It is inevitable that they are sent to the colony.

Utilizing the flagship for little more than a glorified supply run is not logically necessary, but entirely expected. Not least because of its captain's particular status. It is a symbolic gesture demonstrating the Federation's solidarity with the Vulcan race, a reassurance that they will not be abandoned in their time of greatest need. The Vulcan High Council has reassembled itself as best it could and Spock meets with them as ordained.

His father is cordial and displays no regret over Spock's decision to remain in Starfleet. The other members of the council are far less forgiving, but the majority of Spock's attention is drawn by the quiet consideration of his other self. The elder Spock has no official position on the council, but he is ever-present.

He does not speak to Spock directly moreso than is immediately required of him. It would seem perfectly natural if not for their unique circumstance. What he does, more than anything else, is watch. Spock would chafe under this observation alone, but what bothers him more is the fact that he is not the only one being observed. His other self watches various other crewmembers as well. He says nothing to them, barely approaches them as far as Spock sees, but Spock bristles at the scrutiny.

Spock was only briefly acquainted with Jim Kirk prior to Kirk meeting his other self, but it is still evident that something changed in Kirk after that meeting. Kirk returned to the Enterprise with new knowledge and a clear purpose and it is not hard to deduce at least some of the motivation behind it. Spock does not like to consider what his other self might try to drive other crewmembers significant to him to do, what vision he might have of their lives. His senior officers are all aware of the split in the timeline, but knowing that an alternate life existed for you and actually being compared to that standard--being made aware of the specifics of that existence--are substantially different things.

Of course, there is little that Spock can do if someone chooses to seek out such information. A frisson of fear runs through him at the thought of Nyota and their recent reconciliation. He cannot begin to imagine what his other self could tell her; he does not want to imagine it. Every option seems equally unfortunate, bringing with it a host of unique anxieties. And though it is doubtful that anyone else's potential discoveries would affect him so directly, Spock cannot imagine that they would be any more beneficial to the people they did involve.

He knows that he cannot stop people from seeking out his other self. But he determines on the third day that he can request that his other self take caution, employ restraint, and not repeat the machinations in which he engaged on Delta Vega.

When Spock goes to the residential building in which the leaders of the reconstruction effort—and thus Vulcan society—are staying, Jim Kirk is on his way out. Their eyes meet and Kirk nods acknowledgment, but continues apace. Spock has no doubt who Kirk has been seeing.

His other self invites him into the modest apartment without comment and offers him a cup of tea, which Spock declines. There is something different about the elder Vulcan since Spock last saw him, though he cannot pinpoint what it is. Indeed, he is not feeling charitable enough to especially want to try. However, it makes itself completely apparent in the long moment that the older man leans over the tea kettle before pouring his own cup. The heavy weight of disappointment is visible in the set of his shoulders.

"It is not what you planned," Spock says.

His other self requires no further elucidation.

"'Planned' is too strong a word," he replies neutrally.

Spock stands straight, hands clasped behind his back, immovable.

"I have little desire to argue semantics."

The impression of a smile, the slightest turning up of the corners of his mouth, the softening of the lines of the older man's face, is evident.

"We both know that is not true."

Spock does not challenge the assertion. "May I ask with regard to what you were speaking with my first officer?"

His other self sits, carefully lowering himself into a chair in front of the nearby table, exhibiting more weariness than Spock has previously seen from him.

"Jim required some encouragement."

Spock's mouth curves before he can stop it. It is not a smile.

"Should I be concerned about any imminent 'acts of faith'?"

The aura of calm serenity frays around the edges. Spock thinks that if this man were not him in so many ways, he might not have noticed.

"I did what I thought was right. As did he."

"He did what you told him to do," Spock corrects. "And in expectation of the outcome you presented."

The elder Spock nods slowly and takes a long draught of his tea before he speaks again.

"Jim has spoken to you of my timeline then."

