Author's Notes: So I haven't touched this fanfiction in over a year, and I'm sorry for that. Life is crazy, and so am I. I haven't seen Transformers in a long time, so the characterizations are probably going to be sloppy. Just a fair warning before you begin reading. I pray that I still have readers. –crosses fingers-

This has not been betaed. I don't know if my beta still wants to beta this. Hence, all mistakes are mine.

Thanks to Amanda for helping me pick Optimus's favorite drink!

Disclaimer: Please don't make me say it. It hurts enough just to think it.

20k in Thirty Days
Of Bromances and Caramel Macchiatos

"Dude, you're forgetting something."

The first four words Sam hears after entering sanctuary (a.k.a. his dorm) are words from Leo. Sam finds a little noise of frustration coming out of him, and, dragging his feet towards his bed, plops down onto it.

"Seriously, you're forgetting something important." Leo sounds like a kid who didn't get a promised lollipop. Sam's imagination wonders what he would sound like if he shoved him into a blender to shut up.

"I'm not in the mood right now, Leo," Sam mutters, kicking his shoes off and lying on the mattress. His roommate frowns, and he scrambles over, picking up a trusty pencil and flipping it so the eraser side faces the other male. Then he does something that makes Sam wish his pillow was made of concrete. That way he'd have a weapon.

Poke. Poke poke poke poke poke poke poke.

"Sam."

Poke poke poke. "Sam." Poke. "Yo, chico! Get your ass up, man! My Starbucks! Did you forget or somethin'? That is not cool." Poke. "Jeez, Sam, I was countin' on you! I didn't buy any coffee from the machine because I wanted you to buy me one, and now it's past curfew and how am I supposed to pass the exam on Monday?" EraserpokingmynoseohGod. "I am not going to stop until you give me an excuse, man. And it better be a good excuse."

Sam opens his mouth and bites the eraser.

"Whoa! I thought you were going for an interview, not for some whacko karate lesson!" Leo steps back for a moment, staring at his bitter-faced roommate. Sam spits the pencil out and sits up, sighing as he runs his fingers through his hair.

"I went for an interview, Leo," he says, simply. This is funny, because Leo expected him to go into some kind of long explanation of how he went to hell and back and became the slave of Adolf Hitler. But, of course, it's not the funny ha-ha, but the funny I feel like a seagull crapped on my shoulder.

"And?" Suddenly Leo wants the guy to rant. Ridiculous. He must be dreaming.

"My boss is an asshole," Sam mumbles under his breath.

"Your… boss obviously has a hole in his ass, Sam," Leo says, blinking.

"No! No, clean your ears, Leo, I think your hygiene's going crappy again. I mean… I got the worst boss ever." Sam suddenly looks like this dejected, sad puppy; the kind of animals you see in animated feature films that make you cry at the end. (In the back of his mind, Leo thinks that this would be so much better if he was seeing all of this in 3-D, but then Sam starts talking again and he has to stop thinking.) "He's got a huge, non-existent pole shoved up his ass, and I gotta pull it out!"

Leo's eyes get as wide as saucers and he blanches.

"… I said non-existent."

Then calmness reigns once more.

"I don't see why you're so bitchy over it. I mean, remember that one guy when you used to work in Subwa—"

Sam butts in immediately. "You promised never to bring that up again," he offers. For a moment there, he's brought back to years of too much mayo, too little lettuce, and hairy people. Shudder. "But, it's different. Listen, my boss is Bee's dad."

"Bee? Our Bee? Happy, blond, fun-loving, parents-were-high-while-naming-him Bee?" Leo suddenly gets into disbelief mode. If Sam's a puppy, Leo's a goldfish.

"Yes. That Bee." Sam looks a little distraught just saying it. "The awesome Bee has a terrible father. Man, and he said Mr. Prime was nice and stuff. I don't see how he got that. He was so cold I felt ice in my pockets."

"Explains why it's so small."

"Why… Leo, what are you talking about?"

In half a second, the other male coughs and shakes his head. Sam raises a brow, but says nothing more.

"He practically cursed my existence. I got the job from some guy named Jazz – and, no, don't even mention the name, I thought about it, too, but all the thinking made my head hurt and I gave up – and then Mr. Prime walks in and he's all—" In this moment, Sam stands up, puffs his chest, and places his hands on his hips. He tries to look vaguely desirable, but ends up looking cross-eyed and gives up on that. "'No, bitch, run them li'l maggots by me first before you hire them! I am so mad I will look even sexier. Roar. Optimus smash!'"

"Your boss smashed the wall?"

"… Well, no. But you get my point."

"And he looked even sexier, huh?"

"… You should see him."

"Whatever. I don't care if you're queer. Anyhow, the solution to your problems is simple." Leo gently pushes on Sam's shoulders to get him to sit, and he pulls a chair to sit across from him. Sam is about to open his mouth to protest to his friend's second statement, but he gets a face full of pillow before he can say anything. "Develop a bromance."

Sam gets the pillow out of his line of sight, and he shakes his head a bit to clear it, before looking up at his roommate-turned-Dr. Phil. "A bromance?" he asks, furrowing his brows. "That's… brothers, and romance, combined, right? So you want me to… develop an incestuous relationship with my boss?" Sam gags. "That's sick."

"No, man! You ever seen How I Met Your Mother? Think Barney and Ted. Bromance." Leo makes hand gestures in the air as he says that last word, making it look like it should sparkle. Sam's brows only furrow even more, and he leans forward, rubbing his chin.

"But… Neil Patrick-Harris is gay."

"I thought you'd fill out that role pretty well."

