Kirby's Insane Halloween

By ClaudeLv250

Introduction: I finally got around to it - another special for my SSB series, Kirby's Insane Journey. I had always wanted to do a holiday-themed one and settled on Halloween. Anyways, the smash brothers will stumble across a haunted house they initially believe to be an attraction at Hyrule's Poe Festival. Humor, insanity, and chaos ensue...much like the other stories, but with a holiday twist!

The timeframe for this story will most likely be after KIJ6. While this special isn't canon to the main stories, there are references and occurrences you might be confused about if you haven't read any of them.

Disclaimer: Super Smash Brothers and all Nintendo related things are property of Nintendo. All Star Ocean material is the property of tri-Ace and Square Enix. All original characters (including myself) belong to me, so ASK BEFORE YOU USE!

Chapter 1: Fortunes

"What the hell kind of fortune is that?!" The green dinosaur pouted, giving the old woman a relentless scowl. The woman's only response was silence as she returned to her routine, her frail and thin fingers whirling about the crystal ball in a practiced pattern.

"We're sorry," Zelda apologized to the woman. "Yoshi can be a bit rude but I do agree with him. You've been giving us vague and cryptic fortunes all night."

"My fortunes," the old woman's trembling voice began, "are the way that they are...in order to protect your futures."

Yoshi shifted angrily in his seat. "What's the point of knowing the future if you don't really KNOW it?!" He was ready to explode.

"Waste of time. This woman's a gyp." Samus's annoyed expression was well hidden behind the green visor, although her tone was not. She had been against going to the fortuneteller from the start and only entered the tent because she didn't want to stand alone outside.

"Samus...please don't go on another one of your anti-psychic tirades again," Kirby pleaded. She had gone off before when it was suggested that they check the fortuneteller's tent out.

"So...is that all you have to tell us?" Zelda asked the old woman. The soothsayer didn't seem to acknowledge her question at first, getting two skeptical looks in the process, but finally replied.

"I will give you two more fortunes," her dry voice cracked. There was silence once again as the old woman seemed to be in her own world.

"Did she just fall asleep!?" Yoshi bellowed in near-outrage, only to be shushed by Kirby and Zelda.

"You will be visited by a being from another realm..." she said abruptly, gaining everyone's attention.

"...and the second fortune?" Samus questioned, still annoyed with the situation.

"Avoid the house. It holds a painful history of betrayal."

"...that's it? Such a waste of time..." the bounty huntress muttered.

"Thank you, Madam Baker," Zelda said, placing a blue rupee onto the table.

"Finally!" Yoshi exclaimed. "We can get out of this dump!" He jumped out of his seat and followed Samus out of the small tent.

"Jeez!" Kirby sighed when they were all outside. "You guys put up such a fuss in there! It was embarrassing."

"Maybe because we can smell BS a mile away!" Yoshi complained.

"The woman's fortunes were clearly fake," Samus stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the universe.

Zelda frowned. "Well, we came to this festival to have fun! If you didn't want to see the fortune teller, you should have gone with the others!"

As if on cue, Marth, Captain Falcon, Link, his younger counterpart, Fox, Iris, and their son rounded the corner.

"Hey guys!" Iris called, leading the group with the rolling baby stroller in her hands. "How'd it go at Madam Baker's tent?"

"Horrible," Samus answered quickly before either Kirby or Zelda could get a word in.

"Nothing interesting?" Captain Falcon asked with a bit of interest, digging through a bag of candy.

"Madam Faker told a bunch of stupid fortunes," Yoshi replied, the mere memory bringing a scowl back to his face.

"Like what?" Falcon asked after stuffing his face with candy corn. Marth had the luck of being assaulted by the chewed bits of candy that flew out of Captain Falcon's mouth in the process.

"'You will be visited by a being from another realm'," Kirby recited. Yoshi rolled his eyes.

The night sky was cloudless, giving a full few of the stars. Oddly enough, it rippled and glowed until a beam of data shot out of the sky and landed right ahead of the group. The data took the form of a young man, and a face familiar to them all.

"Claude, what are you doing here?!" Captain Falcon exclaimed, spraying Marth with another burst of half-eaten candy corn.

"I decided to write myself in again. Hahaha!"

They all looked puzzled. "What...?"

"Fourth wall joke, you're not supposed to get it," the author said. "Besides, after you told me about the Poe Festival, why wouldn't I be here? Sounds a lot like Halloween. But...I thought you don't wear costumes here?" He asked, looking Captain Falcon over.

