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Note: To all of you who have been reading along with my writing, I've done a major edit, and I reorganized the chapters properly. So you might want to review ;)

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By the time I awoke, we had reached the Shore Leave planet and the crew was dispersing for some much-needed rest.

The captain, however, was planning on forgoing the pleasures the world below afforded. As I regained consciousness, I could hear his thoughts concerning his days of leave. He knew would get little rest if he remained with me. However, his loyalty would not allow that to dissuade him from choosing to care for me.

'You can stay in my room so that you're nearby in case of emergency,' Jamie told Kalia as I became aware of my surroundings. 'I'll give you the lock code for both bathroom doors. Please make sure you're discreet when you monitor us. Spock could hurt you if he perceives you as a threat.'

'Of course, Captain. Neither of you will be able 'see' me unless you are in jeopardy. But I will be no more than a thought away if you need me.' Kalia's voice was confident and calm.

At this point, my captain noticed I was awake. Keeping to his promise from earlier, he immediately came to my side and touched me.

He gently encased my hand in cool, soft skin, which sent a wave of pleasure through me. I shivered, but did not open my eyes, as I wanted to concentrate on the feelings flowing into me from the bond.

Curiously, Jamie's touch left me both satisfied and wanting more. Thoughts of sexual congress took over my mind with an ease that surprised me. My captain, however, only smiled through the bond before turning his attention back to our counselor.

As I listened to my bondmate finalize the contigency plans with Kalia, I wondered if I would feel the intense pleasure during sex that so many beings obsessed about. Emotions were so new to me that I was not positive my mind could interpret those derived from physical sensations accurately. And yet, the touch of his hand had been so enjoyable...

Amused by my ponderings, Jamie leaned over me and kissed the tip of my ear gently before whispering, 'You haven't seen anything yet, my best.'

That small contact brought forth the hungers within me. I could feel the need to mate and the need to take both pulling at my mind.

But my needs were mere white noise under the strength of Jamie's presence, which was once again focused on me.

That presence bade me to open my eyes.

Obeying his command, I found bright hazel eyes gazing at me.

'How do you feel?'

I blinked, not sure how to answer the question appropriately. I did not want to disappoint him at this juncture. There was much at stake for us both.

Jamie shook his head with a sigh. 'It's just us, my best. There is no 'appropriate' response between us, other than the truth.'

His words made me pause. I was surprised that he did not want me to manufacture a response for him. His attitude went against everything my father had taught me.

Jamie sent a wave of exasperation through the bond and reminded me that things had changed.

At his bidding, I reviewed the last six months and realized that I had not mimicked any response for him since I discovered his identity. He had always asked me for the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it might make him. This fact made his request much more logical. 'I feel sexual hunger...and need. But most of all, I feel a desire to connect to you.'

'Then I will make sure we take care of all of those.' My mate smiled softly. 'Just as soon as I satisfy Bones.'

I raised my eyebrow as his words produced in me an inclination to point out his illogic. 'When did McCoy become more important than myself?'

Jamie chuckled, understanding my attempt at humor. 'If you don't want him bursting in here at a rather inopportune time, he must come first.' He ran a medical tricorder over me, then put its memory chip in my computer. 'Okay, I'm finished. If Bones doesn't like the results, he can complain tomorrow.'

After making sure the data was sent to sickbay, my best friend sat next to me on the bed. 'Now, let's see what we can do for you.'

With no other warning, Jamie wrapped an arm around me and kissed me in the way of humans.

It was a most curious sensation, this touching of lips. The action affected me in odd ways.

First, I noticed that our connection opened completely. I could feel Jamie's every thought (his most prominent being a desire to make me feel pleasure) and every feeling (he received copious amounts of gratification by being this close to me).

Then I noticed my own reactions. Physically, I felt heated, even though I was pressed against his cool body. But even in my warm state, I began to shiver as the touch of his hand on my cheek and neck sent me into tiny convulsions.

Emotionally, I began to worry. Would I lose consciousness? My thoughts were becoming dull as I began focusing on the sensations, both strange and pleasurable. I couldn't do anything under the onslaught. Perhaps I was incapable of responding correctly.

'Shh, you're doing fine,' Jamie said into the bond. 'That's the way it's supposed to feel.'

He guided me within his mind until I could see how overwhelming the kiss was for him. He felt light-headed and quite aroused, just as I did.

So I allowed the kiss to continue into another, and yet another. This soon brought forth my hungers, aching to be fed by this being who declared himself mine.

