Title: Commoner Everything

Series: Ouran High School Host Club

Rating: PG-13

I need to start writing fics other than Ouran fics. I have this crack one and another one in the back of my head as well. Srsly, give me inspiration for another series!!!! And yes, the bit at the beginning was created from a translator. It's not for my French class, so I could care less xD I'm also using Canadian munnies, if you're confused about Tamaki's bill. Also, in the French bit where it says scribble, it means he scribbled the word out.

Enjoy.

Un jour, Tamaki se reposait avec sa belle -scribblefillescribble- épouse, regardant dehors à une vue de -scribblel'oceanscribble- Tour Eiffel. Ils discutaient quels beaux bébés ils feraient, et comment s'ils n'étaient pas sur -scribblelebalconscribble- dans un hélicoptère elle rendrait l'amour lui droit alors. Tamaki lui a indiqué que pour se retenir, et cela il serait tout sien -scribbleplus tardscribble- demain. C'est-à-dire, après qu'il ait payé une visite à Kyouya. C'était parce qu'il a dû rencontrer Kyouya…

"Just because you're writing your fanfiction in French, doesn't mean that we won't figure out what it says, tono." Tamaki snapped his head up from the notebook he was writing in and came out of his intense writing session. He had forgotten that he wasn't the only one sitting in the limo. The entire Host Club was there, actually. They decided they were going to pay another surprise visit to Haruhi, given the success of their last visit.

"W...what every do you mean?! This is my homework," he replied, trying to hide his (self-proclaimed) masterpiece.

"We don't get homework, remember?" the other twin piped up.

"Oh..well...uh..it's extra credit!!!!" he exclaimed. Yes, that sounded like a good excuse.

"For what class? 'French erotica writing'?" Hikaru spoke again and Kaoru tried to stifle his laugh.

"Takashi, what's a-" Hunny began to ask, but Mori just put a hand over his mouth indicating that he didn't need, nor want, to know. Finally, when they arrived there, Tamaki knocked on the door. There was no answer. He knocked again. Still no answer. He knocked repeatedly on the door, and still no answer.

"HARUHIIIIIIII!" he cried, "STOP IGNORING YOUR FATHER!!!!!"

"I'm pretty sure she's not home," Kyouya informed him, "She mentioned something about doing groceries on weekends." Everyone stared at him, wondering why he hadn't brought that up sooner.

"Well, we shant let this trip go to waist!"

"'Shant'?"

"Let him go, it's best to just let him get it out of his system."

"OPERATION DISCOVER THE WORLD OF THE COMMONERS IS NOW IN EFFECT!!!!!" Tamaki proclaimed. Everyone decided it was something to do for the day. They were rich kids with nothing better to do, what would you expect?

"Yay yay yay~" Hunny exclaimed and they all followed after Tamaki.

"Ooooh look! A commoners playground!!!" he exclaimed and ran over, "And a commoners swing!!!! Push me Kyouya, push me o the commoners swing!!!!"

Why me, why. me. Kyouya went over silently and pushed him on the swing.

"Wheeeeee~ I'm swinging on a commoners swing~~~" he seemed very enthusiastic about this.

"Hikaru Hikaru!!! Come down the commoners slide with me!!!" Kaoru was already at the top of the play set waiting for his brother. Hikaru came over and sat behind his brother, them both going down the slide. Some children were looking at them strangely.

"Ahhh look! Commoners children!!!!" Tamaki exclaimed, falling off the swing in the process. The children who were watching him laughed. "Ahhh, the sound of a commoners laugh...." the fall didn't seem to affect him at all, until he noticed he was cut, "Ah!!! I got a commoners cut when I fell on the commoners soil!!!" One of the children came over and stuck a band-aid on him before they all ran away. "Look Kyouya!!! A commoners bandaid!!!!" Tamaki exclaimed. If he and Kyouya were really married, this would be the point when Kyouya would go 'that's nice, dear'.

"Ahhh Takashi Takshi!!! What's this?!" he ran over to the merry-go-round.

"It's a type of merry-go-round," he said.

"Whooooa! A commoners merry-go-round?! Where are the horses?! Oh well, spin me Takashi spin me!!!" he hopped on, "Spin me on the commoners merry-go-round!!" Mori proceeded to spin him around on it.

"Phew...I'm hungry..I wonder if commoners get this hungry after playing at the park..." Tamaki said to himself, "Okay everyone! It is time to go to a commoners restaurant for some commoners lunch!!!!" Everyone seemed happy about that. They all went to a small sub shop around the corner from the park. "Look look!!! Commoners sandwiches!! Let's buy some!!!" They went inside and each of them ordered. The woman at the counter gave them a total of $40. Tamaki pulled out a crisp pink bill and handed it to the woman, who looked at it with a confused expression. "Is something wrong?" Tamaki asked her.

"H..Hey boss...you better come see this!!!!" the lady called, and the boss came out from the bank. He looked as flabbergasted as she, "I didn't know these existed!!!! Is it fake?!" They inspected it, but came to the conclusion that indeed the bill was real.

"What, do you not have change for a thousand?" Tamaki blinked, not seeing a problem in giving the lady a thousand dollar bill.

"Are you rich kids or sumthin?!" the lady asked him.

