Baltimore (Some time in the past)

He spotted her at the corner table before the hostess had a chance to assist him. He could tell she was fuming and pushed past the young woman without giving her a chance to assist him. He made his way to the back of the restaurant and took a seat in the chair directly across from her, offering an apologetic smile that she dismissed quickly with her angry eyes.

"You're over an hour late Jack." She complained.

"I know, I'm sorry, I lost track of time. I guess they got tired of waiting?" He apologized.

"Of course they did Jack. They had to hire a sitter for their three year old, they made plans to be here at seven so that we would have time to enjoy a leisurely dinner before the show, but once again, you managed to spoil the evening for everyone." She spat angrily.

"Look, I'm sorry. Tell your brother I'm sorry and that I'll reimburse him for his wasted tickets." Jack offered.

"Oh they went to the show Jack, they just went hungry. What is wrong with you? Is it really so difficult for you to use that watch you wear on your wrist?" She asked.

"I was with a patient." He said.

"You're always with a patient Jack." She snapped.

"I'm a doctor Carrie, my patients have to come first. You know that or at least you should by now. So are you hungry? Do you want to try to salvage what's left of the evening?" He asked calmly, not willing to fight with her about his work habits.

"No thanks, I've lost my appetite." She continued to pout.

"Fine, come on, I'll drive you home." He said, tired and not in the mood to defend what was probably indefensible, but not something he was willing to change about himself.

He walked her to the front door of her apartment and stood by patiently while she searched through her purse for her keys, finally retrieving them and unlocking the door. He watched her step inside the open door, leaned in and kissed her softly on the mouth.

"I'm really sorry Carrie and I'd suggest you make plans for us do something so I could make it up to you, but odds are I'd just screw that up as well so maybe it would best if we just didn't see each other anymore." He suggested.

"You're dumping me because I got angry with you for ruining our plans……again?" She asked, hurt that he could turn his back on her so easily.

"No, I just think you'd be happier with a man that could be counted on to make dinner dates and concerts and I'm not that guy and never will be." Jack told her.

"You don't try to be that guy Jack." She accused.

"That's right I don't. I am what I am and I'm not going to keep apologizing for that. It's exhausting." He sighed.

"Look Jack, I'm sorry I got so angry with you, but I really wanted my brother to meet you and tonight was kind of special." Carrie told him.

"Why was it special?" Jack asked suddenly feeling guilty for whatever it was he had obviously forgotten.

"It's my birthday Jack." She reminded him.

"Shit, that's right. I had this really great present in mind and I just…..see this is why we need to stop seeing each other. You deserve a guy who will remember your birthday." Jack said softly.

His sincerely regretful face and sad, watery eyes melting her the way they always could were getting to her and she wondered if he knew how irresistible he was, if he used his natural charm and good looks to make women swoon and forgive every awful thing he does or if he really was clueless and just being Jack. She gave up trying to be mad at him and took hold of his hand.

"Come inside, I'll make us some sandwiches." She sighed and pulled him into the apartment with her.

She lay beneath him as he emptied the last of himself into her, their bodies covered with sweat and her starting to come down from the incredible high he'd just taken her to. He was an extremely passionate lover, the things that distracted him so much he could never be on time for anything never managing to distract him in the bedroom. She loved these moments the most because when he was making love to her he was focused solely on her and pleasing her and it was the only time she felt like she had his full attention. She wished that the man she knew in bed was the same man she wanted to build a relationship with everywhere else, but he wasn't and according to him never would be.

They separated, talked for a few minutes and then he slept; his mind and body pushed to their limits, both too exhausted to continue on, but neither shutting down for very long. Four hours later he was awake and attempting to dress without waking her, feeling around in the dark for the clothes she'd peeled off of him on their way to the bed. She was incredibly sexy to him and could make him forget about everything else in his life when they were hungrily going after one another, but he wasn't in love, a man that was in love would never be as busy and forgetful as he allowed himself to be would he?

