~ Tainted by the past ~

It happened some time after Aizen taichou's betrayal. The usually happy and outgoing Hinamori, or 'Momo' among friends, began to change. Even though not all her friends noticed this, Hitsugaya certainly bid mark in the small changes in both her appearance and personality. Her hair which were usually tied up in a nice and gentle knotch were let down so her long hair cradled all the way to her shoulders, her dark brown eyes began to show sign of insomnia, and her temper began to grow to the worse. Even towards Hitsugaya. Her mood would swing from overly happy to mad in mere seconds, and while Hitsugaya was left without anything to do about it, he often just stood there and listened calmly to all the words she threw at him. Just for her, he could manage his own temper and also put aside his own emotions for the sake of hers. As she would escalate into desperation and would hit his chest with small fists, All the words who came from her mouth, were centered around one person. One man. One enemy. Aizen Taichou. . And of course only one emotion followed - jealousy. Even more jealousy than he would probably ever admit he felt.

He felt sick the first time he heard her sobbing his name against his chest. So sick that he barely could look at her. Not because he wanted to reject her, or stop caring for her, no - he could never do that, but because he found it sickening how she could still love a man who had manipulated her from the start. He even stabbed her in the intention of killing her?! How could she put that aside so easily and still waste her beautiful tears on a man who wasn't even worth it? Hinamori was worth much more than crying... All these frustrations often made him so angry that he would beat his fists against the first and best wall he came upon. Even though this anger and frustration way too often filled his heart, he would never ever! Direct this anger towards Hinamori.

That one time he had raised his hand towards her was more than enough..

Even if it was in self protection he swore that, he would never hurt her like that ever again if possible.

And even when he was aware of this pain she was suffering, he didn't even once intend to take her love. She was his childhood friend.. And even though he had deeper emotions stacked up for her in his heart he never let them leave. He wanted to feel her in any possible way. Physical and emotional, but he knew that Aizen Taichou was the only man who could take that place in her heart. He just wanted to hold his icy wing over her head as protection, and keep sending chills down her spine whenever she got too close. Because that's what a guardian does. Keeps professional and always thinks of the best for the one he is protecting. Even if it's gonna complicate his own feelings for the target, he will push his emotions aside and smile as she finds happiness with some other person.

Or so he thought.

This perfect ice wall he so carefully had built between him and Hinamori were broke down once and for all one late night. This started one week after Aizen taichou's betrayal. Hinamori would come over late at night and slip into Hitsugaya's bed without a sound or an explanation. At first he wondered if she was sleep walking, but since she every time wrapped her thin arms around his waist and lightly hold him closer against her petite body, this theory was thrown away. And he didn't dare to say anything. They just lay there so close to each other that Hitsugaya could feel her warm breath against his neck. He enjoyed this as the man he was. Even when he was well aware of the fact that he was probably just a substitute for the loss of Aizen taichou.

This act was repeated for several nights, and the improvements in her before sleepy eyes could clearly be seen when he took a glimpse of her in the morning, just before the morning meetings begun for all divisions. It seemed like she was now able to sleep somewhat properly.

Not a single word left their lips even once. Not until Hitsugaya, on the 15th night dared to speak just as she entered his room.

"Why do you not sleep alone?"

His voice was calm and even though the question might have seemed a little harsh, he had come to the conclusion that he could might as well enter the core of the problem in one swift movement. In the beginning she just stood there in the doorway with the moonlight shinning on her from the nearby window which Hitsugaya had forgot to close when he went to bed. In that moment she was the most beautiful person in the world to him. Her hair was let loose so it framed her face, her eyes seemed tired from the late hour she was in, and the white undergown she wore hung slightly loose on her right shoulder. Just enough to reveal a peak of the white skin underneath.

Hitsugaya had a hard time hiding the red flush which very quickly appeared on his otherwise cool facial expression and as she took small steps into the room he followed her intensely with his teal eyes.