"No. I deduced on my own that in your universe James Kirk is captain of the Enterprise, not yourself."

"Not at this juncture, no," he confirms. His voice takes on that familiar wistful quality and Spock's fist clenches instinctively behind his back. "And not in a situation anything like this. Jim was the captain for many years. Great years. And I served at his side, and he led us through things you cannot yet imagine, things it seemed impossible to survive."

Spock finds that he must unclench his jaw before he can speak. "I do not know whether to be insulted by your evident lack of faith in my abilities or merely to consider it indicative of low self-esteem."

"I do not recall being quite so sardonic in my own youth." His gaze is steady.

"Whatever was to be is no longer," Spock says firmly.

"I know that!" his other self says, slamming his cup down with unnecessary force. Spock tilts his head, taken aback, and they both pause as they absorb the outburst.

When the elder Spock speaks again, his voice is still not properly modulated. It is rough and tired, strains of emotion easily perceivable.

"And for myself what simply was is no longer either."

Realization takes hold and Spock's perception shifts. His other self is not just nostalgic or mourning past glory. He is mourning the loss of his entire universe. They, all of them, in this world don't only exist without knowledge of the lives they lived, but with only the most basic and simplistic conception of the other reality at all. It is an idea to them, a theory. To this man, it is a reality; it is his home. Everything that he ever did and was is now displaced from him forever. Spock has his own future to determine, his elder self no longer even has a past.

"It is difficult to look at this world and not see a second chance," he says. "A do-over, as some might say. But you are right. Your world is not mine. I've seen them all." Spock refrains from asking for specifics about to whom he is referring. "It is as though I have woken up surrounded by strangers costumed as those most dear to me and most lost. Disconcerting to say the least. And you…well, I suppose I am by no means the first man who has ever had trouble gazing into the mirror, not entirely certain who was staring back at him."

"I am not your reflection. Nor are you mine. We exist independently of each other. Such is our fate," Spock says. It is true. Though, he sees now, it is not all that is. "But I grieve with thee."

The other man stares at him, their identical eyes meeting, and with the traditional utterance understanding passes between them perhaps for the first time.

"I did leave you to it. I will again."

"I will try, when possible, to follow my heart as I have done since then. More than that, I cannot do. More than that, I do not wish to contemplate." Spock turns, but stops before moving towards the door. "However, if I understand anything about you, I do not believe that you would truly wish for me to do so. Not solely for your sake."

Spock does not look back in an attempt to read his other self's reaction. Whether that is entirely true is something he thinks they would both prefer him not know. Instead he hears only the final benediction, stated with as much sincerity as the first time his twin said it.

"Good luck."

oOo

"Aren't you even curious?" Nyota asks as she pulls her brush through her hair. They are two days gone from the colony, currently in geosynchronous orbit with a previously uncharted planet for which they are completing preliminary surveys. They are also due on duty in forty-three minutes. Prior to their reconciliation, Spock would have been fully prepared for his shift at least a half hour before now. For once, however, he does not mind a decrease in efficiency.

"The existence of curiosity alone does not necessitate satisfying it," Spock responds.

"Maybe not for you."

Spock pauses in his own grooming. Evidently, this is not an idle conversation. "But for you?"

"I saw him," Nyota admits.

Spock watches her, waiting. Her behavior has not significantly changed in any way since they left the colony, but it is entirely possible that something subtle slipped past his notice.

"I didn't speak to him, not at length. But I was curious." She smiles and Spock finds it difficult to remain alarmed or anxious. He returns to his preparations.

"Do you want to know?" she asks. He does not need to ask to what she is referring. His hand pauses on the strap of his boot, indecisive. Finally, he nods, assenting.

"We weren't together in his universe," she says. Spock cannot read the emotion behind it, regret or sorrow or acceptance.

"Did he tell you that?"

"He didn't have to. I could tell by the way he looked at me."

"And what way was that?"

"Not like you."