He managed to dress without waking her. He sat on the bed and kissed her gently, waking her and then making her groan against the absurdly early hour in which he'd chosen to wake her.

"I've got an early surgery so I'm going to let myself out. I'll call you later." He said.

"No you won't. I'll call you this afternoon." She mumbled, kissed him quickly and rolled onto her stomach.

Jack's day went as it typically did, busy with an impossible case load that had him either diagnosing new patients, performing surgery or checking on those patients in the process of healing all while being available to any emergency that required his expertise. Jack loved what he did though, the only drawback being that he seemed to disappoint people that didn't want or need him to be their doctor, but their friend or lover, the unanswered voice mails and text messages from the woman he'd woken up next to that morning a prime example of how distracted with his work he could become. He was in the middle of a difficult consult and could feel the phone vibrating against his leg again and became irritated, excusing himself and stepping out into the hallway. He looked at the name of the caller, sighed heavily and took the call.

"Carrie, I can't talk right now." He said, his tone flat as he tried to mask his aggravation.

"Are you coming by later?" She asked.

"I don't know, let me finish what I'm doing and I'll call you back." He answered and clicked the phone off without giving her a chance to respond and without saying goodbye.

Carrie looked at the phone and then dropped it back into her purse, looking across the table at the friend she was sharing a drink with.

"Why do you put up with that asshole?" The friend asked.

"Because he's really not an asshole, he's actually very sweet, he's just a workaholic." Carrie defended him.

"Really? When was the last time he took you some place other to than to bed?" The friend asked.

"That's not fair Allison, he takes me places. As a matter of fact we are planning a trip to Tahoe over Christmas." Carrie argued.

"Are you sure about that Carrie? I mean he may be nodding his head in October, but what are the odds that it will really happen? The guy forgot your birthday and hasn't bothered to send flowers or anything today to show that he really feels bad about that. I'm sorry, I know you really like this guy, but I don't think he's the one sweetie." Allison told her.

Carrie didn't respond. She knew her friend was right and that she needed to find out exactly where she stood with Jack, but getting him to focus long enough to pry an answer out of him would be difficult. Her phone rang and snapped her out of her thoughts. She saw that it was Jack and shot a satisfied grin at her friend.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey, sorry about that." He said.

"It's okay, I was just wondering if you wanted to come over tonight. I bought something today that I think you'll really like." She told him in a sexy, teasing fashion.

"You did huh? Is it something I get to take off of you?" He asked in the same sexy, teasing fashion.

"Maybe, but you have to buy me dinner first because we need to talk." She bargained and even though she couldn't see him, she could tell his mood and facial expression had changed.

"I can't Carrie, I'm buried in patient files and will be stuck in my office all night, how about this weekend?" He asked.

"Sure, that'll be fine." She agreed and hung up without nailing him down to a time or day.

"Too busy to take you to dinner?" Allison asked.

"Apparently, but that's okay, I'll just take dinner to him." Carrie said.

Jack sat behind his desk pouring through his patient files, making notes and attempting to make sense of the electronic calendar his new secretary had set up for him. He heard the light knock on the door and then smiled lightly when he saw her enter the room.

"Hey, how'd you get in here?" Jack asked.

"I promised the security guard sexual favors." Carrie teased.

"I think I should be flattered that a woman would make such a huge sacrifice just to see me." Jack chuckled.

"It's not so huge. I mean he is kind of cute in a backwoods serial killer kind of way." She told him and winked.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked, dropping his pen, leaning back in his chair and doing his best to give her his full attention.

"Since you couldn't take me to dinner, I brought dinner to you." She told him, watching him chew lightly on his bottom lip knowing he was about to piss her off.

"That was really thoughtful Carrie and I appreciate it, but I've already eaten. I grabbed a meal across the street with a couple of my colleagues earlier." Jack admitted.

"So you had time to eat with your doctor friends, but not with me?" Carrie accused.

