Disclaimer: I don't own Gred or Forge.

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Having a twin is like being one part of a whole. Everyone thinks twins hate being mistaken for each other, but really, it doesn't matter. Because we are each other, in a way. Does that make any sense? I guess not.

Nothing makes sense, really. How can someone be here one second, and not the next? And then for the next couple of seconds, you just stand there like a dumbass before it hits you and you holler and shoot curses everywhere, probably, maybe, hitting Dolhov's dirty, sodding head in the process, but probably not.

And then it's over. And you have no one to be angry at because they're all gone, just like the other half, and then you realize. You kneel next to him and mumble things that make sense only to you, and you close his eyes because that's what you should do right now.

But you can't help the sense that there's something you haven't done. Something you should have.

Protected him, you idiot.

Right. That.

And your brain is moving in slow motion because it's just lost it's other half, too, hasn't it? You vaguely realize someone is dragging you away and something hot and wet is dripping down your face and you can't breathe because you haven't got control of anything anymore and your eyes can only see one pinprick spot in a tunnel of darkness and you're falling on something hard, and whoever was dragging you away has let go. Don't let go, you think. They shouldn't let go because you can't hold on for yourself because there's still no control and the falling still hasn't stopped, but you still manage to lose consciousness anyhow.

The next morning is just as terrible, because you still have the empty, gnawing feeling in your head and chest and gut, like something's gone, which something is, and you realize that this feeling will never go away, so why not just numb it. Numbing helps. It helps until you haven't got the strength anymore, right after the funeral, and those emotions from earlier comeback and rip open a new scar because they hadn't done that enough the first time.