A Harry Potter Christmas
By: Glossy
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, you guys and gals all know that. Now, these humor fic's are not to be taken seriously, no flaming please. I, for one, think this is the stupidest thing I ever wrote for Harry Potter so be thankful I don't do much of it. Again, I'm not making money off this and I do not own Harry Potter (duh), and again NO FLAMING. It's as simple as that, if you hate stupid humor fic's don't read it, if you do, read it.
Simple eh?
I also got some idea's from my buddy Candy *Big thanks to her!* ^_^
*Harry sits in a big arm chair sipping hot chocolate*
Hermione: America sure is nice! Glad we came up here on Christmas break! (looks out the window at all the snow)
Harry: Yeah
(Ron comes in through the door)
Ron: Hey guys, guess what? The ponds frozen so we can go ice skating
Hermione: Oh good *goes to put on her skates*
*Harry already has his on*
Ron: Harry! (looks mortified)
*Harry looks up*
Ron: How could you already have your skates on?
Harry: I just wore them all day
Ron: Oooohhh that makes perfect sense....wink wink
*Hermione comes back ready to skate*
Harry: Ron aren't you gonna put your skates on?
Ron: No, I don't need them, I'm a born seagull
Hermione: Knowing how to fly has nothing to do with skating stupid!
Ron: Oh sure it does
(On the pond)
WARNING: THIN ICE
Hermione: I guess we can't skate
Harry: Yeah too bad
Ron: Oh come on guys, use your imagination! Just pretend there's no sign
Harry: I still see a sign
Hermione: Maybe if we squint our eyes a little it will disappear
Ron: No! Just pretend it's not there
Harry: I still see it
Ron: Ugh!
Hermione: Ron, your not skating, end of story
Ron: Fine, fine...
*Ron runs off*
Harry: So, whatta ya wanna do now?
Hermione: Get some coffee
Harry: All right sounds cool, they still serving Expresso?
Hermione: No, people complained it was to gross and thick like mud
Harry: Damn
**Ron is in the forest**
Ron: I know I can fly like a seagull (talking to a squirrel) But I don't think my friends really believe me
(Squirrel nods)
Ron: You believe me right?
(Squirrel nods)
Ron: Yeah, I always knew I could count on you
(Squirrel nods)
*Voldemort comes out of nowhere*
Voldemort: Ron, I am your father
Ron: Really!? Voldemort: No
Ron: But you just said you were!
Voldemort: I lied, I just said that for kicks
Ron: Well, who's father are you really?
Voldemort: That squirrels
*Ron looks at the Squirrel in bewilderment*
Ron: You trader!
(Squirrel nods)
Voldemort: Did I miss something?
Ron: After I spilled all my secrets to you!
Voldemort: You spilled your secrets to a Squirrel?
Ron: Yeah,...is that bad? Voldemort: That's sad
*Squirrel jumps on Voldemort's shoulder*
Voldemort: We have things to do, we will return to kill Potter
(Voldemort *and the Squirrel both disappear)
***At Starbucks***
Harry: I hate this cappuccino! What a crudy day I'm having, and on Christmas too!
Hermione: Harry you can't let coffee ruin your Christmas
Harry: I guess you're right, but I still think they need to get expresso back
*Hermione goes on about something as Harry desperately tries to scoop off the foam but it keeps falling back in his coffee
Hermione: You listening? Harry: Yeah, of course
Hermione: What did I say then?
Harry: Uh...I don't know
Hermione: Ugh, you know sometimes your just so stupi-
***Ron barges in StarBucks***
Ron: Guys!
Hermione: Excuse me?
Ron: Oh yeah right...
***Ron walks back outside and barges through again, everyone is staring at him* ***
Ron: Guys and girl!
(Hermione nods in approval not liking to be referred to as a guy)
Harry: What's new? Whatever it is it can't be as bad as this cappuccino
Ron: No way dude *sits in a chair* they got rid of expresso?
Harry: Yeah I know, it's like awful *looks as if about to cry*
Hermione: Oh come off it you two! Ron, did you have something important to tell us, by the um...well, because you barged in here...
Ron: Oh yeah, almost forgot, I got the memory expansion of a rodent you know
(Hermione and Harry exchange looks)
Ron: So what I was going to tell you was all of Jessica Simpsons new CD's are sold out
Hermione: You know of CD's?
