Hey everyone. Been a while since I've done one of these. Enjoy!

Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18, then go fuck yourself, because I can't fuck you.

Outside the Author Fighter base, a huge castle-like wall had been constructed around the entire base, only a small section at the front left to be finished. At the top, both X Prodigy and Ranger24 hammered down nails into wood as they made slow progress.

"…Hey, Ranger?" X said.

"Hmm?"

"Why are we building this huge wall anyway?" X asked. Ranger stopped his work and looked at X sceptically.

"We've been constructing this thing for the past week…and only now are you asking that?" Ranger grumbled. X scratched the back of his head embarrassingly.

"I just…got into the flow of things, that's all…" X mumbled, "You didn't answer my question though."

"Nukid told us our base would get invaded very soon. He didn't specify who would be invading, just that we should prepare ourselves, and build a wall even The Nights Watch would be envious of."

"He reads too much A Song Of Ice And Fire" X sighed "speaking of him, where is Nukid?"

"I think he's doing that return review of that Nostalgia Kid thing he used to do. The bastard. If he's gonna get us all worked up over this unknown threat, the least he can do is help us." Ranger growled.

We see Nukid sitting at the desk he once prominently sat at when he made his Nostalgia Kid reviews. Unlike before though, Nukid wore a crown on his head and worse a large red fur coat, making him look somewhat like a king.

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid. I remember because you're all idiots" Nukid greeted "God it feels good to say that again! It's sure been a while folks! Over a year and not a single review. I daresay most of you thought I'd given up on this, didn't you?"

"Well, truthfully, I had. I realised a long time ago that'll I'll never be a quick updater of fics, and what little time I had to write fics, I decided to focus on my Magnum Opuses, Avatar: The Legend of Zeo and War With The Legacy."

"But…recently, for the second year in a row, I was voted The Top Critic on the AF forums! Go me!" Nukid proclaimed.

Egotistical asshole…

"Kiss my ass" Nukid deadpanned, taking off the crown and cape and setting it down "so, since I got an award for basically doing nothing, I figured I should return to this fic…if only for one more review. My last review was…slightly controversial."

Cutaway gag…

We see Nukid, tied to a beam post whilst TLSoulDude and Lunatic121 slowly pieced together two rifles.

"…You know, I didn't actually mean any offence by that review." Nukid pointed out, fidgeting in the ropes.

"Uh-huh" TL replied.

"I wasn't trying to be offensive or insulting."

"Of course you weren't" Loony replied.

"I was just pointing out how…well, badly you reviewed those Mangas, and…just showing people an example of…um…bad critiquing."

"Right."

"Hell, you've gone on to say you liked some of the Mangas you originally disregarded. It just shows you shouldn't judge something by the very beginning. You need to invest time into it before making a fair opinion on it."

"Totally."

"So, I apologise to you both for offending you. Do you guys forgive me?" Nukid asked.

"Sure" they both said in unison. At the same time though, both raised the now complete rifles straight at Nukid. Nukid felt sweat go down his face, his eyes twitching.

"…Then put the bloody guns down."

"Naaaah."

BANG, BANG, BANG.

End gag…

"So then, how do you come back after writing something so controversial?" Nukid spread out his arms "by writing something even MORE controversial! Today, I am finally gonna write the review I wanted to write from the very beginning."

"I am of course, talking about the 'Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto!'"

Ranger and X Prodigy stopped working on the tall wall when they started to feel the ground shimmer. X turned to Ranger and bellowed "Whoa! Is this an earthquake?"

"I don't think so. It feels almost like an…army marching towards us" Ranger cuffed his hands over his eyes to block out the sun. He looked upon the horizon, trying to spot what was coming towards them.

What Ranger24 saw made him go pale.

"My god…"

"I would normally now give a brief summary of Naruto…" Nukid shrugged "but what's the point? You all know what Naruto is, so it's not necessary. With that, let's begin my-"

RING RING, RING RING

"Oh, one moment please" Nukid reached into his pocket and took out his phone, placing it to his right ear "hello?"

"NUKID! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU DONE NOW?" Rangers voice roared down the phone.

Nukid winced, pushing the phone away, before answering "let me guess, the Naruto fanatics have arrived?"

"There's…there's tens of thousands of 'em! I've never seen such a pissed off army! What did you do?"

"Well it's not what I've done…more like what I'm about to do." Nukid explained "I'm doing a Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto."