His essence called to me and my mind reached to engulf it. My hands tore at his uniform tunic. I was hungrier than I had ever been in my life.

I wanted to absorb him totally. I needed to take him into me.

I would drain him until there was nothing left.

'No!' I yelled, pulling away from our kiss and falling off the bed in my haste. I could not, I would not do this. Taking what I needed from him could mean his death.

His death would destroy me.

'Find me someone else,' I pleaded softly as I looked up into Jamie's shocked face, expressing an emotion I had not felt since I was four.

Terror.

'Spock, what's wrong?' Jamie reached for me, but I would not let him take my hand.

'If I do this, you will die,' I said as calmly as I could, but my controls were gone. My voice shook and I began to hyperventilate.

Trying to calm my distress, Jamie sat on the floor and sent soothing waves through the bond.

'Take a deep breath, Spock. You're starting to choke,' my captain said softly, bringing my focus to the logical and helping me achieve the distance from my emotions that allowed them to calm.

After a few minutes of stillness, I sat up.

'Now, can you listen to me?' Jamie asked quietly.

When I nodded, he said, 'I wouldn't do this unprepared, my best. Even if I didn't happen to like my life the way it is, I would never put you in that position.' He took off his ripped shirt and leaned back on his arms so he could watch my expression. 'Kalia's been teaching me how to take care of your need.'

'And what of my pon farr?'

'I've handled rough sex in my time. And just to make sure I was prepared, I asked your mother how rough it gets.' He blushed at this. 'She also gave me some advice on how to have a good sex life with a Vulcan.'

I quirked my eyebrow curiously.

'No. I'm not telling you everything she said. Maybe in thirty years, after I get over the embarrassment. Your mother can be rather blunt.' Jamie laughed, but it was not as much from mirth as from...discomfort.

I attempted to ease his distress with logic. 'I trust you will find the information useful. Mother does not concern herself with trivialities.'

'How can she?' Jamie gave me a sincere grin this time. 'She has had two very stubborn Vulcans to care for. Yes, her advice was quite practical. In fact, her first point applies right now. She told me to 'never let him run away, no matter how logical his excuse.''

I stared at him, wondering at the appropriateness of my mother's words.

'She knew you'd be scared.' Jamie reached for my hands and this time I let him fold them within his own.

I took a moment to process his words, then asked, 'Are you truly prepared for this?'

'One hundred percent. And we're not alone.' He pointed to the bathroom door. 'Kalia will get me out if you're more than I can handle.'

'Please utilize her if the need arises.' I requested as I started to accede to his wishes by slowly loosening the tight reign over my needs. 'I would rather you lived than I.'

'It's both or neither of us, Spock,' Jamie insisted. 'Kalia will do what's necessary if this doesn't work. Her plan is mate with you if I can't. Afterward, we can consult a healer.'

I nodded, acknowledging the logic of this course. Then I trembled as my body suddenly released a rush of hormones.

'Come on, my best. Back into bed.' Jamie stood, and pulled me up by our linked hands. 'Let's get undressed before you decide to destroy your clothes as well as mine.'

I let him remove my meditation robe, then simply watched him as he disposed of his trousers and boots.

The sight of his toned body caused my arousal to grow. Curiously, the strength of my arousal was mirrored by the intensity of his smile.

'We'll be fine,' Jamie whispered reassuringly as he pulled me into the bed with him. As if he feared my escape, he instantly locked his arms around me and shifted my weight until it was evenly distributed along his body.

Once he could embrace me fully, he kissed me again. This time, I felt my thoughts dim quickly and my arousal grow so rapidly that I growled like a sehlat when he pulled away to catch his breath.

'That's it,' Jamie moaned softly. Although the focus of my awareness was the pounding of my own heart, I still felt satisfaction at the sounds and the scent of his arousal. In his need, he gripped me painfully, but rather than being irritated, I was further aroused by his loss of control.

Reaching for him through the bond, I was met by the full force of my mate's being. I could feel his insistence that we touch minds, that I take him into me.

So I did. I let the hunger in me loose. I let my mind surround his, much as it did when we were children. But this time, instead of giving comfort, I took his essence into me.

His fear, worry, and hope were easily absorbed. But when I encountered his desire and love, my hunger increased tenfold. My need forced me to drink in as much of these emotions as I could.

I heard Jamie moan and felt his body rubbing against me. 'More...' he gasped when I gathered what little control I had and paused to evaluate his condition. Not understanding my concern, he protested. 'Don't leave me like this!' He wrapped himself around me in an effort to entice me back into his mind.

