So the writing schedule didn't help. I'd like to apologize to everyone, first because of how abysmal I was about updating this, and second because I feel like this story could have been a lot better than it is. I'm sorry for that.

But now it will be finished, at least.

—

Chapter Seven: So Far From Yesterday

—

I admit that I have spent some time in confusion
Not knowing what is or is not illusion
Riddled with myself and destruction
Astray

I do believe that something somewhere sent me
To you
Astray

–I Am Kloot, Astray

—

23 – 24 October 2006

Miley's history test came back with a big red C- on the front. Crap. She really thought she'd done better than that. She shoved it inside her notebook and for one second was glad that Oliver still wasn't speaking to them. It meant he wouldn't ask about it. He probably wouldn't have anyway, though. He'd only cared about what the grades would do to his friends, and it was obvious now they wouldn't do anything.

Corelli passed out the last of the tests and went back to the front of the room. Lilly flipped hers towards Miley and Miley caught the D on it, along with Lilly's disinterested shrug. Miley turned back to her own desk, flipped the cover on her notebook up enough to peek at her grade. Maybe Lilly didn't care, but Miley did. These grades didn't matter anymore for Oliver's friends, but these were their lives now, hers and Lilly's, and the grades mattered to them.

She could hear her father saying, And now Hannah is it?

But she didn't want Hannah to be it. She didn't want to end up in her twenties with a sixth grade education. She wanted options.

She'd been thinking about looking up the agency that had sent her Corelli, leaving their number where her dad could find it, but now she decided against it. He would find someplace better. He obviously cared about her education; he'd find someone good, someone who would make her work.

She just had to make sure her grades didn't drop so much before then that he changed his mind about letting her do this.

After class, Miley waved Lilly into the hall without her and went to talk to Corelli.

"Miss Miley, Miss Miley," he said. "I was hoping you'd come see me. Your work on this test left a little something to be desired."

Miley clutched her notebook to her chest behind crossed arms. "Yes, sir."

"You kinda dropped the ball on this one." He mimed dribbling a ball and then losing control of it. Corelli was so weird. "And you're usually not a ball-dropper. You're usually a ball..." He thought for a second, then grinned. "Shooter!" He pretended to throw a basket. "What happened?"

What hadn't? Miley hugged the notebook tighter to her. The spiral wire cut into her arm. "I'm sorry. I...I had kind of a tough week last week. Some...family issues." Among other things.

He looked concerned. "Do you need to talk to someone? The guidance counselors – "

"No," Miley said quickly. "Everything's fine now." As fine as it was going to get, at least for a while. "But thank you. I was just wondering if there was something I could do for extra credit."

"Hmmm. Extra credit." He held out a hand and Miley stared at it. Was he asking for a bribe? He made an impatient gesture towards her notebook. Oh. She fumbled through it and pulled the test out, handing it to him. He looked through it for a couple minutes, then gave it back. "Pick one of the essay questions you got wrong and write me a five page paper on it."

Miley paled. "F-five pages?"

"By Wednesday. And I'm going to replace your test grade with whatever you make on the paper. So don't blow it."

Great. A five page paper in two days. She might have to cancel Taylor Kingsford. No, she couldn't do that. She would go without sleep before she'd cancel Hannah's first appearance in weeks.

This was so much harder than she'd thought. She used to think Miley was slacking off, using her double life to put off doing what she needed to do for her career. But it wasn't like that at all. This wasn't a way to shirk anything, to float by without having to deal with anything unpleasant. This was difficult, and it was something Miley must have chosen, over and over, always giving up part of each world so that she could have some of both.

And she had chosen, too. It was something of a relief to realize that. Miley had started to feel a little like she had gotten swept up into Hannah, that it had carried her along without her knowing. She had started to worry it might happen again. But it hadn't happened that way. Being Hannah was something she had chosen. Every day she had chosen it, chosen it because she loved it.

And that was another relief, because it meant that, this time, she could choose differently if she wanted to. Whenever she wanted to. "Okay. Wednesday. Got it. Thanks."

She was almost out of the classroom when he called after her. "Miley." She stopped and waited. "You can tell Lilly the offer stands for her, too."

"I will," Miley promised. "Thanks again." She would tell Lilly. She just didn't know if she'd be able to convince her to take it.

—

Lilly had half expected her mother to forget about their shopping trip, but there she was when school got out, up near the front of the line of cars like she'd gotten there extra early. "I've got this thing with my mom," she told Miley, nodding at the car. They said goodbye and Lilly started for the car, not exactly dragging her feet but not exactly making a run for it either. She had this idea...

Lilly slid into the car, shoving her bookbag down at her feet. The history test was in her notebook and the bag was zipped closed, but Lilly still gave it a little kick to make sure it was pushed up under the dash and out of her mother's sight. They'd fought over her grades more times than Lilly could count, and Lilly didn't want to fight. Not now.

"How was your day?" Heather asked. Lilly could tell she was putting extra effort into sounding cheerful.

"Fine. You know. School."

Heather tried to pull out of the line into the open lane but had to stop as another car came up from behind them. "Are you ready to shop?" Lilly nodded cautiously. She wasn't sure how her mother would react to her idea. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know."

"There's the mall, or..." Lilly shook her head and Heather frowned a little. "Well, what do you want to get?"

Lilly looked down at her lap, then peeked at her mother from the corners of her eyes. "Curtains."

Heather's frown deepened. It wasn't an angry frown, just confused, but it still made Lilly nervous. "Curtains?"

"Yeah. And...maybe some pictures or something. You know, to hang on walls."

"Lilly, I thought you wanted clothes."

Lilly almost gave up. It was a stupid idea anyway. But then Heather got into the other lane. She had to slam on the brakes once she did, because the free lane had kind of turned into another line. From their new position, Lilly could just see past the windshield of the SUV to their right. Oliver was sitting on a bench in front of the school. Miley was talking to him.

"I changed my mind," Lilly said.

"You've been throwing fits for two weeks over not having anything to wear and now all of a sudden you decide you'd rather redecorate your room?"

"It's not for my room. It's...it's for dad. For his apartment."

The frown straightened out and thinned, but somehow Heather looked unhappier now. "Lilly, I don't think – "

"You said you could find some money."

"I did. But your father has his own money. It's not appropriate for me to be buying him curtains."

"But he won't do it himself. And you haven't seen his place. It's like no one's really living there. Like he could just disappear tomorrow."

"Your father is not going to – "

"I know. I just – please, Mom. I know it's weird, but I want to do this. You can take it out of my allowances or something. And I promise, I won't complain about my clothes anymore. I won't complain about anything, I'll do my homework." She'd even write that stupid make-up essay Miley was trying to talk her into. "I'll – "

"All right, Lilly. All right."

Lilly fell silent. Heather put on the turn signal and took a left away from the school. And the mall. "All right," she said. "Curtains."

—

Oliver slouched against the metal bars of the bench, stretching his legs out in front of him and keeping his attention on his shoes. He didn't want anyone bothering him and it was too windy to get any of his books out. Usually he would've had his phone to mess around with, but who was he going to call? His best friends? He was pretty sure his service plan didn't extend to where they were.

"Hey."

Oliver looked up. It was Miley. He sat up straighter and crossed his cast over his stomach. "I'm just waiting for my mom to pick me up." She'd dropped him off and picked him up Friday and dropped him off again today even though he knew it was screwing up her schedule at work. She was 'worried about him' and told him so. Constantly. He wished he could explain to her that it wasn't him she should be worried about.

"Do you mind if I wait with you?" Miley asked uncertainly.

He did, but she looked so hopeful he couldn't come right out and say so. Which kind of pissed him off. "It's a free country," he muttered. Maybe she'd take the hint.

She sat down next to him. Miley never had been able to take a hint, or even an anvil aimed at her head.

She could sit next to him, but she couldn't make him talk to her. Oliver knew none of this was her fault, but he didn't care. Everything still hurt too much.

Maybe they didn't have a choice, this girl who looked like Miley had said. And maybe Miley hadn't. But she had been there so long, she had known she wasn't coming back. I think that's why Lilly left, the girl who wasn't Lilly said, and he knew she was right. Lilly must have known, too. She must have known what she was doing, and Oliver was so angry at her it choked him. He was angry at her for leaving, angry at Miley for taking her, angry at both of them for being gone.