"…Nukid…Nukid you can't do it. You can't do that man. I sympathise with your reasons but they'll tear the base apart!"

"Relax. Once I'm done I'll sort that. You just keep them back till now" Nukid assured "well, have fun!"

"Nukid! WAI-"

Nukid turned off his phone, and put it away. He turned forward and said "sorry about it. Anyway, that call has brought up a little fact. I'm not actually a hater of the series. I do still somewhat enjoy the series…it's just these 11 points have made the series disappointing and not live up to its amazing potential."

"To be prove my point, here are 5 things I like about Naruto!"

Number 5…

The Dub…

"Some say it's bad, I think it's a genuinely well made dub. Maile Flanagan does a decent Naruto-save that annoying catchphrase-and it's a very solid dub. Stand out Voice Actors are definitely Steve Blum as Orochimaru, Dave Wittenberg as Kakashi, and Yuri Lowenthal as Sasuke."

Number 4…

The Art Style…

"In my opinion, Naruto has some of the best art in Shonen Jump today. It's well detailed, clear, the characters are all unique, and thanks to the anime, it does feel very colourful and appealing. I'll be saying many bad things about Kishimoto, but I can at least compliment his art!"

Number 3…

The fight scenes…

"If you take away all the pointless exposition…the fights in Naruto are quite well done. They use a lot of strategy and often quite clever moves…when they're not doing my eventual Number 4 stupidest point."

Number 2…

The Characters…

"Once again, despite all the bad things I'll say about a few of them, I do genuinely like a lot of the cast in Naruto" Nukid stated "characters like Rock Lee, Gai, Killer B, Hinata and Shikamaru to name a few are all great characters."

"Most famous of all is Kakashi, who is like even by avid Naruto haters. There's no denying that Kakashi kicks ass."

Number 1…

The Akatsuki…

"I will not deny for a second that I LOVE the Akatsuki." Nukid proclaimed "they were some of the most badass I've ever seen in anime. Each with their own unique power and each with a badass personality. Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, Kisame, Kakuza, Pain, at one point, they all stole the show."

"My two favourite Akatsuki members are Tobi/Madara Uchiha and Hidan. The former because his plot twist was incredibly awesome, and the latter because…well…he's just incredibly awesome."

"With that done, all I need to now is point out that this is NOT the "Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto…that no other series does as well". Maybe Bleach has some of these problems as well. Maybe Katekyo Hitman Reborn does. Hell, maybe even One Piece has these as well. I'm not saying they don't, I'm just not looking at those series" Nukid explained.

"With that said, let us begin our countdown of the Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto!"

Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto

Number 11…

Technology in the Naruto universe…

"Okay, so this is a series about Ninjas. I don't expect to see cars or any electronic vehicles in it. I don't expect Ninjas to use firearms or missiles or anything like that. I absolutely agree they would feel out of place in a world dominated by Ninjas" Nukid stated.

"…So then why the are there computers in the Ninja world? I'm pretty sure they came after Firearms and vehicles." Nukid sighed. "Oh, I know what some of you might say. 'But Kishimoto needed to have computers in his story!'. That might arguably be true later on in the series, but let me show you this scenario of out of place technology in the series."

Cutaway gag…

We see Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura standing amongst the other Genin in the battle arena for the Chunin Exam, having just braved the Forest of Death. The Third Hokage stepped forward from the various Jonin beside. He raised his left arm, and pointed towards the large computer screen on the wall behind him

"Allright, behind me is a computer which will call out two combatants names each turn. Those two will battle and the winner will head to the finals. Any questions?" the Third Hokage asked.

Naruto raised his hand "I have a question Hokage…why do you need a computer just to read out peoples names?"

"W-what?"

"Why do you need that really big computer just to read out two names at random? Couldn't you have just used a Tonbola or something? That would been a lot cheaper and more fitting for a setting about ninjas, wouldn't it?" Naruto asked sceptically.

"Well…er…erm…" the Third Hokage stuttered, "…it…looks cooler."

End gag…

"That's what it really boils down to. Half of the modern technology he throws in could have been worked around and made the world he's created far more unique. By NOT doing that, he's made some of us wonder how the computer came before the gun." Nukid explained.

"That being said…this is number 11 because it doesn't actually bother me that much, and I'm kinda nitpicking" Nukid admitted "since it's not based in our world, Kishimoto can to an extent get away with it. It's not like he's fucking up our own timeline."

