Okay, I was bored in school today, so I came up with all this crazy things. So just be a nice person to the poor girl who just suffered 8 hours of tests (and this isn't just a thing to get you to read it. I literally had a test or quiz every period. Do these teachers plan to kill me?)
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I only wish I did. Because then Sirius wouldn't have died.
Things James Potter Will Not Do This Year
Propose to McGonagall
Send a howler to Voldemort
Dye his hair green and silver
Dress up as Michael Jackson and sing "Thriller"
Serenade Snape
Wear pink
Snog Lily in the broom closet
Snog anybody in the broom closet for that matter
Kidnap Mrs. Noris and demand ransom
Steal Remus's chocolate
Sing "I'm to Sexy for my Shirt" in front of Lily without a shirt on
Eat choclate in the library
Pet McGonagall while she is in her cat form
Add points to Gryffindor for Quiddich feats
Dump Sirius's Broomstick in the Black Lake so he can collect the insurance money.
Wear a tutu
Dye the Slytherins bed hangings red and gold
Get Remus drunk
Streak
Release wild apes in Slughorns class
Put love potion in the Ravenclaw's table and have them declare their undying love to Peter.
Tell the house elves that Dumbledore is coming to give them clothes
Tell the house elves to go on strike against the Slytherins
Hex the giant squid
Kidnap Lily
Set off fireworks in defense
Put a spell on Flitwick so that he has a voice like Gregory Peck
Tell the first years that you are a god, and to please you they need to bring you chocolate offers everyday or you will inflict your tremendous power upon them.
Jump off your broom during a game
Tell the first years that Dumbledore was just joking when he said that students were forbidden to go into the Forbidden Forest
Tell the first years that it is encouraged to sleep during class
Give Peter cheese in any form
Release moose in the school during exams
Make Snape proclaim his undying love to Madam Pompfrey
Put Mrs. Norris in a chandelier
Paint the blast-end skrewts purple
Release the blast-end skrewts in the school
Teepee Hagrid's hut
Dye Hagrid's beard
Boast to Lily that you are the best in Transfiguration
Bribe Lily to go out with you
Date Lily's best friend Alice
Ask Lily out in any way that implies you want to sleep with her
Ask Lily out more than 3 times a day
Draw a picture of what you think Lily's and yours child is going to look like
Plan your wedding with Lily
Tell everyone your dying of some tragic disease
Send a cupid to Lily declaring your love to her
Write poetry
Ask Dumbledore to be your lover
Scream, "Oh my God, Voldemort's outside!" during dinner
Shave Sirius's hair
Remus finshed up his list and left it on James's bed and headed down to the common room. He dodged Mellissa Johnson, who seemed determined to go out with him and ran out of the common room into the hallway.
"Oy Padfoot!" he called across the room. "Did you finish your list?"
"Yeah, I already gave it to James." Replied Sirius. "I nearly used up all of my paper to stop James from doing something stupid this year."
"Hey wait up!" cried Peter who was running up to them. "Bad news. I just talked to James about the lists."
"What did he say about them?" said Remus anxiously.
"He decided that if you turn them into him that he will do everything on the list."
Their fear was confirmed when they saw James on one knee with a little box in front of McGonagall, who had a look of horror on her face.
So what did yah think? I know I suck at dialogue, but what about the funny list? Was it funny? Did it suck? Hey, there is only one way for my to know. Press that little green button right over there. I know you want to.