A/N Don't ask me where this came from. It's one of those really random oneshots that occasionally just sneak up on me. But it did make me giggle...
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. I may, admittedly, have embellished them slightly, but they don't belong to me. The title comes from the film 'Three Men And A Baby', which, FYI, is a great film.
Hearing the knock echoing through her home, Lilly caught sight of the clock and frowned.
"Who the hell is knocking on my door now?" she murmured. She opened the door, and then Lilly's eyes widened.
"Patrick?" she said incredulously.
He sent her an uncertain grin. It was definitely him: same sandy hair, same slim yet solid build, same dark blue eyes.
A few extra lines around the eyes, and there was no denying that he was a good fifteen years older, but it was still the man Lilly had been set to marry.
"I hope I haven't caught you at a bad time," he said, eyeing her appearance, and Lilly blushed at the realization that she was standing at the door in a pair of boxer shorts and a Ramones t-shirt.
"No...what are you doing here?"
Patrick shrugged.
"I was in town. I wanted to know if I could take you to dinner sometime?"
"Oh, really?" Lilly replied, halfway between amusement and disbelief. He nodded.
"I don't like the way we ended things..."
"Well, finding you in bed with my sister wasn't the best end to my week either," she quipped. He groaned.
"Lilly..."
"So why now?"
"You know why."
She sighed heavily.
"Because if I hadn't come home when I did, and if I hadn't caught you and Chris in my bed, next week would have been our anniversary?"
Patrick shifted uncomfortably.
"Is that a 'no' to dinner?"
Lilly stared at him for a moment, her mouth searching for an answer that would appropriately convey her outrage and confusion and disbelief and amusement.
Not finding anything, she just shut the door.
"This can't be good..." she groaned, opening the door, "Kite...please tell me you're here on professional business?"
The lawyer chuckled.
"Sorry, Rush. It's my birthday next week. I was wondering if you wanted to go..."
"Out for dinner?" finished a third voice, "Yeah, me too."
Lilly looked down, trying not to laugh at Patrick, in his expensive Italian suit, sitting on the top step of her stoop.
"Why are you still here?" she asked. Her ex-fiancé shrugged, gesturing to Kite.
"I was curious."
"Right..." Lilly said slowly. Kite let his hand fall onto her shoulder.
"So what do you say?"
"I say...now is not the best time to be asking me about this," Lilly replied, shutting the door with an apologetic smile.
Moving back to her sofa, she shook her head.
"What did I do to deserve this?"
For the third time that evening, there was a knocking at the front door. Praying that this was nothing more than a nightmare, Lilly reluctantly pulled it open.
"Hey, Lil."
"Didn't I say you had to stop just turning up?" she said in exasperation. Ray flashed her a cheeky grin.
"Since when do I do what I'm told?"
Lilly rolled her eyes.
"Ray..."
"Nice shirt, by the way. Mine?"
"No, moron. What do you want?"
"Funfair just out of town," he says casually, his helmet hanging from one hand, "me and you. Popcorn, corndogs, the Ferris wheel..."
"You want to take me to the funfair?" Lilly clarified in amusement. Patrick scoffed.
"She doesn't like the Ferris wheel," he muttered. The blonde detective closed her eyes, seriously feeling as though she was trapped in some freaky dream.
"Come on, Rush, man's waiting for an answer."
Her eyes shot open, staring at Kite incredulously. He was sitting on the bottom step, and shaking her head, Lilly glanced down at Patrick.
"Are you two planning to sit out here all night?"
Ray grinned at the nods she received.
"Think I might join 'em," he said brightly, sitting himself down on the step beside Kite, "Hi. Ray Williams."
"Jason Kite," the lawyer replied, extending a hand. Lilly took a deep breath, and began to shut the door yet again.
"I'm leaving now."
Her cell phone began to ring. It made a nice change from the doorbell.