Ron: I've gotten around...
Harry: That's awful *sniff* (he looked as if about to cry remember? now he has two things to cry about)
*Voldemort breaks through the roof and a bunch of girls scream*
(Ron screams because the Squirrel is *back!*)
Ron: Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you....Voldemort said in the forest he was gonna come back to kill Harry, damn....I knew I forgot something
(Hermione slaps Ron in the face with a news paper)
Voldemort: That's right kiddies I'm back! (laughs like a woman)
(Squirrel starts laughing)
*Ron covers his ears looking horrified of the Squirrels laugh*
Ron: Oh Squirrel how could have you forsaken me!?
(Ron looks pathetic because the news print printed off on his face)
*Harry makes a rather strange noise, combination of trying not to laugh and crying*
Voldemort: How come you guys ain't scared of me? Hermione: We already know what's gonna happen (files nails). You attack-Harry gets hurt-there's a battle-Harry eventually wins and everyone's happy
Voldemort: That is not GOING TO HAPPEN this time!
Hermione: Is that a guarantee?
Voldemort:................
Hermione: See (sticks her tongue out at him)
Harry: This is SO hopeless!*trying to scoop foam off his cappuccino but it keeps falling* *Harry slams his head on the table and cries hysterically*
Hermione:....................!!! (slaps her forehead)
*in the background Ron is dancing to the new Jessica Simpson CD because the squirrel turned it on*
*the door to Starbucks busts open*
*Glossy comes in wearing a orange tank top with a leather jacket with fuzzies on it and dark blue jeans with low platform gym shoes, which are black*
Glossy: Oh my God! It's Harry Potter! *runs and hugs him*
Harry: I'm scared. Help me.
Hermione: Who are you?
Glossy: Why, I'm a writer on fanfiction.net and I write stories about all of you
Ron: What are you trying to say, that I'm mentally challenged?!
Glossy: What!?!?
Harry:Uh....
Voldemort: Stop this madness! I was in the middle of something very important and you just-
*Glossy glares at him*
Glossy: I can put you in a cage
Voldemort: No you can't, your just an author *laughs*
Glossy: Watch me. It's something we authors can do so don't mess with us
*snaps fingers and Voldemort is now it a cage*
*Voldemort shakes the cage maniacally and does monkey noises*
Ron: *cries* I don't want to be part of the dream team anymore! It's scary!
Hermione: Get a hold of yourself *shakes Ron*
*Glossy snaps her fingers and Voldemort gets let out*
Glossy: *sigh* If looks could kill...*looks at Voldemort*
*Voldemort is drinking a coffee and chokes and dies*
*Harry laughs like a lunatic*
Hermione and Ron: Oh my God looks can kill!
(Pause)
Hermione and Ron: Jinx!
(there both silent)
Glossy: What the shit!? *looks at Voldemort* *shrugs* oh well, didn't expect that to happen
*A game show guy comes out of no where*
Game show guy: Hello everyone! It's time to play SURVIVOR!
All:..........!?
Harry: How can we play survivor?
Game show guy: You guys rented a cabin out here right?
Harry: Right
Game show guy: You, Glossy, Ron, Hermione and a special added bonus guest will be playing survivor in the cabin with you. The rules are you can't leave the cabin for anything! Who ever can live the longest without going crazy first wins! Glossy, will you do the honors?
Glossy: *sigh* yes, but what if we run out of food?
Game show guy: Who cares!
Harry: She's right, I mean we didn't really stock up...
*Glossy snaps fingers and there all at the cabin*
*Draco Malfoy comes in! (the special guest) yeah, right...the other kinda of special (special ed)*
Glossy: Oh, gawd!
Harry: Ugh!
Hermione: (silence)
Ron: (silence)
Harry: What's so special about you?
Draco: I can tell the difference between butter and I can't believe it's not butter
*Glossy gives him a weird look*
(Harry sits in a chair and turns on the TV)
(The chair breaks)
Harry: Shit, I spent all summer making this *starts crying*
Draco: W-E-I-R-D-O damn weirdo, who spends all their time making a chair *Draco picks up the broken chair and throws it in the fire place)
Harry: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Glossy: Hermione-Hermione-Hermione. Ron-Ron-Ron
*Hermione and Ron both start talking*
Draco: What did you do?
