A\N: Yeah, Dr. Turned-Evil-Three-Freaking-Times, what exactly are you doing to help Trent? Besides, you know, letting him stay screwed up? Seriously, not okay there. Let's try for a little morality, shall we? Anyway, I got annoyed and started writing. Enjoy.

Trying to heal on your own is a bit like trying to learn to paint without a teacher. You get the gist of it right, but there's always something a bit...off.

I can point to it, sometimes. There, that idea that parents are evil. That's wrong, I know Ethan's parents aren't evil. There, that way I don't look to anyone for approval, but when Dr. O praises me on his own I feel like I could fly. Kind of a weird thing--either I want approval or I don't. There, that idea that we should blow Mesegog to kingdom come...um, not actually sure how that one's wrong, since we're fighting a war here, but I got pretty funny looks when I mentioned it.

Sometimes I don't get it. That's usually when I get the weird looks. Then I shrug my shoulders and move on, and we all try to pretend that I wasn't schizo at one point and no, it's never coming back. Because going back to that insanity is...I can't even describe how horrific it is to me. I never want to feel like that again.

But I keep the gem.

The only reason I keep it is because if Mesegog does this to anyone else, I'm going to take the Dragozord and rain holy nuclear hell down on him. Fuck the Rangers. It's what we all want to do anyway, and I'm so close to lost that I don't think Dr. O'll mind if I go nuts. Well, he'll mind, but it won't hurt me.

See, that's my team. We're all lost. It's just that the others were lost before they became Rangers, so they learned how to hide it. And we share things with each other, more than Dr. O could dream of knowing. Conner's parents only care about soccer. Kira's still screwed up from her dad leaving. Ethan dies a bit every time he lies to his parents.

I think they know my secret, too, about Mesegog and my dad. They aren't the brightest, none of us are, but we can pick up on pain easily, especially from each other. But Dr. O...

Well, he goes through life thinking he's a hero. A miracle. He thinks we worship him because he's a legend.

Idiot.

We hang out with him because the others want praise. They crave it, need it. They have no parents anymore, Rangering took Ethan's and Conner and Kira were pretty much born without them. They need Dr. O like they need oxygen. But it's kind of a twisted relationship, because Dr. O doesn't get it.

He holds us back. All of us. He wants us to be his old team, but he's tried too hard to make us into that. He doesn't realize that our pain makes us efficient weapons. We could be better than any team in the galaxy, just because we're so used to the daily pain of life. We know when to attack, when not to, what to do when a parent gets mad and how to keep secrets in the open without saying them.

But he lectures the others so much, gives them so many battles, that they just want to go home. And I watch them get tired and worn out without even touching their true power. It drives me nuts. Wake up, I want to scream, We can be better! We can do so much more!

But Dr. O would be the price. He doesn't want a good team. He wants his old team. And none of us can give him up. Even I feel like a star when he praises me, and I know what he's doing. His nostalgia is destroying us.

And he knows that I'm off. He knows there's still parts of me that need healing. But what does he do? Nothing. Because Jason should be healing me, or rather Conner. Who's who? Does it matter to him? No, I'm him and Jason is Conner and we're obviously best friends. But how can Conner heal me? He doesn't know how to heal himself, let alone me.

And he's no Zordon. Zordon might have been good and pure, I don't know, but I do know that Zordon actually knew what he was doing. He helped Dr. O heal. Dr. O has no freaking clue.

I guess I wish he did. All my drawings lately are of us, with power, really living up to our potential. We could have had the stars.

But Dr. O didn't want the stars.

I wanted them. It's a cry that appears in all my drawings. I wanted the stars, I wanted power, I wanted to really help people. But in the end I'm just stuck making sure that Mesegog doesn't destroy anyone. And I wonder if that's the most off thing about me.

I wonder if that's the most off thing about the Rangers, too.