The weight of the world is love. Under the burden of solitude, under the burden of dissatisfaction.
-Allen Ginsberg;

The SUV rolled along highway fifteen as the Southern California sun rose high in the midday sky. Lyllian Rose Grissom sat in the passenger seat, bare feet tucked under her, and nose buried in her well worn copy of Howl. The radio played an old Beatles song and filled the silence of the vehicle. Gil Grissom readjusted his sunglasses and peaked over at his daughter.

Where had sixteen years gone? It seemed like yesterday he had gotten the call from a scared twenty-year-old Sara Sidle informing him that she was pregnant. It had changed Grissom's life. He had spent his formative years without his father and had decided within seconds of receiving the news he wasn't going to be absent to his child. So much for that.

"Dad?" Lylli tucked a dark chocolate curl behind her ear.

"Yeah, Lylli?" Grissom switched lanes.

Lylli took a deep breath and let it out, "Is Grandma going to be mad?"

"Why would she be mad?" Grissom furrowed his brows in confusion.

"Cause she's raised me. For like half my life. Now, I'm leaving her to live in Vegas." Lylli stared down at her Converse on the floorboard, nauseous with guilt.

"She just wants you happy, Lylli." Grissom reassured her.

"Okay." She turned back to her book.

Grissom smiled, "How many times have you read that?"

"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical, naked." Lylli quoted without looking at the poem, "The man was a underrated genius."

The four hour ride passed quickly and they pulled into Riverside at a quarter past one in the afternoon. Grissom parked the SUV in front of his mother's two story, white wash house. Lylli undid her seat belt and slid from the confines of the vehicle. Rolling her back and hiking up her worn out jeans. Rose Grissom stepped out on the porch, smiling at her son and granddaughter.

Lylli cast a quick glance over her shoulder at her father before sprinting up the steps to her Grandma's open arms. She buried her head in the crook of her neck and allowed the comforting scent of Avon perfume and paint fumes to calm her racing nerves. Pressing her lips to her grandmother's ear, she whispered, "I'm sorry."

Rose pulled back, cupping Lylli's cheek their blue eyes met, "Don't you dare apologize for being yourself."

Lylli nodded, chewing on her lip, "I should start packing."

Rose nodded before turning to greet her son, "Gilbert."

Lylli smiled at the two before letting herself into the house. She loved the small home she had shared with her grandmother for so long, but it just didn't feel like home anymore. She needed to be with her parents and even Rose understood that. She walked slowly up the stairs, tracing her hand over the oak banister and letting her eyes drift to the pictures she had drawn. Her grandmother had framed each and hung them on the staircase wall. At the top of the stairs, against the wall between Lylli's room and the bathroom was a table. Pictures were lined up chronologically.

Lylli looked around her room, it was just as she left it. Her bed was unmade and colored pencils covered her desk. Taking a breath, Lylli moved to her closet, pulling out her luggage. She flopped the suitcase open on the beige carpet and pulled open her dresser. Carefully, she piled in her plethora of jeans, shirts, and hoodies. She removed posters from her walls and rolled them up. With great care she packed her art supplies and pictures.

"You doing okay?" Grissom opened the bedroom door.

Lylli nodded, "I need boxes for my books, can you ask Grandma if she has any?"

"Sure." Grissom smiled, "Lylli..."

"Yeah?" She looked up at him through tear filled eyes.

"It's okay to be sad and excited. This was home for a long time." He tried to reassure her.

Lylli sniffled, "Yeah... I just want to get it done."

"Okay." He whispered and shut the door again.

As dusk set in the last bags were loaded in the back of the Denali and the papers had been signed for Lylli to transfer schools. She had told her few friends goodbye and promised to keep in touch. With tears flowing freely down her face, she hugged her grandmother. She sobbed against Rose's shirt and Rose rocked her back and forth slowly.

"I'll see you. This isn't goodbye. It's see you later." Rose whispered in her ear.

"I love you, Grandma. Thank you." Lylli whispered and wiped at her tears before letting go completely.

"I love you too, Lyllian Rose."

Grissom kissed his mother's cheek before following Lylli to the car and heading back to Las Vegas, home. Lylli slept most of the way, emotionally exhausted from the day of cutting ties. Grissom drove in silence, not wanting the radio to wake Lylli.

"Daddy, don't go!" Three-year-old Lylli had clung to her father's legs in the Boston airport. Grissom's heart broke as he looked down at the little girl who had his blue eyes. He wanted to stay but he had already pushed back work as much as he could.

Grissom picked her up, "I'll be back in two weeks, Bug."

"Daddy, NO GO!" She screamed and clung tightly to him.

Sara's face fell and she pulled their daughter from him, "Go Griss. She'll be okay."

"I love you, Bug." Grissom kissed Lylli's head before heading for his gate and tried to block out the way she screamed for him.

