Cox whistled as if signalling a less-than-average-intelligence dog. "Newbie!! You're with me!" he snarled as he strode down the hallway.

"I'm always with you Perry," JD said dreamily.

"What's that Lynette?"

"Nothing, Dr. Cox."

But as Dr. Cox ran through the patient information, JD couldn't help think about the fact that no matter what seemed to come between them, they always ended up together.

Like Romeo and Juliet.

No, wait, didn't they die? Right, cuz each thought the other was dead and they didn't even check to make sure. Pfft, morons.

So maybe they were like the King Arthur and Guinevere, JD thought. He imagined Dr. Cox riding in on his big white stallion to save him from the 3-headed evil dragon, who looked suspiciously like the heads of Kelso, Todd, and handsy guy. And then King Coxur would lift up that face thingy that knights wore and he would say, "A dragon, Newbie? What kind of idiot gets put into a tower by a dragon?? Now, that's just stupid...."

'But wait,' JD thought. 'I would never cheat on my beloved with Sir Turkalot. I mean Sir Lancelot. Sheesh, where did that come from?' JD wondered.

Forget literature!! Stupid tragic romances with their stupid tragic-ness-i-tude. Who needs it!

JD decided then that he and Cox went together like warm chocolate souffle and cold raspberry-hazelnut gelato. Seeming like opposite, they were perfect complements, and together they made the most delightfully smooth luscious explosion of flavor in the mouth --

"Hey, Jacquelline!! What the hell are you thinking about?"

Quick, JD thought to himself, think of a manlier metaphor than souffle!!!

"Aww, you know, Dr. Cox, I was just thinking that you and me go together like peanut butter and jelly." JD smiled wide then, as he thought to himself 'Nailed it!'

But for some reason, Dr. Cox was turning that bright shade of red, the one that reminded JD of that wheelbarrow left out in the rain that one summer, or maybe that was just something he read somewhere, but Dr. Cox was definitely turning that shade of red that meant he was about to-

Uh oh.

"Glinda!! If you think that I am interested in being in ANY kind of sandwich with you, you are sorely mistaken!! In fact, if we are any sort of products, we're like oil and water. In that I am LITERALLY physically REPULSED by you. I mean, you are just so appallingly - well, so apallingly YOU-like, that my inability to tolerate your presence occurs at the MOLECULAR level. And you know why else? Because good doctors are like water in that we sustain life, and horrible horrible doctors who think about idiotic fantasies while they should be listening are like oil -- they're good for nothing but starting wars, suffocating penguins, and lighting cars on fire!!"

"I don't suffocate penguins," JD mumbled.

"What's that Bettina? Cuz you see by "penguins" I meant decency and sanity and the few surviving remnants of manhood, and by "suffocating" I mean slowly and painfully boring them to death with your incessant, uber-needy, self-involved, disgrace-to-yourself-and-all-those-who-know-you whining!!! So if you don't want to learn what a peanut butter sandwich tastes like when ingested on the wrong end, you will apologize for suffocating all those penguins, Priscilla May!"

"But I-"

"Now!!!"

"Sorry for suffocating the penguins," JD reluctantly muttered, just as several nurses walked by and looked aghast at what he was admitting to.

"Glad to hear it, Newbie," Cox said as he stormed away.

'That sucked,' JD thought to himself as he watched Cox walk away fast. But as he watched the swift movements of Cox's ass, he couldn't help saying aloud, "Damn that is some nice jelly."

Author's note:

This was originally written for comment_fic on livejournal, a multi-fandom prompting comm

The Prompt was JD/Cox, like peanut butter and jelly (or like oil and water)