"You're not," Fox replied, punching Falcon in the back of his helmet.

"Hey, don't mess up the outfit!" Falcon whined. "I spent 2 hours working on this!"

Glued on top of his gloves were two pincers made out of cardboard painted a dark green in color. They were indefinitely open so it gave his hands easy access to the bag of candy he was shuffling through again. Something that looked like the head of a mantis with big yellow eyes sat on the front of his helmet. On his boots was more green cardboard, with something resembling scales hastily drawn over it with black crayon.

Claude folded his arms in amusement. "So what are you supposed to be?"

"I'm a Space Pirate! Arrrgh!"

"Space Pirates don't say 'Argh'," Samus corrected him.

"Of course they do! They're pirates. Arrrgh!"

"Oh, what would I know? I've only slain a few hundred of them."

"HEY!" Falcon screamed, suddenly excited. "I think that fortune came true!"

Marth had enough. "Captain Falcon, PLEASE! Do not talk when your mouth is full of food!"

"Oh...sorry..." he said sheepishly before offering some candy corn. Marth wordlessly declined by moving as far away as possible.

"I hate to say it, but I think Captain Falcon is right about the fortune," Kirby said, attempting to avoid any eye contact with Falcon as to not give him any ideas.

Samus chuckled. "No, this only proves that the woman is a fraud. It's not like word of a kid from Earth helping us in the past hasn't spread around like wildfire. People don't just hop-skip dimensions and never get noticed."

Before Claude could ask, Zelda caught him up, "We went to see a fortune teller a few minutes ago. Samus and Yoshi were against it from the start and are determined to prove that Madam Baker is a con artist."

"Hah!" Yoshi pointed at her accusingly. "'Con artist' implies that the woman actually has skill at what she does, but I saw right through her from the start!"

Samus nodded. "We should burn her tent to the ground while we still have the chance."

"Samus!" Zelda gasped. "I've never heard you speak like that, and about that poor old woman, too..."

"You know, even though my exterior doesn't suggest it, I myself am quite capable of sarcasm," Samus said dryly.

Fox growled with impatience. "Are you people going to stand here bitching and moaning about some raggedy hag for the rest of the night or are we actually going to do something else before the festival is over?"

Marth agreed, picking a leftover piece of candy corn from his hair with visible disgust. "Fox, though unnecessarily crass and brazen, is correct. We are wasting time standing here."

"Okay then," Zelda said, opening a small map, "where to next?"

"I want to go to the haunted house!" Young Link said, bouncing with excitement and pointing to a spot on the map.

Claude shrugged. "Why not? The haunted houses here have to be better than the ones back on Earth."

"No objections? Then off to the haunted house we go!" Zelda led the group with the map, leading them farther and farther away from the tents full of attractions.

It wasn't until five minutes into the walk that everyone started to notice that they were far away from civilization. Their view was clouded with a thick fog, and the trees became far and few between, looking deader and rotted for years with each passing.

"Are we lost?" Young Link asked.

Zelda checked the map again. "No...we're going in the right direction. The haunted house attraction is away from the fun and games."

"Well they've really gone all out for the atmosphere," Samus commented. "The fog is a little too dense for my liking."

"Is that it ahead?" Young Link pointed.

"I think it is!" Zelda said, picking up the pace.

The group approached the building, which was placed squarely in the densest part of the fog. They stood outside of the black, rusted gates, looking up to the large, looming structure sitting atop the hill, above the fog and in clear view. The windows were stained and the shutters old and worn. The wood of the house was as gnarled as the trees in the yard, swallowed by the tall, unkempt grass that hadn't been attended to for decades.

"That's not a house...that's a mansion, and it's huuuuge!" Young Link said, stretching his arms out wide for emphasis.

"I'm impressed," Samus said, peering through the iron bars. "I wasn't expecting the haunted house to look this genuine. No wonder it's the most popular attraction."

The gate doors creaked open, inviting everyone into the darkness of the front lawn and up the twisting trail leading to the mansion.

"Mechanical..." Samus muttered in response to the frightened looks on Young Link and Captain Falcon's faces.

"Well, you guys go on ahead," Iris said, sitting on a bench next to the gates. "A haunted house is no place for James." She grabbed the young fox from his stroller and held him in her arms.