So he didn't care if it wasn't this girl's fault. He sat stubbornly in silence, hoping his mother would appear before she could get up the nerve to break it.

"I'm sorry," she said after a while. There was still no sign of his mom's car.

He really didn't want to talk about this. But he had to ask. "What's it like there? In your world."

She slid her fingers through one of the gaps in the bench seat and wrapped them around the slat. "Are you sure you want to know?"

Oliver nodded. He wanted to know what Miley and Lilly were dealing with. What their lives were now.

"I'm...I was just Hannah there. But you already knew that." He nodded again. "My dad is remarried." Her voice was so flat that he didn't think for even a second that was a good thing. "He's gone most of the time. Jackson's gone all the time. The Hannah stuff drove him crazy so he left."

"So you're by yourself?" He couldn't picture Miley without her family.

"I was fine," she said defensively. Which pretty much meant she hadn't been. "I don't know that much about what Lilly's life was like. She said her parents aren't divorced there."

That had to be good, right? Lilly had hated it when her parents separated. "And I think...I think she was well-off. Financially."

And she was friends with Amber and Ashley.

"Do you think they're okay?"

Oliver heard the way Miley's breathing changed and knew she didn't want to answer the question. "I don't know," Miley said after a long pause. At least she wasn't going to lie to him. "I think, my guess is, that Miley doesn't like it there very much."

Miley was stuck there by herself without her family or friends. "Of course she doesn't," he said, then relented enough to add, "No offense."

"None taken," Miley said lightly. That was a lie, but he couldn't hold it against her. She went on as though he hadn't just basically called her life crappy. "Listen, she might not like it very much, but there wasn't anything wrong with my life. It wasn't terrible. I mean, do you know how many people would kill to be Hannah? She'll be all right. Lilly, too."

There was no way she could know that. She only knew what this Lilly had told her. And this Lilly had lied to them.

He fell back into silence, looking again for his mother's car.

"Oliver." He glanced at her but didn't answer. "I know it's hard," she said. "I know you just lost your best friends. I know how much that must hurt. And I know talking to me probably doesn't help. But I don't want to lose you. You're one of my best friends."

"You've only known me a week and a half!"

"So? It was this week and a half. My life – I – you know what happened. Lilly and I wouldn't have made it without your help."

"I didn't do it for you. And I sure as hell didn't do it for her."

"I know. You had no reason to help us, and we didn't make it easy. But you did it anyway because you thought it would help your friends. Do you think any of my friends back home would have done that for me? I've never even had a conversation with most of them about anything deeper than what we're wearing to the next awards show. You care. You're a good friend, Oliver. You're a good person."

She paused but he couldn't think of what to say. Miley gripped the bench tighter and said, "I really like you Oliver. A lot."

His mind was still back on what she'd been saying before. It took him a moment to realize what she meant. He wasn't expecting it, he never would have expected it from Miley, and he said the first thing he thought. "I...you know I don't feel that way about Miley."

"I'm not her," she said sharply.

"I know that," he said. "I know you aren't. But every time I look at you I see her. I can't help it. That's her body. And I'm sorry, but I just don't see her that way. Or you."

Oliver didn't realize he was tensing up for an explosion until she smiled sadly at him and said, "It's okay. I understand."

"You do?" Miley would have thrown a fit, sucked Lilly into it, and then sulked for at least a week. "You really aren't like her."

Miley surprised him again by shaking her head. "Only sometimes," she said despite having been so insistent on that point just a second ago. "Other times I understand her so perfectly it's clear we're the same person." She saw his skeptical expression and laughed softly. "I guess she would have reacted differently?"

"That's the understatement of the year."

Miley hmmed, contemplating that. "I think I might be more used to seeing things in the long term than she is."

Now Oliver laughed, though it wasn't a particularly humorous one. Miley and long term weren't words that went together. Miley could barely figure out what the consequences of her actions would be twenty minutes in the future.

"And, Oliver, I want you to be there. Long term. Whatever way you can be. You're one of the only people who knows who I am, who knows what happened to me. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose you."

He thought about that for a moment. "You're one of the only people that knows what happened to my friends."

Miley exhaled slowly. "Yes."

Oliver nodded. He didn't want to lose that either. "We can try," he said. "It...it might take a while, okay? And I'm not promising I can. But we can try."

"Okay," Miley said. "Thank you. And if you ever want to talk... "

"I can't," Oliver said quickly. "Not yet." It was too soon, all of this still cut too deep for him to be able to talk about it. He needed to mourn them alone first. "But thank you."

He saw his mother's car finally, as it advanced far enough in the line of cars that stretched out into the street to make the turn into the school's pick-up area. It would take another few minutes for Nancy to reach the area in front of the school where Oliver was waiting, but he stood in preparation anyway.

"Will you sit with us at lunch tomorrow?" Miley asked.

Oliver squinted down at her. The wind ruffled his hair and clothes and skated over his skin, except for the dead area covered by the cast. "Miley. We can try, but I'm not – " He shook his head. "I can't do it with her. She knew this whole time you wouldn't be going back. She knew from day one and she didn't say anything."

"But that was because – "

"I don't care! I don't care about her reasons. She should have told us. She shouldn't have let you go on thinking you would go home. She shouldn't have let me think my friends would come back."

"She didn't mean – "

"It was cruel, Miley, and there isn't any excuse that will make it otherwise."

"She's trying to deal with this the same as we are."

Oliver nodded. "And I hope she does. But I can't with her. I just can't." Besides what she'd done, being around Lilly was too painful. She had meant more to him than Miley. But it seemed like it would be disloyal to admit that, even though he knew the girl next to him wouldn't take offense. Miley would have. "I have to go. My mom's here."

Her car came to a stop a few feet from them, the brakes squealing slightly in protest. Oliver started forward.

"Hey, Oliver?" He turned and waited. "Are you going to let anyone sign your cast?"

The wind pushed his hair from his face and stung his eyes. For several minutes he could only breathe and refuse to blink against it. "Bring a pen," he told her. "You can sign it tomorrow."

—

There was the essay, and a mountain of other homework Miley needed to get done, but she stayed on the bench long after Oliver left and the school grounds mostly emptied of other students. A couple of other freshmen were still hanging around, constantly checking their phones and sighing in disgust that their rides hadn't shown up. Miley watched them, trying not to laugh.

She could understand why Oliver was upset with Lilly, and she could understand why he thought Lilly should have told them from the beginning that this was permanent. She could even see how, from his perspective, not telling them was, as he'd said, cruel.

But Miley wasn't upset. She was glad. She would never tell Oliver, because that too would be cruel, but she was happy Lilly hadn't told them what she suspected right away. And she didn't even care why Lilly had done it.

She couldn't live Miley's life. She knew things Miley didn't, was surer of things it seemed Miley still questioned. Hannah was more important to her; high school less. So she would change this life a little. But she would keep the important things. She would keep the Hannah secret. She would try to keep Miley's friends, keep Hannah from driving Jackson away. And if Lilly had told her she was stuck here the first day, Miley didn't think that would be true right now.

If she'd known from the beginning, she wouldn't have been at the beach the past two weekends or in school last week. She wouldn't have spent ten minutes with Oliver. She wouldn't have gone to that football game with Jackson or talked with her dad. If she'd known, she probably would have ripped the wig off her head during the concert that first Friday night and that would've been the end of it.

Things here weren't perfect, but they were good, and the thought of how casually she would have thrown all of it away without even knowing it could be like this scared her more than waking up in a different world had. So Miley wasn't angry at Lilly for not telling them right away. She owed her. Lilly had given her the gift of this life as much as whatever it was that had brought them here.

And it would have been too much. Coming here, knowing she wasn't going back, it would have been too much to handle all at once. She didn't know how Lilly had done it. She could understand what Lilly had said about not wanting to believe it, about trying to keep the truth of it from herself. Sometimes it was better not to know. Kinder. Not cruel.