"No, it's not like that Carrie. It was close and we ducked out for about 45 minutes and had a quick meal, that's all." Jack explained.

"God you are a thoughtless, almost heartless bastard sometimes." Carrie seethed as she fought back the tears that were threatening to escape.

"Carrie, please don't be upset or take it personally, I really did just step out for less than an hour to eat and I've been in here since. I swear." Jack pleaded with her, not overly concerned that she was angry, but hated the idea that he'd hurt her and that she was about to cry.

"What is this Jack?" Carrie asked.

"What is what?" He asked.

"What is this thing between us because I'm starting to feel like nothing more than just a convenient piece of ass." She told him and lost the battle, allowing a tear to steam down her cheek.

God he hated it when women cried, hated that he could do that to them without really being sure how or why it was happening, but knowing that he was the cause of the tears. He moved from behind his desk and approached her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his chest.

"See Carrie this is why we should've agreed not to see each other anymore because I didn't want to hurt you, but apparently I have." Jack said.

"Is it really that simple for you Jack? Can you really just walk away? Do I mean so little to you after five months of letting you fuck my brains out?" She yelled and pulled away from his embrace.

'"So all this time you have just been letting me fuck you? Would that have been before or after I had to pry your mouth off of my dick?" He spat back angrily and got slapped hard.

"How can you be like this Jack? How can you cruise through life with nobody to love or love you back?" She asked.

"I cruise through life just fine Carrie." Jack answered and sighed heavily.

"So I guess the plans for Tahoe for Christmas were just your way of appeasing me for now. You were never going to leave this place for four days were you?" She accused.

"I'm sorry Carrie, but I can't feel things I don't feel and you seem to want more from me than I can give at the moment." Jack answered, not bothering to deny that Tahoe most likely never would've happened.

"Okay Jack, but just be honest with me. Will you ever be able to give me more than what you're giving me now? Will you ever love me Jack?" She asked.

"Carrie, I don't know how to answer that. The longest relationship I've ever had lasted about ten months and I couldn't tell you if I was in love, but I'm guessing I wasn't because I packed my bags and left and never looked back. I just don't connect with people on that intense of an emotional level." Jack told her and sat on the edge of his desk.

He wasn't feeding her a line, he was serious, he really had no idea if he was capable of feeling a very basic human emotion and he looked so confused and regretful that she wanted to wrap him up in a hug and promise him everything would be okay, but resisted.

"That's ridiculous Jack. You're one of the kindest people I know, you instinctively love and care about people. I think you just shut down and refuse to be loved and refuse to acknowledge how good that feels so that you won't miss it when it's gone." Carrie said sadly.

"Spare me the dime store psychology. I'm in love with my work Carrie and it doesn't get any more complicated than that. I could walk away from you tonight with my only regret being that I had managed to hurt you in some manner, but I could never walk away from medicine. I'm sorry, that's who I am and most likely all I'll ever be able to offer to you." Jack explained delivering the final blow to their already fragile relationship.

"I feel sorry for you Jack Shephard. You're going to wake up one day and realize just how alone you are." Carrie said.

"I'm sorry Carrie, I never meant to hurt you. Come on I'll walk you to your car." Jack said.

"No thanks Jack I can get there just fine on my own. My friends kept telling me that I was wasting my time with you, that you were just using me for sex." Carrie accused.

"I wasn't using you for sex. You act like you weren't a willing participant. What is it with women? Why does fucking have to equal true love? Did you not want it Carrie? Did you think that letting me into your pants was the quickest way to get me to propose so you just pretended?" Jack defended himself, frustrated with the conversation.

"Of course not Jack, I guess I had just hoped that we were more than just friends with benefits." Carrie said.

"Did I ever give you any reason to believe we were more than that?" Jack asked wishing he could take it back as soon as he said it.

"Go to hell Jack." Carrie spat and slammed out of his office.

Present Day - Los Angeles

"Did you hear a word that I said Dr. Shephard?" The woman sitting on the other side of his desk asked.