"In other words, fuck you D Gray Man."

Number 10…

The beginning of the series…

"Often I hear people say…"

"I stopped watching Naruto during the Chunin Exam."

"At this, I often wondered why? Right after things do start to get really good. You get the first appearance of Akatsuki, the search for Tsunade, and Sasuke retrieval arc! Why did people give up before checking all that out?" Nukid asked out lous.

"And then, it hit me. The Chunin Exam arc happened way too soon."

"Allow me to explain. When you start an epic story, you're pretty much creating your own world. Towns, countries, races, YOU the writer decides what happens in this world…" Nukid then shrugged "…but if you wanna get people interested in your world, you've gotta bloody show it to us."

"With Naruto, the first few chapters were in The Leaf Village, which is fine, I wouldn't expect anything else. Quite soon though we're brought away from Konoha and to the Mist Village. This is good. Regardless of whether you liked that arc, it at least shows us a part of the Ninja world."

"And then…we're stuck in Konoha….for over 60 episodes…what?"

"What I'd love to know is why Kishimoto decided to have this Chunin Exam arc so soon? He frankly had Iruka point out the stupidity of it- it was bloody too soon! They've only done one mission! Why didn't he show off more of this world? Hell, he could've introduced characters like Rock Lee, Gaara and Orochimaru separately and given them each more time to shine, instead of the massive clusterfuck that was the Chunin Exam arc" Nukid ranted.

"But what I think made this turn off many from Naruto is that they realised something…something I can completely understand." Nukid sighed, shaking his head.

"When many saw the Chunin Exam arc, they realised Naruto wasn't a show about Ninjas…they more likely felt it was just a generic Dragonball wannabe."

Number 9…

Kisame's forced motives…

"Y'know, it's only when he's nearly dead did I realise that Kisame had been a pretty awesome character. He's like the blood knight of the Akatsuki, only caring about battle and mutilating people. That was okay on its own. Hell it worked for Hidan, why not Kisame?" Nukid shrugged.

"But what does Kishimoto do? He's gives him a backstory! And…it makes no fucking sense whatsoever."

"Supposedly, Kisame hates all the lies Ninjas tell each other and wishes to live in a world without lies…" Nukid frowned "well…ignoring the fact it's retarded on its own, why would Kisame care? His character has given no inclination before as to hating lies. In fact…he's seems more likely to enjoy the brutality of the Ninja world."

Cutaway gag…

Kisame and Itachi walked down a pathway, Kisame smiling merrily whilst Itachi face was emotionless. Kisame's sword Samehada was covered with blood and small bits of flesh.

"Ah, what a day! Nothing beats starting the morning with mutilating an entire platoon of Ninjas! God I love this world." Kisame cheered merrily. Itachi turned to his partner.

"Hmm. By the way Kisame, I lied to you about eating your egg this morning." Itachi said.

Kisame stopped in his track. He slowly turned to Itachi, tears streaming down both eyes.

"…H…how could you?…..You….YOU MONSTER! I HATE YOU AND THIS WORLD!"

End gag…

"Long story short folks, this is number 9 because it is without a doubt the most forced backstory I've seen given to a villain" Nukid declared "it's pretty much proof that sometimes a bad guys doesn't need reason behind what he does…sometimes he does it for the fun of it."

"Amen to that Nukes" Oldkid chuckled, suddenly walking into the room and patting his human counterpart on the shoulder.

"Oldkid! What are you doing here?"

"Pfft. You planned a massive battle with fangirls and DIDN'T invite me? Shame on you Nukid. Shame on you." Oldkid scolded. He then turned to where he entered and waved

"well, gotta go Nukes! Those Naruto fanatics won't kill themselves…unless Kishimoto died before finishing the series…huh, that gives me an idea."

Number 8…

Sakura Haruno…

"If you're a Sakura fan…and gets offended easily, skip this one" Nukid said sternly "I'm not gonna hold back. Since the day I started watching Naruto, she has been a big problem for me."

"Now, women in anime, just like most forms of fiction, could be improved on. Frankly most female characters fall into several degrading categories, and an unfortunate case is that they're usually used for fanservice." Nukid explained. "there are exceptions of course. There's Kino from Kino's Journey, Revy from Black Lagoon, Lenalee from D Gray Man, most of the Sailor Moon cast and the Haibane Renmei cast."