That was why she hadn't told Oliver what she'd guessed about Lilly's life there, that she didn't have her family there any more than Miley had. What good would it do? Oliver couldn't help her. All he could do was worry, and never stop, because he would never know if she was all right.

The first few days she'd been here, the only thing that had kept her together was the hope that she would go back. That was all Oliver had. Hope that his friends were okay. She didn't want to do anything to take that from him. Maybe in time it would be enough to stop him worrying, hurting.

The freshmen's late rides had come and gone by the time Miley got up from the bench. She had that essay to get done, and her father would be making dinner. She would eat it with him and Jackson, and tomorrow morning she'd walk to school with Lilly and sign Oliver's cast. Tomorrow afternoon she would perform on Taylor Kingsford.

Miley would work on things with Oliver. She would finish the semester, she'd see if Lilly would homeschool with her. She would figure out how to make Hannah work, how to keep herself and her family while she did. She would find a way to fit every part together, to have the best of her world and this one.

She was really starting to like that song.

—

It was the first time in almost two weeks that Oliver was asleep when his alarm went off. He rolled out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom and back, then surveyed the state of his room. Friday night he'd gotten so mad that he couldn't stop crying, and he'd torn the skateboarding posters off his walls and put away everything that reminded him of Lilly or Miley, which was most things. The room was pretty bare now.

And there was still a hole in his wall.

He went to the closet and stretched up with his left hand. He'd wrapped everything in an extra blanket and shoved it up on the shelf in there. He pulled it down, swinging it out so he didn't hit himself in the head.

He didn't want most of the stuff in the pile; he couldn't even look at it. But he found the framed picture he had of the three of them from eighth grade and set it on his desk. He studied it for a minute, then reached out to tip it over, face down. After he got dressed, though, right before he left the room, he put it back up. And he put the blanket with everything else on the floor of his closet, where it would be easier to get to.

"Mom, I'm walking to school today," he said downstairs, and left before she could insist that she give him a ride.

Miley had brought a Sharpie, one of the really thick ones. "It's weird," she said, "because you'd think Jackson would have broken every bone in his body at least once by now, but I've never actually signed a cast before."

The bell wouldn't ring for another few minutes, and the classroom they were in was empty. "Not even for a fan?"

"Nope. I did get a jockstrap once. The guy tried to claim it was his sister's."

Oliver laughed and she bent over the cast, being painstakingly careful as she inscribed her name across the moss green of its surface. "Did you sign it?"

"Ew, no way. I didn't even touch it." She added a flower on either side of her name and then smiled at him sheepishly. "Sorry. Boys probably don't want flowers on their casts."

Oliver couldn't help thinking that Miley would have dotted her i with a heart, which was even worse than flowers. "It's okay."

Miley wrapped her fingers around the tips of his fingers and squeezed. "Heal well," she said softly. Her eyes were holding his and he knew she meant more than his hand. Oliver thought of the picture on his desk, looked away and moved his arm.

"Are you sure you won't sit with us at lunch?"

"I'm sure." The trouble with trying to be friends with Miley was that Lilly would always be there too.

"I...I could sit with you instead of Lilly."

"No." This was okay. He could do things like this, little things. They had half an hour for lunch.

"All right." Her voice was barely there; she coughed under the cover of the first bell ringing and it strengthened. "I'll see you later then."

He wanted to just write her off. He wanted not to care. But he couldn't. "Miley? Keep an eye on her for me, okay? Make sure she's all right."

Miley nodded, her face so sympathetic and understanding that he wished again it was his Miley standing there instead, Miley who would have been so caught in her own pain she wouldn't have had room for his. "I will."

—

If Miley didn't want people knowing how she felt about Oliver, she should trying being less obvious. Like maybe not staring at him all through lunch.

"You could go sit with him, you know."

Miley whipped her head around and blushed. "What?"

"Oliver. You could go sit with him." Which would leave Lilly sitting by herself in the middle of the high school cafeteria. But whatever. Everyone here already thought she was a loser, so what difference would it make?

"No. I'd rather sit with you."

Lilly smirked. "Please," she said. "You have a crush on him, you expect me to believe you don't want to be around him any chance you get?"

Miley looked at her, and for the barest second Lilly saw something in her eyes, a knowledge and power that pinned her in place, something far more intrusive and aggressive than what had passed between them in Lilly's bedroom.

Then Miley glanced back towards Oliver and it was gone. "He told me not to sit with him," she said, as though nothing had just happened.

Lilly imagined Miley looking at her like that when she threatened to reveal the Hannah secret. She shivered and wanted to crawl under the table to hide. "I told you he wouldn't give a crap about us anymore," she said, shame and adrenaline mixing and making her words sharper than she'd intended.

"No, it wasn't like that. He wanted me to stay with you. He loves you, you know."

"He loves her." Miley was going to argue, but Lilly wouldn't let her. "Did you write that paper yet?"

"Lilly. He wanted me to stay with you. He wanted me to watch you." How did he know? she thought wildly, guiltily. How did he know what she had planned? "He wanted me to make sure you're okay."

"No, he didn't." No. He didn't.

"Yes, he did."

No, he didn't. "Only because of her."

"You are her."

The surface of the table was a dark brown, darker lines of wood grains making something of a pattern across it. The table wasn't even real wood. They just put that top on it so it would look better.

"No," Lilly said. "I'm not." She looked across the room at Oliver, eating alone. "You should go sit with him."

"I'm sitting with you."

She wouldn't if she knew.

—

The bell was going to ring any second and the halls were slowly clearing. Miley was already gone, her next class on the other side of the school, but Lilly lingered at her locker. She felt claustrophobic in these walls, like the building had suddenly become too small for her. She'd thought she had outgrown this place a long time ago, but now it seemed like she hadn't, like it had been following her, haunting, and it was only finding herself here again that made her realize it had been there all along.

Lilly shut her locker and let her eyes slide over the few stragglers left without seeing them. Standing here, she felt so far away from this. She wanted to be away from it. Not the way she had for the past week and a half, not because she hated it, hated what everyone else here thought of her, but because nothing here was important. Not the classes, not the other students.

"You know, Ashley, I never thought it was that hard to tell the difference between someone's hair and a pile of cat vomit, but this is giving me some real trouble."

The hallway snapped into focus, Amber in the middle of it, Ashley, as always, a half-step behind her. This had happened a thousand times. Lilly could picture every one of them, the memories coming so strong she could swear she saw a flicker of herself standing behind Amber's other shoulder.

But she was here, too, facing Amber. She had been on this side of the scene just as often. Maybe more.

The bell sounded and the few remaining students disappeared. It was just the three of them.

"They make products that can help with that," Amber said. "You might want to try shampoo."

"Yeah, you might want to try shampoo," Ashley echoed.

It should have hurt, but Lilly almost laughed. Amber was her friend, and even when she hadn't been, Lilly had worried constantly about what she'd thought. All these years, she'd tried so hard to please Amber, to please everyone she'd thought was important, and now...now all of those people were gone. Evaporated.

So what good was any of it? What had it gotten her, in the end? Nothing. She was right back here where she'd started. And what had it cost her? Oliver. Her family. Knowing if they were all right.

"Amber," Lilly said, but it wasn't the start of something. It was only an acknowledgement; she didn't have anything to say to Amber. Not a single thing. She'd lost her life, everything. Why should she care what Amber thought? Why had she ever cared? She could remember every time Amber had torn her down, every time she'd helped Amber tear down someone else, but she couldn't remember that.

"Of course, I'd expect something like this from someone who's a big enough dork to show up to school dressed like that."

Lilly smiled just a little. She could have been wearing something different today. Yesterday she could've gotten something better than what Amber currently had on. But instead, tomorrow she would hang curtains in her dad's apartment. Amber didn't know anything about her. She never had, not really. And Lilly had nothing to say to her.

She looked at Ashley instead. "You don't have to be like this," she said.

Ashley's forehead wrinkled and Amber's eyes snapped with fury at being ignored. "Like what?" she demanded. She paced closer, coming in to a distance where she could do more damage, and Ashley followed along like Amber had her on a pull string. Ashley wasn't angry like Amber was, though. She mostly looked confused, and that made Lilly smile again. Ashley had been confused a lot. It used to annoy Lilly sometimes, how slow she was, but this time it was endearing. Lilly felt a wave of affection for her. There was a lot she would have said to Ashley, if only she could.