Glossy: Un-jinxed them dumb ass
Draco: Oh. Say, I'm free this weekend if you wanna... *sits on the couch next to Glossy*
Glossy: Back off blondie or I'll shove an apple in your mouth. And where the hell would we go Draco if I did go out with you? the cellar? We're playing survivor in our own cabin if you haven't noticed, we can't even go in the backyard
*Draco is silent*
Harry: Ha ha ha ha ha (laughs at Draco) *Harry chokes on his own spit*
Draco: Well,...
*Glossy shoves an apple in his mouth*
Ron: FOOD FIGHT!
*Ron throws a can of chicken soup at Hermione's head*
Hermione: OW! open the can first stupid!
*Glossy throws an orange at Draco*
Draco: What's with all the fruit Glossy? Ah, your paying attention to me...you want me
Glossy: *SCREAMS!* (As Draco chases her around the house)
*Harry dumps a bunch of cereal on Ron as Hermione pours milk on him*
*Glossy is now throwing plastic fruit at Draco*
Hermione: What chaos!
*Glossy jumps on the fridge and Draco jumps up after her (the fridge can't hold both of them and it falls over)*
*Ron throws a box of ice cream at Draco's head and he passes out*
Glossy: Thank God
*Hermione runs upstairs covering her head with her hands*
(eventually the food fight between Ron, Harry, and Glossy settles and they just go and watch TV)
(The house is still a huge mess)
Ron: Pass the popcorn
*Glossy throws a piece at Ron but Harry jumps and eats it*
Harry: Mmmm yum! Carmel
Glossy: What!? carmel!? I hate carmel popcorn! *throws the bowl on the floor*
Harry: What kind did you think it was?
Glossy: Butter
Harry: Are you feeling okay?
Glossy: Fine and dandy....*nurses her wounds from falling off the fridge*
Ron: Butter!? Carmel!? I thought it was cheese popcorn! *Harry and Glossy exchange glances*
Harry: Ron, what color is this? *Harry holds up a piece of popcorn*
Ron: Brownish
Harry: Then how could it be the cheese kind?
Ron: I dunno! How could it be butter?
*Harry and Ron both look at Glossy*
Glossy: Hey, I fell off the fridge
*They all go back to watching Dawson's Creek*
*Hermione comes down*
Hermione: Is it safe?
Ron: Yeah, yeah (hypnotized by the TV)
*Hermione runs down the stairs*
Hermione: Oooo popcorn! Eeeww carmel! Harry: *sigh* Am I the only one that likes carmel?
*Everyone nods*
Hermione: I wanted plain
Ron and Glossy: Eeeeewww!
Ron: Plain sucks and you know it!
Hermione: It does not!
Ron: Does to!
Harry: Shut the bloody hell up!
Glossy: Ugh...what else is on...(flips channel and Barney comes on)
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hermione: Change the channel! Change the channel! *shakes Glossy*
Harry: Stop shaking people Hermione!
Glossy: I can't! The batteries are dead!
Ron: Well, let's go get some more batteries from the cellar! Harry: There's no time for that fool!
*Ron throws a hammer to Glossy*
*Glossy takes a run and busts the TV with the hammer and glass goes everywhere*
Hermione: I don't think that was necessary
*Draco comes in*
Draco: What the hell is going on? (rubs head)
*Chaos starts again*
*Harry busts a chair on Draco's back*
Draco: Damn it! I'm crippled enough jack ass!
Glossy: STOP IT!!!!!!!
*Hermione punches Glossy*
Glossy: Ow! what was that for? Hermione: I'm in charge here. You can't tell them what to do!
*Game Show Guy busts in*
*Everyone freezes and stops what their doing*
Game Show Guy: Alright, no ones dumb enough to leave the house so it's time to vote someone off!*Everyone looks at each-other and stops what their doing and sits in a circle*
*Draco writes Harry on his paper*
*Harry writes Draco on his paper*
*Ron writes Hermione on his paper*
*Hermione writes Glossy on her paper*
*Glossy writes Hermione on her paper*
*Game Show Guy collects the papers*
Game Show Guy: HERMIONE YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!
Hermione: What the, I thought this was survivor!? *Big tuff guys start dragging her out of the house*
Game Show Guy: It IS!
Draco: On Survivor you're on an Island, this is more like that show Big Brother
Game Show Guy: Who cares!
