Disclaimer: Rocky and Bullwinkle are owned by Jay Ward Productions.

Pyramid Scheme or What's for Desert?

Narrator: It is a beautiful day in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota. Our heroes Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose are taking a break from their adventures at a beach near Veronica Lake.

Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky, do you wanna go fishing with me?

Rocky: We can't go fishing at Veronica Lake. There are No Fishing signs everywhere.

Bullwinkle: I wasn't going to fish at the lake. I'm gonna try to pull a fish out of my hat.

Rocky: You're supposed to try to pull a rabbit out of a hat.

Bullwinkle: Let's see, there's nothin' up my sleeve… and presto!

He pulls a shark out of his hat.

Bullwinkle: No doubt about it, I've gotta-

The shark tries to bite him.

Bullwinkle: -run away as fast as I can!

Narrator: Bullwinkle stupidly jumps in the water and the shark follows him. While the magically inept moose swims for his life, Rocky notices something that is very odd.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, do you notice anything different about this place, besides the fact that there's a shark in fresh water?

Bullwinkle: Hey, I think I've found a bull shark!

Rocky: We're the only ones here! Veronica Lake appears to be deserted for some reason. We should go back to Frostbite Falls to find out why.

Narrator: Rocky tells Bullwinkle that he can escape from the shark by jumping out of the water. They head back to their hometown and find out that everyone is gathered in a huge crowd.

Rocky: What do you think they're doing?

Bullwinkle: It's probably an angry mob after Captain Peachfuzz. He probably got rid of the phone books again.

Rocky: Why did he confiscate phone books?

Bullwinkle: Peachfuzz saw his name in a phone book and he thought they were spying on him.

Narrator: As they take a closer look, they find the sea captain surrounded by the crowd. But it is surprisingly not an angry mob. In fact, they are actually cheering for him. Confused, our heroes ask a certain pair of expert observers, who usually know everything about Frostbite Falls.

Rocky: Hi, Edgar and Chauncey. Can we ask you a question?

Bullwinkle: Which one of you is Chauncey, and which one of you is Edgar?

Edgar: He's Chauncey. He's the short guy in the grey suit with a bowler hat.

Chauncey: Yeah, and he's Edgar. He's the tall guy in the blue suit with a fedora.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, that wasn't what we were going to ask them. We were wondering, why is everyone cheering for Captain Peachfuzz?

Edgar: I know it sounds weird, but the sea captain found valuable artefacts.

Chauncey: Yeah, he found them in a desert somewhere. I think it was in Giza, Egypt.

Rocky: Really? That is weird. Usually he can't even find his own ship. And if he's a sea captain, why would he be in a desert?

Bullwinkle: Rocky, don't you think we should check this place out instead of pointing out plot holes?

Rocky: Yeah, we should find the artefacts before Boris and Natasha can steal them.

Narrator: And so, Rocky and Bullwinkle set off for Giza, Egypt. They try to sail to Egypt in the Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam, a boat they discovered before at Veronica Lake. Their ocean voyage goes smoothly, mainly because Captain Peachfuzz doesn't go with them on the voyage. However, he may show up again later...

Boris Badenov: No, don't say that!

Narrator: In Pottsylvania, no-goodniks Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale are planning a perilous plot for our intrepid travellers.

Natasha Fatale: Boris dollink, have you heard? In our newspaper, The Pottsylvanian Eavesdropper, it says that Captain Peachfuzz found rare artefacts in the Giza Plateau.

Boris: I don't care. He is still an idiot and I hate him, even if he found valuable, priceless treasures.

Fearless Leader: Valuable, priceless treasures? This is great, they will be perfect for my collection!

Narrator: Their boss, Fearless Leader, is always trying to add more and more treasures to his vault.

Fearless Leader: It's kind of a hobby. They are souvenirs from all of the places that I have conquered.

Boris: But boss, you never conquered anything.

Fearless Leader: I know, and it is all your fault! Boris, Natasha, we need to locate the relics before anyone else can find them.

