Disclaimer: I don't own Marimite. If I own it.. hmmnn.. probability shows that I won't be here..

Comments and criticism are allowed.. ty.. please don't be harsh.. awkei? Pretty please..

out of nowhere

(Sei)

"…I'm leaving," those were youko's last words and before I could do or say something the line was already cut.

Where is she going? Why is she leaving? Her voice seemed to be shaking.. ah.. Did something happen? But what could it be? Or... is it because of me? But... but what did I do? Ahh! My mind is starting to bleed again, why oh why? Again?! She did this to me a year ago, when she was off to college, that's her first reason when she said that she was leaving, but now? Where is the explanation when I need one! Darn it! But...... but why am I affected? Why am I affected that she's going to leave? She's just someone who wouldn't leave me alone, and I am the person whom she loves to meddle. She's my meddler, but... isn't it I should be glad that my only meddler is leaving?—No one would bother me; No one would block my way, but – ahh! I don't know. I really don't know what to do—

(Youko)

I cut the line, knowing that Sei will be asking my explanation.. I... I really can't explain it to her, I can't. The first time that I said to her that I'm leaving, was when i decided to study somewhere else, far from her, I just used a stupid reason—study!—for her not to think about anything else. I'm rude I know. I think about everything several times—gazillion times. I said it. Knowing her, hmmn, I know she won't run after me. Tomorrow is my flight, yes I'm leaving, off to Europe, not just to study but to leave her for good, I'm doing this for myself, and not for anything else. I know I'm being selfish, i'm unfair... but what is fair? If all your life you give it to someone yet that entire person is just merely wasting it. Too much drama... I want to end this now…

(Sei)

I think about so many things before i went to my car, I'll drive fast, as fast as i can, i need her explanation and I will do everything to get it. I deserve one. I know she's hiding something but what is it? And it is for me to know. How stupid, what is she thinking? I'm her friend... should I go to her or should i ask Eriko about it—she might know... but... what if she doesn't know anything? She's probably enjoying her romantic night with her husband—they got married a week ago.

My reverie was shut, when I bump into something. Aw! How my head hurts, i was thinking too much that I didn't notice the post in front of me. I rub my head with my hands. Still feeling the pain, I finally got into my yellow car. Then I start the engine, as the radiator kicks, I also stepped on the accelerator as hard as I can—yes! I'm a reckless driver, she always reminds me to slow down, to take everything as calm as possible, but now, i wouldn't do it, simply because of her. It's her fault... It's all her fault!

I gaze at my watch for a sec, it's past twelve, Christmas Eve had already passed, and memories start to flash on my mind. A stupid memory on that stupid train station, and that indeed made me cry, i regretted those parting memories with shiori and it sucks—but with her help, i manage to overcome everything, she's my armor, she was even my strength and now I don't want to have another parting memories... aw! But why is she leaving?

Oh, I can't... I really can't imagine myself away from her, but why? I'm asking myself insanely, what is this thing I'm feeling? I can't lose her not now. I still need her.

After some time, I stopped the car in front of her apartment. I ring the door for several times. And no one answered. Is she sleeping? I merely asked myself, but when i looked at her window, I saw the lights are still on, so I assumed that she's not yet in bed. So i pushed myself so hard, I ring the bell as many as I can. I really need her explanation.

(Youko)

My reverie was cut because of the non-stop ring on my doorbell. I was indeed annoyed by that person, who is now standing at the back of my door. I opened my door just to shock myself. She was staring at me. Her light grey eyes that already turned black are looking at me furiously.

"Hey! Hi," I said, trying to compose myself, trying to be calm.

(Sei)

She's so calm, what is she trying to prove now. So, instead of answering I roughly entered to her house, closed the door and push her hard to her wall with my hands on her shoulders. She was shocked; I saw it in her face before she starts looking into the ground...

"Tell me! What's with you?" I shouted, with her face still staring at the ground. She didn't answer; instead she raised her head and gave me that impassive stare. What! She even looked into my eyes as if whatever i do to her is nothing. I even drove this far just to talk to her. What is she up to? I'm so confuse, really.

She raises her hand, put it in my shoulder, she's trembling. Her hands are trembling. "calm down," at last she said a thing, but that' not what I want. I've tried to shrug her, but, those eyes of her. Those very calm eyes make my knee bones weakened. Ohhhhh… But wait! I shouldn't be like this... I need to know her explanation... just when I'm about to talk again, she gently put her finger on my lips. She signaled me to sit. And I sit sown to her couch. I hope, I prayed that she will be explaining to me everything. I need some answers to my questions.