"Overall, I actually have to say Kishimoto does really well with female characters. Yea, he abuses the Tsundere archetype like a catholic preist abuses a little boy…."

(Crowd): BOOOOO!

"Sorry, sorry, I…kinda have to make a few catholic jokes…it's in my contract." Nukid said nervously "but anyway, Kishimoto at least gives most of his female characters either backstory, unique powers, or both! Hinata, TenTen, Tsunade, Anko & Kurenai are all great female characters! And one thing of note is that he doesn't put in loads of unnecessary fanservice, which I compliment him for."

"And yet…what does he create for the main female lead?…Sakura…Sakura"

"Be honest, at the start of the series, what are her two defining characteristics?" Nukid tapped his right hand twice with his fingers "she's madly in love with Sasuke…and she's a tsundere…not very good, is it? no backstory or good reason for being a Ninja"

"Now, that WOULDN'T bother me as much if she actually fought, but does she?…Haha, no. Her role in Naruto at the start is pretty much this."

Cutaway gag…

Naruto and Sasuke were stood side by side, facing a mob of Mist ninjas, whilst Sakura stood some distance away, her hands around her mouth.

"Sasuke! Naruto!" Sakura bellowed out "Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! SASUKE! NARUTO!"

"JESUS CHRIST, SHUT UP!" Naruto and Sasuke shouted back.

End gag…

"Even now, I can't understand why he gave so many cool powers to most of his female cast, but…didn't give one to the main female lead. He did try to sell off her 'excellent chakra control', but wouldn't technically all the characters with cool abilities have that as well? It's hardly anything worthy of note."

Nukied suddenly placed his right hand beside his ear "wait, what's that I ear avid Naruto lovers? Sakura matures and becomes less annoying? Sakura DOES gain her own powers and becomes useful in fights?"

"Yea, she does…for ten minutes."

"I mean yea, she does save Kankuro with her medic skills, and she does help defeat the Akatsuki member Sasori…but let me ask you, what has she done since then that's worthy of praise?…Nothing at all. She TRIED to stop Sasuke, and made a pigs ear of that."

"It's almost like Kishimoto knew after the timeskip, he would have to show her off to appease the fanbase. That would've been fine…had he NOT. GIVEN. UP!"

Cutaway gag…

We see Sakura Haruno, post timeskip, talking enthusiastically to her creator Masashi Kishimoto.

"Wow! I was so awesome against Sasori! I can't believe what cool powers I've gained over the timeskip!" Sakura said happily.

"That's great Sakura…" Kishimoto said. But then, he raised his arm and pointed to his right "…now get back in that kitchen."

End gag…

Nukid sighed "I hate to make fun of her character because…I'm trying to write a similar character in Zeo. In it, I have Princess Ursa, who wants to be strong and able to look after herself, but has problem doing so. The difference is I at LEAST give her backstory!"

"Honestly…I think this is why people prefer Naruto/Hinata to Naruto/Sakura. HINATA IS A BETTER CHARACTER! Why couldn't she have been the main female lead? I think she could've done an awesome job. Far more interesting than this pink haired whore."

"So that's Number 8, Sakura Haruno…seriously, Hinata would've been way better as the main female lead."

Number 7…

Destiny in Naruto…

"Destiny plays a big part in Naruto. It was first brought up during the Chunin Exam, when Neji fought Naruto. Neji believed that due to the restriction imposed on him by his clan, that everyone is bound by destiny and that they cannot change their fate." Nukid explained.

"Naruto retort is pretty much…"

"Screw Destiny! Life isn't written in stone! If you try, you can do anything!"

"I frankly love this. I love a "screw destiny" kind of plot. It's encouraging, heart-warming and coming from Naruto, makes perfect sense." Nukid said, before frowning "but after the time skip…this plot point comes up."

"Naruto is the child of Prophecy, who is destined to end the conflict in our world."

"W…what? But…before it was…"

"Screw Destiny! Life isn't written in stone! If you try, you can do anything!"

"But…now it's…"

"Naruto is the child of Prophecy, who is destined to end the conflict in our world."

"Ah…ah…"

"Screw Destiny! Life isn't written in stone!"

"…"

"…child of Prophecy, who is destined to end the conflict in our world."

"…Kishimoto…MAKE UP YOUR BLOODY MIND!"