"I'm sorry, what?" Jack asked, pulling himself back from his memories.

"Do you remember a woman named Carrie Jansen or not?" She asked.

"Yes, I worked out of Johns Hopkins about seven years ago and we dated for awhile. Why?" Jack asked.

"She died a little over a week ago and she made some very specific arrangements for you to have something." The woman told him.

"She died? What happened?" Jack asked.

"Cancer." The woman said and handed him an envelope.

"You flew all the way from Baltimore to bring me a letter?" Jack asked.

"No, there's more than just the letter, but I thought I'd let you read the letter before we talk about why I'm here.." She said.

"I'm sorry, who are you again?" Jack asked starting to realize something potentially serious was going on.

"I'm Amanda Greggart, I'm an attorney and I was also a close friend of Carrie's. You should read the letter and then we'll talk." She told him.

"No, I'm too busy to play games, just tell me why you are here." Jack demanded.

The woman looked at him, could see the aggravation written all over his face, sighed heavily and pulled a folder out of her briefcase. She opened the folder and placed it in front him.

"That is Sam, Samuel Jack Shephard, your son." Amanda told him the news literally knocking him backwards away from the file as if it were hot and had burned his hands.

"No, it's not." Jack finally spoke.

"According to Carrie he is yours. You should read the letter Dr. Shephard." Amanda said.

"Okay, let's say he is my son, why exactly are you here? Do you want money?" Jack asked.

"The child just lost his mother and is for all intents and purposes an orphan, he needs a home and I'm not sure why, but Carrie felt that he should be with you." Amanda explained seeing immediately that the good doctor wanted no part of Carrie's plan.

"Well she was wrong. I'm sorry, I hope things work out for the boy, but….." Jack tried to object.

"He's your son. Does that not mean anything to you?" Amanda asked.

"Should it? I don't know him, didn't even know he existed until 5 minutes ago. Am I supposed to get emotional and instantly feel paternal?" Jack asked, his tone clinical as if he were having a discussion with a patient.

"Okay, maybe you don't understand Dr. Shephard. You are that child's biological father and by default his legal guardian. You don't get to refuse, but I suppose you can always go to court and make him a ward of the state if you can't be bothered. Read the letter Dr. Shephard." Amanda ordered, disgusted with his attitude.

Jack started to argue but she put her hand up, waving him off and then pointing toward the envelope she'd given him. He sighed heavily and tore open the envelope. He pulled the letter out and a picture fell out onto the desk when he unfolded it. He ignored the picture and began reading the letter:

Jack,

I'm guessing that right now you are feeling angry and betrayed and are probably looking desperately for an out because you haven't given your brain a chance to accept what this means and attach an emotional response to the situation. I realize the scientist in you will demand all the necessary tests, but you don't need to do more than look at the enclosed picture and see your eyes and your smile to know in your heart that he is yours.

Yes I tricked you, lied to you, deceived you by letting you believe you were participating in safe sex. No, it wasn't fair to do that to you, but I was in love you with you Jack and I wanted a baby and yes it was a selfish thing for me to do to you and a selfish thing to do to Sam. You were so sweet that night you showed up with flowers and jewelry, trying to apologize, trying to fix things between us a few days after that awful fight. Then we made love and it was so perfect and so beautiful and as we lay together in each other's arms afterward, I almost told you that I was two months pregnant, but you told me your news first.

When a man can make love to a woman with that much passion and then during post coital cuddling tell her that he's accepted a position at a hospital in Los Angeles and will be leaving at the end of the month, that man is not in love and never will be. You're a good man with a conscience and a good heart, so much so you needed to know that you tried to make things right between us before you moved on with your career, a career that is the only thing in life you truly love with all your heart.

I knew that I could've told you about the baby and that you would've stuck around or dragged us along with you out of a sense of obligation, but I didn't want to be with you because I trapped you, I wanted to be with you because you wanted me to be with you. So, I let you walk away without knowing.

