Disclaimer: Sighs. If only I did own it but I don't so bleh.

SPOILERS: 2x03 RED BADGE (That being said I don't reveal anymore than the promos, well I don't think so. And obviously this story isn't going to actually happen in the episode.)

A/N: I'm really not sure why I HAD to type this but my damn muse refused to let me get any further on the next chapter of To Begin Again until I did. Obviously I listened. Anyways This has spoilers for Red Badge. Not many just the basic storyline. This is pretty much a comfort story and rated M for a reason. No real plot...oh wait there's JISBON which = plot in and of itself.

Trying to think of something that could be easily remembered was now a burden. Lisbon couldn't do it. She couldn't remember anything from that night and all the evidence was pointing to her. She feared that maybe she had killed, maybe her brain was just blocking the memory and making it seem as though it didn't exist. She just didn't know what to think anymore; what to do. Her own mind was betraying her, refusing to give her any knowledge into her whereabouts on the night of the murder. Did she really do this? That was the question eating away at her like acid. She had a persitant headache that she decided came from racking her brain for answers. Thinking too much, too hard. She wished she had a time machine. A way to go back and see what she had been doing that night. The closest she came was Jane and his hypnosis but that hadn't helped. Bless him for trying.

The stares she kept getting were becoming too much to handle. She knew that everybody had heard but did they really have to stare and whisper behind her back? As if she didn't already have a hard enough time. Accusations, loss of memory and now this? She felt like pulling her hair out, screaming, crying, throwing something but it wouldn't do any good to tear up her own apartment. It might release some of the inner anger and frustration but right then she didn't need to. She wanted to, oh how she wanted to but Jane was currently holding the door of her fridge open and asking if she wanted a bottle of water. Maybe it should unnerve her that he seemed so comfortable in her apartment but honestly she wasn't thinking straight anyway, so it didn't matter. Just like when her body moved towards him of its own accord and her hand reached out to touch his shoulder.

As she raised her tear filled eyes to meet his, Jane let the refridgerator door close and focused his full attention on the broken woman next to him. It didn't take two seconds for him to gently grasp her elbows in the palms of his hands when she stepped even closer.

"Did I do this?" The voice that met his ears was small and fragile. He wasn't used to hearing Teresa Lisbon sound like that. "Most of the time you're steps ahead of us. You know the answers before we ask the questions. Did I do this?"

"Lisbon..." Before he could stop himself, one hand was resting against her damp cheek. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Th-that's not an answer."

"Do you think I'd say it was going to be okay if I thought you did?" It wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear, she knew he could tell, but it did the job. She pressed her cheek further into his hand, closing her eyes to revel in the warmth. She just wanted to pretend this case didn't exist, that she was still just CBI Special Agent Teresa Lisbon instead of CBI Special Agent Teresa Lisbon possible murderer. She could hear him let out a heavy breath when she pressed a soft kiss to the inside of his wrist. She didn't know what she was doing and she didn't want to try and figure it out. All she knew was that the second her eyes opened and met his emotion filled ones, she was too far gone.

Her hands found the lapels of his jacket, slowly pushing it off with hesitation. She expected him to fight but he just let her and when her fingers started at the buttons on his vest he tucked her hair behind her ear, caressing the side of her neck. Those first soft slow touches quickly changed the moment she pushed his shirt back off his shoulders, letting it fall to the kitchen floor. It was no longer just her hands exploring, Jane found the hem of her top easily despite the way she was working at the button on his pants.

"Teresa..." The fire burning low in her belly made it almost impossible to hear his whisper but she heard it and flew away from him in shock. She couldn't believe what she'd been doing. This was Jane. Lost his wife and daughter Jane and she was trying to jump him in her kitchen.

"I-I I'm sorry, I didn't..." Her words were cut off by his warm lips covering her own. The whimper that she let out was muffled as he took complete control over their movements. She could tell they were walking; her backwards and him steering but it didn't cross her mind until he picked her up that they were going to her bedroom. Normally she might have made a remark about being carried, then again normally they wouldn't be in this position so she didn't really know. It felt nice to be in his arms, maybe she wouldn't have been so against it.

