Sorry for not updating in so long! I know that there is no excuse, but I am really sick, and I am really tired!
Also, my dad's computer fitzed out, and it had two of the chapters on there!
When I knew that I wouldn't have the laptop in a while, I started typing on here.
BTW, if you like drama fics, check out Four Years of Suffering! I just put it up, and Elly89 asked if she could translate it into Italian!
If anybody wants to translate any of my stories into different languages, just PM me, or ask me in a review.
I do not own Twilight!!
Mike's POV
The way this is going is not what I expected.
I want to have Bella dump Cullen and go out with me!
I realize that now.
We won't be obsessed with her lingerie anymore.
I'm also doing it cause I'm bored.
I'm bored of trying again and again!
So we'll try this now.
Edward's POV
"Bella…" I whined, looking at her while she giggled.
"What?" She asked me, her eyes bright with amusement.
"You know what." I told her.
"Stop your yapping!" Alice told me.
"We need to get a bigger shirt for you Bella," Alice said, looking critically at my shirt. "This one still hints of boobage."
Ugh! We can't get another fashionable shirt on her, it would be too big!
I mentally sighed at the purely weird images my sister was projecting.
Doesn't anyone think like ladies and gentlemen anymore?
***
I squirm uncomfortably in the car, while Bella laughs in the back seat.
"Why are you laughing? You are going to a meeting with a bunch of lust-filled boys that are stalking your alter ego! People don't usually laugh about that kind of stuff, Bella." I said angrily.
"It's just that you look so funny!" She said laughing at me.
Humph.
I guess that I do look pretty fashionable, but I don't think that it would be fashionable now.
Maybe in the sixties.
But really, not now!
I sighed as we got out of the car.
This will really be weird.
As we opened the doors I stifled a gasp.
There wasn't just some five perverted guys there.
There was fifty packed in this room.
This is not going to be pretty.
"Order! Order in the clubhouse!" Yelled Mike, in the seat on the front of the lectern.
"Yeah! Order in the clubhouse!" Yelled Tyler, a minute behind Mike.
"Crowley." Mike said.
"Right. Sorry." He said, embarrassed.
"Okay. We all know why we are here, correct?" Mike asked.
"Yes. It is because we want to eat the purple dinosaur named… Gregory!!!" Yelled Audience member #21.
"No. It is because we want to get Bella Swan to go to Prom with us, Monsieur Une Avec La Moustache." Eric explained.
"Oh. I do not go to prom. I shall leave now." He leaves.
"Fine. Anyone else who does not want to do this, please leave!!" Mike yelled.
"Most of us think she is f-ine." Some seventh grader in the back yelled.
Edward growled.
"Shh!! Do you want to expose yourself?" Bella hissed at him.
He snarled. Quietly this time, though.
"Good boy." Bella said.
"So, we first were trying to get her underwear-
"Ew." Bella whispered.
"But now we want her to go to prom with us-
"Not a shot in hell."
"So we have to break her and Edward up!-
"Ditto to above."
"Which some say will never happen, but I know differently! I know she loves me!!-
*Barfing sounds*
"And so, we shall now brainstorm on how to break them up. Put suggestions in the hat please!!"
And so, all of the people in the room started to converse, leaving me to giggle and snarl at their outrageous comments.
"Wow!" Mike said, suddenly breaking the silence. "We have been here for over two hours! I have curfew! Let's go! Meeting adjourned."
Everyone started going up, talking.
After everyone was gone, I went to the hat of horrors.
I felt very nauseated at some of the suggestions.
I will not put all of it here, because it would disgust you.
But, now I had a plan.
Whenever we now knew what was going on, we would take a picture, whether it is Mike sneaking in her room, or anything else.
We will then make posters, and use them on the tree which we did before.
Of course, Bella was bluffing about the weird document thing that police officers do now.
And I have an idea.
I'll ask her to wear her engagement ring to school.
I know she wouldn't really want to, but this is serious!
And maybe bringing Charlie in to fix things up….
Next day will be very interesting.
Haha!! I will now think of ideas for Mike to do! You guys no you want to….
No More Childhood Innocence
Bella goes to Forks school. Edward and his gang bully her, so she moves with her mother. What happens when she comes back better, more beautiful, and determined to make Edward pay. T for mild language. Will like it if you are mad at Edward right now.
2. The Twilight Saga
The Twilight Saga as a parody. I am very, very random, so if you do not like this, I understand. But tell me, okay? Rated T cause I forgot whether or not I put swear words in there. Enjoy it!
3. Mike's Day
Calling All Creepazoids! Come to the meeting of Bella Swan Stalkers Anonymous! Anger her boyfriend. Maybe she'll go out with YOU! Mike after a nonsuccesful attempt to get Bella Makes a club. Do you think Edward's happy about it? Do you want to? Do YOU?