"Ah how cute! The commoners have never seen a thousand dollar bill! Well, yes, we are." Amazingly, the lady was able to give him the $960 dollars change he required. "Whoa!!! Look, it's commoners money!!! It's so..wrinkly. And look, what is THIS?!" he held up a penny which he'd taken from the penny box beside the cash register, "Whooooa, it's ancient commoners money!!!" Everyone but Kyouya went 'oooooou'. They got their food and went to a table. Tamaki noticed some sanitizer and went to use it, "Oooou commoners hand sanitizer! Don't want to get commoners disease."

"Commoners disease...?" Hikaru and Kaoru asked at the same time, sounding genuinely intrigued.

"Yes!!! Commoners disease!!!! if you catch it, you'll become....A COMMONER!!!!!" Tamaki sounded like he would faint at the thought. Everyone started to panic and gasped.

"I DON'T WANNA BE A COMMONER I DON'T WANNA BE A COMMONER!!!!" Hunny cried, running in circles.

"Oh, and that's not all!" Tamaki whimpered, "If you catch commoners disease, you'll suddenly start to work at a commoners wage at a commoners job and have an..." he paused and took a deep breath, "...average looking commoner wife and have..." he sounded like the next part was painful to say, "...average looking commoner children and when you come home from your commoners job to your commoners house in your commoners car you'll find your commoner wife and children have already eaten their commoners dinner and their is none for you and your now commoners stomach will be empty, and there will be no commoners sex for you because your commoner wife will be 'tired' from being at home with your commoner children and your commoner children don't love you because you're working your commoner job all day and think you don't love them!!!!!"

"....I think he's got his reality and his imagination mixed up again..." Kyouya decided, but no one else seemed to share his sentiments.

"How do we make sure we don't get commoners disease?!" Kaoru whined, clinging to his brother.

"A commoners child at the commoners park showed this to me!!!" Tamaki grabbed one of the twins' arms, he couldn't really tell which one. "Circle circle, dot dot, now you have a commoners shot!!!!" he drew with his finger on the arm he was holding.

"Tamaki, that's the child's 'shot' for-"

"Now you Kyouya!!! I don't want to loose you to commoners disease!!!!" Tamaki grabbed Kyouya's arm and rolled up his sleeve, oblivious to the fact that people were starting to stare. Kyoutya just sighed and looked away, like if he did Tamaki would go away.

"Now then, it is time to eat our commoners sandwiches at a commoners table while sitting on a commoners chair in a commoners restaurant while using commoners napkins!!!!" Tamaki declared once he was done administering cootie...I mean, commoners disease shots. Everyone ate happily.

"Mmmm this commoners sandwich is yummy!" Hunny mused, hardly even able to fit the sandwich in his mouth. Mori had to then clean his face with a commoners napkin.

"By the way, tono..." Hikaru looked like he'd been thinking, "Haruhi is a commoner...does that mean she could give you commoners disease?"

Tamaki gasped, obviously offended, "Of course not! Haruhi is simply a wealthy girl in a commoners body, who choses to surround herself in a humble lifestyle. Once she decides she loves me her inner wealthy girl will be exposed and we will have beautiful children, even if they do happen to be, perish the thought, commoners." Hikaru looked to Kaoru, who shrugged. He then shrugged himself and went back to his sub. Once they were all done, they headed back to Haruhi's house. On the way back, Tamaki felt the need to point everything out on his way by.

"Look! It's a commoners bench! And a commoners tree, and a commoners squirrel, and a commoners french fry stand, and a commoners streetlight, and a commoners school, and LOOK!! COMMONERS DIRT!!!" he nearly squealed as they walked down the street, "And there are some commoners flowers, and a commoners prostitute, and commoners weeds, and commoners TV's...and look! A commoners Haruhi! Wait, I mean..HARUHI!!!!" He had to do a double take to notice Haruhi up ahead.

Please tell me that was a figment of my imagination... Haruhi turned around, and sure enough Tamaki was running up to her.

"Haruhi Haruhiiii!!!! Guess what! We came to visit you but you weren't at your commoners house so we went to a commoners playground and went on the commoners play equipment and walked down a commoners sidewalk and stopped a commoners crosswalk and crossed a commoners street and opened a commoners door into a commoners resteraunt and got commoners food and the commoner worker gave me commoners money and we sat at a commoners table in commoners chairs with commoner napkins and ate our commoners sandwiches, but before that we used commoners hand sanitizer to wash our wealthy hands so we wouldn't get commoners disease and then we walked out onto the commoners sidewalk again out the commoners door and looked at all the commoners things and then WE FOUND YOU!!!!!"

Haruhi just stared, she had come to two conclusions. Tamaki was definitely an idiot, and her brain had broken trying to understand him. "But don't worry, you're an exception to commoners disease and we will have beautiful children, even if they are commoners," Tamaki added.

"OW!!! Haruhi hit me with her commoners fist!!! I mean, her beautiful, beautiful fist that doesn't deserve to be around commoners!!! OW!!!! She pushed me onto the commoners sidewalk and she's walking away along the commoners sidewalk in her commoners shoes holding her commoners groceries trying to ignore me with her commoner ears!!!! HARUHI!!!! Come back!!! I want to see more commoner things!!!!"

~~THE END~~