'I need to evaluate your safety...' I protested weakly.

'This is the safest place I could ever be. Let me feel you!' Jamie's mind reached out to mine, pulling me into him once again, and flooding me with emotions.

I moaned and shook, overwhelmed by the gift he was giving me. I absorbed all of his feelings, and yet when I prepared to stop, I found more. It was an endless bounty. With my control completely gone, I gorged myself on him.

My body sought to assuage its need at the same time. Dimly, I felt myself thrusting down into my mate, stimulating us both physically. As this combined with the pleasure of drinking in Jamie's essence, I quickly found myself tensing in a way that had nothing to do with anger or worry.

My mate encouraged me to keep taking until suddenly, an overwhelmingly strong burst of pleasure came at me and he trembled in my arms.

That burst sent off a chain reaction in me. I drank it in and it suffused through me, causing the tension in me to build until my mind exploded from it. I heard myself yell out as if in pain, but inside me, the pleasure was so strong that I never wanted it to end.

It took some minutes until the agonizing joy subsided enough to allow me to focus. But when reason returned, my first thought was for my mate. Did he survive the explosion of my mind?

When I opened my eyes and met Jamie's bright gaze, he laughed softly. '*That* was supposed to hurt?'

I blinked as I realized he was completely unharmed except for some fatigue. 'I have only been able to take from Kalia without hurting her.'

'Probably because she gave, just as I did,' Jamie murmured as he caressed my cheek. 'The others resisted. But there was nothing that you took that I didn't want to give you.'

'You are well?' I asked to assure myself that what I saw before me was not an illusion.

'Mmhmm. Haven't felt better.' Jamie kissed me softly. 'But we should get some rest. Your hormones will be demanding more of that in a little while.'

'But I do not understand how this is possible.'

'I know, my best. Sleep with me and I'll explain it the next time we rest. I've known your need couldn't hurt me since that day I went off with Petra.'

I raised my eyebrow, but Jamie shook his head with a grin. 'Sleep first. I don't want to have to admit to Bones that I was bested in bed by my novice bondmate.'

Amused, I closed my eyes and settled in Jamie's arms. In his embrace, I realized I once again had the gift that I had discovered as a child.

I had come home.

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end part 13

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My mate's arms were still around me when I awoke in the morning. His relaxed state of mind kept me in bed and comfortably against him even though we were scheduled for bridge duty during delta shift.

I was not distressed by my lack of initiative, however. For I could feel that Jamie wanted us to spend some time together before the necessary distraction of ship's business separated us.

'What do you need?' he asked softly as I shifted to face him. He watched me carefully but calmly. His eyes enticed me closer. His want of me vibrated within the bond.

'All of you.' I growled softly, responding to his arousal with my own. My arms wrapped around him without conscious thought.

Jamie smiled, pleased by my reaction. 'Take what you want. All that I am belongs to you.'

With his agreement, I rolled my mate onto his back and kissed him fiercely in order to indulge my physical need. My mind, demanding satisfaction as well, slid into his. Jamie's essence greeted me eagerly, letting go of whatever emotions I reached for.

I drank of him without hesitation and filled myself. I only stopped when strong waves of physical arousal flowed over the bond. My mating cycle demanded its due now that my mental need was calmed.

'Mmmm.' Jamie opened his eyes as I pulled back from our kiss. His smile was relaxed and content. 'It feels so good when you do that. I imagine that you're pulling me into yourself and holding me safe.'

I narrowed my eyes as his metaphor reminded me of another time and another place. 'As I did when we were in the shed.'

He nodded without the usual distress we had when we thought of that day. The signals from him led me to the conclusion that although those events would disturb us for the rest of our lives, we could also be content with their result, the bond between us.

'Your actions saved me, my best,' Jamie whispered into my hair. 'How can I not be content with that?'

He shifted me onto my back. 'Now let me take you and keep you safe within me.' I was surprised when he grabbed a bottle from the table beside the bed and coated my sexual organ with the slick liquid it contained.

We had not achieved sexual congress the night before, as my mental need had driven me fiercely. So when I looked into his eyes, unsure of what to do, my mate leaned down for a kiss. 'Let me guide you,' he requested softly.

'I do not understand this hunger,' I replied with a growl in my voice. My need compelled me to clutch at Jamie, but he was not bothered by the strength of my grip. In fact, he seemed pleased.

