Title: Bonjour! Je m'appelle votre plus mauvais cauchemar!

Series: Ouran High School Host Club

Rating: PG-13

The title means "Hello! My name is your worst nightmare!" in French. Incase you were wondering. This was one I also lost interest in, but had done so much that I at least wanted to finish it. It's short, but meh.

Enjoy.

Haruhi walked into a familiar building. She hadn't been to her old school in so long, but she had decided that taking night courses would be a good way to help her get into University and get into a good program. Not only that, but she had always wanted to learn French. It reminded her of Tamaki, but she figured as long as he wasn't there physically reminding her, she'd deal with it. She walked into the classroom and sat at a desk. It was nothing like the desks at Ouran, but she didn't care. It was a desk, after all. She began to look through her textbook, when a familiar, nagging voice broke her concentration. It was then that she realized she needed to be careful what she wished for. Tamaki waltzed over, speaking to her about something or other quickly in French as if he expected her to be fluent already. All she caught of what he was saying was 'hello', 'Haruhi' and 'cute commoners desks'.

"Haruhi, are you listening to me?!" Tamaki switched back to Japanese, a language she could understand.

"What?"

"What what?"

"What?"

"What what what?"

"The hell..?"

"Qu'est-cewhat?"

"Tamaki-senpai, what are you doing here?" she decided was the best question to ask first.

"Oh-ho-ho! You'll be calling me Tamaki-sensei from now on! No wait....senpai....no, sensei...no senpai...no sensei...wait! I've got it! SAMA!"

"W..What..?"

"Yes, that's right! I will be your teacher~"

"This doesn't happen to have to do with the windows you broke last week using a tennis ball machine in the Host Club room, does it?" she replied, having a hunch it did. She still didn't even know why he had brought one in. She figured it was probably one of his brilliant ideas that turned out to be not so brilliant.

"Of course not! I simply wanted to give back to the commoner community!" Yes, that was definitely why he was here.

"Whatever, as long as you don't torture me...." she muttered to herself.

"Of course not! Don't you worry your pretty little head, you'll be speaking French so we can run away to France to get married and have beautiful French babies in no time!" he patted her head, laughing triumphantly. She twitched.

"Tamaki-senpai....I mean sensei, have you forgotten that you're only half Japanese? Not to mention I'm not French at all.....and why do you think I want to marry you?!" she wondered why it took her so long to get to that point.

"Well then we shall have....beautiful one quarter French babies!!!! Oh Haruhi, this'll be wonderful!" he tried to redeem himself, but it didn't quite work.

"Hey! You can't just decide who I'm going to marry!!!" she snapped back at him.

"B..B..B..But Haruhi!!!!!" he whined, "It will be so wonderful!!! I already have it all planned out!!!!"

"You can't plan someone's life..." she muttered to herself.

He then went to the front of the room to begin the lesson, but no one was paying much attention to what he was saying. "Bonjour mes étudiants! Soyez prêt pour plonger au beau et romantique monde du Français!" he announced. Haruhi figured none of the girls knew anything of what he was saying, but they were all mesmerized by him nonetheless. She also wondered how powerful he must be, having a class of only women. That probably wasn't an accident. Her being in said class, she decided, was definitely not an accident. This was going to be a long few weeks.

*****

As the weeks of the class went on, she was surprised that she was actually learning something the class. Also to her surprise, Tamaki wasn't that bad of a teacher. When it came to teaching, he stopped trying to woo the class and actually tried to teach them something. This won over more hearts than the wooing did. of course she couldn't actually find it to be a nice class forever. For today was the day all hell would break loose. "Haru-chan Haru-chan~" somebody called.

Oh no. Oh. No. she thought and looked over reluctantly. As she feared, the rest of the Host Club was standing in the doorway. She came back from her thoughts to hear 'Whooooa, is this a closet?' 'Ah! I think I had a desk like this when I was five!' 'Look Takashi! Chalk!'.

"LE GASP!" Tamaki hurried over, "What are YOU doing here?!"

"What, did you think you could monopolize Haruhi?" Kyouya pushed up his glasses nonchalantly, smirking. Haruhi had a feeling that wasn't the entire reason he was there.

"Yea, we want some of Haruhi too, tonoooo" Hikaru whined, and his brother pouted for emphasis.

"Cassez-vous!! Tout le vous!" Tamaki hissed, trying to shoo them out.

"Tamaki, telling us to fuck off in French won't do much," Kyouya replied calmly.

So that's why he's here..... Haruhi thought to himself.

He pouted and then walked quietly into his makeshift emo corner, bashing his head against the wall, "Pourquoi......Pourquoi....Purpuoi...Purquoi?!"

"What's he saying, Kyou-chan?" Hunny tugged on his sleeve.

"Don't worry about it, it's unimportant." Some of the girls were wondering who they are, and more importantly, why their teacher had a fascination with that corner.

