Author's Note: I'm a troll who is disappointed in the current troll that has taken control of My Immortal. Since it appears Ebony/Enoby/Eboby/whatever the fuck has finally offed herself like God intended and the troll in possession of both My Immortal stories fails at lulz and life because apparently he has nothing better to do with his time than hold an account on hostage and issue a ransom note, I have written my own conclusion.

Note that I haven't read Harry Potter in fucking ages (the internet ruined it for me) so I will screw up but frankly anything is better than Hedwig being Tom Riddle/Satan's boyfriend.

This is the revised version of the Shiranui Genkigami ending to My Immortal. The original was pulled thanks to one astute reviewer, who gave me some good advice and made me realize I could've done better. I commend that reviewer.

The author of the original fanfiction does not endorse or even know about this spoof.

A blinding light came over the room, emanating from the tip of her wand. When the flash disappeared, Ebony found herself in a pure white room, with nothing in it except a surgical table, a shiny silver tray with various implements of equal shininess, and a man wearing a surgical mask and a lab coat. The great whiteness of it all caused Ebony to recoil in horror. "Where the hell is this?" Ebony questioned, turning to the man. "And who the hell are you?"

"This is lab you originated from. And I…" The man answered, "Am your creator; Doctor Suethor. I'll just call you Ebony because that's what you called yourself in the first chapter. You now will learn the truth behind your existence." Ebony, in the dark black cavity that once or never contained a heart, hoped she was the product of some bizarre Satanist ritual.

"You see… you have wrongfully attributed your immortality to being vampire. You are really an android created to combat the Soviets in the Cold War, since it is common knowledge that all communists are weak to shitty fanfiction. But after the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, you had to be stored away until recently when you were called back to partake in Operation Fail, a secret government project to combat stupid people on the internet. Your code name… is GAWFS. Gothic Abomination With Failure Status. We have pulled you from your post on . Since you are the biggest fucking Mary Sue to ever exist, we gave you a very large fish to fry." Ebony was confused, had her whole gothic life been a lie?

"You have done a fine job, because this story is an abomination against fanfiction. You have given everyone goffik names, turned an owl into the villain's gay lover, have mentioned bands so shitty it's criminal, humped everything in the school, got over 11,000 reviews most, if not all, flames, and let us not forget Snake and Loopin having crazy ass monkey sex while Dobby was watching." The scientist carried on; a smirk crept across Ebony's make-up plastered face, plastered enough to serve as flypaper. "We must test to see if the phrases we put into your coding are still intact." The scientist whacked her on the forehead.

"Goths rule, preps suck. Fangz Raven for the help. Gerard Way is hot."

"Wonderful. You are an inspiration to us all here at Operation Fail. However, now that your account has been hijacked once, Harry Potter is no longer the shit, and you somehow managed to infiltrate the Harry Potter universe, our faith in you has deteriorated. We have pulled you out under the guise that some pathetic writer has taken the story hostage to break this to you; we have appointed a new member of Operation Fail to , Twila. Or her code name; MORAN. Mary-sue Otherwise Rabidly and Absolutely a Numbskull." Ebony's face fell as the scientist held up a pair of wire cutters.

"We commend you for your actions… now you must die."

Back at Hogwarts, everyone stood incredulous at the events that have just transpired. The canon characters looked around. "Harry Potter." Vampire finally broke the silence. "My name is Harry Potter!" The pentagram turned back into his lightning bolt shaped scar as Harry started to frantically wipe off the layers upon layers of gothic makeup on his face. The other characters seemed to be collectively coming to the same conclusion; their entire lives at Hogwarts had been a giant lie.

"And I'm Hermione Granger, a mudblood whose parents are still alive!" She began to pick at the black nail polish with Satanist symbols (whatever the fuck that is), slowly chipping it off. All of the other characters rejoiced like they were just released from the Witness Protection Program. Hedwig turned back into an owl then promptly dropped dead due to overdose of fail. Everyone, for the first time in 44 fucking chapters, was happy. Except Navel because this troll can't figure out who the hell Navel is; forever condemning Navel to a forced gothic life until he eventually bled to death from slitting his wrists like you're supposed to.

Just out of spite following the Goth Era at Hogwarts, the gothic style of architecture was redone to a chic modern look, replacing all the flying black Mercedes-Benz cars with shiny flying silver Priuses complete with bumper stickers that read "Coexist," each letter of the word a different religious symbol. All of the Satanists became Evangelical Christians and have replaced Hair of Magical Magic Creatures with Bible studies to avoid another gawfik invasion. Slytherin never recovered from the image of retardation it obtained during this Dark Age.

Even today, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff are still trying to figure out what the hell went on.

Author's Note: We can all finally sleep at night knowing all is well in the world of My Immortal. Or at least I can. Now I can go back to not being productive.

For those of you who would like to crawl up my ass for mocking someone else's creation, let it be known that authors who write shit fics, then listen to reviewers as to why it's shit, and fixes it have my respect. It's the fucktards that think they're the best writers evar and don't need advice that get mocked here.

If I mocked your fic and you would like to personally take it up with me, I welcome you to it. If I see that you are trying to make improvements or have made improvements, I will be more than happy to remove my parody. But if you succeed in making an ass of yourself and proving your previous reviewers right, I'll keep it up for all of to see.

You may contact me here or on Gaia at Shiranui_Genkigami. There is also a section in my forums for this purpose. You may post anonymously.