"I mean, my god Kishimoto, this is storytelling 101. You support one morale, YOU DON'T SWITCH SIDES LATER! Either Destiny DOESN'T play a part in our lives, or it DOES play a part. Stick with one or the other!" Nukid bellowed.

"Now, I don't know about all of you, but I prefer with the former." Nukid shrugged "why? Because that morale fits beautifully with the story of Naruto overcoming persecution."

"Of course, THAT story is long gone. Now Naruto is only ninjas wanti-"

"Er, Nukes?" Dawn leaned out from beside the door "that's your Number 2 point."

"Oh, right, sorry. Got carried away. Well, moving on."

Number 6…

Naruto, post Two-year timeskip…

"So, Naruto has been gone for two years, training with Jiraiya so he can one day save Sasuke. What new and exciting techniques has Naruto learnt? What awesome powers will our hero show us when he returns in Part ?" Nukid asked excitedly.

"Well, he's improved his taijutsu, he's created a new Rasengan, learnt how to fight through genjutsu's, aaaand once went up to four tails in his Nine Tails form. What else though has he learnt?"

(Eerie silence…)

"…That's it. That's it. That's all he's done. Two years away, and that's all he's achieved over those two years…" Nukid took a deep breath "WHAT THE FU-"

2 Hours later…

Nukid downed a small cup filled with various colourful tablets. Wiping his mouth, Nukid looked forward again, calmer than before but still looking uncomfortable.

"…C..calmed down now, just…whenever I think about this one, I can't help but shake my head at how such potential was wasted there. And what makes it worse is that since then, Naruto has learnt a lot of powers. Rasenshuriken, Sage Mode etc. Why couldn't Naruto have learnt some of that during those two years?" Nukid demanded.

"I'll tell you why. Because Kishimoto is a whore for training arcs. It's just further proof along with the Chunin Exam that Naruto isn't really about Ninjas…it's about glorified fighters."

Number 5…

Filler…

"I really didn't want to put this in my list. It's such a cliché criticism, and I'm probably pointing out things most people don't notice" Nukid sighed "but…it's an unavoidable fact that Naruto has too much filler…even by Shonen standards."

"Filler is an unfortunate necessity when animating long running Shonen series. It's needed so it doesn't catch up too quickly to the manga, though that doesn't change the fact that half the time, it sucks. The writing is worse, the animation is less spectacular, and it's often boring." Nukid explained "there are exceptions, of course, but they're usually filler that only deterred us for a few episodes, not ten or twenty. Like…say…the Goku vs Vegeta fight in he Buu saga."

"Suffice to say, Naruto has a filler…a LOT of filler. In fact, I honestly feel it has too much filler. It doesn't need quite as much as it gives us. Of course, this wouldn't matter if the filler were interesting. Is it?"

Nukid shrugged "well, if you're definition of interesting is paint drying, I suppose."

"It's quite well known that there is around a 100 episodes of nothing but filler. W-why? I mean sure, it does open the world up a bit, but since It happened AFTER Sasukes betrayal, it made it feel like that everyone had just forgotten about him. Why couldn't they have just finished the anime and waited a while? It's insane I tell ya."

"Shippuden though only worsens the issues. Now, after every big arc, we get an almost equally long filler arc that'll most likely bore the fuck out of you. Hell, after the Pain invasion arc, they just gave us flashbacks to Part 1 as filler! That's just bloody lazy!"

Nukid placed his hand over his forehead "I'm probably sounding contradictory, aren't I? Look, filler is okay…if it's short and sweet. Only aim for around 5 episodes, 10 being the limit. We don't 20 episodes of filler Studio Pierrot. I-I-It's too much."

"Though to be fair, at least Kishimoto doesn't put filler in the actual manga!"

(Image of Naruto chapter 538 appears onscreen.)

"Kishimoto you son of a bitch."

Number 4…

Plot No Jutsu…

"You know when the creator creates a power or plot point that comes out of nowhere and feels like a Dues Ex Machina?" Nukid grinned "Kishimoto does that so often people gave it a nickname: Plot no Jutsu!" "There are so many instances of Plot No Jutsu, it's a goldmine of fail!" Nukid laughed "oh but which ones are the juciest? Which dues ex machinas make you slap your heads and go 'what the fuck did I just read?'"

"Well, it should come as no surprise that the single biggest Plot no Jutsu moment is chapter 449, or as I like to call it: 'Chapter WTF? You just ruined several dozen chapters of any meaning to it'." Nukid groaned "to those of you who aren't that far into Naruto, allow me to spoil the entire arc for you!"

