A/N: This begins just as Holding My Breath ends. If you haven't read that one first, you may want to. This will include the thoughts and feelings of the team during Daniel's undercover at the System Lord summit during Season 5's Last Stand

Letting Go Chapter 1

Last Stand – Deception and Reality

The grating sound of the large door rising spun Daniel on his heels. Dammit! Was Yu coming to finish what he'd started in the council chamber? No, of course not, he nodded to himself. He just wasn't that lucky. It was her: Osiris – Sarah – he hid the communicator behind his back, but he'd never felt more completely exposed standing there dressed in the thin disguise of Yu's slave. It was almost as if he stood naked before her, the feral smile of a predator turning Sarah's face into something less than human.

"Daniel Jackson," Osiris purred in that thick double rasp. "You're a rather long way from home, aren't you?"

The Tok'ra, the SGC, Hammond, Jack, they'd sent him here as the hunter, armed with only his hard-won understanding of the Goa'uld and a weapon that might be a preemptive strike in a centuries old conflict. But all the scheming of the Tok'ra or the political posturing of Earth's government still left Daniel alone against the vicious Goa'uld who'd beaten Steven nearly to death and would have gladly murdered him with his ribbon device, and was now wearing the brilliant woman he once loved like a costume. And here, alone with her, Daniel was the prey.

"What are you doing here," she growled, sliding a slim blade from its sheath beneath her robe. Light glinted from the needle-sharp tip and into the golden eyes of the Goa'uld, and Daniel took an unconscious step backwards.

"What, me?" He shrugged casually, trying to appear calm while gripping the Tok'ra communicator with hands slick with sweat. "Right now?" He backed until his shoulder was pressed against the wall, his gaze twitching between the Goa'uld's eyes and the blade of the dagger that flicked closer and closer to his face. "Nothing." Daniel shook his head. "Why? You have something in mind?" He tried to gather his scattered thoughts to form a coherent plan that came away with him alive and her- his thoughts cut off abruptly as he felt the tip of the knife touch the skin just beneath his chin.

"Hmm. Insolence." She pressed closer, hissing. "Tell me what subversions you are a part of or I will bleed you dry."

Her long fingers wrapped around his throat. A sense memory threw Daniel back to the pyramid in Egypt where the sounds of Steven's labored breathing mixed with his own grunts of pain. His right hand slipped against the slick surface of the communicator and he nearly dropped it when he felt the thin needle of the Tok'ra ring catch against the switch. Could he… was there enough…

He slapped his hand against her wrist, holding on tightly when her muscles spasmed and her hand clenched bruisingly on his neck. A moment later she faltered, her fierce gaze cloudy, skittering away from his to look about her for something familiar. Her hands dropped and Daniel tried to cover his rush of satisfaction with the blank mask of a lo'taur.

Hands carefully hidden behind his back again, Daniel lowered his head submissively. "May I help you?"

Osiris stepped back. "Who are you?" the Goa'uld demanded, immediately on the offensive even though confusion flashed across the host's face.

"I am Lord Yu's servant. These are my Master's quarters." Daniel forced himself to stillness as his heart pounded and his mind screamed questions. What did that mean to Osiris? What did she see when she looked at him now? Just another faceless, nameless human – a slave – far beneath contempt? Did she – he – still see Daniel's face but now without recognition? Even if the Reol chemical in the ring allowed the user to implant a false memory, the name 'Jarren' would mean nothing to Osiris. And what about Sarah? What was left of her – trapped, helpless – did she still know him? Was she screaming for help? He would have to overwrite Sarah's memory of Daniel Jackson with something else, something just as powerful as the woman's true memories, or give Osiris something to keep him busy, a more necessary, more immediate focus.

"You must have the wrong room, I've gotten lost a few times myself. These corridors all seem to look the same," he babbled, desperate in the face of the Goa'uld's anger, playing for time. Could he let her walk away with only blurred memories of stumbling into Yu's chamber or would that lead to more questions and suspicions?

Osiris had turned away, sheathing the blade, when Daniel realized the Goa'uld had given him the perfect solution.

"If you don't mind my asking, isn't it forbidden to bring weapons to the summit?"

Sarah's features were suddenly tainted with the superior posturing of the being within her. Osiris narrowed her eyes and raked Daniel with his cold stare. "If you speak of it again, I promise, they will be your last words,"

As the heavy door slipped down on the rigid back of the Goa'uld, Daniel couldn't hide a momentary smile. It worked – now all that Osiris would see when he looked at Yu's lo'taur was the cocky slave who dared to question him, not Sarah's former lover. Okay, he'd made another enemy within the gathering of System Lords, but he'd gained some time – hopefully enough to let him find a solution that would save Sarah.

"Jacob – you still there?" he snapped into the Tok'ra communicator.

"Yeah, what happened?"

"Osiris and I kinda got into it," Daniel glossed over an explanation. "The chemical worked."

