1. She strokes my ego: She never does it on purpose, of course. She makes me work for it, but good lord it's worth it. A few expertly administered kisses on her neck, abdomen, and inner thigh, and she's as wet as an otter's pocket and as slick as a whistle. Nothing makes you feel like man more than knowing you did your job well—that you have the magical touch to get your woman naturally lubed up in a matter of minutes.

2. She's just as bossy in bed: When we fight for control either in bed or on the battlefield, she usually wins. You can ask her what she enjoys more than winning in battle, but she might not tell you. The bitch might not tell you that she likes to put me in handcuffs and torture me. She'll give a little, and pull away. Her tongue, usually razor sharp and dripping with sarcasm, can also feel rough—in a good way, like wet sandpaper. She likes to tease that sensitive spot near the end of my shaft, right below the head, to give me a taste of hell and heaven at the same time. When the ache in my groin becomes almost unbearable, she has the nerve to act coy! Oh? But I thought moving was too troublesome for you. And when I think I'm about to explode from a case of blue balls, she milks me dry.

3. She has a ridiculous vocal range in bed: Mid-coitus her voice is usually low and husky. When she speaks with this voice, it probably means she still has control of herself, commanding me to go faster or harder when my Shadow Bind is keeping her from setting the pace herself. And when she starts getting closer to climaxing, her voice gets higher. She stops issuing commands; the words coming out of her mouth are no longer words moans and cries of pleasure. The first time I heard this, I couldn't believe her voice could get that high. And sometimes, when I'm on top of my game, when I hit her sweet spot, she shrieks. And that is my favorite sound in the world. Nothing beats hearing that as she grips either the sheets, or the headboard, or my shoulders.

4. Sometimes, she does enjoy being gentle: She likes it rough—at least when she's on the receiving end, but there are times that we actually make love instead of having brutal sex. She'll let me take control and pleasure her slowly. I'll run my tongue over her wet folds, she'll mewl softly, driving me crazy. And then I'll take her slowly take her. She doesn't get too loud when we're romantic like this. But I can see from the yearning in her eyes that she wants me. And after the storm, she'll whisper "I love you" several times in my ear and fall asleep with her face nuzzling my neck.

5. She's not troublesome: She's not usually gentle or forgiving, but she lets me fall asleep after sex and doesn't feel the need to keep me up to talk or cuddle or whatever bothersome things most girls like. She knows I love her. Else I wouldn't have married her. Good God, I love that woman.