I do not own TF2

Annoying Medic is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

_+_+_+_

"Medic…." Spy murmurs to Medic in a tired, but patient tone.

"NEIN! I VILL NOT BE BABIED LIKE ZHIS!" Spy sighs as Medic screams at him. The German is utterly convinced that he was alright, never mind that he keeps bleeding on the floor whenever he tries to walk.

Once they [or more precisely Sniper, Spy never had a way with words] had explained why Medic had been such a sonofabitching asshole to the rest of the team, they had [mostly] pitched in the effort to heal Medic. Team effort, just what Medic had wanted, but the doctor had been less than pleased at their reason for this [occasionally grudging] cooperation.

Ever since the man had woken up in the RED base and realized that, no, he was not dead; he had gone more or less batshit insane on them. Every offer to help was rebutted with a string of curse words and whatever object that Medic could throw at them.

As Scout put it, "Asshole Medic is an asshole."

Sniper and Spy knew that Scout wasn't convinced that Medic was a nice guy. Heavy and Pyro weren't convinced either, as they had been the butt of most of Medic's verbal abuse. Thankfully, Soldier, Demo, and Engineer believe them.

Especially Engineer, who had seen Medic sobbing one night, after Spy and Sniper had rescued the doctor. Medic hadn't noticed Engineer and the poor man had to watch the usually stoic German break down into tears.

It's tough work trying to heal Medic, the medigun is broken and Engi doesn't know how to fix it. A replacement medigun won't come for several weeks, despite repeated calls to HQ. Medic refuses to stay in bed, unless they tie him down, even that is a challenge. He isn't so weak that they can do it easily, but isn't so healthy that they can afford to be rough. In the end they come up with a compromise. If Medic stays in bed and eats like a good boy, they won't set Engineer on him.

Spy smirks as he remembers how they managed to find a way to control Medic.

It had been Engi's bright idea. The team would go [individually] to tell Medic that they understood why he had been such an ass and that they forgave him for it.

Catastrophic didn't quite capture the failure of the project.

Scout went in first, being the one who had felt the worst about being so nasty to Medic. Medic had, rather impressively, managed to swear at Scout until the boy cried [and Scout had 7 brothers, 7 fucking OLDER brothers]. After making the boy cry, he had taunted Scout and told him, "Vhat? Vhy are you crying? Such a girly boy, maybe I should take a butter knife and zhis spoon [he had waved around a spoon with jello in it] and remove zhose ballz of yours, zeeing zhat you are not using zhem." Afterwards, Scout had run from the room and disappeared for several hours. Sniper found him later, drunk on Heavy's vodka and mumbling to himself [Sniper thought he heard a "fuck Medic, fucking asshole" but he might have been mistaken].

After seeing Scout cry, Heavy had refused to talk to Medic, instead stomping off to console his young lover.

Pyro had tried to talk to Medic, but Medic had simply stared at him and announce that, "Herr Pyro, if you vould like to say somezing, perhaps you vould take off your mask? Or…are you worried zhat your mascara vhile smear?" The smile on Medic's face had been rather gleefully unholy, and Pyro had stalked from the room obviously pissed. [Later, Spy found out that Pyro was really, really proud of his girly eyelashes, and wore mascara all the time. Not that anyone noticed with the mask and all.]

Soldier had simply walked in, bitch-slapped Medic while shouting, "GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK FAGGOT." then promptly stalked out. Medic had so stunned that he had been unable to formulate a cutting response.

Demo had been drunk so nobody understood what he had been trying to say. Sniper had had to drag the demolitions expert back to his own room.

Both Sniper and Spy wisely decided not to talk to Medic just yet, seeing as the man was more likely to stab them then talk.

Then Engineer had gone to talk to Medic.

Spy grinned slightly, it had been entertaining, vastly entertaining.

Engineer had been one of the people who had hated Medic the most before the incident. So when he had witnessed Medic's breakdown he had turned over a whole new leaf, much to the doctor's horror. The 3 hours that Engineer had spent in the doctor's room consisted much of Engi babbling about "how sorry" he was and how "I will never let you stand alone again". Stuff like that. When Spy and Sniper finally managed to pull Engi away from Medic, Medic had looked like he was about to throw up from the overdose of mushiness.

Making his way to the kitchen, Spy plotted out the course of the RED team's future. Medic wouldn't be ready to participate in battle for a couple of weeks yet, and the team was divided. His first priority was getting Medic back into shape, but he couldn't afford to lose a part of the team due to bad feelings. Something would have to be done, and soon.

As he looked for something to feed Medic, Spy decided that being team leader really sucked.