"I WILL FAIL YOU ALL IF YOU DON'T OBEY ME!!!!" Tamaki suddenly roared, pointing at them, "NOW SIT IN YOUR SEATS! REPOSEZ-VOUS. DANS. VOTRE. SIÈGES!" The Host Club all sat in their desks quietly. For the first and probably last time, everyone including Haruhi was very scared of Tamaki. She thought she even saw a few students shaking. It was like he had been posessed. Kaoru then raised his hand, and his brother shot him a glare for using such formalities with Tamaki. "Yes?"

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

"En français."

"Eh?"

Haruhi leaned across the gap between them, "He won't let you go unless you ask in French. It's a rule."

"Tais-toi! Aucune aide," Tamaki interrupted. Haruhi sat back normally.

"But I really have to gooooo....." Kaoru whined, but Tamaki ignored him.

"Geeze, I think all that power has gone to his head..." Hikaru muttered.

"Honestly, he's not that bad. You're just not used to him in that position," Haruhi commented.

"Since when are you to his defense?"

"Trust me, it won't happen again. Plus, that isn't even the half of it."

"JE DIT FERMÉ! Mais puisque vous n'écouterez pas moi, montez ici," Tamaki interrupted again. Hikaru didn't quite understand what he'd said, but he had a feeling he wanted him to come up to the front. "This, students, is what you don't want to be. Now, can anyone describe what you don't want to be en français?" The class began hurling insults, some very vulgar, at Hikaru. Tamaki didn't say anything about any of them, even the highly inappropriate ones. He then sent Hikaru back to his seat. Hikaru wasn't looking as brave as he did before.

"I hate to say it, but, I told you so," Haruhi whispered, but then noticed Kaoru. He was bouncing in his seat, "Are you okay...?"

"I have to peeeee~!!!" he whined, rocking back and forth. He then bashed his head against the desk and a puddle of tears formed, "I'm going to pee myself!!!!"

"Just go, Kaoru!" Hikaru scolded him.

"But I caaaan't, if I get up I'm going to pee myself anyways!" he wailed.

"Oi! What's with the talking?!" This startled Kaoru so much that he wet himself.

"U..Uhm...Hikaru...I think I need a new pair of underpants..." Kaoru blushed, the class snickered.

"Come on Kaoru, let's go," they left for the bathroom, Hikaru shooting daggers at Tamaki.

"Maybe next time they'll learn, but then again they seem to be hopeless," he shook his head.

"Tamaki-sensei, aren't you being a little bit too hard on them?" Haruhi asked.

"Nonsense! How else will they learn!!!" he was quite confident in his methods.

"Tama-chan, I didn't think I'd have to do this but..." Hunny stood up. His hair was hiding his face, but no one needed to see it to know he was scary. Mori then put a hand on his shoulder.

"Mitsukuni, calm down," he said simply, and Hunny shakily sat back in his seat. Mori walked over and towered over Tamaki, who was trying not to freak out.

He dropped his chalk, "W..What do you want?!"

"Stop. Now," he said simply and went back to his seat beside Hunny. who still looked like he was going to explode. It was then that the twins returned from their bathroom visit.

"E....r....very well then!!!" he started the lesson. The twins decided that now would be the time to get him back with a classic: spit balls. Where they got the straws from Haruhi would never know, but they began to almost have a competition to see who could hit Tamaki the most times without getting caught. "HEY!! STOP!!!" he finally whined, turning around, "I'm the teacher damn it!!!"

"Then act like it~" they teased him, shooting spit balls his way even though he was looking.

"D'ah!!!" he hid under his desk, muttering something about some of it getting in his beautiful hair.

Kyouya sighed, "Tamaki, ce qui est erroné maintenant?"

"Ils font l'amusement de moi…" he whimpered, still under the desk.

"Avancé dehors, Tamaki…"

"Non."

"We'll go have those muffin things you like...."

"Egg McMuffin?!" he shot out, but hit his head on the desk the first time, "Ow!" He then came all the way out.

"Yes, we'll go tomorrow morning and you can have your..whatever it's called..." Kyouya seemed unamused (as always).

"Yay!!!" he hopped up and down, clapping his hands excitedly, "I get to have commoners breakfast!!!!"

"Commoners breakfast?" Haruhi twitched.

"Oh yes! It's this great place with golden archways and a clown!!! And the food comes so fast, I had never seen anything like it!!! It's amazing!!!! The eggs on the little breads are so perfectly round!!!! And the menu changes for lunch so it's limited time!!!!" Tamaki gushed as if Haruhi had never been to a McDonalds before. It sounded so glorious Haruhi didn't even know if that was what he was referring to. By now, class had ended, so most of the students had already left while Tamaki was going through his many mood swings.

"Tamaki-senpai...I think you should try some other way to earn the money for the windows....maybe teaching isn't for you..." Haruhi said what everyone was thinking. He was good at teaching, but not good with power.

He ran out of the room like he was going to cry. Haruhi just sighed.

*****

When they went to school the next day, Haruhi noticed something. Tamaki had taken away at least one thing from his teaching experience: They might not know what you're saying, but if you speak a foreign language you'll make the girls swoon.

"Hikaru!!! He's taking out clients!!!!"

"Quick! We need to take a course in Spanish or something!!!"

"I hope the teacher lets me go to the bathroom this time...."

~~THE END~~