"now tell me, what's with the 'you're leaving'?" I asked with a harsh tone. But instead of answering my question, she just turned her back.

"are you running away?" I sarcastically asked her. And it made her tilt her head.

"enough with your sarcasm... I will just get some tea in the kitchen, coz I think this would be a long night, or dawn I guess..." she said so calmly, and again she turned her back, she went straight to her kitchen.

I was left frozen, glaring at her back... is it just me? Or she has forgotten that today is even my birthday?

(Youko)

One way or another, I used the tea to escape from her. Though I wanted to greet her on her special day it's just that... I can't! I can't find the words to say. I will be leaving later. What will do? Oh dear! I was wrong when I thought she would never run after me. –I bet wrong impressions really do kill. Aw! Did she run after me? Or she's running after my explanation? I really don't know...

Dear! God knows how I love her, but she shouldn't know. Loving her is not enough reason for staying. Love is not enough.

I went out of the kitchen bringing the tea and some cookies. I walked straight to the living room; she's sitting still on my couch, glaring at me; watching my every move. I sit in front of the couch where she was sitting, and again deep silence ensued. No one even dared to talk. I do wanted to.. but i guess my words are stocked on my throats.

I heard her cleared her throat, and asked me the same question earlier. I didn't answer, honestly, i don't want to. God knows how I wanted this thing to end.

"hey! What's the matter? Why don't you answer my question? Are you hiding something?" she's starting to lose her patience.

"uh.." I started... I'm searching for words inside my head... I think it's much better if I will tell her that i'm going to Europe. Yeah, that's it.. "i will be leaving later... off to Europe" she was shocked.. i knew this would be her reaction.

"but.. but why? I mean, how long would you be in there?" she asked...

"I don't know, if I were to choose, i would stay there for.. hmmn.. forever." I bluntly said, and again astonishment is starting to show on her face.

Then, silence ensued once again, the only thing i could hear is my own breath.

(Sei)

Forever? What does she mean? I looked into her eyes, i'm searching for answers to my question and then she started to talk again, breaking the silence.

"You looked shocked, but why?" she paused and before I could retort... "oh, I get it, it didn't occurred to you that i will be leaving" i glared at her, how can she be so sure? Is she reading my mind again? Honestly, she's right, she is right that I'm shock, and she keeps on surprising me.

"Hey, you keep on staring me as if you will be eating me," she teased. How could she be so cruel, she's acting as if those words she's saying... ahhh! Damn it! Does she think I'm not affected? She's leaving... but... she can't! Coz I need her.

"Hey—" I didn't finish her statement instead, my lips met hers. i didn't get a response— I even try to deepen the kiss—and it made pull away from her. I just sit beside her as she gasps for air, and so do I. I met her dark eyes; she was staring at me, as if she was reading me.

...

...

...

The silence could deafen me…

"What is that kiss for?" she asked so calmly, so softly. Breaking the silence

I honestly do not know what to say… but, words suddenly spill on my lips, and it even made her look to me with her ever composed facade.

"I Love You,"

She smile, no, she smirk… but… but why? I look at her quizzically.

"You don't love me," after saying that, she looked away, away from my stare, away from my eyes. There is pain in her voice, I could sense it.

"But… but I love you… I… I need you," I lean and tried to kiss her again, but she pushed me away. She stared at the floor. I tried to reach out but…

"No! Please! You don't love me, you just need me." Her voice is shaking. What is this? She's crying? ahhh! She looked so fragile. I wanted to hug her. To reach her. But, I am afraid that, what if I held her in my hands, and eventually she drifts away. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to lose her. "you're afraid aren't you? You're afraid that I will vanish. That… I will be out of your life. But, tell me, did you really come here because of me? Or because you're longing for my explanation? And you are anxious that one day, when you wake up, there is no "me" in your life?" I'm a sore loser… I need her… but… why am I feeling like this? With our closeness, my heart is beating faster…

"but…" I tried to talk…

"No! you just came here, to know where am I going, and what will I do there. You need me, that's what you are telling me… but… did you ever care for the things that I did to you? Did you ever notice me? You know what, you're giving me all the reason to leave." And then, she burst into tears.

I tried to reach out and hug her. With this, renewed energy that I have, I know I could held her into my arms… but, when I'm about to do it, she shrug me off. Hurt!

"can you just please leave me alone? Leave!"

"but" with her situation, I couldn't just leave her…

"just leave, please… and goodbye" I have nothing to do, but just leave her alone. I wanted to caress her, but, she didn't let me.

I headed to the door; I gaze at her before leaving. She's still sobbing. Oh God! She's so fragile…

And that was the last time, I saw her.

Note: not yet done.. I'll update this.. promise..