A/N: Hello there, folks!
Heh, so my head gave me a surprise and came up with this. So… Here we have something… different, should I say? (grins sheepishly)
WARNINGS: YAOI, big time. AU, of course. And weirdness, definitely – this may be one of my weirdest works (yeah, creepy, huh?). Some language. And… Hey, stop running away!
DISCLAIMER: Me, OWN?! (howls with laughter) MAN, the best joke of the year!
SONGS FOR THIS ONE: Hmm… 'If today was your last day' from Nickelback, 'Your guardian angel' from The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, 'Dare You to Move' from Switchfoot and 'One of us' from Joan Osbourne were something I listened to while writing this. BUT, the main song is DEFINITELY 'If there had been no you' ('Jos sua ei ois ollut') from Kaija Koo. The lyrics I translated (winces) can be found from underneath the story – do go ahead and give them a look AFTER you've finished the story! (grins)
Awkay, I've been babbling for way too long already, so let's go! (gulps nervously) I REALLY hope ya'll enjoy the ride.
Heaven's Touch
October 2001
As midnight kept approaching Naruto Uzumaki, a thirty-years-old lawyer, could barely keep his eyes open while driving through a road that slithered between magnificent cliffs and a dark, chillingly beautiful sea. He, however, noticed none of the beauty. During the five long years he'd spent in his current job, he'd grown dull to such things.
That day he'd spent three hours fighting with his newest client, a filthy rich artist called Sai who seemed to lack all common sense. He'd also wasted two precious hours waiting for another client who'd stood up on him. All he wanted to do was sleep.
He blinked rapidly with startle when his cell-phone snapped to life all of a sudden, filling the painfully silent car with a childish song his older daughter had picked for him. He took a glance towards the phone and winced.
It was Sakura. So this would be one of those nights…
He, however, picked up, never having been a coward. His voice was soft. "Hey."
"Hey." Sakura sounded tense and tired, and suddenly he almost felt sorry for her. And then he heard a sob. "Naruto, when…" She cleared her throat. "When are you coming home? Tari's been crying all day, and Kiko's impossible. I, I don't know…" Her voice broke.
He took a deep breath, his throat contricting.
Sakura's latest pregnancy had been extremely difficult, and perhaps at least partially because of that she'd been suffering from post-partum depression since the child's birth. The past five months had been some of the longest in both their lives.
Naruto took another deep breath before managing to speak. "I'll… try to make it in half an hour, okay? I'll be home as soon as I can."
"Yeah. I know." Sakura's voice sounded a bit too dull. "It just… sucks being in second place all the time."
His eyes stung and narrowed a bit. "Hey, that's unfair – you know I'm doing this for our family!"
There was sharp inhale. "I know. Sorry." Sakura sighed, and held a small pause. "I'll see you soon." With that she hung up.
Naruto was utterly drained, fed up with his life and nowhere near a coherent state of mind. And that's why he made a stupid decision.
He calmed himself down with a deep breath, and hit the gas pedal as hard as he could, sending the car flying forward. He had absolutely no idea what might've happened if it wasn't for the sight he met just then. He felt his eyes widen while panic shot through him.
Stepping to the road only a small distance away from the side of the sea, was a man at about his age with raven hair and equally dark eyes. Quite slowly the raven's gaze turned towards him, and their eyes clashed together.
And as he finally hit the brakes, he went absolutely breathless.
He couldn't count how many times the car spun, or how many endless moments his head kept spinning once it was over. His breath and all coherent thoughts were gone as he sat absolutely still and stiff, shivering like a leaf.
Eventually rationality returned, and he jumped out of the car so fast that his head didn't quite get the chance to catch up. He felt between utterly relieved and incredibly furious when discovering that the raven was just standing there with a somewhat irritated expression. "What the hell were you doing?! Did you want to get yourself killed or what?"
The raven shrugged. "It seemed to me you were the one trying to do that." With that the man simply kept walking towards the cliffs, and a path he hadn't noticed before. "You shouldn't be so hasty to throw away your life, idiot."
