A/N: Thank you for reading my story! So, this is my first attempt at writing anything but a journal from my own experiences. I sincerely hope you enjoy it. I'm not going to beg for reviews, but I will treasure them. If you do decide to review and you hate the story, please tell me why, not "you suck balls. Just quit." I want to know how to improve as an author. Most chapters will have song lyrics or a quote at the beginning of the chapter, if you don't like that skip to the page break. This is an Edward/Bella AU story. The relationships follow cannon, just so ya know. Some characters may be OOC at times, because it is an AU. Any-who sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Nikki

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine. The only thing I own is Ryan and the plot. Everything else belongs to Atreyu and Stephenie Meyer. No copy write infringement is intended.

Atreyu Ex's and Oh's

You took me home
I drank too much
Cause of you my liver turned to dust
Cold rust taste, cold creeping cold pain
Do you understand what I mean?
When you feel your soul drop to the floor
Like a hole like an open bleeding sore
Then you'll have bled like I've bled
Then you'll have wept as I've wept

Suck me down, it's time to rock and roll
Let's hit the bar, let's lose control
One false move; you took me home
One false move; you're all alone

But it looks so good and it feels so nice
I've paid my price
I'll cut you out just to hear you scream:
"Get away from, get away from me".
And I can feel my heart beat racing
As I realize what I must do
Get away from, get away from, get away from you.

Should've turned around like hell
Last time I got a taste of you
I should've turned and ran like hell
And I say we're through
Should've turned around like hell
Last time I got a taste of you
I should've turned and ran like hell
And I say we're through
And I say we're through

You fell upon me, like a plague
Weakness, sweet weakness
But I digress
After all this...
You're just like all the rest

Suck me down, it's time to rock and roll
Let's hit the bar, let's lose control
One false move; you took me home
One false move; you're all alone

Prologue- You Done Pissed Off the Wrong Human

"Bella, what do you want me to do? You seem so upset. What do you want from me?"

"Edward, I want you. All of you. Make love to me."

"I'm not sure it's safe, Bells."

"You can control yourself. It will be fine."

The bronze haired boy let the pretty brunette to the bed where they embraced the wonder of the first time.

"Bella I love you. Never doubt that, never forget me."

Four Years Nine Months Later

As the memory of my first time played through my mind, I felt the ever present rage course through me like adrenaline. How could that bastard do those things to me and then leave? Like I was nothing. Like what we had was a joke. He left me unprotected, pregnant, and alone. To this day I don't get it. Did he honestly think that Victoria wouldn't be pissed? If he really loved me how could he leave? I was lucky in some ways. After about a month after being deserted in the forest, I started to vomit. I went to the doctor who all too enthusiastically informed me I was pregnant. That immediately woke me up from my depression and brought on a whole new emotion. The fact that I was carrying *his* child really pissed me off. My anger and the baby lead me out of the house and to La Push with Charlie. During one of my visits there I became reacquainted with Jacob who put an end to my pity-party and made me feel almost human. Of course my friendship with Jacob was too good to last and ended when his wolf side imprinted on Leah, the bitch from hell. He was like a father to Ryan for about a month when Leah finally showed he hatred for me and said Jacob needed to put her *needs* before my angel. This basically meant I don't want that slut anywhere near you. I went back to my normal life cooking, cleaning, and raising a baby, when I realized that Charlie didn't need me to cook quite as often. He got married to Sue Clearwater, which in most cases I would be really happy about, except that Clearwater is also Leah's last name. Leah moved into my house, took my father, and forbade me from seeing my best friend. Oh ya, now she's my sister. Fuck my life.

I moved to Jacksonville to live in a house where I didn't have to check my food for poison nightly. Shortly after I moved there Phil was signed to the Denver Rockies and he moved us to the Denver suburbs. Denver was… nice, but it lacked people who would accept me. Soccer mom and college kids aren't that accepting of a nineteen year old with a baby.

After about a year of trying to make friends, I found that my Dell made a better friend then almost everyone I met. I threw myself into writing and in turn released a little bit of my constant rage. Last Christmas Phil gave me some money for a vacation to anywhere in the world.

That's why I'm here. It's June fifth, two days before Ryan's fourth birthday. I took him to Alaska for some R&R and the chance of running into Adonis, the biggest douche of the century. North Pole is really a charming town, about an hour away from Chena Hot Springs which is where we were staying. The joy on my son's face when he saw the giant Santa out front was something I would never forget. He is such an amazing child.

He is defiantly a vampire mix. He can hear and smell things from outlandish distances, read minds, and can project thoughts on others. He also has the strangest attachment to blood. He refuses to drink it until he can meet someone who will show him how. He was happy to come to Alaska to play with the wildlife, which wasn't surprising. He was fascinated by them. He had the strength of a grizzly and could easily take down a moose. Wow, it makes my day knowing I have a four year old that can hold his own with thousand pound wild animals.

We were walking through the store filled with Santa trinkets. My natural klutziness kept me from the section with the breakables. I let Ryan wander through the aisles, earning nasty looks from the cashier. I didn't care what she thought he could probably handle the merchandise better then she could. I called him over to and asked if he wanted to go see Santa.

"Yes mommy. Something smells funny in here," he said bluntly.

"Does it smell like Uncle Jake?" I asked knowing how bad Jake smelled to Ryan.

"No mom it smells good. Sweet almost like candy canes and taffy." He replied.

"Well then it's probably candy. Let's go tell Santa what you want for Christmas or your birthday. Which ever you prefer."

"Ok," he said as he grabbed my hand and led me over to the fake Santa. He crawled into Santa's lap and smiled for my red digital camera.

"So little boy, what do you want for Christmas?"

"My name's Ryan, and don't call me little." Santa chuckled at him." I was going to ask for my birthday which is in a few days if it's ok."

"Ryan what do you want for your birthday?"

"I want mommy to find my daddy and his family, so she won't be alone anymore. I also want a computer, games, and a big moose." My eyes welled up when I heard this. Tears were silently pouring down my face when my son bounded up to me.

"Your son is very smart, Miss. Good luck with your search, and I sincerely hope you find what you are looking for." The girl who was playing Santa's elf told me.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I walked away.

Upon turning around I saw two blondes. From behind I could tell that they were very attractive. They turned around at the same time and many emotions cascaded on me at once. Rage, relief, and love poured out into one syllable laced with venom, "You." Was all I could say.