"Yeah, haunted houses aren't my thing either," Fox said, taking a seat next to Iris and wrapping his arm around.

Yoshi cackled with glee. "I can understand Iris staying behind, but Fox...are you...chicken?" He cheerfully awaited an agitated response until Samus swiftly slapped him across the face. "Hey, what was that for?!"

"Stop bothering Fox," Samus chastised. "Can't you see that he wants to spend time with his lady and their son? That's probably the only reason he even came to the festival."

"You have to ruin everything, don't you?" Yoshi complained as the remaining nine ventured up the winding trail to the mansion.

"I have been pondering this for awhile," Marth spoke up halfway up the trail. "But what is the point of this haunted house attraction?"

"I'll handle this one," Claude said, "when you go inside the house, its set up so it can scare you. You know, dark rooms, things jumpin' out at you, people in makeup and costumes..."

"And...people find this entertaining?" Marth asked, skepticism written all over his face.

"It's all in good fun, Marth," Samus assured him. "It's really about getting into the mood. If you approach it with a cynical attitude, you're probably not going to enjoy it much." She looked out of the corner of her visor to find Kirby fidgeting. "And what's wrong with you?"

Kirby looked up. "Me?"

"You only fidget and squirm like that when there's something you want to say."

"Oh...well," Kirby said, looking around nervously, "I was wondering if I was the only one who noticed."

"You mean the two sets of yellow eyes in the grass?" Zelda asked. "They've been following us since we started up the trail. I'm sure that's just part of the atmosphere."

"No, I mean the last fortune. 'Avoid the house.'" Kirby then flinched as he knowingly set off a bomb.

"If Madam Faker said it, then that's all the more reason why we should go to the house!" Yoshi declared. "I'm not letting hag ruin my evening!"

Naturally, Samus agreed on the subject. "She probably tells that to all of her customers, to avert traffic to her tent from the haunted house so that she can rip more people off."

Kirby rolled his eyes. "What eyes were you talking about, Zelda?"

"Those over there," she pointed. "In the tall grass."

Two sets of bright yellow eyes peered at the oddball group from the depths of the grass. They were trained on them intently, never blinking or turning away.

Young Link moved closer to Zelda. "I don't like those eyes..." The older Link looked down and shook his head in embarrassment.

"Like I said, it's all part of the atmosphere..." she said, trying to reassure the child...as well as herself.

"I don't know, guys," Captain Falcon said meekly. "I'm feeling a little creeped out right now..." He grabbed Samus's free hand and hid slightly behind her bulky figure.

"Some Space Pirate you turned out to be," Samus joked.

"Maybe they're dogs...or wolves..." Kirby proposed quietly as the eyes grew larger.

In actuality, they were getting closer to the trail and the creatures...or creature, rather, was finally revealed. It raised its body above the grass, standing tall on its four legs. The two sets of eyes belonged to the one monster, set firmly atop the snout that was frequently assaulted by the long, thrashing tongue. The monster looked slack jawed as it seemed impossible for it to close its maw, the jaw swinging separately from the creature's body movements.

Everyone was taken aback, and Claude was the first one to speak. "That ain't no damn wolf!"

Zelda tried to calm everyone down. "I think in this situation it would be best if everyone would...RUN!"

And ran they did, as the group of nine made a mad dash for the mansion. Men, armor-clad women, dinosaurs, and pink puffballs things all ran for their lives like maniacs and through the opening doors of the haunted mansion. As they shut the doors, thunder rumbled in the distance; a sinister cue to start a night they would never forget.

"Fox," Iris said, curiously looking over her back and through the black bars of the gate.

"Mmm?" He replied, playing with baby James.

If he had looked, he would have seen the worried look on her face. "...where did the house go?"

"What do you mean?" he set James back into the stroller and took a peek for himself.

"It's...gone..." She said weakly.

Fox got up to get a better look. "It's probably just the fog blocking our view."

"Yeah, but..."she wasn't totally convinced. "That thunder just now...there isn't a cloud in the sky. I've got a really bad feeling."

Fox plopped down next to Iris and wrapped his arms around her. "If anyone should be feeling bad, it's them for wasting their time in that stupid haunted house."

She giggled and nuzzled herself under Fox's chin. "Well, I hope they have fun in that spooky old house."

What she didn't know was that 'they' were going to have fun...it just wouldn't be the 'they' she had hoped for, the house guests.

I think you know the answer!