(Everyone can still hear Hermione's yelling getting quieter)
*Draco sits back on the couch*
Draco: Well, that's over with even though Harry should have been voted off
Glossy: No he shouldn't have. I would have voted you but Hermione just punched me
*Ron's enemy *THE SQUIRREL* is at the window*
Ron: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Ron pauses)
Ron: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Glossy: Oh, for goodness sakes Ron! It's a little squirrel it couldn't hurt anyone
*The squirrel breaks the glass with it's teeth and breaks in*
Ron: Speak of the Devil Gloss
*Everyone looks at each-other and is silent*
All: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Harry: To the attic!
Draco: Cellar!
Harry: Attic!
Draco: Cellar!
Harry: Attic!
Draco: Cellar!
Harry: Attic!
Draco: Cellar!
Harry: Attic!
Draco: Cellar!
Harry: Attic!
Glossy: Let's just go to the stupid attic!
*Harry sticks his tongue out at Draco as the squirrel inches nearer*
Ron: Uh...guys.....RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Everyone runs in little circles and starts screaming and then everyone bumps into each other*(everybody falls on their butts and then scrambles to their feet)*
*Everyone runs to the attic except Draco who runs to the cellar *
(Harry locks the attic)
(Draco locks the cellar)
*The Squirrel takes over the house (reminder Voldemort is dead)*
:::3 days later:::
Harry: I can't take it anymore! If I don't eat something I'll go crazy!
*Ron is shaking in a corner*
Glossy: I'm f-f-f-f-f-freezing!
Ron: S-s-s-s-o-o c-c-cold
Glossy: Your lips are turning blue!
Harry: The cellar has the damn heater!
Glossy: That bastard is probably getting drunk on cider!
Harry: T-t-t-this has been the worst Christmas ever!
Ron: I can s-s-s-till fly like a seagull, thought I'd tell ya all before I die
*Harry slaps him*
Harry: Not the seagull thing again! Snap out of it!
Glossy: I think I'm getting f-f-frost bite!
Ron: Listen Glossy, we all have problems
Harry: Shuda up Ron
Ron: Y-y-es captain
Glossy: What the hell?
*Harry rolls his eyes*
Glossy: I can't take it anymore! It's every woman and man for themselves *breaks the window with a rod and jumps out*
Harry: I don't care if I lose! *jumps out*
Ron: Money? or my life? (long pause) Life! *jumps out*
(Suprisingly nobody's hurt or dead because of the 6 inch snow)
*Game show guy appears*
Game Show Guy: You all lose!
*Draco busts out the cellar window* (Drunk on cider)
Draco: Ugh
Game Show Guy: Congratulations Mr. Squirrel! You have won Survivor!
*The Squirrel jumps in the Limo with the Game Show Guy and they speed off (Squirrel sticks his tongue out* (It was the last one in the house after all)
Glossy: Just great....that fuzz ball won
Draco: And after all that...*hic up*
Harry: That sonofa bitch bastard!
*Everyone looks at Harry for his bad lauguge*
*Harry blushes*
Harry: Sorry...
Ron: So, what should we do now?
Harry: I dunno...Glossy ya wanna be my girl?
Glossy: Sure! You are my biggest crush!
Harry: Okay, great! Let's go to Vegas!
Glossy: Sounds cool!
Draco: Hey *hic up* what about me?
*All of the Draco's fan girls come out of no where and run after him*
Draco: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! chic up* (Draco runs until you can't see him anymore his fan girls follow him* (he seems to have a lot of fans after all)
Harry: What are you gonna do Ron?
*Ron suddenly grows seagull wings and a seagull body *But his head remains the same*
Ron: I'm going South for the winter! see you guys in the summer!
*Ron flies off with a bunch off birds*
Harry: I guess he could fly like a seagull...
Glossy: Well, I'll be damn
*Glossy and Harry watch him go*
*A red convertible comes out of no where and mental secret agent music plays*
(Harry and Glossy are suddenly in secret agent outfits with sunglasses)
*Harry jumps in the car and Glossy afterwards*
Harry: To Vegas? Glossy: Step on it
(They drive off into the low orangey sun)
:::::THE END:::::
Okay, that was probably the stupidest thing I've ever wrote, but hey, I was bored. So tell me what you think of this *NO FLAMES!* Why did I make Harry and I drive off in a convertible in the freezing weather? The world may never know. Maybe I'll do more humor fics if anybody thought this was funny.