Natasha: But dollink, what about our newest plan to capture Moose and Squirrel?

Fearless Leader: Screw Moose and Squirrel! We can find the treasure first, and capture them later. Besides, they are probably aware of this as well. If we encounter them, you two can get them once and for all!

Boris and Natasha: Yes, boss.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Rocky and Bullwinkle have reached their shoreline, and travelled further into the sandy dunes of the desert. Unfortunately, even though Peachfuzz wasn't there to "help" them, Bullwinkle isn't exactly bright when it comes to travelling.

Bullwinkle: Or anything, for that matter.

Narrator: As I was saying, instead of going to the Giza Plateau, thanks to Bullwinkle's lack of direction they have ended up in the Mojave Desert instead.

Rocky: This place sure seems familiar.

Bullwinkle: That's not surprising. Everything seems familiar to you.

Rocky: I'm sure that we've been here before... wait a second, we were here before! Bullwinkle, we were lost in the Mojave Desert when we were looking for a mine. It was filled with Upsidasium, and it could float.

Bullwinkle: If we've been here before, then how did we get out?

Rocky: I think we were rescued by Captain Peachfuzz in a helicopter.

Bullwinkle: Captain Peachfuzz? I don't want to get you nervous, Rocky, but if we have to rely on him, we're most likely done for.

Narrator: As you can see, Rocky and Bullwinkle are once again lost in a vast desert. But they aren't the only ones who are lost here. It turns out the finding of valuable, ancient treasures have spread throughout Frostbite Falls, and a certain pair of inseparable, semi-famous residents have decided to search for the assumed relics.

Edgar: I can't believe it, we're in the wrong desert! Chauncey, why did you ask Peachfuzz for directions? Chauncey, are you listening to me?

Chauncey: Huh? Oh, sorry Edgar, I was looking at something. Does that cactus look familiar to you?

Edgar: Chauncey, this is a desert, there are most likely thousands of cacti that can be found here.

Chauncey: Yeah, but this one is different. It kind of looks like a bench. Hey, I think it really is a bench!

Edgar: Wha? No way, it can't be a…wait a minute, you're right!

Narrator: Tired of walking and not being able to sit somewhere while commenting about their surroundings, our heroes, er, observers run for the conveniently placed seat.

Edgar: I've been thinking, is that really a bench?

Chauncey: Of course it is. If it looks like a bench, stands like a bench, and quacks like a bench, then it's probably a bench.

Edgar: That proverb is for ducks.

Chauncey: You've been out in the sun too long. How can ducks have proverbs if they can't even talk?

Narrator: As soon as they sit on the object, they both realize that Chauncey was wrong.

Chauncey: This is by far the most uncomfortable bench ever! Honestly, it feels like this thing is covered with needles.

Edgar: Yeah, it feels sort of like a…

They take a closer look, and find out that it's-

Edgar: ... a cactus!

Narrator: They immediately jump off of the offending flora, and yelp while frantically running around in circles. Coincidentally, they just so happen to bump into our heroes.

Rocky: Bullwinkle, we just bumped into Chauncey and Edgar!

Bullwinkle: Now there is something you don't see every day, Rocky.

Edgar: Hey, that's my line!

Narrator: After arguing about the catchphrase, both parties decide to band together in their search to find the hidden artefacts.

Edgar: It's great that we found some partners to travel with. We're archaeologists, and we're supposed to find out where the relics are located.

Rocky: Do you guys remember the episodes about Upsidasium?

Chauncey: Sure, why do you ask?

Rocky: Well, if I recall, you two were train conductors. Why are you archaeologists now?

Chauncey: We were fired.

Edgar: Yeah, we were constantly losing our train of thought.

Narrator: After that clever yet corny pun, the explorers encounter a vicious sandstorm.

Rocky: Hokey Smoke!

Narrator: Will our heroes and observers be able to escape from the raging sandstorm? Or will they be in for some deep hurting? To find out, be sure to turn in next time for, "Treasury Moose in Action" or "Sand Fernando."