I know that you can love your son Jack. I regret having kept him from you all these years because when your life gets cut short you start to take stock and realize what is or isn't important and it is important for Sam to know his father because his father is someone worth knowing. I gave him your name when he was born and you are listed as the father on the birth certificate, I just never wanted to push something on you that you didn't want, but as it stands fate has left me no choice, but to do that very thing.

I know this is sudden and perhaps even a bit scary, but it's the right thing to do Jack, for you and for Sam. You have a big heart Jack and it's time to open it up and get to know and eventually love your son. You couldn't love me, but you gave me the best of you, or I suppose you could say I took it. Regardless, on May 17, 2002 I was blessed with a most precious gift and I am now entrusting that gift to you.

Love Always,

Carrie

Jack picked up the picture and studied it for a moment. He could see her in him and felt a twinge of sadness over the idea that she was dead. He placed the picture and the letter back inside the envelope and relaxed back into his chair.

"I can't believe she did this." Jack said and let go of a long, frustrated breathy sigh.

"She said you'd be resistant." Amanda said.

"Resistant?" Jack said and let go of a sarcastic chuckle.

"I understand this must be difficult for you…." She tried to empathize.

"You don't understand anything. This isn't difficult it's insane. What about his grandparents or her brother? I'll pay whatever support is necessary and provide for his education, but he'd be better off with anyone but me, trust me on this." Jack said.

"Her parents have been dead since she was a teenager. I can't believe that never came up." Amanda informed him.

"It did, it just slipped my mind. Okay, so what about her brother?" Jack asked.

"Her brother was diagnosed with ALS nearly two years ago. I'm guessing I don't have to tell you what that means." Amanda said.

"It means he's not got much time left. So that's it? I'm just supposed to swallow all of this and agree to play daddy?" Jack asked, more of a statement of defeat than a question.

"Pretty much Dr. Shephard." Amanda said.

"So, how does this work? Am I supposed to fly to Baltimore and bring him back here?" Jack asked.

"No, he's already here. You just need to walk out into your waiting room and introduce yourself to him." Amanda told him taking note of the panic and shock that spread over his facial features immediately.

"No, that's not possible. I can't do this now, not today, not this week. I need some time." Jack argued.

"I'm sorry, but this is how it has to be. Time is up. Your son needs a home. His things have already been shipped to your address and should be arriving within the next few days." She told him.

"You aren't seriously going to just drop a six year old in my lap and leave?" Jack asked incredulously.

"I am." She said and stood to leave.

"No, wait you can't do this, I've got patients waiting to see me, work to do, what am I supposed to do with him?" Jack pleaded with her.

Amanda stopped and turned to face him.

"You know when Carrie told me that I would have to do this, that I would have to literally drop him on your doorstep because it was the only way to make you face it and deal with it, I thought it was the morphine talking, because no man is that big of an ass, but you've shown me the light. I have no idea what she thought she saw in you that would make her trust the one thing that meant more to her than life itself to your care, but I hope to God whatever it was is really in there some place." Amanda huffed and left the office.

Jack moved from behind his desk and followed the woman out, shocked and curious at the same time. He tried to catch up with her, get her to slow down, calling after her angrily and drawing the attention of the other doctors he shared the facility with as well as the nurses and the patients waiting to be seen. She stopped and he did too, seeing the small child sitting quietly in a chair holding onto a stuffed toy. She kneeled down and took hold of the child's hand.

"Sam, can you say hello to Jack?" Amanda asked the child.

Jack stood back, hands on his hips and every bit as terrified as the little boy that was looking up at him. The child pulled his feet up into the chair, pulling his knees into his chest and put his head down, refusing to look at anyone or make a sound. Amanda stood up and looked at Jack.

"He's been through a lot." Amanda said hoping to trigger something that resembled compassion from the large man who didn't seem to realize how intimidating his size was to the little boy.

"Does he know who I supposedly am? Does he know why he's here?" Jack asked her.