By: Glossy
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, you guys and gals all know that. Now, these humor fic's are not to be taken seriously, no flaming please. I, for one, think this is the stupidest thing I ever wrote for Harry Potter so be thankful I don't do much of it. Again, I'm not making money off this and I do not own Harry Potter (duh), and again NO FLAMING. It's as simple as that, if you hate stupid humor fic's don't read it, if you do, read it.
Simple eh?
I also got some idea's from my buddy Candy *Big thanks to her!* ^_^
*Harry sits in a big arm chair sipping hot chocolate*
Hermione: America sure is nice! Glad we came up here on Christmas break! (looks out the window at all the snow)
Harry: Yeah
(Ron comes in through the door)
Ron: Hey guys, guess what? The ponds frozen so we can go ice skating
Hermione: Oh good *goes to put on her skates*
*Harry already has his on*
Ron: Harry! (looks mortified)
*Harry looks up*
Ron: How could you already have your skates on?
Harry: I just wore them all day
Ron: Oooohhh that makes perfect sense....wink wink
*Hermione comes back ready to skate*
Harry: Ron aren't you gonna put your skates on?
Ron: No, I don't need them, I'm a born seagull
Hermione: Knowing how to fly has nothing to do with skating stupid!
Ron: Oh sure it does
(On the pond)
WARNING: THIN ICE
Hermione: I guess we can't skate
Harry: Yeah too bad
Ron: Oh come on guys, use your imagination! Just pretend there's no sign
Harry: I still see a sign
Hermione: Maybe if we squint our eyes a little it will disappear
Ron: No! Just pretend it's not there
Harry: I still see it
Ron: Ugh!
Hermione: Ron, your not skating, end of story
Ron: Fine, fine...
*Ron runs off*
Harry: So, whatta ya wanna do now?
Hermione: Get some coffee
Harry: All right sounds cool, they still serving Expresso?
Hermione: No, people complained it was to gross and thick like mud
Harry: Damn
**Ron is in the forest**
Ron: I know I can fly like a seagull (talking to a squirrel) But I don't think my friends really believe me
(Squirrel nods)
Ron: You believe me right?
(Squirrel nods)
Ron: Yeah, I always knew I could count on you
(Squirrel nods)
*Voldemort comes out of nowhere*
Voldemort: Ron, I am your father
Ron: Really!? Voldemort: No
Ron: But you just said you were!
Voldemort: I lied, I just said that for kicks
Ron: Well, who's father are you really?
Voldemort: That squirrels
*Ron looks at the Squirrel in bewilderment*
Ron: You trader!
(Squirrel nods)
Voldemort: Did I miss something?
Ron: After I spilled all my secrets to you!
Voldemort: You spilled your secrets to a Squirrel?
Ron: Yeah,...is that bad? Voldemort: That's sad
*Squirrel jumps on Voldemort's shoulder*
Voldemort: We have things to do, we will return to kill Potter
(Voldemort *and the Squirrel both disappear)
***At Starbucks***
Harry: I hate this cappuccino! What a crudy day I'm having, and on Christmas too!
Hermione: Harry you can't let coffee ruin your Christmas
Harry: I guess you're right, but I still think they need to get expresso back
*Hermione goes on about something as Harry desperately tries to scoop off the foam but it keeps falling back in his coffee
Hermione: You listening? Harry: Yeah, of course
Hermione: What did I say then?
Harry: Uh...I don't know
Hermione: Ugh, you know sometimes your just so stupi-
***Ron barges in StarBucks***
Ron: Guys!
Hermione: Excuse me?
Ron: Oh yeah right...
***Ron walks back outside and barges through again, everyone is staring at him* ***
Ron: Guys and girl!
(Hermione nods in approval not liking to be referred to as a guy)
Harry: What's new? Whatever it is it can't be as bad as this cappuccino
Ron: No way dude *sits in a chair* they got rid of expresso?
Harry: Yeah I know, it's like awful *looks as if about to cry*
Hermione: Oh come off it you two! Ron, did you have something important to tell us, by the um...well, because you barged in here...
Ron: Oh yeah, almost forgot, I got the memory expansion of a rodent you know
(Hermione and Harry exchange looks)
Ron: So what I was going to tell you was all of Jessica Simpsons new CD's are sold out
Hermione: You know of CD's?
Ron: I've gotten around...
