It ate him up from the inside; slowly killing him, like a needle eating its way into his heart or a splinter, something that hurt like hell and he didn't know how to stop it. He didn't even know why it felt this way. Maybe he was sick. It had been like this for months, ever since that back to camp meeting he had attended. It had been 8 years since he last visited Camp Half Blood, 8 years, and he could not believe that things had changed that much.

Or that he had changed that much.

Percy didn't want to feel this way, who would?, but still he did have this nagging heart pain and it wasn't something he had ever felt before. Stupid stupid stupid. If he could only grow up already, get over these silly crushes and aching needs. Because wasn't that what it was? Only silly crushes that would pass, only a need that had to be satisfied for the night. Nothing to last forever. Nothing to hold on to for life. Just something to make him live through the night.

Or was it?

On the other hand he had never felt this way before, whatever it had been, it had never been this bad and maybe that was the reason why he was freaking out. He needed it to stop feeling this way. He had to be able to move on with his life and he could not do that with all these thoughts in his head. He tried to push them away, boy, did he try, but whenever he killed one another one appeared and then he was back to square one. And nothing had changed. Nothing at all.

But it could not be special. And he didn't want it to be love.

If only he would call him back. He must have left about ten thousands messages on his answering machine but still, he wouldn't return a single one of them. It was like they didn't exist. Like he didn't exist to him. But what had he been expecting, really? A call about the two of them, getting together? A cup of coffee in the park? If it wouldn't make him feel even more stupid he would start to laugh at himself right now.

Why was it so quiet everywhere today?

Percy lay down on the bed, sighing at his own stupidity. If he could only make the dreams go away. That would at least make sleeping bearable. Then he could worry about living another day. Like you could call this living, anyway. He wouldn't. All he did was walk around, dazed, trying to look like he was actually going somewhere. But he wasn't. And he felt pathetic. Waiting around. For closure. That would never happen. Ever.

And he had almost fallen asleep when the phone woke him up. Hands shaking, he picked it up. He didn't know what to say.

"Percy?"

"Uh… Yes."

"Hi. It's… It's Nico."

He sat up, and it felt like his heart made a backflip.

"Hi you… I…" He felt stupid. "You never called me back."

"I did just now, didn't I?"

"I guess so."

He was quiet. This was going swell.

"Was there anything you wanted to tell me?"

"No I… Nothing special."

"You called me 9 times just tonight and it wasn't anything special? Tell me, Percy."

"I can't. not… Not like this, Nico, I just can't. And you wouldn't understand."

"I ALWAYS understand Percy. Wasn't that what you said at camp? That I always knew how to read you?"

"Well… not over the phone right? So it doesn't work."

"Good thing I'm outside your house then."

"You're… You're what?"

Percy got up from the bed and took a quick look outside through the window. Outside he could see the tall, dark figure that was Nico, and he was looking up at him. Their eyes met. Percy could see Nico smile, and it made him feel warm inside. This needed to stop.

"So… You're gonna invite me in or what?"

"I… sure. "

It felt like it took forever for Nico to get up all the stairs and into Percy's apartment. When he finally was standing there, in front of him, Percy didn't know what to do with himself. Nico looked even better tonight, like he was glowing, and Percy didn't know how he actually managed to control himself.

"I'm sorry for ignoring your calls." Nico looked down, like he was embarrassed. "I just didn't know what to say to you. Or how to explain."

"Explain what?"

Nico looked into Percy's eyes and took a step closer to him.

"How you managed to change my world in a couple of days. How you took my breath away."

"But… I could ask you the same."

"I guess we're kind of stupid for not talking about it, right?"

Percy suddenly felt like he had trouble breathing.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." A few more steps and Nico was right there, close to him. His face was only millimeters away from Percy's. "Please. Don't be sorry."

"But then what should I be?"

Nico smiled and suddenly his arms were around Percy's neck.

"Don't you get it already? Be mine."

Only mine.