He wished he could've spoken or moved, but he remained paralyzed where he was, staring at the raven's distancing back as something he couldn't understand formed in his stomach. Suddenly the night was much darker and warmer than before.
That night, he and Sakura made love for the first time in over seven months.
November 2001
Since the strange events of that night, Naruto started having bizarre dreams. Dreams of that strange man who had apparently taken over his whole mind. Every single night that raven appeared to him, and as though that wasn't enough he often imagined seeing the man here and there.
In the end he couldn't take the situation any longer, and he told his best friend Kiba everything during a lunch-hour.
The brunet quirked an eyebrow. "And I thought I was messed up."
He all but pouted, focusing on his much too strong coffee. "You're not helping at all, you know?" he growled.
Kiba shrugged. "This is obviously bothering you way too much. Why don't you just go and see him? Then you'd get it dealt with."
And finally, almost a week later, he did.
It took over an hour to reach the spot in which he'd almost ran the man over, and much longer to find and follow the narrow, barely existent path the stranger had taken. What he found made him blink with surprise.
He'd been expecting a hut or something like that. Instead he found a very old, shabby mansion that looked a lot like it'd been ripped from a horror-story of some sort; it stood like a dark shadow on top of the cliff, and seemed to see absolutely everything though it appeared almost abandoned.
Most people would've just walked away, but Naruto wasn't one of them. And so he walked to the door and knocked.
It took ages before the raven showed up to open. The man quirked an eyebrow once recognizing him. "What are you doing here?"
He gulped thickly, feeling stupid all of a sudden. What was he doing here, in this place? "I… I almost ran you over. And I never even heard your name."
The raven snorted. "So you came all the way here to ask my name?" The door started to close. "Stop wasting your time."
He surprised them both with being fast enough to grab the door. For some reason he grinned, feeling like he'd done this all before. "I'm Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki."
The raven gave him a wry look. "You're not going away, are you?"
He shook his head. "No."
The other rolled his eyes, moving so that he could enter. "You really are an idiot."
The mansion was so huge that Naruto only sneaked through the two first floors in fear of getting lost. He was surprisingly pleased when he entered one of the tiniest rooms, and found a stray-cat with five kittens. The cat gave him a curious look when he bent down to pat it, but didn't make a move against him.
At some point he sensed someone's eyes on him, and glanced over his shoulder to find the strange man observing with an expression he couldn't read. He grinned, unable to do anything else.
Hours slipped by as though time had stopped entirely in the ancient building, and eventually he fell asleep. When he woke up in the morning, the man was gone. But there was a note left for him. 'Sasuke Uchiha', it said.
For the first time in ages he smiled genuinely.
May 2002
Since then their meetings became their own more or less dirty little secret.
Every month Naruto would snatch a full weekend and make his way to Sasuke's mansion, where they spent time together doing… nothing special, actually. Mostly they spent time reading extremely old books, watching the stars or playing chess although he always lost. Sasuke wasn't much of a talketive type, so they didn't do a lot of talking, but surprisingly enough he found that pleasant. No matter how bad things got, he always felt better with the raven. He could tell everything about his life – how sick he was of his job, how difficult a marriage could be, what his little girls were like – and Sasuke always listened; sometimes irritated, but still.
One night, as they were playing chess once more, Sasuke finally decided to speak out. "Why don't you just quit if you hate your job that much?"
He blinked twice, then snorted. "It's not that simple. Sakura… She isn't working right now, so we need that money. Besides…" He smiled wryly. "What else would I do?"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "You could start with trying to be happy, idiot." For five sizzling seconds their eyes locked together, until the raven looked down. "Checkmate."
Naruto couldn't react, could barely breathe. Because at that moment he finally recognized the ball that'd been inside him since they'd first met. And it scared the hell out of him.
Swallowing thickly, he struggled up. "I… I've gotta get going. Sakura's waiting for me."
Sasuke appeared mildly surprised, but didn't try to stop him. He broke down into tears as soon as he made it to his car.
For the first time he felt like he'd been cheating on Sakura. And it hurt – although, little as he liked to admit it, much less than leaving Sasuke did.
When he came home much later, he discovered that Sakura had already fallen asleep. It was the first time he willingly chose the couch to sleep on.