Harry: That's awful *sniff* (he looked as if about to cry remember? now he has two things to cry about)
*Voldemort breaks through the roof and a bunch of girls scream*
(Ron screams because the Squirrel is *back!*)
Ron: Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you....Voldemort said in the forest he was gonna come back to kill Harry, damn....I knew I forgot something
(Hermione slaps Ron in the face with a news paper)
Voldemort: That's right kiddies I'm back! (laughs like a woman)
(Squirrel starts laughing)
*Ron covers his ears looking horrified of the Squirrels laugh*
Ron: Oh Squirrel how could have you forsaken me!?
(Ron looks pathetic because the news print printed off on his face)
*Harry makes a rather strange noise, combination of trying not to laugh and crying*
Voldemort: How come you guys ain't scared of me? Hermione: We already know what's gonna happen (files nails). You attack-Harry gets hurt-there's a battle-Harry eventually wins and everyone's happy
Voldemort: That is not GOING TO HAPPEN this time!
Hermione: Is that a guarantee?
Voldemort:................
Hermione: See (sticks her tongue out at him)
Harry: This is SO hopeless!*trying to scoop foam off his cappuccino but it keeps falling* *Harry slams his head on the table and cries hysterically*
Hermione:....................!!! (slaps her forehead)
*in the background Ron is dancing to the new Jessica Simpson CD because the squirrel turned it on*
*the door to Starbucks busts open*
*Glossy comes in wearing a orange tank top with a leather jacket with fuzzies on it and dark blue jeans with low platform gym shoes, which are black*
Glossy: Oh my God! It's Harry Potter! *runs and hugs him*
Harry: I'm scared. Help me.
Hermione: Who are you?
Glossy: Why, I'm a writer on fanfiction.net and I write stories about all of you
Ron: What are you trying to say, that I'm mentally challenged?!
Glossy: What!?!?
Harry:Uh....
Voldemort: Stop this madness! I was in the middle of something very important and you just-
*Glossy glares at him*
Glossy: I can put you in a cage
Voldemort: No you can't, your just an author *laughs*
Glossy: Watch me. It's something we authors can do so don't mess with us
*snaps fingers and Voldemort is now it a cage*
*Voldemort shakes the cage maniacally and does monkey noises*
Ron: *cries* I don't want to be part of the dream team anymore! It's scary!
Hermione: Get a hold of yourself *shakes Ron*
*Glossy snaps her fingers and Voldemort gets let out*
Glossy: *sigh* If looks could kill...*looks at Voldemort*
*Voldemort is drinking a coffee and chokes and dies*
*Harry laughs like a lunatic*
Hermione and Ron: Oh my God looks can kill!
(Pause)
Hermione and Ron: Jinx!
(there both silent)
Glossy: What the shit!? *looks at Voldemort* *shrugs* oh well, didn't expect that to happen
*A game show guy comes out of no where*
Game show guy: Hello everyone! It's time to play SURVIVOR!
All:..........!?
Harry: How can we play survivor?
Game show guy: You guys rented a cabin out here right?
Harry: Right
Game show guy: You, Glossy, Ron, Hermione and a special added bonus guest will be playing survivor in the cabin with you. The rules are you can't leave the cabin for anything! Who ever can live the longest without going crazy first wins! Glossy, will you do the honors?
Glossy: *sigh* yes, but what if we run out of food?
Game show guy: Who cares!
Harry: She's right, I mean we didn't really stock up...
*Glossy snaps fingers and there all at the cabin*
*Draco Malfoy comes in! (the special guest) yeah, right...the other kinda of special (special ed)*
Glossy: Oh, gawd!
Harry: Ugh!
Hermione: (silence)
Ron: (silence)
Harry: What's so special about you?
Draco: I can tell the difference between butter and I can't believe it's not butter
*Glossy gives him a weird look*
(Harry sits in a chair and turns on the TV)
(The chair breaks)
Harry: Shit, I spent all summer making this *starts crying*
Draco: W-E-I-R-D-O damn weirdo, who spends all their time making a chair *Draco picks up the broken chair and throws it in the fire place)
Harry: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Glossy: Hermione-Hermione-Hermione. Ron-Ron-Ron
*Hermione and Ron both start talking*
Draco: What did you do?