"Like what?" Amber said again. "Popular?"

Lilly shifted her attention to Amber for a second. "A conceited, stuck-up, bitchy little asshole," she said clearly, meeting Amber's eyes. "Like you."

Then she was back to Ashley, whose mouth was dropping open, shocked. Lilly couldn't say everything she wanted to. Maybe one thing would be enough. "You don't have to stay with her. You don't need her. Other people would like you."

Amber sneered. "What, like they like you, loser?"

"No." Lilly looked away, down the empty hall. "Not like that." Because who liked her, really? Miley? Miley didn't know what she'd done, what she was really like.

"Exactly." Amber was all satisfaction. "Because no one does. You're at the bottom of the list, freak, and you always will be. And if you think your pathetic little life has been miserable already, just wait, because I – "

"Back off, Amber." It was Oliver. He'd come out of the boys bathroom across the hall from them.

"Or what?" Amber asked, distinctly unimpressed.

"Or my lunch ends up on your head tomorrow."

"You wouldn't dare."

"I hear we're having chocolate pudding tomorrow. And spaghetti. I'd hate to see the stain those would leave."

Amber flipped hair over her shoulder. "Whatever. We were leaving anyway."

"Yeah, we were leaving anyway," Ashley chimed in.

Amber stepped closer. "No one's ever going to talk to you again when I'm done with you," she hissed. "You're going to be less than nothing." She brushed past Lilly, her shoulder forcing Lilly back into the bank of lockers. In another moment both of them were gone.

Oliver barely glanced at her before he started down the hall in the opposite direction Amber and Ashley had taken.

"Oliver," Lilly said, and then didn't know why she had. There was a lot she would have said to Oliver, too, but she couldn't, not to him. But he had stopped, he was waiting. "You shouldn't have done that." She hated that he had, that he would, when she...

For a second, he looked just like Amber, scornful. "You're welcome."

"Oliver, I'm sorry." She could say that to him, at least. "I should've told you and Miley as soon as I figured it out."

Oliver hooked his thumbs around the straps of his bookbag. The cast stood out against the dull orange of his shirt. Lilly could see Miley's name stretching out across the top of the otherwise empty surface. "Yeah, you should have. So why didn't you?"

"I didn't want to believe it. I thought maybe I was wrong. I thought maybe...if I didn't say it, it wouldn't be real." All of that was true. None of it was the reason she hadn't told him. But suddenly she wanted it to be.

"Is Lilly going to be okay?"

Maybe. No. Maybe. "I don't know."

He spun around, slammed his cast against a locker. Lilly cringed. "You're the only one who knows!" he yelled. "The only one!"

He was so loud she quickly glanced up and down the hallway to see if anyone had heard. One of the classroom doors opened and Mr. Carter stuck his head out of it. Ben had him sophomore year for AP Government. "Truscott, Oken," he snapped. "Get to class!"

"Yes, sir," Oliver said. Mr. Carter went back inside, shutting the door. Oliver lowered his voice. "It was your life." The volume wasn't there but the anger still was. "You know. Tell me what Lilly's walking into."

How could she? How could she even begin to tell him what she'd done, what her life was like? He didn't like her now, but he would hate her then. She knew. She'd already been through it once. "She...it's fine. I mean, she won't need anything. I had...she'll have money."

"Money," he said in utter disbelief. "Great. Her whole life just got ripped away, but that's okay, because she can go shopping."

Heat flamed her cheeks. What did he want from her? She was trying to be nice. "She'll have Miley."

He stared at her. "But not me."

She slowly shook her head. Not Oliver, not her parents. She didn't think it would help to tell him Lilly would have Amber and Ashley.

"What happened?" he asked. "What happened between us?"

Seventh grade. First day back at school after Christmas break. A hallway just like this one. All the same players, plus another forty or fifty students. Amber had spent the first half of the year mercilessly picking on Lilly. Oliver, too, but Lilly had taken most of it. She'd been pushed in the hallways, had nasty notes left in her locker. They were anonymous, but it wasn't like it was a mystery who wrote them. Most of the bathroom stalls had the same messages inked on them in permanent marker. Those were in code, but not the kind of code that kept you from figuring out what it said. And the day before break, someone had tripped her in the cafeteria and Lilly had fallen on top of her macaroni and cheese. She had to wear her dirty, sweaty gym shirt for the rest of the day because the principal wouldn't let her go home early.

All Lilly had asked for that Christmas was money. She took every penny she got and bought an outfit she'd seen on some star in a magazine, plus makeup that had cost more than she'd ever spent on anything else. She just wanted it to stop. She wanted – she wanted people to like her. But that day, she'd known the new clothes and makeup weren't enough, because there was Amber, still mocking of her.

"God, I just hate it when I see a cow that's gotten all dressed up and thinks that makes it pretty. It's sad, isn't, Ashley?"

"So sad," Ashley agreed.

And there was Oliver, sticking up for her. "Leave her alone."

But of course that just made Amber turn on him. "Aw, is the big boy going to protect his little girlfriend?" Her fake look of sympathy turned into contempt. "At least she's making an effort. You look like your mother still dresses you. Does she lay out clothes for you every morning?"

She didn't give him a chance to say anything, she was smirking at Lilly, one eyebrow raised. "Does his mommy pick out clothes for him? Does he still need his teddy bear to sleep at night?"

It was one moment. One moment where Amber was looking at her like they were sharing something, like they were in on the joke together. One moment where all the kids around them were already giggling, and Lilly didn't want them to be laughing at her. And in another moment, the next one, if she did nothing, if she defended Oliver, they would be. So she said, "A teddy bear? Please, he still wets the bed."

Amber laughed. There was so much delight in it, like Lilly had just give her the perfect Christmas present. "Lilly!" she shrieked, still laughing. Not loser, or dork, or freak. Lilly. She hadn't thought Amber even knew her name. "Oh my god! You never told me you were so funny! Does he really?"

Lilly looked at Oliver. She thought he would say something, but he was just standing there, shock and hurt all over his face. She didn't think he even heard the other students laughing, the way what Lilly had said was spreading out from them. It would be all over school in a minute. She couldn't let that happen. It was just a joke. "He – "

"Oh my god, I have the best idea," Amber said, looping her arm through Lilly's. Lilly stared down at them, feeling like she was floating out of her body. This couldn't really be happening. "You should sit with me and Ash at lunch, and then you can tell us everything. Someone as funny as you shouldn't be hanging out with a loser like him, anyway."

It was just one moment. One moment where she didn't say no. All she wanted was to be popular. To be liked. And this was her chance, probably the only one she would ever get. She'd tried to explain that to Oliver. She'd tried to apologize, to tell him that she hadn't meant it, it was just a joke, and she would fix it once Amber was her friend.

But it had spread all over school by the end of the day and he'd slammed his front door in her face. All the kids started singing the Mellow Yellow song every time Oliver walked by, and someone poured Mountain Dew into a diaper and taped it up to Oliver's locker, dripping. By the end of the week, the only one who'd be seen with him was Rico. The eleven-year-old.

Lilly had been in the hall with Amber and Ashley the next Monday before classes started when Oliver and Rico walked past. "Awww," Amber cooed at them. "Did the wittle boys have a sleepover this weekend? Did you play with your racecars and G.I. Joes? I hope Oken brought an extra pair of underwear."

Oliver was glaring at them. At her. Like he hated her. But she hadn't meant for it to go this far. This wasn't her fault. It wasn't fair for him to hate her when she hadn't even done anything. It wasn't. But if that was the way he wanted to be, then fine.

"Don't worry," she said. She made sure Oliver could hear her. "I'm sure his mommy remembered to pack some Pull-Ups."

It had made Amber laugh. She hadn't looked to see what it did to Oliver.

Oliver was still looking at her, waiting for her to say something. Lilly shook her head. "Does it really matter?"

He exhaled and let his hands fall from the bookbag straps. "No, I guess not."