It took over two months before he dared to go and meet Sasuke again.
July 2002
The thing Naruto loved the most about being with Sakura, were their daughters. That day, he smiled when watching their oldest, Kiko, playing excitedly with some other children.
Blond hair, those facial features… Even though her beautiful green eyes were from her mother, she looked so much like him that it was baffling. Sensing him looking, she glanced towards him with a radiant smile and waved excitedly. For the first time in a long while he also smiled a bit while waving back.
Just then there was a soft, demanding cry from his lap. Looking down, he discovered that Tari had woken up, and was now looking at him with blue eyes that were incredibly lot like his. His expression softening, he stroked her tiny bush of pink hair. "Well, good morning – I thought you'd sleep all day."
She giggled, flapping her arms. Taking the hint, he lifted her to his chest so that she could listen to his heartbeat. And at that moment he saw something that hurt much more than it most likely should've.
On the other side of the park, two men – a redhead and a man with long brown hair – exchanged a long, tender kiss. Once the kiss was over the redhead wrapped his arms tightly around the brunet, who responded with leaning close and resting his forehead against the other's chest with a very contended smile. Neither noticed the varying looks people passing by gave them.
At that moment, no matter how much difficulties it'd bring, Naruto knew exactly what he needed to do. And even the sight of his daughters wasn't enough to change his mind.
Much later that evening, he found his way to Sasuke's mansion.
In some other situation he might've paused to wonder why the door wasn't locked, but at the moment there were other things on his mind. "Sasuke?" he called out while making his way through the dark, hollow hallways, his heart beating much too fast. "Sasuke, are you home?"
And then he heard music; someone was playing a piano.
Curious as always, he followed the sound to see – and grinned when finding Sasuke playing, dark eyes half-lidded and filled with concentration. The music floated around the room as though it'd gained flesh, giving his heart a new beat and wrapping him into something he'd never experienced before.
And then, much too soon, the music ended as Sasuke obviously felt someone watching. He felt a strange jolt when the raven peered over his shoulder and their gazes met.
He couldn't do anything but grin goofily. "That was pretty amazing."
Sasuke's eyes radiated carefully controlled surprise when the raven finally seemed to fully recognize him. It took a while before the man spoke. "I… thought you wouldn't come anymore." There was a strange mixture of emotions behind the tone, and he couldn't quite get a hold of them all.
He swallowed laboriously, his head spinning so that he couldn't really think. "I… I was a coward. And… I'm trying not to repeat the same mistake. I don't want to run away again."
Sasuke's eyebrow arched while eyes observed him carefully. "What were you so afraid of?"
"Of you", he replied bluntly. And suddenly it wasn't all that hard to sputter out the rest. "Because… I think I've fallen in love with you, okay?"
For several moments Sasuke looked at him as though not quite believing him, then snorted. "Then you're even more of an idiot than I thought."
At that moment he couldn't hold himself back any longer, although every single piece of his soul screamed that he was doing the wrong thing. He walked forth, then – without a warning – captured Sasuke's lips into a long, fiery kiss that felt much too short although it lasted for a long time.
Once they parted, he refused to let go of Sasuke. And all of a sudden they were swaying to the tune of the song the raven had been playing, their eyes closed and both of them completely lost in a world of their own.
As they kept dancing, Naruto let go of absolutely everything else.
At home that night, Naruto tensed up completely as Sakura frowned once seeing something on his neck. "What is it?" he barely managed.
Her frown deepened. "Is that… a bruise?"
Alarmed and most likely paling slightly, he turned rapidly towards the mirror to see what she'd talked about. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or alarmed even further when noticing that her eyes hadn't spotted a hickey. Instead the small, coin-sized dark mark was… almost like dead skin, and felt completely dry under his fingertips.
He shivered a little. "I… hurt it somewhere, I guess."
A couple of days later the strange mark was forgotten. And his meetings with Sasuke continued with a new backbeat, although they weren't intimate and most of the time nothing special happened.
January 2004
Naruto had always loved winter storms. And that's why – although Sasuke's mansion was cold and drafty – he was smiling when sitting by the window, watching how angry wind blew outside, pushing forward masses of snow.