Glossy: Un-jinxed them dumb ass
Draco: Oh. Say, I'm free this weekend if you wanna... *sits on the couch next to Glossy*
Glossy: Back off blondie or I'll shove an apple in your mouth. And where the hell would we go Draco if I did go out with you? the cellar? We're playing survivor in our own cabin if you haven't noticed, we can't even go in the backyard
*Draco is silent*
Harry: Ha ha ha ha ha (laughs at Draco) *Harry chokes on his own spit*
Draco: Well,...
*Glossy shoves an apple in his mouth*
Ron: FOOD FIGHT!
*Ron throws a can of chicken soup at Hermione's head*
Hermione: OW! open the can first stupid!
*Glossy throws an orange at Draco*
Draco: What's with all the fruit Glossy? Ah, your paying attention to me...you want me
Glossy: *SCREAMS!* (As Draco chases her around the house)
*Harry dumps a bunch of cereal on Ron as Hermione pours milk on him*
*Glossy is now throwing plastic fruit at Draco*
Hermione: What chaos!
*Glossy jumps on the fridge and Draco jumps up after her (the fridge can't hold both of them and it falls over)*
*Ron throws a box of ice cream at Draco's head and he passes out*
Glossy: Thank God
*Hermione runs upstairs covering her head with her hands*
(eventually the food fight between Ron, Harry, and Glossy settles and they just go and watch TV)
(The house is still a huge mess)
Ron: Pass the popcorn
*Glossy throws a piece at Ron but Harry jumps and eats it*
Harry: Mmmm yum! Carmel
Glossy: What!? carmel!? I hate carmel popcorn! *throws the bowl on the floor*
Harry: What kind did you think it was?
Glossy: Butter
Harry: Are you feeling okay?
Glossy: Fine and dandy....*nurses her wounds from falling off the fridge*
Ron: Butter!? Carmel!? I thought it was cheese popcorn! *Harry and Glossy exchange glances*
Harry: Ron, what color is this? *Harry holds up a piece of popcorn*
Ron: Brownish
Harry: Then how could it be the cheese kind?
Ron: I dunno! How could it be butter?
*Harry and Ron both look at Glossy*
Glossy: Hey, I fell off the fridge
*They all go back to watching Dawson's Creek*
*Hermione comes down*
Hermione: Is it safe?
Ron: Yeah, yeah (hypnotized by the TV)
*Hermione runs down the stairs*
Hermione: Oooo popcorn! Eeeww carmel! Harry: *sigh* Am I the only one that likes carmel?
*Everyone nods*
Hermione: I wanted plain
Ron and Glossy: Eeeeewww!
Ron: Plain sucks and you know it!
Hermione: It does not!
Ron: Does to!
Harry: Shut the bloody hell up!
Glossy: Ugh...what else is on...(flips channel and Barney comes on)
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hermione: Change the channel! Change the channel! *shakes Glossy*
Harry: Stop shaking people Hermione!
Glossy: I can't! The batteries are dead!
Ron: Well, let's go get some more batteries from the cellar! Harry: There's no time for that fool!
*Ron throws a hammer to Glossy*
*Glossy takes a run and busts the TV with the hammer and glass goes everywhere*
Hermione: I don't think that was necessary
*Draco comes in*
Draco: What the hell is going on? (rubs head)
*Chaos starts again*
*Harry busts a chair on Draco's back*
Draco: Damn it! I'm crippled enough jack ass!
Glossy: STOP IT!!!!!!!
*Hermione punches Glossy*
Glossy: Ow! what was that for? Hermione: I'm in charge here. You can't tell them what to do!
*Game Show Guy busts in*
*Everyone freezes and stops what their doing*
Game Show Guy: Alright, no ones dumb enough to leave the house so it's time to vote someone off!*Everyone looks at each-other and stops what their doing and sits in a circle*
*Draco writes Harry on his paper*
*Harry writes Draco on his paper*
*Ron writes Hermione on his paper*
*Hermione writes Glossy on her paper*
*Glossy writes Hermione on her paper*
*Game Show Guy collects the papers*
Game Show Guy: HERMIONE YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!
Hermione: What the, I thought this was survivor!? *Big tuff guys start dragging her out of the house*
Game Show Guy: It IS!
Draco: On Survivor you're on an Island, this is more like that show Big Brother
Game Show Guy: Who cares!
