At first it had been because of Daisya.

Though he'd hated himself for it, told himself it was dishonouring his lover's memory and figured himself for some kind of whore, Kanda had been unable to deny that he was attracted to Lavi, mainly because of his easy laugh and careless banter that so evoked Daisya in the minds of many who'd known the Turkish boy. The smile in the midst of battle, the almost reckless self-confidence, the childlike wonder at the small things other people took for granted. All similarities, all reasons why Kanda eventually gave in to his desires despite himself and became Lavi's lover.

After a while, however, he began to notice differences as well. Daisya had always wanted to be outside, always doing something, never cooped up by four walls. Lavi loved the outdoors, true, but he loved rooms more, especially when they had books in them. He'd spend hours just sitting at a desk or table or lying on any flat surface, his only movements those long fingers turning pages and his eye following the lines of text. Daisya had smelled of grass and wind and movement, while Lavi's scent was all parchment and ink and subtle mysteries. Where Daisya had shrugged things that bothered him off with a laugh, Lavi took everything in, catalogued every word and movement and circumstance and filed it away for later perusal. Daisya's hands had been large and rough, almost clumsy at times, but Lavi's were almost girlishly slim, and careful, gentle, talented.

Kanda had expected these differences to deter him, to make him realize that Daisya and Lavi were too different, to bring his misplaced attachment to an end and allow him to move on. Instead, much to his dismay, they made his grief over Daisya begin to fade into a background ache rather than the sharp pain of an open wound. Finally, he realized that he no longer thought of Lavi as similar to Daisya. He simply thought of him as Lavi.

One night as they lay in bed, he mentioned this - idly, offhandedly, not expecting much of a reaction. But to his surprise, Lavi's face broke into a tired grin and his arms tightened around Kanda. "About time," he murmured, more emotion in his voice than was usually there, and suddenly realization came crashing down on Kanda. Of course Lavi had known he was being compared to Kanda's dead lover. Lavi noticed things in a way that Daisya never had, in a way that the swordsman was most definitely not used to. Lavi had been waiting patiently all this time, waiting for Kanda to fall for him. There was a sudden and unexpected tightness in Kanda's throat as he lifted his head to kiss his lover - his very much alive lover - lightly.

Yes, at first it had been because of Daisya.

Now, it was just because of Lavi.