"Basically, Pain invades Konoha and kills several characters, and not to mention dozens of other ninjas, along with blowing up the entire village. Naruto eventually arrives, they fight, Naruto wins, and then confronts a defenceless Pain."

"Naruto convinces Pain he's wrong in what he's doing, and the Akatsuki leader reforms-oh don't worry I will be getting to that in a minute-and what does Pain manage to do?"

"Bring back everyone he killed during the arc back to live…I am not joking."

"Ignoring the huge fact it makes all previous chapters in the arc MEANINGLESS, it just brings so many questions. Like, how? How can he bring people back to life? Why wasn't this miraculous power brought up before? Why can he only bring back those he killed? Why can he bring people only recently dead? Why can't he bring back former Akatsuki members who have been killed? Why can't he bring back his friends? I-I-It begs so many questions!"

Nukied sighed "of course, if it was just THAT moment, I would've have called this point 'Chapter 449'. No, there are several moments where a plot point is brought up that's just…so out of nowhere."

"I mean, just off the top of my head, there's Sasuke's countless new Sharingans. Sasuke's miraculous save from Deidara's mass suicide explosion, Sasuke's mind control power, Sasuke's new form of genjutsu, and…am I the only one noticing a pattern here?"

Number 3…

Gaara and Pain's Heel/Face turns…

"Bad guys turning good is another cliché in Shounen" Nukid went silent for a moment in ponder "well…more often than not they don't turn good, it's just they and the good guys develop a similar goal…"

(Image of the Varia from Hitman Reborn! appears onscreen)

"…Or you find out they're not as bad as you thought they were."

(Image of Mukuro Rokudo from Reborn! appears onscreen)

"…don't give me those looks. I know some people think Mukuro will betray Tsuna, but it's not happened yet." Nukid stated.

"However, there are cases where the bad guy does reform into a better person, but these are much harder to do. The transition and reform from evil to good must be done carefully, and most importantly, slowly. It cannot happen overnight. A good example of this is Vegeta, from Dragonball Z. It took him most of the series to reform into a genuinely good person, and it was well paced and believable."

"As you've already guessed, Gaara and Pain were not."

"The thing is, both Gaara and Pain had both suffered intense psychological trauma and both had gone insane because of it. One had a warped sense of creating peace, while the other simply wanted to slaughter everyone." Nukid explained "and yet, what happens to them?"

"Naruto gives them both a speech each, and they completely change…in the space of a few minutes."

"No..nonono Kishimoto. It doesn't work like that. It worked for Neji yes, but he WAS sane. These two are genuinely screwed in the head. It should take both of them years to recover from that, and more than just a speech from a blonde haired boy with ADD."

"It'S seriously annoying how Kishimoto thinks mental health works. The next time you see Gaara after his "reform", he's practically OOC. Caring, calm, dependable and very stable. And what's worse, that's only down to Naruto beating him and telling how awesome friendship is. It makes you wish mental rehabilitation worked like that in real life."

Cutaway gag…

Nukid stood in a room, standing over X Prodigy who was sat in a chair. X had his hands wrapped around his body, his body rocking back and forth.

"Hehehe, because of my horrible childhood, I want to slaughter everyone!" X cackled.

"Dammit man! Pull yourself together!" Nukid roared. He then began to slap X Prodigy in the face several times over "TASTE. THE. POWER. OF. FRIENDSHIP!"

When Nukid stopped slapping him, X Prodigy rose from his seat, a smile beneath his mask "wow! Thanks Nukes! The power of friendship has instantly reformed me! I now see how beautiful the world is and…and…" X prodigy groaned "…okay, I've done your bloody sketch. Now give me my twenty quid."

End gag…

Number 2…

Ninjas Wanting Peace…

"I can already guess some peoples reaction" Nukid rolled his eyes "'Oh Nukid, going on about Ninjas Wanting Peace again? That's so annoying! Why do you keep going on about that? You should just go die.'"

"To those people, fuck you. I have legitimate reasons for hating this idea of Ninjas striving for peace."

"Now, I'm all up for an anti-war story…a GOOD anti-war story. I hate to watch a bad one."

(Image of Gundam Wing appears onscreen)

Nukid shivered "point is, if the writer attempting this is great, it can be interesting…and there's the first problem. Kishimoto is not a great writer. I mean he's good, bit of a cheeseball, but I don't believe he is capable of tackling a subject like world peace."