(Everyone can still hear Hermione's yelling getting quieter)
*Draco sits back on the couch*
Draco: Well, that's over with even though Harry should have been voted off
Glossy: No he shouldn't have. I would have voted you but Hermione just punched me
*Ron's enemy *THE SQUIRREL* is at the window*
Ron: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Ron pauses)
Ron: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Glossy: Oh, for goodness sakes Ron! It's a little squirrel it couldn't hurt anyone
*The squirrel breaks the glass with it's teeth and breaks in*
Ron: Speak of the Devil Gloss
*Everyone looks at each-other and is silent*
All: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Harry: To the attic!
Draco: Cellar!
Harry: Attic!
Draco: Cellar!
Harry: Attic!
Draco: Cellar!
Harry: Attic!
Draco: Cellar!
Harry: Attic!
Draco: Cellar!
Harry: Attic!
Glossy: Let's just go to the stupid attic!
*Harry sticks his tongue out at Draco as the squirrel inches nearer*
Ron: Uh...guys.....RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Everyone runs in little circles and starts screaming and then everyone bumps into each other*(everybody falls on their butts and then scrambles to their feet)*
*Everyone runs to the attic except Draco who runs to the cellar *
(Harry locks the attic)
(Draco locks the cellar)
*The Squirrel takes over the house (reminder Voldemort is dead)*
:::3 days later:::
Harry: I can't take it anymore! If I don't eat something I'll go crazy!
*Ron is shaking in a corner*
Glossy: I'm f-f-f-f-f-freezing!
Ron: S-s-s-s-o-o c-c-cold
Glossy: Your lips are turning blue!
Harry: The cellar has the damn heater!
Glossy: That bastard is probably getting drunk on cider!
Harry: T-t-t-this has been the worst Christmas ever!
Ron: I can s-s-s-till fly like a seagull, thought I'd tell ya all before I die
*Harry slaps him*
Harry: Not the seagull thing again! Snap out of it!
Glossy: I think I'm getting f-f-frost bite!
Ron: Listen Glossy, we all have problems
Harry: Shuda up Ron
Ron: Y-y-es captain
Glossy: What the hell?
*Harry rolls his eyes*
Glossy: I can't take it anymore! It's every woman and man for themselves *breaks the window with a rod and jumps out*
Harry: I don't care if I lose! *jumps out*
Ron: Money? or my life? (long pause) Life! *jumps out*
(Suprisingly nobody's hurt or dead because of the 6 inch snow)
*Game show guy appears*
Game Show Guy: You all lose!
*Draco busts out the cellar window* (Drunk on cider)
Draco: Ugh
Game Show Guy: Congratulations Mr. Squirrel! You have won Survivor!
*The Squirrel jumps in the Limo with the Game Show Guy and they speed off (Squirrel sticks his tongue out* (It was the last one in the house after all)
Glossy: Just great....that fuzz ball won
Draco: And after all that...*hic up*
Harry: That sonofa bitch bastard!
*Everyone looks at Harry for his bad lauguge*
*Harry blushes*
Harry: Sorry...
Ron: So, what should we do now?
Harry: I dunno...Glossy ya wanna be my girl?
Glossy: Sure! You are my biggest crush!
Harry: Okay, great! Let's go to Vegas!
Glossy: Sounds cool!
Draco: Hey *hic up* what about me?
*All of the Draco's fan girls come out of no where and run after him*
Draco: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! chic up* (Draco runs until you can't see him anymore his fan girls follow him* (he seems to have a lot of fans after all)
Harry: What are you gonna do Ron?
*Ron suddenly grows seagull wings and a seagull body *But his head remains the same*
Ron: I'm going South for the winter! see you guys in the summer!
*Ron flies off with a bunch off birds*
Harry: I guess he could fly like a seagull...
Glossy: Well, I'll be damn
*Glossy and Harry watch him go*
*A red convertible comes out of no where and mental secret agent music plays*
(Harry and Glossy are suddenly in secret agent outfits with sunglasses)
*Harry jumps in the car and Glossy afterwards*
Harry: To Vegas? Glossy: Step on it
(They drive off into the low orangey sun)
:::::THE END:::::
Okay, that was probably the stupidest thing I've ever wrote, but hey, I was bored. So tell me what you think of this *NO FLAMES!* Why did I make Harry and I drive off in a convertible in the freezing weather? The world may never know. Maybe I'll do more humor fics if anybody thought this was funny.