So I've been wanting to write this for a while and have been on a MAJOR Ed Edd n Eddy kick lately...so here it is. Read if you don't mind child rape, yaoi and me destroying anything that was ever good about your childhood.

Also, to those of you who read Homunculus, I'm sorry!! I'm working on it!! Don't give up hope, my children, for I am here for you and I shall hold you to my bosom.

It had been a split-second abduction. There had been no planning, no preparation, no foresight; just the raw instinct that told him he had a damn sweet deal in front of him and he'd be a fool not to take it.

The day had been cold and windy with the approach of winter. The dead leaves skittered against the pavement of the school parking lot like burnished roaches. And he had been lounging in his idling car nearby as the bell rang for school to get out. The doors opened and the brick building practically exploded with kids trying to make their way home, clawing over each other, yelling, screaming.

"God bless `em," he had muttered fondly, flicking his cigarette to the asphalt via his rolled-down car door window. He had always felt a connection with kids. That, of course, is why he had the job he did.

And, as habit goes, he was scanning each one of them, thinking maybe they might be worth something. So far, not so much luck.

There were a couple of older-looking kids...

One foreign, but definitely not in an exotic way. Another following close behind, cocking his baseball cap to the side with a grin. A girl trailing behind them...pretty, but he recalled the boss saying they had enough broads. A dark-skinned bald kid clutching a piece of wood (he laughed to himself at the innuendo)...Followed by a cream puff-looking kid with bad teeth, and another girl, this one much less pretty, with her flaming red hair and wide mouth.

The talent wasn't too impressive round these parts.

Last but not least, a trio of boys. They looked like they had been shoved to the side in the mad rush for the door, judging by their scuffed-up clothes and angry, hurt, and otherwise confused expressions. There was a big one...goofy looking even for a kid approaching puberty. Leading the trio was a short stubby boy, too rough and rotund to be a potential target.

But, hello.

The last kid was following them in their run, panting to keep up with them. Well, boy howdy. That one was a keeper.

Obviously out of shape, which was good in terms of the imminent struggle. Out of shape, yes, but not as chubby as his other counterparts. A rounded face that indicated he still had quite a while before he looked like anything but a little boy, large eyes, and whisps of hair that bounced out from under his black beanie. Except for his face, he was slender in every aspect, if the thin shirt that sagged off his even thinner frame was any indication. His long, stick-like legs worked to catch up with his friends.

He nodded to himself, lit another cigarette, and watched.

Too good to pass up.

"Wait up, fellows!" Double D panted, waving an arm in protest as the other arm clutched at a multitude of books. His checkered tie flew behind him, and he hoped beyond all hope his hat wouldn't come off. Not that he was running THAT fast, mind you.

"Suck it, Sockhead!" Eddy shouted back at him, not slackening his pace. Ed's usual grin was set into a stern, if unknowing, expression.

"Double D can suck a sock for the sock is that which is on his head!" he bellowed in an attempt at an insult. Between his lack of intellect and kind heart, Ed never really could master the art.

"Eddy! I've apologized numerous times, need I do it again?!"

"Sure, but we ain't gonna be here to listen to your big mouth!" Eddy snatched Ed's collar and made an abrupt turn into the woods, a shortcut to the Cul-De-Sac. Double D lagged behind them and slowly brought himself to a halt, panting and wiping stinging sweat out of his eyes so he could stare at the spot where they had disappeared.

He admitted that he understood their anger...after all, the lunchtime scam that Eddy had devised would have gone off flawlessly if not for Double D's shortisghtedness. That was a first!!! He could still barely believe it. But, that was what had happened...his mind had been elsewhere and it had cost him...no, all of them, the scam. Not that THAT was what bothered him.

He hefted up his books to get a better grip on him, raised a foot to take a step, and was whipped off the ground by his wrist and never showed up at home.

Eddy stood in the Cul-De-Sac beside Ed, tapping an impatient foot and staring up at the darkening sky. All around, the kids dropped their bikes, skates, jump-ropes, and made their way to their houses. It was just that time of the evening, that time when the festivities had to end and preparations must be made for the next day.

"Hey Lumpy," Eddy hooked an arm around Ed's long neck and pulled him close, his eyes narrowed, "I ain't seen Sockhead since school got out. Where d'you think he went? He was s'posed to help us build a half pipe!"

"Yell we did at him, Eddy, and like a hurt puppy he probably crawled under his bed," Ed answered with a grin, one eye blinking after the other.

Eddy let go of Ed and stared toward Double D's dark house. What kind of sense did that make? Sure, he was angry at Double D, had yelled at him...but it was just an unspoken deal that the slender boy would catch up with them eventually and a grudging truce would emerge, and eventually be forgotten altogether as they worked on their next big scam. That's just the way it was. It's the way it always had been. So Double D's absence confused him...no, he wasn't worried yet.

Worrying was for chumps.

But he did make his way to Double D's house, with Ed following close by, and he peered into the window as if his sudden voyeurism would make the lights of the house switch on and Double D run to the door. It remained dark and motionless, even as he pounded on the door and rang the doorbell.

Yeah, that's it for now. I'm kind of half-assing this fic just because I wanted to see it written and don't want to spend a long time on it, and also I'm in the middle of finals and should really be working on that. But more to follow, I guess.