As soon as her head hit the pillow, she was pulling him down to her. Their lips stayed melded together as he shed her of her pants first. She wanted to groan and tell him to hurry up but the slow pace was too delicious. His mouth moved along her jaw, down her neck to suck softly at her collarbone. The ache for him, for that ultimate physical contact intensified with each flick of his tongue across her skin. Their clothes made it into unceremonious heaps beside the bed, mixed together in no particular order and she couldn't care less that they'd made a mess in her recently cleaned bedroom. The area between her thighs was absolutely aching, she knew what she wanted but she had to be sure he wanted it too. Judging by the firm length pressed against her leg she knew his body wanted it.

"Jane, P-Patrick...are you okay with this?" He raised his head from the crook of her neck and gazed into her eyes for a long minute, letting some of the cloudy arousal fade. Was he okay with this? What did this even mean? He wasn't so sure but he didn't want to stop. He wanted her and not only for sex. It was the thought of her lying in his arms afterwards, completely bare in all senses of the word that had him nodding. As long as she didn't shut him or write it off as a mistake he'd be fine. It wasn't the most oppurtune moment for them to be doing something this drastic, neither of them were really thinking clearly but they'd deal with the consequences when they came. He gently kissed her lips and pulled back to hold her gaze as he gently pushed her thighs apart. She clutched at his shoulders, her grip tightening when he slowly sealed their bodies together.

There was something heartbreaking about the way they moved together, almost like they were both aware that this might be the only time they'd ever be this close. She held onto him for dear life, tucking her head into his neck with each of his thrusts. Neither of them made a sound besides sighs of pleasure and heavy breathing. It was bittersweet as a sadness washed over them. The world was against them, it always would be and this just proved that love was cruel. Jane hadn't expected to feel so much for one small fierce woman but even as they were pushing against each other in satisfying friction, his heart felt like it was exploding. Tears were present in her eyes when she felt that burning take over her body. It rushed from head to toe as she whimpered against his shoulder, her grip on him turning rigid. She wanted to stay in the moment forever, she didn't want it to end but as soon as she heard the low rumble in his throat she knew it had. It was a beautiful sound that she wished she could hear more often, in this exact situation. The warmth of him filling her but she knew they probably wouldn't ever experience this again.

"No, stay." Her body was trembling when he tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let him just yet. This would end way too soon as it was.

"I'm not going anywhere." The furthest he went was to the side of her and even then he kept her in his arms. They were quiet for a few minutes. Lisbon listening to his heart thump wildly in his chest, slowly starting to calm and Jane tracing the curve of her hip with two fingers. This moment - however short it would be - was theirs. They both wished they could stay this way forever, that they could forget the world outside and the job.

"What, what if I did kill him?" He was so used to his bossy, snarky Lisbon. She could be heartfelt and sincere too but her voice was always strong and now it was just so shattered.

"You remember when I told you what I plan to do to Red John when I catch him?"

"Yeah." Breathing a soft sigh against her shoulder, he pressed his lips to the bare skin.

"What did you tell me?" A few silence filled seconds passed as her brow scrunched in confusion. She remembered though, he knew she did as soon as her eyes met his again.

"I'd stop you, or arrest you."

"No, well yes you did, but about murder."

"No one deserves it." It had clicked together in her head and as soon as she had whispered the reply Jane's mouth was against hers once again. Slow and sweet, coaxing her lips to part in an attempt to help her forget what was going on around them. They were both okay with the kisses, the wandering touches to the bare skin but the conversation wasn't quite over. Jane had to make his point.

"Now, do you really think with that being your viewpoint that you did this?" Jane thought he had managed to get through to her but a flicker of doubt registered across her face.

"I don't know...I just don't know. Viewpoints can change in a split second and maybe I thought..."

"Shhh, just don't think. Right now just stay here, in this bedroom with me. No world, no jobs, no one else. Just us." As he hugged her tighter and pulled one of her sheets up around them, she did just that. Whatever happened, happened. For now she was content to burrow into the warmth of his body and try to stop doubting herself.

a/n: Off to finish the new chap or To Begin Again. Hope everyone enjoyed my random little comfort/angsty/sexy fic. It just would not leave me alone till I typed it up. ~ Rina