Sam groans. Maybe he should've bought the damn Starbucks while he could.

"—see, and then it'll be foolproof!" Leo finishes plan number 26 version beta with jazzhands. Looking at the clock, Sam sees it's a little after eleven, and he comes to the conclusion that Leo will most definitely fail that exam.

"Leo, as awesome as that plan sounds, I don't own a Pokémon."

"… You can always catch one. Ash was like… wearing diapers when he got his Pikachu," the Hispanic finishes, grinning like he's the smartest guy on earth and crossing his arms over his chest. Sam rolls his eyes, shaking his head. "Face it, Leo. There's nothing we can do. Mr. Prime is just a giant asshole."

"Mr. Prime is just a giant what?"

Almost as if on cue, the door opens and a blond head of hair appears.

Bumblebee Prime creeps into the room, black-framed glasses perched on a cute, button nose. He's got the same eyes as his father, bright and insightful; but whereas Optimus's are filled with untold knowledge and the years of his experience, Bumblebee has gallons of curiosity. He grins, looking at the two males in the dorm room, before gently brushing some of his stray bangs away from his face.

"A giant breath of fresh air!" Sam says, throwing his arms in the air and grinning. Then he slumps forward, pressing his face into his hands, muttering things about how screwed he is.

"Sam thinks your dad's an assbutt," Leo explains, nodding his head. Bumblebee looks vaguely surprised over this, but then he grins and plops over beside Sam, shifting his glasses so they rest on the top of his head. The blond draws his knees to his chest, arms circling around his legs, and he looks towards Sam with a bit of an understanding look in his eyes. "It's okay," he says, patting the brunette on the head. Sam takes comfort in this tiny piece of compassion coming from his best friend, and he gives a smile.

"Dad's only like that because he's got some… issues," Bumblebee admits, looking down at the floor. "He says a family heirloom's gone missing, and it's driving him nuts."

"He's driving me nuts," Sam mumbles.

"You drive everyone nuts," Leo supplies.

Bumblebee laughs as Sam throws a pillow at the womanizer.

"Yeah, well, normally he's pretty great. Dad's actually a big softie once you get to know him. He's protective as hell, too." Bumblebee pokes his fingers together, Sam looking towards him with a raised brow. "You just have to make him like you. Become friends with him. He won't show it, but he'll appreciate that a lot," the youngest advises, grinning. Sam isn't sure if he can believe this, but he nods his head, falling back down onto the mattress.

"That brings up another issue, though," he says, furrowing his brows. "How am I supposed to get your dad to like me?" Bumblebee puts on a look of deep thinking, but then he snaps his fingers and beams, already-inhuman blue eyes shining further. This display of hope makes a fire burn in Sam's heart, and he smiles brightly, believing that perhaps he was right in befriending the blond. God, he knew he could depend on him! He just knew it!

"Develop a bromance!" Bumblebee says happily, clapping his hands together.

Sam looks both amazed and disbelieving.

'A million other people out there, and I befriend the people who have Bromance Complexes,' he thinks to himself, slapping his palm to his forehead. Bumblebee's previous excitement dies down, and the kid pouts, waving a hand in front of Sam's face. "Hey, it was a great idea! Seriously, Sam, I can't believe you didn't think of it," the blond indicates, pouting. Leo huffs, leaning back in his seat and crossing his legs.

"Sam's just on his period, Bee. He doesn't understand genius when he hears it."

Back to the drawing board.

It's well past midnight when Bumblebee's phone rings. Leo's asleep, snoring on his bed, having completely forgotten about his exam. Bumblebee, on the other hand, he flips it open, and when Sam peeks over his best friend's shoulder, he sees the name Dad, and a picture of the man to accompany it. He swallows, throat suddenly gone dry, and Bumblebee places a finger to Sam's lips as he takes the call.

"Hi, dad," he says, and then he stands and leaves the room.

This leaves Sam on his own, late at night (or would it be early in the morning?), with no company but a half-dead Leo Spitz.

'Attractive,' he thinks, sighing, before picking up the list Bumblebee had written down for him. They'd taken the time to list down certain likes and dislikes the older Prime had, and the first, easiest thing Sam could do was to get him coffee early in the morning. Tomorrow (or today?) would be Sunday, and Sam doesn't have any work, but thinking of the brownie points he needs for his work experience not to be a total hell, he decides going to his work building without being needed wouldn't hurt much. He'll just give the coffee and go. Easy as pie.

"So I'm going to have to get him a caramel macchiato, and give it to him by quarter after six," Sam mumbles, re-playing it in his head. "I can stay up the whole night so I won't be late, and I'll be back in my dorm by seven at the latest. Then I can sleep the whole day away." He smiles, thankful he didn't end up like Leo, didn't end up having to take make-up exams for failing too many of them.

"It's fool-proof," he tells himself, falling over backward and onto his bed, hands behind his head and legs crossed for the sides of his ankles to touch. "Coffee for Optimus Prime, and he'll become the greatest pal in the world…" A yawn slips past his lips, but he refuses to go to sleep, because then his plan wouldn't work, because then he's wake up too late. "… then I'll marry Mikaela, and we'll have beautiful kids, and life will be complete."

He smiles up at the ceiling. "That sounds nice."

Sam fell asleep.

And he woke up at seven in the morning.

Author's Notes: Kinda short, sorry. But there you go. I hope you guys are okay with this lame-ass update!

And, yes, I still need a beta. I think. Or maybe I just need cheerleaders and people who I can discuss this damn plot with. I dunno.

Reviews are like food for my writing soul. So please do.