"To be fair, Kishimoto does do one thing right. Obviously holding hands and dancing in a circle cannot create world peace. Kishimoto does acknowledge that." Nukid nodded "but there are two big questions that he seems unable to answer."

"Question number 1: What solutions does Kishimoto offer to creating peace? Kishimoto goes on and on about how the 'cycle of hatred' can be broken and peace can be found between the neighbouring villages…but does he offer a solution? Nope."

"I suppose some will argue that he'll answer this towards the end, but I'm 95% certain the answer will be something like the 'we must all become friends' or 'we must all learn to understand one another'. Remember, Kishimoto is a cheeseball." Nukid reminded

"Question number 2 is far more significant: If the Ninjas do find peace…what will happen to their economy?"

"Think back to the start of the series, when we're introduced to the various ranked missions. A C mission alone entail body guarding someone on their trip, which implies they may get attacked, so god knows what a B, A or S mission would entail!" Nukid explained

"Now here's the problem. If the Ninja world DOES achieve peace…won't all those jobs go away? Sure, they may be a few to fend off bandits and such, but all those big missions will go away because the villages are now buddy buddy with each other!"

"Just imagine it. All the Ninja villages would slowly lose income, the buildings going to ruin and decay. The families would starve and become homeless because there were no missions for them to go on. Sooner or later, they'd have to leave their villages and give up being ninjas. And then? AND THEN?" Nukid banged his fist on the table "AND THEN THEY'D ALL HAVE TO GO WORK IN TESCO!"

"…Okay, that…last point probably won't happen." Nukid shrugged "the point I'm trying to make is that it's a gaping plot hole. I respect people trying to encourage peace in their works, but the problem with Naruto's setting is that it THRIVES on conflict! They NEED conflict! Without conflict, they've got no work!"

"Oh, and you know what the icing on this is?" Nukid asked rhetorically "the way the stories going, it's setting it up to be like Madara Uchiha is the cause of all the current worlds problems, and once he dies there'll be peace between the villages…yeah, right."

"If anything, this is a lesson to aspiring writers." Nukid pointed out "Know. Your. Limits. Kishimoto did not know his limits, and he tried to tackle a subject he could not handle."

Number 1…

The Naruto/Sasuke relationship…

"There are…several reasons why this is the stupidest thing about Naruto, I'm a little at loss at where to start" Nukid admitted, "the thing is, it's not just Sasuke, despite what most people feel. I think Naruto himself is a part of this problem."

"I'll start from how I used to feel about Naruto." Nukid nodded "there was a time when Naruto was about a young boy, overcoming the persecution of his village, screwing destiny, and one day becoming Hokage to prove his worth. This was the story I grew to love at one point."

"This is not what Naruto is about anymore."

"Let's be honest, for most of Shippuden, the persecution Naruto suffered as a child was barely mentioned, and Naruto's dream of becoming Hokage is never mentioned at all!" Nukid growled "oh, but some of you will say 'but Nukid, that's just a sign that he's developed as a character and he's changed as a person!'"

"I'd accept this…if his reasons for doing so weren't complete horseshit."

"What is Naruto's goal now? To get back the friend who up till then, really didn't get along." Nukid shrugged "I get that they respected each other and cared about each other…but were they 'best friends' or 'brothers' as Kishimoto claims them to be? No, frankly they barely came off as friends."

"This is the problem with Naruto now. His reasons for obsessing over Sasuke are weak and…his obsession itself is pretty damn creepy. Suffering a beating to protect him, collapsing at the thought of him being killed, and then claiming he'll kill Sasuke and himself together…" Nukid bit his nails nervously.

"Y'know, those Naruto/Sasuke fangirls aren't sounding so stupid right now."

Cutaway gag…

We see Naruto and Sasuke, facing each other in the midst of the great battle against Madara. Both were at their strongest, and both stared daggers at each other, ignoring the rising conflict around them.

"Sasuke! We've crossed paths many times up till now, but here's where it ends!" Naruto proclaimed, pointing at Sasuke "today, I will bed you!"

"Bring it on Naruto. Today I will cut you do-" Sasuke stopped and stared with confusion "did you say 'bed me'?"

"I meant beat you! BEAT YOU! I-I-I-I-I'm straight. Really."