"You know…" Sasuke's voice brought him pleasant, warm shivers while the raven sat beside him. "I think that's the happiest I've ever seen you."
If possible, his smile widened still. "I am happier than I've been in a long time." He took Sasuke's cool hand and massaged it, as though hoping to warm it, and glanced towards the raven. "I could stay here forever."
"Then stay."
Stunned at first, he blinked, then looked at Sasuke directly to eyes. Good heavens, how tempting saying 'yes' felt – he would've wanted to do so from the bottom of his heart! But…
His eyes darkened and he sighed heavily while looking away once more. Outside, night had already darkened. "I… can't. I have a wife and two daughters. And I can't… I can't just leave them, you know?"
Surprisingly enough, Sasuke's unreadable eyes were almost soft when the man looked at him. "I know." The raven shrugged, not looking towards him anymore. "You're a good guy. That's the best and most annoying thing about you." It was the most he'd ever heard the man say at one go.
His recent sorrow forgotten, he grinned brightly. And for the first time in ages he knew exactly what he was doing.
As he and Sasuke got lost into a deep, passionate kiss, he was once again swept away from the reality at hand. For some short hours everything was forgotten. And it felt much better than it should've.
When he went home that night, he was careful not to wake up Sakura. He didn't even notice the new, strange bruise that'd appeared to his skin.
May 2005
As time passed, Naruto found the game between him and Sasuke becoming more and more painful. For his heart wasn't as easy to control as he'd thought; the more he tried to struggle against it, the deeper his feelings grew. And eventually, no matter how much his daughters meant to him, going back home was almost impossible. It didn't make things any easier that Sakura seemed to be growing suspicious, even worried. Keeping such secrets from her was killing him – she was mostly recovered from her depression and would've needed him to grasp on life again, and he was hardly a decent husband.
That day, however, was relatively normal. Having left their daughters to Kiba and Hinata's care, they'd taken a train and headed for the countryside, where they'd spend a stress-free week at Sakura's parents' old farm. Sakura was happy, and most importantly blissfully oblivious to his swinging moods. He didn't want her to worry anymore.
He was almost dozing off when Sakura's surprisingly perky voice brought him back to awareness. "I'm going to get something to eat. Do you want anything?"
He smiled a bit and shook his head. "Nah, I'm not hungry."
Sakura gave him a kiss to which he responded, although it didn't feel the same… "I'll be back in a bit."
Not sure what he was thinking, he watched as Sakura walked away – until all his attention locked to a much too familiar person she passed by, and his eyes widened.
Black hair, onyx eyes, that familiar milky skin…
And then Sasuke turned, starting to walk away.
At first he couldn't properly realize what was going on, but when he did he gasped and was up in a matter of seconds. Sasuke didn't even get the chance to see him properly before he already spoke. "Remember… Remember that offer you gave me, back then – that I could stay with you forever if I wanted to?"
Sasuke snorted, not quite looking at him. "I was just teasing you, Naruto. Don't be a moron – you need to stay with your family."
He inhaled sharply, blinking furiously against the stinging of his eyes. "So it doesn't mean a shit what I want, huh? So I don't get a choice?"
For a moment, he could've sworn he saw a foreign flash in Sasuke's eyes. "Not when you're making a huge mistake."
And suddenly it was impossible to restrain the storm. Some tears leaked to his cheeks while he balled his fists and grit his teeth, shaking so badly that he could barely stand. "I love you!" he all but shrieked, as though shouting against something very loud. "And I… I don't love her like I love you, okay?"
Sasuke's eyes seemed a shade or two darker than usual when the raven first looked at him for a moment, then leaned forward and kissed his cheek. The brush was cool and stole his breath away, but he nonetheless shivered with pleasure.
He tried to reach out for Sasuke's hand, but couldn't find it.
Suddenly Sasuke whispered to his ear, so quietly that he barely heard, slipping a piece of paper to his hand. "July 23rd, come to this address, and bring a single white rose with you." There was a backtone in raven's voice he couldn't recognize. "Then you'll understand." With those words the raven started to walk away, never once looking back.