Grissom pulled up in front of the town house and looked at his daughter. He'd give anything to go back to those days, forget about work and stay with his family. He wished he had listen to any of Lylli's many pleas over the years, all the times she had begged. Shaking his head, she was here now and he had to make it right.

"Lyl." Grissom shook her shoulder, "Bug, we're home."

"Mmph." Lylli grumbled and burrowed deeper against the door.

"C'mon, Lylli, wake up." Grissom's voice got louder.

"What?" Lylli whined, forcing her eyes open.

Grissom smiled, "We're home."

Lylli nodded and reached down to slide on her shoes, "Hey Dad?" Lylli called as she slid out of the vehicle, "What now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm here. I'm staying in your guest room. But when do I see Mom? I mean, are you guys gonna do the whole 'every other weekend' thing or what?" She opened the back hatch, grabbing a few of her bags.

"We haven't talked about it yet." Grissom told her honestly, "We'll figure something out, Lylli. I promise."

They carried the bags and boxes from the Denali to Lylli's room. Lylli dropped the last bag unceremoniously on the floor and collapsed on her bed. Grissom stood in the doorway and smiled, "Call your mother and let her know we're back and then start unpacking. I'll order Chinese."

"Yes, Sir." Lylli pulled her phone from her pocket.

–

"Ready to meet some people?" Grissom asked as he slid his wallet into his back pocket. Lylli sat on the couch cross-legged and braiding her hair.

"They're going to be pissed." Lylli informed him, wrapping the hair tie around her second braid.

Grissom nodded, "Probably, but they'll love you."

"Well of course." Lylli grinned, "I'm innately lovable."

"You'll meet the team and then Sara is going to take you to register for school." Grissom ushered her out the door.

"Awesome." Lylli rolled her eyes and walked out to the truck.

Grissom couldn't keep up with the teenage girl's moods; sometimes she was still his sweet little Lylli and others, she was an angry sullen teenager. With a sigh, he followed her. He knew that he was partly to blame for her anger and that he needed to be consistent right now – Lylli needed him to be, to prove that this was permanent.

The ride to the crime lab was awkwardly silent. Sara stood outside the crime lab waiting for them. Lylli slid out of the truck and walked over to her mother. She wrapped her arms around Sara's waist and hugged her tightly.

"You okay?" Sara whispered.

Lylli nodded, "Still tired from yesterday."

Sara nodded, kissing Lylli's forehead, "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." Lylli replied, following them into the lab. It was like being a fish in a glass bowl, people stared at her and her parents as they walked to the break room.

Catherine sat drumming her nails while the guys argued over the latest football game. Lylli smiled, she felt like she already knew everyone from the way her parents had talked about them for years. Catherine smiled at her, "Hi Lylli."

"Hi Miss Willows." Lylli gave a small wave.

"Call me Catherine." She instructed.

"Okay." Lylli whispered.

Nick was the first to notice her, "What's goin' on?"

Grissom and Sara were silent, searching for the best way to break the news. Lylli's eyes rolled, "I'm Lylli. Lylli Grissom. Their bastard offspring."

"So much for breaking it gently." Sara sighed

"What?" Warrick's jaw slacked.

"She's our daughter." Grissom took his seat, looking over the assignments for the night, "She's been living with my mother in Riverside, but for her sixteenth birthday, she wanted to move home. We agreed."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Nick asked.

"So that I could work here and there wouldn't be a conflict of interest."

"We'll talk more after shift." Grissom decided, "Right now we have cases to solve."

"We better get going." Sara sighed, "We got to figure out what school you're going to."

"Check out Butterflied." Catherine suggested, "That's where Lindsey goes."

"Thanks." Sara nodded.

Lylli dropped a kiss to Grissom's cheek, "See ya later, Daddy."

"See you, Bug." Grissom smiled at her.

–

"They're in shock." Lylli chuckled, sliding into the car.

Sara nodded, "I don't think they ever envisioned either of us with a kid, let alone having a kid together."

Lylli nodded and fastened her seat belt, "I'm guessing that all the schools are closed since it's like nine o'clock."

"That's what the internet is for, my dear."

"My bad." Lylli chuckled, "Radio?"

"Have at it." Sara smiled as she merged with the traffic.

Lylli flicked on the radio and scanned through the stations. She made faces along the way at the rap and classical music, before settling on a station that played grunge rock, "Good song!"

"You're definitely my daughter." Sara tapped a rhythm on the steering wheel, "Loose lip junkies, southern California, let me come inside."

As the cool night air made it's way through the windows and blew at their hair as they sang along with the radio, Lylli felt six years old again. It brought back memories of San Francisco and driving around listening to the Rolling Stones on Sara's lunch breaks and getting corn dogs at one of the karts on the way back to the daycare and lab.

It felt like home.