"It was my fault," she blurted out when he once again started to leave. It wasn't just Ashley, she realized. There were so many things she wanted to say, and the people she wanted to say them to were all out of reach forever. "What happened. It wasn't you. I did it. It...it was my fault. and I – " She wished she hadn't. "I'm sorry."

"I can't forgive you, Lilly."

"I know." Although she didn't know if he meant for what she'd done then or for not telling him his friends weren't coming back. But that didn't really matter either. "I just...I wish I could do it over again."

"You can." He sounded so bitter that Lilly found herself holding her breath. "Lucky you, you got your wish. Someone hit rewind and now you can do it all over again."

He was right, she realized. He was right. She could do everything over again. She would have to, and maybe...maybe she could do things differently this time. Like she just had with Amber. Maybe history didn't have to repeat itself, maybe –

"Congratulations," Oliver continued, spitting the word out. "And all it took was my best friend losing her whole life so you could have it." His chest was heaving and she thought he might hit the locker again, or shout, but then the fight deflated out of him, leaving nothing behind. "So, Lilly? Don't waste it."

Lilly focused on the tile under her feet, feeling the walls close in around her. "I'll try."

"Yeah, well." He started walking. "Good luck." He meant goodbye. She'd known all along that this had nothing to do with her, that he didn't want anything to do with her, and she didn't blame him. But she remembered what Miley had said, that even so, he still wanted her to be okay.

"Oliver," she called, stopping him again, and Lilly could see annoyance on his face when he looked back at her. She wanted to apologize again, but that would just annoy him more. She wanted to tell him that Lilly would be all right, but she didn't know if that was true. After all, she hadn't been.

"Thanks," she said instead. "For..." She gestured towards where Amber and Ashley had been and he nodded. "But you don't have to." He shouldn't have to worry about her, not even a little. He shouldn't have to think he had to watch out for her. "I can take care of myself."

"I know," he said. "But you don't have to."

But she didn't know if he was right about that, too.

—

The rest of the school day was so blurred that afterwards Lilly couldn't even remember if she'd gone to the right classes. She mechanically walked through the halls after the last bell and stared into the shadows at the back of her locker without seeing anything. She'd always thought she'd known exactly what she wanted, who she wanted to be, but now she felt unmoored, adrift from all of that.

Could she change things here, make them different? What would she do? Forget about the money and stay with her family? What if she screwed things up? Would her mother still want her there?

And she would have to stay in school. She would have to keep coming back here, day after day, for four more years. She didn't know if she could do that. Even though she didn't care what Amber, or anyone else in this building, thought, Amber could still make her life hell. She knew that very well.

And what about Miley? She couldn't tell her the truth. Was she supposed to try to be the person Miley thought she was? The person her family thought she was? She didn't know if she could. How would she know what to do? Sooner or later, she would mess something up, she would disappoint them, she knew she would. And then what? What would they do?

Could things ever really be different?

A nearby locker clanged shut, an echo of Oliver's cast against one of them earlier, and it pulled Lilly from her daze just as Miley appeared at her side.

"Hey." Things were different for Miley here. Very different. And she had this look that said Lilly was part of that.

"Hey."

"So I've got this thing this afternoon. Taylor Kingsford. I thought maybe you'd want to go."

"I love Taylor Kingsford," Lilly said.

"So you'll go?"

Everything inside of Lilly was churning, and she just wanted it to stop, and being around Miley only made it worse. Lilly didn't want to face it. She wanted to run away from all of it, from everyone. Just like she had before.

"Sure," she said, swallowing down what rose up.

—

The plan was they'd stop at Lilly's house first, for clothes and hair, and then do the same at Miley's. Lilly changed quickly, dusted on some of the garish eyeshadow she'd dismissed in disgust when she first got here. She'd dismissed everything in disgust. But now...

Did this make it easier? she asked the phantom in her reflection. Slipping on another identity, turning into Lola, having everyone sick with envy seeing her hanging off Hannah's arm, did that make the misery school could be easier? Did she get along better with her mother because she had this other life to disappear into, one where none of her problems existed?

The mirror didn't answer. Lilly grabbed lipstick, an electric blue wig, and forced herself downstairs before she could change her mind about going. She frowned at the bottom of the steps, hearing noise in the kitchen. She'd thought Miley was staying in the car with Robby Ray.

It wasn't Miley. It was her mother. "You're home," Lilly said.

"I just got here," Heather said. "I have all this paperwork to do from yesterday, but I thought I could do it just as easily here. Where are you going?"

Lilly looked down at the mass of blue in her hands. It was so bright it looked like candy, like blue raspberry syrup that was so sweet it had to be artificial. "Miley has a thing. An interview."

Heather had her briefcase open on the table and was pulling out folders, flipping through them. "Are you going on with her?"

"I – I don't know." She should want to. She should have asked Miley if she could. She should be trying to get on TV, to leverage that exposure to make sure the right people knew about Lola, would care about her as something more than just Hannah's friend. For when she wasn't anymore.

But she hadn't even thought of doing that, and thinking about it now brought back the churning feeling from school. "I don't think so."

"Well, it'll still be fun." Heather was making stacks now, turning the papers different ways to keep certain groups together. "And it's okay if you want to have dinner at Miley's. Ben's working tonight and I've got this pile of papers to go through. But there's leftovers in the fridge or we can order something if you want to eat here, okay?"

"Okay." Of all the things she wanted to say, all the people she wanted to say them to, her mother was maybe the most important. "Mom? I'm sorry."

Her mother looked up from her papers, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What did you do?"

Those words robbed Lilly of an answer. This woman would never know what Lilly had done, and it seemed grossly unfair. Unfair that Lilly should have this clean slate. Unfair that she would never be able to apologize to the mother she'd hurt. "I...I know I've been acting weird the past couple weeks."

Heather's face softened. "Well. I guess you're allowed to act weird every once in a while." She laughed and came to give Lilly a hug. Lilly leaned into it, knowing she shouldn't. She didn't deserve this, everything forgiven like it had never happened because it hadn't. If her mother knew...what?

On the nights Lilly had lain alone in her world, she had sometimes wondered what would happen if she tried to go home. She'd wondered if her mother would speak to her or slap her, let her in or cast her out. She hadn't liked those thoughts and had made sure to spend very few nights alone so as not to think them, and now that was another question she would never know the answer to.

"I'm sorry," she said again. She was. Because what had happened with her family, her mom – that was her fault, too. They'd both fought, but Lilly had been the one who walked away. That was what she would tell her mother if she could. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left.

Heather chuckled and kissed Lilly's forehead. "It's all right. I know you think I don't remember what it's like to be your age, but I do. The whole puberty-growing up thing can really suck, huh?"

Yeah, Lilly thought. It was even worse the second time around.

—

Lilly used the vanity in Miley's room to put the blue wig on while Miley changed in the Hannah closet, Robby Ray yelling up the stairs every thirty seconds that they were going to be late. Lilly barely heard him. She focused in on the bobby pins and wig, taking quick, fragmented glances in the mirror to check if it was straight, the pins hidden.

"We'll be down in a minute!" Miley shouted. "We won't be late!" She was suddenly right behind Lilly.

"He tells us to hurry and then he won't drive faster than thirty the whole way there," she muttered to Lilly. Lilly tried to laugh. "So how do I look?" She spread her arms out and twirled around once, and Lilly hadn't seen her as Hannah in a week and a half. Last time, it had seemed normal, right, but so much had happened since then, and this time it was wrong, she looked just exactly like Miley had, a ghost in solid flesh.

The sick feeling surged back up, Lilly couldn't get rid of it, she pushed it down and down but it stayed in her stomach, curdling.

"Well?" Miley asked.

"I – " Lilly cleared her throat to get her voice above a whisper. "I almost didn't recognize you."

Miley smiled, obviously pleased with that answer. It made Lilly feel worse. "Perfect. Let's go before my dad has an aneurysm."

Lilly took one last look in the mirror. She almost didn't recognize herself either.

—

This was just press, so they didn't have a limo. They got back in Robby's car, and every second they were there Lilly wished she wasn't. She hated cars in this world. She hated being driven. She itched to have one of her own cars back, to have the freedom to go only where she wanted, to have that control over her life.