"Do I bother you?" Was the words who slipped from her pale mouth. Before Hitsugaya could manage to reply her, Hinamori had crawled onto his futon and continued to speak. "I... Just don't like it... to be alone that is"

She reached out for his face, where she carefully cupped his cheeks. Hitsugaya could only look a bit confused at her while the warmth from her hands began to spread across his otherwise cool skin. For once in his life he actually enjoyed warmth. "To sneak into my bed is a little drastical.. don't you think?" He raised his eyes to meet hers as he still tried to fight the developing flush across his face. It was the first time in, who knew how long, he had been insecure while being with Hinamori. The first time was way back when they were younger, but now, after more than 100 years had he become so adept to their whole relationship, that he without any trouble could hide the loving eyes he held towards her. And of course also the childish flushes who most of all belonged to a boy at the age of 13.

Hinamori looked down. Apparently because she saw his point, and couldn't deny it. "If you want me out of here.. I'll just leave" Quickly she removed her hands from his cheeks and stood up, ready to leave but before this happened Hitsugaya grabbed her by the wrist, which made her look down at him with surprise.

He didn't speak at first, honestly he was surprised by his own action. Maybe it was because she suddenly acted somewhat normal. At least she didn't hit him or yell at him so somehow he felt a slight feeling of hope. The hope of the old Hinamori coming back to him.

"I never said that I wanted you to leave.."

She smiled lightly by these words as she once again allowed herself to sit on Hitsugaya's futon. Without any further reaction to his words, since the words apparently was enough, she crawled close to him and let her thin arms entangle him in a gentle hug. He felt weird since the whole action gave him the impression that she! Was the one giving him comfort and not the other way around.

"Please... Comfort me, Shiro-Chan" she suddenly whispered close to his ears, sending a small chill down his spine. For once in his life had the otherwise composed 10th squad captain lost it. He wanted to relent on this whole thing revolting around comfort, but the deeper emotions for Hinamori began to push against his icy facade – eagering him to comfort her in any way he possibly could. "Please" she whispered again, this time tucking gently at the smooth fabric of his Jinbei.

"But Hinamori..." He finally said, but his words were broke off when Hinamori without any further warning removed the small space which had been between them, and met his lips with her own. He froze at first, not sure how to react, but before his mind could follow up with his actions he found himself kissing back. He damned himself inwardly for having giving in to his animalistic desires but there were no turning back now.. And he enjoyed the action way too much to give up on it right now.

As they kissed, Hitsugaya let his fingers slip up to Hinamori's hair where he gently caressed her, earning small sounds from her throat, which He perceived to be of pleasure. Careful not to make the wrong move, he tugged gently at her lower lip with his teeth to beg for the entrance he longed for. He honestly felt like he was handling a tiger. A tiger who were purring at him right now, but could raise her paw and scratch him whenever she wanted to. None the less, Hinamori answered this request by slightly opening her mouth as Hitsugaya began another kiss, in which he let his tongue slip into her mouth. She had a strange taste of something he couldn't quite put his finger on.. Something salty.. and sweet at the same time. As the kiss grew more and more passionate and Hitsugaya began to completely surrender to his instincts, Hinamori slipped his fingers down to his upper body with the intention of opening the buttons on the shirt of his Jinbei.

He didn't care about it anymore. He just wanted to feel for once what he couldn't have - even if it was just a transparent dream and they, the next morning, would 'just be friends' again. After all he was not the man she saw as a lover.. sometimes he was doubting whether she even saw him as a man. And even so he still lingered by the thoughts of Hinamori being completely his for a moment.. And see the parts of her body which he knew nobody else had ever seen in that bright moonlight that was still cast upon her body . Maybe he had become too obsessed by owning her.. Owning this girl that time after time made his heart skip a beat. Both in sadness and joy of course.

Hitsugaya panted a bit when their lips finally broke from each other, and his lungs inhaled the oxygen it so desperately had lacked.

He looked down when Hinamori finally had managed to open every button on his Jinbei, and she carefully removed the shirt to reveal Hitsugaya's upper body. His upper body were pale, almost snow white, and was defined by some slightly visible muscles he had developed by his service as the 10th division's captain – and Hinamori apparently noticed this, since a slight blush steadily came across her face.

Hitsugaya felt like it was now or never. To make the final choice: Should he cross the fine line between friends and lovers, or not?