To convince me of this, he straddled my legs.

'I know what to do, my love.' His hands burned a trail of fire as they ran down my chest. 'Relax. Feed off me if you want to. But let me make you feel good.'

With another kiss, he straightened, then slid my penis within himself. He was correct in his choice of metaphors. I not only felt intense pleasure, but I also felt safe, as if he had wrapped me in himself.

I instinctively drank in Jamie's contentment, making him gasp.

His joy increased mine to the point where I was unaware of anything but him. His thoughts and feelings all converged upon me. I drank from him as he satisfied our physical needs. The bond hummed as we created feedback loops of pleasure within us.

This went on for hours, as my mating cycle demanded. Although I was initially concerned for his stamina, Jamie proved more than sufficient for my needs. Only when my body was exhausted did he eat an energy bar from my cabinet, then curl around me to rest.

But we did not sleep. Our minds were full of thoughts of each other and our experiences together.

I found his thoughts confusing, however. They were difficult to interpret, as I did not have his frame of reference. So, as he held me, he explained his reactions to me over the last few months.

'When I joined the ship, I was pretty sure that I could help you. The bond had tried to reconnect so many times before that I was convinced you wanted to be with me. But you felt so cold when I met you that...Well, I had to spend a few minutes telling myself that being with you was worth it even if you never felt anything for me.

'I knew I had to tread lightly. There was a fragility to you that I didn't expect. You were in so much pain, but were utterly unaware of it. It made me want to curse Sarek like I did when I found out about the infection.

'And when you broke down, I was terrified. You were so disconnected that I thought I might have come too late. But you made progress from the very beginning. It was slow at first, but I did my best to be patient. I told myself that if you were able to relate to me at all, it was enough.

'But I wanted more. I wanted you to be with me like you were in my dreams. To be honest, though, I didn't think it was possible...until I went off with Petra.' He caressed my arm as he paused thoughtfully.

'I caused you distress when you were with her,' I suggested as I reviewed the hints he had given me previously.

Jamie shook his head. 'I wasn't distressed. You were.'

I remembered my thoughts during that event, along with the emotions I had felt but could not interpret. 'I did not like that you were with another.'

Jamie squeezed my hand gently. 'I could feel your pain. It was so strong that I had to leave Petra even before we got started.'

I had interrupted the satisfaction of his need. As I realized the discomfort I had caused him, an unfamiliar emotion, guilt, made my cheeks turn green.

But he shook his head before I could apologize for my transgression. 'Don't blame yourself. I may not have gotten any sex that night, but you gave me something better.

'I caught a glimpse of the real you, the part of your being that connected to mine. I saw my mate for the first time, and you were beautiful.

'And you were as jealous as hell. You pulled at me and tried to draw my emotions into you. I could tell you couldn't stand feeling me focused on someone else. Your attempt to distract me was so successful that I had no choice but to leave Petra. All I could think of was you.

'Your jealousy convinced me that we could be lovers. So I decided then that I would give up my liaisons for you. I knew it wouldn't be easy. Sex was an integral part of my life, and I had gotten used to indulging myself pretty regularly. But I could see that you didn't have a clue about that side of yourself.

'So I gave them up slowly. At first because I didn't want to create more conflict in you. You already had so much to deal with, and I tend to get irritable when I'm without sex. Quitting all at once wouldn't have been good for either of us.

'To make sure you didn't get too jealous, I'd satisfy my physical needs quickly, then I'd come to you. I chose sexual partners I wouldn't get attached to so that I needed you afterwards, to get my emotional fix, if you will.' He chuckled. 'You took the bait without knowing. From the first day I did that, I could feel part of you reaching for me, trying to give me what they couldn't. And you just blossomed before my eyes. You had to get in touch with your own emotions to help me with mine.'

Jamie kissed the tip of my ear as his joy flowed along the bond. 'I couldn't bear being away from you after that. Hell, I could barely sleep when we parted those nights. Our conversations made me think of all the things I wanted to do with you. But I knew I couldn't rush you, so I did my best to keep my ideas to myself until you were ready. And I ruthlessly suppressed my baser nature around you. I could feel the bond sending you signals about my condition, even though you couldn't read my thoughts. I didn't want my desires confusing you while you were learning about yourself.

'As time went on, though, my thoughts became more sexual, even though my control was as strong as ever. I figured you were starting to return my feelings and the bond was sending them to me. So I cut down my liasions even further. But I knew I had to wait to tell you how I felt. Pushing you into a sexual relationship before you were interested could have done you harm. So I watched for a sign that you were ready. Kalia believed your pon farr was that sign. When she said so, I jumped at the chance to be with you.'