Only seconds later Sakura appeared, and gave him a strange look. "Are you… okay?"
He couldn't speak as his eyes stung hellishly and his throat felt completely blocked. He stared with helplessness and utter, all-consuming sorrow as the train stopped, and Sasuke disappeared from his sight. For several moments he wanted nothing more than to rush after the raven, but in the end Sakura's hold on his hand was enough to keep him still. This, although he felt like heart had been ripped from his chest.
The battle against tears was the hardest one in his entire life.
July 2005
To Naruto, waiting for the correct date was almost excruciating, but eventually it arrived. As early as possible he bought a rose, then drove to the address Sasuke had given him. He felt chills when finding himself from the cemetery.
He frowned, slowly getting out of his car. "What the…?"
Always having been far too curious for his own good, he walked in through the heavy iron gates and started to follow what wasn't much more than a hunch.
About five minutes later his whole body and absolutely everything inside him froze when he stood before a certain tombstone. He didn't think even getting shot could've hurt as much as the hit he received then.
It took a long moment before the words on the stone registered, before could admit the truth to himself. But as reality crumbled down on him, it brought him to his knees.
'Sasuke Uchiha
1886 – 1911
A beloved son and brother'
Through a surge of pain he could barely stand, Sasuke's words floated to his ears.
/ "You shouldn't be so hasty to throw away your life, idiot." /
/ "Stop wasting your time." /
/ "You could start with trying to be happy." /
And then Sasuke was stood there beside him. He would've wanted to look up, but couldn't bring himself to move. "It… was my mission, to earn back my wings. I was supposed to help you." The raven scoffed. "I fell almost as soon as I made it to heaven. Those morons should've known I'm not some fucking guardian angel."
He would've wanted to speak – to scream – from the bottom of his heart. To beg Sasuke not to leave him, to plead that he could go along. But they both knew it was already much too late – had been from the start.
"You'll have a great life, Naruto. So you better keep holding on and living."
At that very moment he finally looked up and gasped, with his eyes turning blurry, when seeing Sasuke in his true form for the first time. In his white clothes and this strange, unearthly glow, the man truly looked like something that'd dropped from the heaven up above.
Sasuke looked at him with a strange, unreadable expression, onyx eyes carrying something that looked… almost like pain. "Don't look so damn heartbroken. I'll be keeping an eye on you. You'll never be alone."
And then, in just a blink, the man he'd learned to love from the bottom of his heart was gone.
That realization smashed something inside him. He buried his face into both hands, only some strange force keeping him from howling out loud. The people passing by looked on with curiosity as he wept over a man who'd been dead for almost a century.
Two months later, as the worst first shock started to fade, he was finally strong enough to make the decision.
September 2005
Sakura quirked a surprised eyebrow when finding him sitting in their completely dark kitchen in the middle of the night. "Naruto?" Her voice sounded slightly wary. "What's wrong? What are you doing in the dark?"
He swallowed thickly, then spoke in a voice that wasn't quite like his. "I… can't take this life anymore, okay? I… I just can't, so…" His voice broke. "So I… I quit my job today, Sakura-chan", he whispered, using a petname he'd abandoned years ago. "And… I'm going back med-school." As those words were finally out and the reality became much too heavy, the barriers broke. Without a warning he broke into loud, uncontrollable sobs. It was the first time ever he cried openly in front of his wife.
Sakura stood absolutely still for a long moment, understandably not quite managing to take in everything that was happening. Then, very slowly, she walked up to him and wrapped a pair of tender arms around him. He clung to her like a drowning man, barely managing to breathe from his sobs.
And someone in the back of his mind, he could've sworn he saw Sasuke smile just a little bit.
July 2009
"Dad?" In his current condition, Naruto barely registered his daughter's, Kiko's, voice. Looking to side slowly, he found her face carrying a frown. "Why do we come here every year?"
He looked away, not bearing to face her at the moment when everything was twirling inside him and he could barely hold back the turmoil. "There's… someone precious I want to greet every once in a while", he just managed, his voice crackling. He cleared his throat. "Someone… I cared about a lot for a while."
