Did I seriously just quote Shakespeare in my title? I think I did. How gay am I. Only half. (Oh, bisexual humor, gotta love it.)

I officially love White Collar. It's kickass. Neal is beautiful. Peter's wife is hot. Everybody in this show is obnoxiously awesome. And I shipped Neal and Peter together before the show even premiered. They're that unsubtle.

Anything in this oneshot Peter says is exactly how I feel. I was bored, wanted to write, and decided to project my opinion on him.

(disclaimer: White Collar isn't mine)

He fixed his eyes firmly on the line before him. Concentrate.

The tip of his pencil lightly touched the paper. Don't forget.

He wrote, his teeth clenched tightly together. Like 'seal' like 'seal' like 'seal'—

His mantra echoed furiously in his head. He was approaching it. Nearly there. Don't forget.

He remembered a half-second too late. The lead marked the dreaded 'ei' despite the chorus in his brain chucking cute images of baby seals at him. Like 'seal,' you idiot!

Resisting the urge to scribble out his mistake in a childish tantrum, Peter flipped his pencil and rubbed away the name with forced calm, and he corrected himself. There, like 'seal.'

Three sentences later, the name called for mention again.

Peter realized another half-second too late. LIKE 'SEAL,' FOR GOD'S SAKE!

He had been hoping word association would help him out with this. It was easy to associate Neal with a baby seal, what with his ridiculous puppy-dog eyes when Peter quipped a little too harshly at him. But that damn name. It couldn't be reasoned with.

Impatiently, Peter struck an angry line through Neil and scrawled Neal messily beside it, muttering a low oath to himself.

"Is there any chance you're struggling with the world 'definitely' somewhere on that paper?" Neal asked curiously from across the table. "That was one word that had me erasing as often as you are right now. D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y."

Peter glowered at him, not amused. "Your name pisses me off."

"N-E-A-L, like seal. I'd say I'm about as endearing as a baby seal, wouldn't you?" Neal tipped his hat mischievously, grinning deviously at Peter, who shot him a pointed glare.

"It's a ridiculous way to spell it. What's wrong with N-E-I-L?"

"I can't say I disagree with you, there, but I take comfort in that fact that at least my name isn't anther word for penis."

Peter stared at him. "My name is not."

"Is, too! Look it up!"