She could still get it back. She could go ahead with her plan. She could get the money and run. And lose her family again. Miley. But she might lose them anyway. Lilly glanced towards Miley even though she didn't want to. Seeing her looking like that bothered her.

Miley was peering at her phone, typing out a message, and Lilly wondered who she was texting. Oliver? Traci? Miley had other friends. Maybe she wouldn't care if Lilly was gone. She'd be pissed when Lilly demanded the money, sure. She'd be furious, and then she'd hate Lilly, just like Ha—Miley had.

No. Lilly thought about Saturday night, the look Miley had given her in the cafeteria. It wouldn't happen that way, she knew it wouldn't. Miley wouldn't be angry. She would be hurt.

Miley would care if she was gone.

They stopped at a traffic light and Lilly's stomach lurched with the motion, something sour rising in her throat. Because it would hurt Lilly, too. It had hurt the first time, even though she'd told herself over and over that it hadn't. Leaving would hurt. She'd known what she was doing last time, but she hadn't understood. This time she would. And no matter how much money she had, no matter how many clothes or shoes or friends she bought, no matter how much company she kept between her sheets, sooner or later, she would find herself alone, thinking about what she'd done. The people she'd hurt. Again.

"All right, girls, we're here. Roxy's meeting us."

"Roxy?" Miley asked. She and Lilly shrugged at each other with their eyes, the look they'd perfected the past two weeks that said, No, I don't have any idea what the hell is going on either. There was a little smile that went with it, one that faded from Lilly's lips as soon as Miley looked back at her father.

"I know you don't need a bodyguard for something like this, bud, but it's been a while since she's gotten to see you. She misses you."

Which was made very clear by the way the woman who must be Roxy hugged Miley so hard she lifted her off the ground. Miley was at least a foot taller, so she ended up half slung over Roxy's shoulder, trying not to pitch down her back, and it looked so ridiculous Lilly almost felt like laughing.

"Don't worry, you two," Roxy said once she'd set Miley back on her feet and was contemplating Lilly like she might try hugging her next. Lilly edged behind Miley. "I've got my eyes on everyone here! Nothing's gonna happen while Roxy's on the job!"

Inside, they were met by a chattering PA who led them up an elevator and down several hallways. Lilly lagged behind, which was easy to do. She might have fluorescent blue hair, but everyone who saw them in the halls only had eyes for Hannah. A few days ago, that would have galled Lilly. Now she was grateful to escape notice.

"...all set up and ready for you," the PA was saying. "Of course, if you need anything, just ask and..."

They passed a restroom and Lilly slipped inside. She put her back against the door and exhaled, listening with relief as the woman's voice and the group's footsteps faded away. She just needed a minute or two to herself, so she could think, breathe. So she could not feel like everything was crashing down on her head.

Of course, bathrooms had mirrors, and Lilly was kind of done with mirrors right now. She went past them without looking and locked herself in a stall. It wasn't much better, because the toilets were the kind that didn't have lids on them, so she couldn't even sit down. So she felt like an idiot just standing in a bathroom stall, on top of everything else.

At least this gave her a little time away from Miley and that damn wig, everyone acting like they always had around Hannah, reminding Lilly of what she'd done, how she'd acted.

But that wasn't all her fault, was it? It hadn't all been her. She'd used Hannah, but Hannah had used her, too. Lilly had known she was even if she hadn't known how.

She should have stayed at home.

The hall was deserted when Lilly stepped out of the bathroom. Great. She had no idea where to go. This was the one thing she'd never done with Miley in her world. Concerts and parties, all the time. CD signings until Lilly got bored of them. But never interviews, never publicity. She'd always thought it was because Miley didn't want to share the spotlight, but it hadn't been that at all. Miley hadn't wanted to share her.

"There you are!" Roxy barreled down the corridor towards her. "I almost had to go to triple code red. Where were you? Did someone try to abduct you? Where is he? Point him out, I'll take care of him."

"I was just in the bathroom."

"You know all bathroom breaks have to be cleared through me!" Roxy propelled her through the halls and around a couple corners before shoving her into a room occupied by Miley and Robby Ray. "Code green, Rocky is secure," she barked into the room before turning and planting herself in front of the doorway.

There was a couch and a couple chairs in the room, and a table with snacks and about eight different brands of bottled water, plus three different diet sodas. A flat screen on the wall switched between feeds from the cameras on the set. Robby was sitting on one of the chairs talking into his phone while Miley examined the water selection. She still looked just like Hannah always had. "Rocky?" Lilly asked her, trying to ignore that.

Miley smirked. "Before she realized you were gone, Roxy decided we need code names."

"Rocky?" Lilly said again. Did she have some sort of resemblance to Sylvester Stallone that she was unaware of?

"Yeah, Rocky." Miley was still smirking. "I'm Bullwinkle. You know, moose – " She pointed her thumb at herself. " – and squirrel." She puffed out her cheeks and laughed a little, and Lilly tried to smile back.

The PA returned to escort Miley to the set. "I'll just wait here," Lilly mumbled, but Miley grabbed her hand and dragged her along. "Is the wig on straight?" she whispered on the way, and Lilly nodded. "I always feel like it's crooked, or it might fall off, or something. But I guess I'll get used to it."

She said it so flippantly, like it would be easy to do. Like getting used to her whole life here would be easy, but Lilly didn't know if she would ever be able to do that.

They reached the edge of the set and Taylor Kingsford bounded over. "Hannah, so lovely to see you again! And your friend..."

"Lola," Miley supplied.

"Right, of course," Taylor covered. "The two of you aren't planning on a repeat of that dancing incident, are you? Not that it wasn't very, uh, creative," he added diplomatically.

Miley and Lilly exchanged the look that confirmed neither of them knew what he was talking about. "No, nothing like that," Miley said carefully. The relief on Taylor's face was obvious. "Lola's just watching, and I'm just here for your standard interview. But did the band get the music I sent over? I know it's kind of rough."

"They said they can work with it," Taylor assured her. "And we couldn't be happier to be getting an exclusive look at some of your new songs." Another PA was hovering around. "We'll be on in a few. I'll let you get miked."

The new PA swarmed Miley as soon as Taylor left. He chattered just as much as the old one, and Lilly tuned him out. But she shouldn't have, because too quickly they started filming, and Taylor was announcing Miley, except he called her Hannah, of course, and she was walking out to the prompted applause.

The two of them chatted for a few moments. It wasn't just the wig. Miley was acting like Hannah had too. Usually they were so different, it was easy to tell them apart. It was how Lilly had been sure it was the Miley from this world who had stayed in hers all that time. But in front of the cameras, in front of the fans, they were the same. No wonder no one had noticed Miley was a different person. How many people had seen them when they weren't acting?

Lilly had. She hadn't known what that meant the first time, but she did now.

"You're singing two songs for us tonight, right?" Taylor was saying.

"That's right," Miley confirmed.

"And I think our viewers are in for a pretty big surprise. Are you ready?"

Miley switched to a handheld mike and took her place on the small stage that had been set up. She looked...excited, and she turned to catch Lilly's eye and winked. The music began and Miley started to sing.

"Where did this song come from?" Robby Ray said under his breath. Lilly jumped. She hadn't noticed when he came up next to her. Roxy was on his other side.

"Maybe I will never be who I was before," Miley sang. "Maybe I don't even know her anymore." She remembered Miley on the beach, talking about the songs she was writing, saying, No one's ever going to have any idea what they mean.

"She didn't tell me she was going to do this," Robby Ray was saying. "We already talked about this once."

"Or maybe who I am today ain't so far from yesterday."

Maybe not for Miley. She loved it here. It was almost like she'd been waiting to come.

Lilly took a few steps backwards. She wanted to go back to the green room, or even the bathroom, somewhere where she didn't have to listen to this. But Roxy turned and glared at her and Lilly froze.

The audience was clapping and cheering. Miley made her way back to the chair beside Taylor's desk. "That was an exclusive, brand new hit from Hannah Montana!" Taylor crowed. "You heard it here first!" He paused a minute to let the noise die down. "You definitely have a hit on your hands," he told Miley. "And this one is special, because you wrote it yourself, is that right?"