End gag…

"Before anyone accuses me though, I'm not homophobic, so I wouldn't be bother personally if that did actually happen" Nukid shrugged "but, let's face it, it would be a dumb move on Kishimoto's part. He'd pretty much lose his entire fanbase with a single chapter."

"Of course, that's not the worst part. Oh no, Naruto may be obsessive and lost his originally reasons for…well, existing, but Sasuke is far, far worse."

"At the star of the series, I actually liked Sasuke." Nukid admitted, "sure he was cold, but he was caring towards people. Sure he was arrogant, but you could argue he had right to be. He had one of the best and most tragic pasts in the series, and you saw that he did change of the course of the series into a more friendly person."

"And I LOVED IT when Sasuke betrayed the Leaf Village. It was fitting, and it cumulated into one of the best arcs in Naruto. After, I was psyched to see how Sasuke would be in Part II. I imagined that he'd be more determined than ever to kill Itachi…but he would still care for his former comrades, and that he'd be internally conflicted about the choices he had made."

"But what did we get? An emotionless, uncaring to his friends, practically OOC Sasuke that pretty much stuck a third finger towards over 200 chapters worth of character development…I died a little inside when I realised this."

"The more I looked into it, the more I realised this new Sasuke was something I'd have expected from a fanfic writer with a bias against Sasuke. A writer who ignored his good points and the character development he received during Part I" Nukid said sadly "really, WHAT happened to all that character development? Kishimoto showed he CARED for his friends…but ever since part II that's all gone"

"And the more and more this series goes on, the less likeable he becomes, and this is made worse by the fact he's in the series 90% of the time. Even Naruto fans are begging for his death, which I can't believe Kishimoto intended" Nukid pointed out "why? Because he keeps forcing this 'super special relationship' between Sasuke and Naruto down our throats like we're supposed to give a damn about them both."

"But that's impossible for me man. This is what my Top 2 points boil down to. While I can still enjoy this series time to time, especially if Kakashi or Killer B is involved, Kishimoto has so fucked up his two main characters, along with forcing down this preachy anti war story…well…" Nukid mumbled, scratching his head.

"I have…no emotional investment to the story. To put it blunty, I don't care what happens anymore. I don't care if Naruto survives, I don't care if Sasuke survives, I don't care if the Ninja world gets there oh so wonderful peace. The themes of the story and main character are so screwed up now I just don't give a damn anymore."

Nukid sighed "and you know what the worst part is? I once did care. A lot"

Due to the relentless attacks from the infuriated Naruto fanatics, the Author Fighters had been forced to retreat inside their HQ. At the front entrance, we see Range24, X Prodigy and AdventChild101 piling up furniture next to the barred front door, pressing more and more weight to it. It seemed to be in vain though, as the doors continued to bump violently.

"Dammit! I've never seen such a relentless force!" Range exclaimed, stacking another closet next to the door.

"This barricade won't hold for much longer. At this rate we'll be torn to pieces by those mad berserkers" X growled, a hint of fear in his voice.

"I can't die yet!" Advent cried "I haven't killed everyone I wanted to kill!"

"Fear not, my friends" the three authors turned around and saw Nukid walking casually towards them "those fanatics will go no further."

"Nukid! This is all your fault, you idiot!" X snarled "if you hadn't pissed them off we wouldn't be in this situation if it hadn't been for you!"

"I know what I have done, and the strain I have put on all of you" Nukid said "that is why I will end it now. Ranger, open the door. I will go out there alone and surrender myself to them."

"Have you been shot in the head again?" Ranger said with disbelief "they'll just kill you! Slowly and painfully!"

Nukid nodded "if that is the case, then so be it."

"Idiot, I won't you go alone!" X proclaimed, raising his firearms "if you're going to hell, I'll go guns blazing with you!"

"Same here. I don't abandon comrades" Ranger stated, stepping forward.

"I'll just stay in here and watch you all die." Advent added, smiling.

"I thank you all…except Advent, but I must go alone. You all have lives to live. I on the other hand have made an epic rant against Naruto. My life is complete."

Nukid walked away from the shocked authors, towards the barricaded door. He quickly pushed aside the barricade, and opened the front door. He took a single step outside, slowly starting to close the door.

Before he closed it, Nukid turned back to his friends, smiled and said.

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid. I remember because you're all id…" Nukid sighed "…you know what? I'm the one that pissed off the Naruto fanbase. I'm the idiot."

And then, the door closed.