"No, Carrie thought it was best if you two met without him having any preconceived notions about what you were going to be to him. He's very confused and misses his mother." Amanda told him.

Jack glanced down at the child and could see that he was trembling and the reality of the situation finally sank in. This small person was most likely his and his responsibility and it didn't matter whether he wanted to be a dad or not because there was a small, helpless person that needed somebody to make sure he was taken care of. He squatted down to the child's level and placed a gentle hand on the boy's head and then moved it down to his shoulder.

"It's okay Sam, don't be afraid." Jack said softly.

The boy lifted his head enough to peek out at the source of the voice.

"Are you a doctor?" Sam asked.

"Yes." Jack answered.

"I'm not sick." Sam argued.

"I know. Your mom was a very good friend of mine and she wants me look out for you. I'm Jack." Jack said in a soft, non-threatening tone and held his hand out for the boy to shake.

Sam relaxed and straightened his legs back out. He put his small hand into Jack's and let him shake it.

"My second name is Jack." The boy told him.

Jack forced a nervous smile and held his hand out.

"Would you like to come with me now?" Jack asked.

"No. I want to go home." Sam refused.

"Sam, you're going to live here now." Amanda said.

"Why? I don't want to." Sam asked as he fought his tears and began trembling again.

Jack looked at the small boy, frightened, confused and no mother to comfort him and it got to him. He mentally cursed Carrie for doing this not only to him, but to this innocent child that had to be completely lost at this point.

The scene unfolding in the crowded waiting room was becoming the main attraction and one of the six doctors Jack shared the office space with approached from behind just as Jack stood back up.

"Jack is everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, yeah, it's um, it's a long story, but it's okay. Could you do me a favor? Put this in my office and get Dana to clear my schedule for the rest of the day?" Jack asked as he removed his lab coat and handed it to his colleague.

"Yeah sure, but can you do all of us a favor and take whatever this is out of the waiting room?" He asked.

"Of course, I'm sorry." Jack said.

"Is everything I need in that folder you gave me?" Jack asked Amanda.

"Yes, all the necessary documents are in there." Amanda said.

"Great, you can go now." Jack dismissed her.

"What are you going to do?" Amanda asked.

"What concern is it of yours?" He snapped.

"Are you going to take care of him?" She asked.

"He'll get taken care of." Jack assured her.

"What does that mean?" She pushed.

"Look lady, you've done your job so go home." Jack snapped at her, scaring the child back into a curled up position.

"Fine Dr. Shephard. My phone numbers are in the folder if you have any questions." Amanda told him and reluctantly left him alone with the frightened child.

Jack looked down at the boy and decided there was no delicate way to handle this. The child was traumatized and scared and nothing he could do in a moment would change that. He reached down and picked the boy up. He didn't resist or put up any kind of fight and Jack found himself wishing he had, deciding it would've been less difficult to deal with. Instead, in a move of complete sadness and resignation, he simply wrapped his tiny arms around Jack's neck, let his head rest on his shoulder and whimpered and cried and shook.

Jack grabbed the child's small backpack from beside the chair and disappeared down a hallway to the lab that was part of the facility. Ten minutes and two quick finger sticks later they walked out of the medical building, the child close to sobbing and the man ready to join him.

Sam cried himself to sleep in the car, his small body stretched out over the backseat, refusing to sit up with the seatbelt properly fastened. Jack pulled into the driveway of his home his head still trying to catch up with what had just happened, his life drastically changed since he'd left his home a few hours ago. He would wait for the results of the paternity tests and decide what exactly he was going to do with Sam even though he had no reason to doubt that Carrie had really done this to him, to them. He retrieved the sleeping child from the car, carried him into the house and laid him in a bed in one of the guest rooms. He covered him with a blanket, placed the stuffed toy beside him and looked at him for a moment.

"I don't know what your mom was thinking kid, but I'm sure I can't do this." Jack mumbled and walked out of the room.