"Why didn't you just release the poison?" Jacob's words were clipped, impatient, and Daniel knew why. The mission. He'd stood between the Tok'ra and their goals again; stood squarely with his hand on the trigger and refused to pull it.

He closed his eyes. This was too much – too much to expect. The line between tactical gain and murder had become permanently blurred the moment he focused on one human life.

One human life – that's what it had always been about. It had been the life of a self-loathing, nasty AF colonel that had him aim a staff weapon at a Jaffa for the first time on Abydos, and the thought of his wife's slavery that had tightened his finger on an MP5 and rid Chulak of a tank full of infant Goa'uld. No price could be set against the loss of one life no matter what supposedly more practical minds conceived. The loss of one was too much and the saving of one was worth any possible effort. Daniel had studied societies ancient and modern and knew that when a culture devalued life, that culture itself soon died. The Jewish Talmud stated it best: "Save one life; save the world."

"Daniel!"

He clenched his teeth at Jacob's sharp command. Why couldn't he simply press the button? "Because that would have killed Sarah," he stated firmly, needing the Tok'ra to hear him. "There's got to be a way we can save her. Right?" he insisted when Jacob held his silence. "You've taken symbiotes out of hosts without killing them before."

"We'd have to get her out of there first."

"So?" Jacob wasn't listening – he had a plan and there was no room for any latitude – no detours along the military marching line to destruction. Daniel thought Jacob might be different. He'd seemed reluctant, almost sorry, to send Daniel into the Goa'uld's den. But apparently the combination of AF general and centuries old Tok'ra made Jacob/Selmac just as blind as others he could think of.

"Daniel – there's a bigger picture here," the Tok'ra's voice was a study of reasonableness, but Daniel felt himself dig in his philosophical heels. No. He wouldn't listen – he couldn't. "You have to release the poison – do it now."

Orders. He'd never really been good with orders. He shook his head. No. He could not be the person that started the mass murder of host and Jaffa with Sarah's death. Daniel might have volunteered for this insane mission but no one had asked Sarah how she felt about being a sacrifice.

"You know what's at stake, Daniel. No single person's life is more important."

It was. It had to be. Maybe not his – he lowered his head, a wry smile hovering around his lips, he'd figured that out some time ago. But if one single innocent life was worthless and it came up short in the cosmic balance, then how could anything be measured? Was it right to throw Sarah's life away in order to protect thousands? Jacob said yes, and, down deep, Daniel knew that Jack would agree. One life versus many. Tears pricked against the back of his eyes. If they were right – if Jack and Jacob were right – then he'd been very, very wrong.

His silence gave him away and Jacob spoke again. "Complete your mission." Daniel frowned as the pieces fell into place. Of course. If only the quantity of life mattered, if the scale only balanced for the multitude, then his mission finally made sense. Daniel knew he didn't weigh his own life heavily, but, for some strange reason he'd always assumed his friends – his team – had his back, regarded him more highly than he did himself. Hadn't Jack always given him grief about putting himself in danger, at risk, needlessly? Well, maybe not recently. Maybe recently Jack had been more angry than worried, more pissed about mission consequences than personal peril. The SGC had made it very clear that skills like cultural analysis and diplomacy were only useful as far as they acquired the technology, the 'big honking space guns', that were its real aims. Life's worth wasn't intrinsic to them, it was utilitarian.

So, if Daniel's own life weighed no greater than Sarah's, one they were willing to disregard in pursuit of the ever-important mission, then it was as easily thrown away. If he was lost, 'compromised,' scarred, then the cost was small, especially if he took the System Lords along with him. Seven for one – now that he finally understood the game, he had to admit those were pretty good odds.

Last Stand – A New Game

At least his mind was calm now. Resolved. He could look at Sarah across the council chamber and mourn for her, knowing his act would give the human woman the relief she deserved, just as Teal'c's final act gave Shar'e some measure of peace. Of course, Daniel still had to remind himself of that every morning when his first thought upon waking was of his wife's dead face. In his mind, Shar'e forgave him for failing her. Maybe, if he survived, he could convince himself that Sarah did as well.

He didn't know what Ba'al and Yu had spoken of while he was hiding in his Master's quarters, but Yu's boiling rage was back on simmer, and his eyes when he'd glanced at Daniel as he re-entered the chamber were now the cold and calculating eyes of a being who had conquered and held his territories for centuries. Next to him, Osiris was a mere upstart, a weakling, but apparently he and Ba'al had decided to let the Goa'uld have his say among this meeting of his betters.