Spock imagines being a century and a half old and forever separated from Nyota, by death or by extraordinary temporal anomalies or by both. He is certain that there would, indeed, be something noticeable about the manner in which he looked at her younger self.

"That is logical," he allows.

"Does it bother you?" Nyota asks after they have continued to ready themselves for a few silent moments.

"No," Spock answers honestly. "I…regret that my other self did not experience the happiness that I have experienced with you, but I cannot know that whatever relationships he cultivated for himself did not also make him content. In either case, we are unaffected by choices made or not made by alternate incarnations of us."

Nyota smiles, but does not offer her own opinion.

"Does it bother you, then?"

She sighs. "It's weird, a little disconcerting but…the way I see it, there was that universe where we weren't together and you weren't captain. Maybe there's another where I never joined Starfleet or you never left Vulcan. Maybe there are some where neither of us exists. The choices I've made have led me here and that's why this is where I belong. After that, it's all academic."

They do not discuss it further, but he grasps her hand briefly in his own when they head towards the door and knows that she feels agreement pass between them.

oOo

When Spock walks into his ready room, Kirk is waiting for him. Spock pauses briefly before continuing to his desk. He sits and arranges himself before speaking.

"Is there something I can help you with, Lieutenant?"

"I was jealous." Kirk says on an exhalation, almost like a sigh.

"Excuse me?"

"I was jealous of you," he repeats. "So, I spent a lot of time being an ass. And while I do think that you need to act a little less like you have the Starfleet regulations tattooed on the insides of your eyelids, mostly, it wasn't about you. This you anyway. So, I'm sorry."

This sits between them, nothing for which Spock was ever waiting, nothing he ever truly expected, but fulfilling a need nonetheless. It also makes clear his own obligations, responses to cues he is still learning to notice and understand. He gives his reply long consideration before working himself up to actually voicing it.

"I have, on occasion, been unduly resentful of you as well," he admits. "I did not always give your input the amount of consideration that it was due and I made little effort to 'reach out to you' as it were. For this, I too apologize."

Kirk eyes widen, confusion plain at receiving an apology of his own, his obvious expectation having been to offer one to dispassionate acceptance at best.

"I have surprised you," Spock observes.

"More and more," Kirk admits, shaking his head. "You know, one of the first things Pike ever said to me was 'I dare you to do better.' Then Old You, he painted this picture where I had, you know. I'd done better than…everyone." Kirk's frustration is plain. This is difficult for him, not just the admission and making it to Spock, but the entire situation weighs on him still. "And this, this ship, being First Officer, it's amazing. But, just my luck, not quite as. It's hard to let that go."

Spock's confusion is genuine. "Why should you 'let that go'?"

"What is that, a job offer? You resigning, Spock?" Kirk asks, voice dry.

"No," Spock replies. "I seek only to point out that based solely upon your own proven skills and abilities, it is illogical to assume that simply because you are not currently a starship captain, you will never be one."

"Huh." Kirk crosses his arms. "That was actually nice."

Spock feels it would not be prudent to point out that he was merely stating fact.

He says, "Nice has variable definitions. When the time comes for you to submit personnel evaluations, I would advise you to employ better diction."

Jim laughs, then grins. For the first time Spock has seen since he made the man's acquaintance, there is no challenge in it.

oOo

"Captain, course is set," Chekov announces as Spock strides onto the bridge when it is time for them to leave orbit.

He takes his seat in the command chair, back erect, gaze focused straight ahead.

"Mister Scott says we're clear," Nyota confirms from behind him. He turns the chair just enough to catch her in his peripheral vision and nods.

"Good to go over here," Jim says, his apt attention on the readouts from his station.

Spock can hear the smile in Sulu's voice when he reports.

"Ready at warp factor three, sir."

"Engage," Spock commands.

Space contracts, then expands, and the entire universe stretches out before them.

Author's Note: End of the road. But I should be uploading a missing scene fic under separate cover later today. It involves sexytiems.