neither could you. ;)
If I remember correctly, the teachers were wondering why you sounded like death.
Six? Okay.
Don't talk to me about Kabuto. I want to crush his face.
Sure you were born lucky. Sure.
But anyways... I can use you class, correct?
I won't torture them too much. Really.
-Love, Anko
To: crazyproctorchick
From: maskedIchaIcha007
Subject: I'm feeling generous.
Dear god. I would have dropped it, but I needed it to graduate. Stupid Biology was full so I had to take BIOCHEM.
He doesn't have a brain. At least one recognizable to science. Maybe the Ichiraku man could identify it...
He also has a roommate who sleeps with a giant sword underneath his pillow.
I had a freaking cold.
Didn't you already do that...?
Change of plans. Same time, same place, but the day of the beginning of the penpal project.
As the celebration to the beginning of some real psychological research.
I was. That's why I survived Biochem without having to talk to His Hissiness.
-Kakashi
P.S. Awww, you love me! ^_^
To: maskedIchaIcha007
From: crazyproctorchick
Subject: I think you need your head examined.
All I'm going to say is this:
You never had a cold, Weasel Boy's roommate is my bff, and you better not be late.
Oh, and I'm still the prettiest.
And thank you ever-so-much for letting me experiment on your class.
Love, Anko
P.S. And so it begins...
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Extra thoughts from us:
sonya: Can you believe this was supposed to be a prologue? REVIEW. HI.
les: so. this is what it feels like to rule the world? I DIG THAT.
Saraa: ...BAHAHA.