"I did. It's called Every Part of Me, and I just wrote it."

"Along with the other song you're going to sing tonight."

"Yes."

"And are these songs going to be on the new album?"

Robby Ray crossed his arms over his chest.

"Not this one, but I'm hoping the one after that."

"You're hoping? You can't make us wait any longer than that."

"Well, it's not by choice," Miley said. She looked extremely satisfied with the way the interview was going. "I'm just not sure I'll be able to put them on an album any time soon. My label and I...let's just say we're having creative differences."

"What is she doing?" Robby Ray muttered.

The audience booed that revelation. "Uh-oh!" Taylor said. "That doesn't seem like a very smart move on their part. I bet their competition would be ecstatic at the opportunity to swoop in and offer you all the creative control you need. Especially if you're creating songs like that."

Miley's smile was thin and hard. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that."

Taylor laughed, too deep for it to be real. "I'm sure they are. All right, we're going to take a break and then we'll be right back to hear your other song, only on the Taylor Kingsford show! So you'd better stick around, because who knows how long before you'll get to hear it again!"

He jumped from his chair and almost ran off the set. "Bathroom," he called over his shoulder.

"Two minutes." The pronouncement came from someone holding a clipboard. Miley nodded at him and left her own chair. "Miley Ray," her dad said as she approached them. "What do you think you're – "

"Sorry, Daddy, I need to talk to Lilly a minute." She pulled Lilly off to one side. "So?" she asked.

"So what?" Lilly said.

"So what did you think of the song?" Miley demanded. "Did you like it?"

"Oh. Yeah," Lilly forced herself to say. "It was great."

"Good." Miley relaxed. "I'm glad you did, because..." She looked down, suddenly shy. Lilly's stomach plummeted. "The next one's kind of for you. And I really hope you like it."

No. Not again. Not again. Things were supposed to be different.

Before she could say anything, Miley was back on the set, brushing off her father's hand when he tried to get her attention. Lilly watched, miserable, while Miley once more chatted with Taylor. She had no idea what they were saying, she couldn't hear any of it, all she could hear was what Miley had said, but she didn't know which one of them was saying it.

Miley was onstage again, the band was playing. She didn't wink at Lilly this time. She smiled, hopeful. You don't even know me, Lilly thought.

"I can't," Lilly said. She didn't realize she'd said it out loud until she saw Robby and Roxy looking at her. "I-I can't." She couldn't do this. Not again. "I have to go."

She stumbled backwards, then turned and tried to find the way back to the green room. She didn't run, but she walked as fast as she could, dodging the other people in the halls. It seemed like there was a lot more of them than there had been twenty minutes ago. Too many.

She found the green room, but as soon as she did she knew it wasn't good enough. She had to leave. She had to get away from this. From Miley.

She spun around and bounced off of Robby Ray. Roxy was right behind him. "Lilly, are you okay?" he asked. "What happened?"

"I have to go," Lilly said.

"Miley will be done in a few more minutes."

"I have to go now." She was starting to panic. She couldn't see Miley again, not with her saying those things and looking like that. Because it had all been her. Maybe Hannah had tried to use her to replace her best friend, but she hadn't been trying to hurt Lilly. She hadn't tried to take anything from her. She'd only tried to be Lilly's friend. She'd given Lilly everything she wanted, and Lilly had turned around and...

"What's wrong?" Robby Ray asked.

"Did someone make a threat I need to know about?" Roxy said.

"No," Lilly choked out. "Nothing's wrong. I just – I really need to go home. Right now."

"Okay, okay, calm down," Robby Ray said. "Roxy will take you."

"No!" She did not want to be around any of them. "No, I'll, I can call a cab."

"I am not letting you take a cab all the way back to Malibu. Roxy can take you or I can take you."

Roxy cleared her throat once they were on the highway. "What's going on?" she asked. "Did Miley say something to you?"

"I just want to go home," Lilly said. Why hadn't they just let her go? She wanted to be alone. She should be alone. That was what she deserved.

When they got to her house, Roxy sat in the car and watched to make sure she went inside. Lilly fumed about it until she got inside and tried to run a hand through her hair. That damn wig and these clothes.

"You're back?" Heather called from somewhere in the house.

"Yeah," Lilly said, racing up the stairs. "But I'm going back out." She couldn't stay here with her mother any more than she could have stayed at the set with Miley. As soon as she was in her room, she ripped off the wig and clothes, throwing on new ones and not touching her hair beyond letting it down. She didn't care what it looked like, what she looked like.

"What about your homework?" her mother asked as Lilly came down the stairs again, still moving fast.

Homework. School every day. "I'll be back in time to do it. I'm just meeting Oliver at the beach." She used to lie to her mother all the time about what she was doing.

"Do you want me to drop you off?"

She was already out the door. "No!" She didn't want to be driven anywhere. She wanted to run.

—

Juliana was going to flip when she saw the interview. It was going to be a thing of beauty. On the way over, Miley had texted her to ask if the label had said anything new. No, Juliana had said, although she'd added a few more words that eloquently expressed how she felt about the situation.

Coming off the set, Miley was met by her father, whose face was doing a pretty stellar imitation of a stone wall. Which was probably to be expected, since she hadn't clued him in to the stunts she'd just pulled. But there hadn't really been time. She only made up her mind for sure to do it when she got Juliana's text.

"Where's Lilly?" she asked, because it would be a lot better if he waited until they were in the car before he blew up at her. And also because she wanted to know. She wanted to know what Lilly thought about the song.

"She's gone," he said.

Someone could have pulled out a gun and pointed it right at her and it probably wouldn't have scared her as much as hearing him say that. "What do you mean, gone?" She forgot all about her satisfaction over the interview. If Lilly was gone, then they were wrong. "She disappeared?"

He gave her a strange look. "No, Roxy drove her home. Do you think I'd just be standing around here if Lilly was missing?"

"Right," Miley said. Except of course Lilly was missing. So was his daughter., because of course Lilly was missing. It wasn't funny at all, but she felt a little like she might break down and laugh hysterically. It was horrible, and the urge to do it was building up in her like a giant bubble that would keep pushing and expanding until it somehow forced itself out of her skin.

"She said she needed to go home, but she wouldn't give us a reason."

That popped the bubble pretty quick. Why had Lilly left? "When did she leave?" She let him take her by the elbow and lead her from the set. The PA from earlier came back to show them out, still talking non-stop, but they both ignored her and kept up their own conversation.

"The second time you performed. You didn't tell me you were switching the songs, by the way."

She wasn't going to let him get started on that yet. "You think she didn't like that song?" Maybe she thought it was strange that Miley had written one for her. Maybe it was, but Miley just wanted her to know that, whatever happened, they were in this together.

"She didn't hear it. She left right when you got up onstage."

They were out of the building, across the short stretch of asphalt, and into the car. The PA shut her car door and stood outside her window, waving maniacally. Miley lifted a hand to acknowledge her, then turned to her dad. "Can we stop by her house on the way home?" What had happened?

He backed out of the parking spot. "We can if you tell me one thing. What the heck were you thinking?"

He wasn't going to let her get away with it any longer. "I'm sorry. I would have told you, but I didn't know I was going to do it until right before."

"Then how did the band get the music?"

"I sent it yesterday," she admitted. "But I didn't make up my mind to use it until I talked to Juliana before I went on."

"Is that what brought about that whole 'creative differences' dig?"

Miley grinned. "That was pretty good, wasn't it?" He was glaring. At the road, but she was pretty sure it was meant for her. "They're being completely unreasonable!" she protested.

"I thought we were going to talk more about the Hannah stuff."

Damn. That was what they'd agreed to. "I'm sorry. I really didn't decide until right before. But I won't do it again, I promise."

For a while they sat there and didn't talk, which gave her plenty of time to worry about how mad he was at her. Then finally he said, "If you're that set on getting your work out there, maybe we should rethink our deal."

Damn again. She hadn't thought about how that would look to him, yanking his songs and replacing them with hers. She hadn't meant for it to come off like that. "Maybe we should," she said. He nodded just a little and she saw his jaw clench. "We could do a seventy-five twenty-five split."

"If that's what you want."