4. The Monster at Forks High
Bella learns that some girls that she really doesn't like are coming here! These mean girls are going after Edward! Hilarity ensues. Will the girls get what they ask for? And will Edward freak out at some of the antics the girls use to attract him? Funny.
5. Vampire to Burn
Modified by me and my friend Felicia, From Taylor Swifts Picture to Burn. Just a song fic, if you guys want to use it just review or PM me. Is not a Jacob/Bella fic! They are just friends.
6. Bullets
Series of oneshots. Named after the first one: In Twilight, Charlie doesn't take the bullets out of his gun. What does he think now that Edward's left Bella in New Moon? Coming up: Renesmee's Kitten.
7. Four Years of Suffering
Bella was left behind. Four years later, she is in college in Alaska. She finds a person from her past there. Can she forgive? Four months she might have, but four years? She is broken and bleeding. One-shot
BECAUSE I feel generous, here is the first chapter of my parody, The Twilight Saga!!!
Bella: I'm going to Forks even though I hate it there!
Edward: I am an angsty vampire that is the only single dude in a house of family members!
***
Bella: Crap. I'm getting attention. I hate attention.
Edward: Why can't I read her freakin' thoughts?
Bella: Jess, that guy's cute.
Jess: (jealously) He's taken. By me.
Bella: You're dating him?
Jess: No.
Bella: ….
(Everyone does the Macarena.)
***
Edward: Agh! That girl smells good! I want to eat her!
Bella: That guys looking at me funny. Stalker….
(Everyone does the Macarena.)
***
Edward: (runs away)
Bella: Where's that creepy dude?
(Everyone does the ChaCha Slide.)
***
Bella: I thought you didn't like me.
Edward: I don't.
Bella: ….
Edward: We really shouldn't be friends.
Bella: Why not?
Edward: Because… Oh screw it.
(Everyone does the Macarena.)
***
Bella: (almost gets raped) Your looking at me funny.
Edward: ….
Bella: What?
Edward: You confuse me.
Bella: Why?
Edward: You should be freaking out so bad that you need to go to the hospital.
Bella: Oh. Well, I'm not. Yay!
Edward: (whispers) Weird. Yay!
(Everyone does the Macarena.)
***
Bella: I know what you are.
Edward: Say it. Out loud.
Bella: (deep shuddering breath) A mermaid.
Edward: Saywhat?
Bella: Crap, is that not it? A sprite. A Pixie. A Unicorn. I didn't get it, did I?
Edward: …. No. I'm actually a vampire.
Bella: Good. I was worrying you were going to sprout wings on me.
Edward: ….
(Everyone does the Macarena.)
***
Bella: I'm scared of your family!
Edward: Good. You at least have some sensibility.
Bella: I mean, what if they keep me away from you.
Edward: Holy freakin Cheescake Factory.
Bella: ….
(Everyone does the Macarena.)
***
Alice: Hi Bella! We are going to be great friends.
Rosalie: Grr.
Jasper: I'm not breathing.
Emmett: (does the Macarena.)
Esme: You are so sweet!
Carlisle: I'm a doctor.
Edward: My family is very weird.
Bella: What? No they aren't!
(Everyone does the Macarena.)
***
Edward: Let's play baseball!
Bella: Okay.
(Everyone does the Macarena.)
***
(Plays Baseball. Bad Vampires come. Bella runs away with Alice and Jasper, runs from Alice and Jasper, and goes to the playground thing in McDonalds.)
James: I want to eat you.
Bella: Not my mom!
James: … Yeah, your Mom's gonna die!
Bella: Le Gasp!
James: Come here!
Bella: Okay.
James: This is boring.
Bella: Sorry. Why don't we play go fish until Edward comes? Then we can pretend that I've been struggling a desperate battle for my life.
James: Sure.
(Later)
Bella: Do you have any twos?
James: Go Fish. Do you have any eights?
Bella: Yeah. Stupid Vampire Speed, you can always tell what I have!
Edward: Bella!
Bella: Edward!
James: Edward!
(Bella and Edward stare at him.)
Emmett: I'm gonna kill you now. (kills him)
(Everyone does the Macarena.)
***
Bella: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alice: Bella, are you being killed again?
Bella: No.
Alice: Then what-?'
Bella: Edward's taking me to prom!
Alice: Aww!
Bella: I don't want to go to prom!
Alice: Le Gasp! Whatever, I'm going to make you look glam anyway.
(Everyone does the ChaCha Slide.)
***
Bella: I can't dance!
Edward: Weird. I can!
(Everyone does the Macarena.)
***
Bella: Make me a vampire.
Edward: No.
Bella: Oh sweet niblits. Please?
Edward: NO.
Bella: Pretty please?
Edward: NO!
Bella: Fine. I really want to though.
Edward: I won't let you sacrifice your soul!
Bella: Soul, Shmoul.
Edward: …
(Everyone does the Macarena.)