What!? Why do we need to keep him!? This is a response to theretard5892's challenge at Fully Combustive Material for the fanfic Author! look it up.

Now to skip the setting and get straight to the story. Roy's office door burst open, and the fuhrer was seen doing flips down the hall into the room. He stopped just short of Roy's desk, turned around, and straitened his shirt.

"Excuse me Colonel. I'd like to speak to you about something with the lieutenant." The fuhrer said with a very grave expression.

"Yes, sir. I'll get her right away." Roy said as he turned to his left, "Luietenant, The fuhrer would like to talk to me and you."

"...I know..."

Roy, Riza, and the Fuhrer walked into a room. There was a table with some paperwork on it.

"Sit, sit." The fuhrer said as he offered a lollipop to the two.

"Uhh...no thanks. So what did you need to talk about?" Roy asked.

Riza bumped his arm.

"...I mean! So what did you need to talk about...sir?"

"Oh, stop with all of the sirs. It makes me feel old! Just call me king since that is the only thing which could possibly be my first name."

"Okay...so?"

"Oh right! The fullmetal alchemist has destroyed some more of central's property and I'm sick of it. So I've decided that someone needs to discipline him. After all, he's only twelve."

"...he was twelve...three years ago..."

"Anyways, my point is that he needs to have some parents or something..."

"Okay, well I can find someone to do that," Roy said as he began to stand up.

"Where are you going? I haven't finished talking." the Fuhrer said as Roy sat back down.

"I know of an adoption center, I can take him there." Riza said as she began attempting to read the papers on the desk.

"No can do! I've already decided that you and Roy will be his guardians! It's like a bad ParentalRoyEd fic!"

"You've got to be joking!? Me and Roy don't even live in the same house!" Riza said.

"...I thought you two were married...is he all right?" The fuhrer said as he pointed at Roy, who seemed dazed at the moment.

"I'm sorry sir-"

"It's king"

"...king...but there's no way that I could take care of that heathen. Roy! Do what you do best!"

"And what is that?" Roy said as he came to his senses.

"Burn that #$%in' paperwork! MWHAHAHHAHA!" Riza said frantically.

"...actually, I've changed my mind. A young boy like him needs parents without mental problems. Bye you two." The fuhrer said as he walked out of the room.

End