"Yeah. You do seventy-five and I'll do twenty-five." He jerked his head around so fast she was afraid his arms were going to follow and they'd run off the road. "Could we not swerve into oncoming traffic, please?"

He put his eyes back on the road. Then he sighed. "Mile, I swear I don't know what's going on inside your head these days."

"I really am sorry, Daddy. I didn't mean...I just needed to perform those songs today." And flip off the label. "But that doesn't mean I don't still want you writing songs for me. I wasn't thinking. Lilly and I have been going through some stuff, and I just wasn't thinking."

"What kind of stuff?"

"You know. Friend stuff."

"Well, you two will be okay."

"Yeah," she said. "I know."

They passed a truck going thirty in the right lane. "We could do it like this," Robby Ray said. "You could write twenty-five percent, and I could write twenty-five percent, and we could work on the rest together."

She grinned. "Perfect." It was probably the best deal she'd ever gotten, and that included the contracts that made her millions. "And you know the homeschooling stuff?"

"Did you change your mind?"

"No. I was just thinking, maybe my lessons could include Home Ec."

"Home Ec? What do you – "

Miley rolled her eyes. Parents. You always had to spell things out for them. "I want you to teach me how to cook."

"Oh. Uh." He coughed, then cleared his throat, then coughed again. "We...we could start tonight."

"Cool." She got out her cell phone. "So we're stopping by Lilly's right?"

"Sure, of course."

"Thanks." She sent another text to Juliana: watch taylor kingsford tomorrow. your gonna love me.

what the fucking fuck did you do? Juliana sent back. Miley thought about Lilly leaving and not saying why, and she really didn't know.

—

The shirt was a little too big on her and the sun kept getting in her eyes. Miley kept walking, flip flops dangling from one hand. They were also a size too big, and she'd gotten tired of the way they kept spraying sand up on the back of her legs, so she'd taken them off. They were Lilly's. So was the shirt. She'd ditched the wig in Lilly's room, and switched her boots and designer top, the whole time thinking how glad she was that Hannah was something she could put away when she didn't want what came with it. Like now. She couldn't have gone walking on the beach like this at home, not without attracting a large, rabid following.

There was a big rock up ahead, jutting out into the surf, and she decided she would turn around when she got to it, try the other direction. But instead she climbed over it, and Lilly was on the other side, sitting in the sand.

"Hey," Miley said.

Lilly looked up, shocked. "Wh—how did you find me?"

"I went by your house. Your mom said you were surfing with Oliver. Then she listed all your favorite surf spots and told me to look there."

"This is one of Lilly's favorite surf spots?" Disbelief tinged her tone like the sinking sun did the sky.

"No. They were all a mile or two that way." Miley pointed back the way she'd come. "I've been walking almost an hour." Her first Home Ec lesson would have to wait until tomorrow.

Lilly sated resolutely out at the sea, which the sun was turning orange. The waves looked like flames. "You shouldn't have."

Miley sat down next to her and let the sandals drop in the sand. "What happened?"

"I just needed to leave. I couldn't be there."

"You don't have to do Hannah stuff with me if you don't want to. I just thought it would be fun."

"It wasn't that. Not just that. It's all of this. I don't know if I can do it anymore. I had to get away from here."

She wished this could be easier for Lilly. "You didn't go very far." Maybe she'd realized she didn't have to. That Miley could help her.

"Because I didn't have anywhere to go! Or any way to get there!"

"Lilly," Miley said delicately. "It'll be okay."

"I don't think so." Lilly swallowed nervously a few times and then her face hardened with resolve. "I haven't told you everything."

Miley knew that. Lilly had barely told her anything about her life before this happened. "You can, if you want. I'll listen."

Lilly laughed like there was something stuck in her throat. "You don't understand." She wouldn't take her eyes off of the ocean in front of them. It was red now. Bloody. "The first day she was there, Miley came and found me."

Of course she had. Miley couldn't believe she hadn't guessed that sooner. She should have guessed it, because of course that was what Miley had done. Her dad was gone, and Jackson, of course the first thing she would have done was go find Lilly.

"She had this wig on when she did it," Lilly continued. "A brown one."

Miley pulled her knees up and crossed her arms on top of them. I'm sorry, she thought at that other girl.

"She was trying to get me to recognize her, and then I did. I recognized Hannah."

"You didn't know," Miley said.

Lilly didn't seem to hear her. "She kept hanging out with me after that. She bought me things, got me into all these parties. She wanted us to be friends. I had no idea why."

But that was a good thing, right? It had helped Miley to have Lilly here; it would have helped Miley to have Lilly there, even if she wasn't the same as the Lilly Miley remembered. Why hadn't Lilly told her this? She wouldn't have worried as much if she'd known.

"I figured it had to be some kind of weird celebrity thing, that she'd get tired of me. So you know what I did?" Lilly was staring straight at the sun now, and Miley wanted to tell her to stop, that she would go blind in twenty years. "I took some of the things she told me and used them to blackmail her out of ten million dollars."

Lilly's voice hadn't changed the whole time she was talking. It was so emotionless that for a moment Miley was sure she must have misheard or hadn't understood what Lilly was really saying. "I – you – "

Lilly looked at her, and no, Miley had understood perfectly. "I was going to do it to you, too. With the Hannah secret."

No wonder Lilly hadn't told her. Miley's brain wouldn't work beyond forming that thought.

"She just wanted her best friend, and I stuck a knife in her back. And then I walked away from my family. That's why I never saw them. I thought they were embarrassing. I was pissed that my mom wouldn't let me spend all their money on clothes or stay out partying all night. So I took the money from Miley and left and refused to talk to them again. What kind of person does something like that?"

"Lilly," Miley said. "You – "

"That's how I knew it was her there that whole time. She hated me after that. I guess you do too now."

She could have. She might have been able to, if not for the past two weeks. If she hadn't seen how much it hurt Lilly to talk about her family. If she hadn't known how lonely Lilly was back home, if it hadn't been the same for her. If she hadn't been able to tell how painful it was for Lilly to tell her all of this now, even though she didn't have to, even though she could have gone on pretending none of it had ever happened and Miley never would have known.

"You were," Miley said.

"What?"

"You were. You were going to do the same thing to me. But you aren't." Miley wondered what she would have done if Lilly had. Give up Hannah? Give up the secret? Pay? She really didn't know.

"What difference does it make? Weren't you listening? I blackmailed Miley and as soon as I realized we were stuck here I decided to do the same thing to you. I acted like your friend even though I wasn't and I lied to you."

"How long had we been here? When you decided..."

Lilly raised one shoulder. "I don't know. A couple days."

A couple days after they'd gotten here, Miley had still thought Hannah was her life. But a lot could change in a week and a half. She had other things in her life now. One of them was sitting next to her. "And how long were you acting?"

"I – I don't know. I lied to myself a lot, too. I kept telling myself it was all an act, that I didn't care. Even when that wasn't true."

Miley had done that. She'd told herself she didn't care that Jackson couldn't stand being her brother, that it didn't matter her father left her alone. "Today? This weekend?"

Lilly looked at her and swiftly away. "No."

"When you taught me how to not fall off a skateboard?"

Lilly shook her head.

"Okay," Miley said.

"Okay what?"

Miley shrugged. "Okay."

"Okay? No, it's not! This isn't something that can just be okay. How can you just sit there like it is? Didn't you hear what I did? How could you forgive me for that?"

"Because you haven't done anything to me."

"But I would have! And everything I did do..."

"You think there aren't things I regret doing?" Miley asked. There were so many. "But, Lilly, don't you understand what this place is? This is the place for second chances."

"I don't deserve a second chance."

"I probably don't either." Maybe no one did. Or everyone. "But we got them."

Lilly looked like she wanted to believe her, and like she was terrified that it might be true. "But what if I screw it up?"

"Then this is the place for third chances. Or fourth." As many as it took, that's what this place was. "It's the place where you can always fix things. It's the place where we can make things right."

"What if I don't know how?" Lilly whispered.

"Then we'll figure it out," Miley said. She reached over and took Lilly's hand, threading their fingers together, and they watched as the sun set into the water. "You and me. Together."

—

END

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