But Osiris' words were raising the tension level among the System Lords – Daniel could see it in the stiff poses and shifting glances, and could feel it radiating from Yu – it pounded against Daniel's numb awareness. He talked about weakness, and failure, how the System Lords would most likely lose to their inferior opponents if they could not strengthen this fledgling alliance. Daniel didn't miss the icy glint in Sarah's eyes when he spoke about the Goa'uld's supremacy over "those who threaten our domination" – Osiris clearly reminding Daniel that his little question about weapons at the summit was not forgotten. Yu hadn't missed it either. Who knew what punishment Daniel's 'Master' would devise for his servant with even more evidence that his lo'taur had purposefully drawn the attention of his rivals. Well, Yu and his rivals would be dead in a few minutes, and the personal slaves thrown into chaos – hopefully – so he would never have to find out.

Daniel slowly drew out the Tok'ra poison. If this worked, he'd take out all of the System Lords, plus a bonus – he fought down a laugh. Jacob and Jack would be so proud.

Ba'al was talking now, addressing Osiris' request to take part in the Goa'uld summit, to sit among the System Lords and deliberate the fate of millions of Jaffa and human slaves across the galaxy. It was ironic that, with the success of the poison that he held in his hand, Daniel himself had taken those lives into his own hands. He fingered the switch, Jacob's words ringing through his mind. "You know what's at stake, Daniel. No single person's life is more important." The Tok'ra's voice was so loud that he nearly missed Osiris' response.

"I am here to represent the vote of another."

Another? Another what? Daniel hesitated.

"Whom do you serve?" Yu finally asked.

Osiris' eyes narrowed with scorn. "Anubis," he spat.

The backlash was immediate and Daniel had to struggle to keep from tightening his fingers around the poison canister. Ba'al leaped to his feet while the other System Lords snarled and bit out their disbelief, their distrust of this stranger's claim. Daniel frowned, trying to cut through the paralyzing cold that had settled inside him when he'd reached his decision to act. He didn't want to think any more, didn't want to wait, he didn't want to have to come to grips with this decision again. This couldn't matter, could it?

The rage and screeching bellows, the jockeying for dominance bounced around him as his mind reeled. Accusations of lying, assertions that the Goa'uld Anubis was dead, that Yu had murdered him, registered – barely - while Daniel grabbed at his fleeing resolve, but he couldn't hide, couldn't hold onto the blanket he'd thrown over his head to keep out any more words or demands or feelings when he was certain that he'd finally figured it out. He didn't want to know, didn't want to be sent back to teeter between saving one life and saving this mission. But he couldn't stop the thoughts, the streaming information his mind dredged up – he never could.

Anubis- Anpu - protector of and guide for the soul, god of mummification, 'Lord of the Hallowed Land', guiding the dead through the Afterlife towards Osiris. Daniel's eyes snapped to the woman who was approaching Yu's throne, striding closer and closer, eyes fixed on the centuries old System Lord. Osiris and Anubis were linked together in Egyptian mythology, with Isis, with Seth. But he'd never heard the name in association with the Goa'uld.

"Was it not enough that he was banished from the System Lords?" she asked in a mockery of mild incredulity.

"Never to be allowed to return," Yu ground out. Daniel felt all eyes in the room focusing on the confrontation between Yu, leaning forward in his chair, and the upstart Goa'uld before him.

"That was long ago," Osiris retorted, "and only one System Lord remains from that time."

There was no question to whom Osiris was referring. Surprise, shock, denial – all these emotions flashed across Yu's face before he pulled down his well-rehearsed mask. So Anubis was old, perhaps as old as Yu, maybe older. He might have access to vast armies, whole systems of planets beyond the reach of this group of System Lords, or of the Tok'ra. He'd been banished from the ranks of the System Lords since before even Ba'al sat among the group, assumed dead, while he hid and gradually rebuilt his power base in such perfect seclusion that the mighty Goa'uld, rulers of the galaxy, didn't even have a clue that he was still alive.

Daniel felt his own anger rise. Arrogant. Goa'uld and Tok'ra alike, so very arrogant in their absolute conviction that they understood the lines of power that were drawn across the galaxy. He flashed a look of contempt towards the costumed characters gathered in the room and remembered the perfectly composed faces on Revanna. Both groups had been utterly confident that their plans for portioning out life and death would prevail – the Goa'uld sure that this temporary alliance would ease all of their fears of any rival, and the Tok'ra just as convinced that the Goa'uld threat could be confined to this small space station to be wiped out at the touch of a button. He mentally added the uniformed figures seated in a very familiar briefing room between concrete walls. They had been just as sure, just as mistakenly certain of their comprehension of this clash of powers.

"He has sent me to ask that you accept him back." Daniel heard his own contempt echoing in Osiris' ringing tone as the Goa'uld turned his back on Yu's blind rage and strolled casually back across the chamber. "Or place yourselves at his mercy."

Daniel placed the poison canister back into his pouch. Hot and cold raced through him, destroying the soul-numbing fog. Anubis was the threat here – he was the one casually conquering world after world, making the System Lords chase their tails and turn on each other. Destroying this desperate group of Goa'uld would leave him with a clear playing field, and even non-military-minded Daniel Jackson could figure out that was not a good idea. The mission was over. It was a whole new game now.