He nuzzled my neck. The affection I felt from him compelled me to wrap my arms around him as I explained, 'I did not understand sexuality until now. But as we became friends, I became curious about it. I wished to know the pleasure you gave your partners.'

'I hope I've satisfied your curiousity.' Jamie smiled.

'Most certainly. But I am afraid I am no longer willing to share you with others.'

My mate laugh as he felt my intention to tease. 'Don't worry, my best. I am yours for life. I always was, you know. Those people were just to practice on until you were ready.'

I acknowledged this truth before focusing on another concern. 'How did you know you could withstand my need for emotions?'

Jamie began answering my question with one of his own. 'Do you realize how much that need has been reduced since I came on board?'

I nodded. 'It is at the lowest that it has ever been.'

Jamie caressed my hair. 'That's because you've been feeding from me every day.'

'I have not.' My voice was sharp. I was rather offended that he believed I would do that without his permission.

'Yes, you have.' Jamie chuckled. 'You're doing it right now. It's not enough to hurt even the weakest of people, but I think it's enough to help stablize you and keep you healthy. You only need more when you're stressed. But don't let that fact stop you from feeding from me whenever you want.'

I looked into my mind, which was no longer the dark, shadowy place it once was. I did not have to fight to interpret my own emotions, as I had in the past. Nor was I blocked from seeing my mate's. He was correct, there was a slow stream of feelings going from his mind to mine, giving me a sense of calm. My being was taking from his as if it was entitled to.

'You are, my best. You can take whatever you want, whenever you want it.' Jamie pushed more emotions toward me, halting my attempt to stop the stream.

'My father would object to this,' I said softly as I left the bed and stood up, needing to put some space between us. 'His code has been my guide these many years, and it has been an adequate aide.'

Jamie tried to soothe me through the bond. 'I know Sarek had planned your life for you. He did a good job, too. You were surviving incredibly well.'

He rose and faced me. 'But that's all you could do, survive. I was stuck, too, until I came to the Enterprise.

'The bond has freed us from that impasse, though. We have both grown so much that Sarek's rules no longer apply. Just as my guidelines about who to have sex with no longer apply to me.'

'Then what does apply?' I asked, feeling as if I no longer had a tether to the universe, nothing to direct my behavior. This was frightening for me, as I had never been alone like this before.

'You aren't alone, Spock. You'll never be alone again.' Jamie kissed my shoulder before explaining, 'Most humans take each day as it comes and adapt.'

He held up his hand as I started to protest. 'I know you need a structure. So let's create one. What do you think the rules should be?' He guided me to a chair and sat on the floor before me. 'Tell me.'

'I should look to you for guidance in social situations.' I said softly, acknowledging his wisdom in this area.

My mate nodded with a smile. 'But don't ignore your instincts. Your arguments keep Bones in line better than I ever could.'

His compliment warmed me as I continued. 'Surak's teachings should be used to control my emotions.'

This, Jamie accepted solemnly, as he understood the Vulcan need for logic. However, he would not let it get in the way of our growth.

'Except around me. I want to be able to access your true feelings. They're the best information to use when you're confused about others' emotions. And I need to feel your love.' He rubbed my leg softly.

'And I need to feel yours. But I do not want to hurt you.' I bowed my head, still chagrined by my lack of control during my need.

'Have I shown any signs of pain when you fed from me?' Jamie asked logically.

'No, but I have hurt others.'

'Because they resisted. So we should institute a few rules for me as well. The first of them is to not resist when you are feeding. Of course, I won't.' He chuckled. 'It feels too good. If I don't resist, then you mustn't stop taking from me.'

He thought for a moment as he took my hand. 'I think that's enough rules for now. We can make others as we need. Are you okay with what we have so far?'

'I will obey your code,' I agreed, sending my contentment through the bond.

Jamie sent his joy back to me. 'Our code, my best.' He raised himself up to his knees and kissed me softly. 'Time for you to report to McCoy. He's worried about you. He wasn't sure what pon farr would do to that hybrid body of yours. I'll be on the bridge, checking in with everyone else.'

'I will join you there when I am finished in sickbay, Captain.' I said formally.

Jamie stood and kissed me again. 'I'll be waiting, my love.'

With one last wave of affection along the bond, we started our day, the first day of our life together.

end part 14 and story