Kiko's frown eased. "Was he your friend?"
It was at that moment they were stood before the correct stone. It still hurt far too much to read the name engraved to the stone.
'Sasuke Uchiha'
His hands shook as he kneeled, and placed a single white rose he'd spent hours choosing to the ground, hoping from the bottom of his heart that the person it was meant for could've taken it.
He didn't notice the tears that spilled to his cheeks as he smiled a just a little. "No, Kiko. He… He wasn't just a friend." His voice shook and broke, but he didn't even notice. "He…. He was more like my guardian angel. I… I loved him very much. And I miss him, a lot."
"He misses you, too." Kiko pointed towards the rose. "Look."
Confused, he did as ordered – and gasped faintly.
Whether it was the wind or something else entirely, he didn't know, but something was obviously caressing the rose he'd just brought. And he could've sworn that a couple of its petals had turned pinkish.
Although he started to cry even harder than before, he also couldn't keep his sad smile from widening while he brought a hand to his lips.
It took ages before he finally managed to move, and even longer before he had the will to walk up to the car by which Sakura and Tari were waiting for them. When he walked up to them, Sakura gave him a tiny kiss and squeezed his hand, as though understanding.
Just before he hopped into the car, he glanced over his shoulder once more – and felt a violent tug inside at what he found.
He could've sworn that by the stone he'd just abandoned, he saw a very familiar figure standing and looking at him, guarding his steps with a stern gaze. And sure enough, a pair of huge, white and breathtakingly beautiful wings stuck out from Sasuke's back. He was also almost certain that he heard a whisper in the wind.
'Bye, dobe. I'll see you again when the time comes, I promise.'
And suddenly, the pain inside him was just a little bit easier to bear, and something like peace settled into him.
Sasuke had never broken a promise before.
And then the vision was gone, leaving him feel slightly colder.
"Dad?" Kiko sounded mildly impatient – after all, they'd already spent a long time in that gloomy place. "Are we going?"
Feeling choked, he nodded slowly and entered the car, not daring to look towards the stone anymore. "Yeah. Yeah, let's go." He cleared his throat while starting the vehicle. "What do you guys say if we go and get some ice-cream on the way?"
Owari
A/N: (sniffs) That… was a bit sad, ne? (sniffs again) And some late Halloween story…
Awkay, because I REALLY want to get this sent for ya guys, I'm tuning out! (grins) But PLEASE, do leave a review before ya take off! It'd mean A LOT to hear what you thought about this story, especially seeing as how many doubts I had while working on this. (glances with puppy-dog eyes)
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading! 'Hope I'll see ya guys around later!
Take care!
Kaija Koo – 'If there had been no you' ('Jos sua ei ois ollut')
If there had been no you
I would've invented you
You would've been exactly the same
I wouldn't have changed a thing
The people passing by think
That I'm talking to the walls
They think I say to emptiness,
I'll always love you
I want to hold on to you
Although I can't really see you anymore
I don't want to let go, either
Again you appear next to me
I have to spare myself
That much I owe you
You are every single sound of the night
From the sea of flowers I pick you
A good thought inside my head
When life's gotten angry
You are the light on my road
When it's hard
I would've gone even madder
If there had been no you
If there had been no you
I would've invented you
Imagined you into my bed
Talked to you on the street
As silence in nights
In the outlines of yard's birch
Without you I'm like strapped
Without you I wither
May I hold on to you
Although I can't really see you anymore
I don't want to let go, either
Again you appear next to me
I have to spare myself
That much I owe you
You are every single sound of the night
From the sea of flowers I pick you
A good thought inside my head
When life's gotten angry
You are the light on my road
When it's hard
I would've gone even madder
If there had been no you
You can't be separated from me
You'll remain as a part of my mind's landscape
Thank you
For being real for a moment
Now I have to move on from here
Beside me you make the final journey
Although it'd be just imagination
You are every single sound of the night
A part of gentle light's gleam
As a summer rain you came to my life
I won't fall apart of drought
You are the light on my road
When it's hard
I would've gone even madder
If there had been no you