"Hello?" Lilly answered slowly. The voice that answered made her bury her head in the sofa cushions.
"Hey, Cagney."
"Eddie..." she groaned, "Tell me you are still undercover."
"Actually, I'm..."
"On my front steps?"
There was a slight pause.
"Did you know there are five guys sitting here, me included?"
"Yes...wait. Five?"
Pressing her cell phone against her forehead and taking a deep breath, she reluctantly opened the door. Eddie and Joseph raised a hand in greeting.
"Hey, Lilly," Joseph said quietly. Eddie shrugged.
"We arrived together. Quite a gatherin' you've got here, Rush."
Lilly was silent for a minute.
"Did you all plan this?" she demanded. They all exchanged glances.
"Planned what?" Joseph prompted. The blonde detective waved a vague hand at them.
"This! You! Did you call each other and say 'Oh yeah, let's go ruin Lilly's evening and make her wish she'd joined a convent at nineteen!"
"As fun as that sounds," Kite said, "no. I haven't met any of these men, Rush."
"So let me get this straight," Lilly began slowly, turning to Patrick, "starting with you. You just happen to be in town this weekend and decided to see if I'd go to dinner with you?"
"Uh...yes?" Patrick replied uncertainly. With a slight shake of her head, she turned to Kite.
"It's your birthday, and even though we broke up years ago, you want to have dinner?"
"Yes," he agreed, "but..."
"Not interested," Lilly interrupted in irritation, turning to Ray, "You. You have to stop turning up. It's not fair for you to keep riding in and out of my life. And Patrick's right. I hate the Ferris wheel."
Her ex-fiancé puffed up his chest.
"See? I told you," he stated proudly. Lilly shot him a glare, before turning to Joseph.
"You broke my heart," she said in a soft voice, and he lowered his eyes to the floor, "so I don't really care why you're here."
"I guess that leaves me," Eddie finished with a grin. Lilly nodded.
"I just..." Now she was running out of things to say, it was cold, and her bare legs really wanted to get back to the spot in front of the fire.
Lilly smiled apologetically.
"I just don't think I should," she said, and shut the door for what she hoped was the last time.
Twenty minutes after Lilly had left them to it, Ray tossed his helmet from hand to hand.
"So how'd you two meet?" he asked Joseph. The sandy-haired man blinked in surprise, and then realized he didn't quite know how to explain it.
"Well, I was..." he began, before realizing how crazy his explanation would have sounded. With a sigh, he finished, "At work. You?"
"High school," Ray said proudly, "we were gonna get married."
Eddie scoffed.
"Which must make you the fiancé that slept with her sister."
"No..." Patrick replied sheepishly, "that would be me."
An awkward silence fell, until Kite spoke again in a quiet voice.
"She's really something, huh."
His statement was greeted by various nods of agreement, before they sunk into another silence. The five men sitting on the steps exchanged glances, eyeing up the competition.
After a moment, Joseph stood up.
"I can't just sit here without getting a straight answer," he said, knocking again at the wooden door. The others stood, and gathered behind him, ready to take whatever Ice Queen act Lilly was going to perform.
There was silence from inside the house.
"What is she doing?" Patrick said. Kite shot him a dirty look.
"If it wasn't for you, we might not be in this position," he murmured, but then Eddie elbowed him.
"She's coming," he hissed. The door opened. Ray blinked.
"Huh. Well...that explains a lot."
Scotty grinned.
"Hey, guys."
Greeted with silence, his smile faded, and Scotty raised his eyebrows.
"Geez, tough crowd," he said under his breath. Eddie folded his arms, warily eyeing Scotty's bare chest and rumpled work pants.
"What are you doing here, Valens?" he demanded. The grin returned.
"Thanks for askin', Saccardo. Now I get that you're all tryin' to get Lil out for dinner or whatever, an' that's a brave thing for some o' you guys to even think about showin' your faces here, but right now we're actually kinda busy?" he explained brightly, "So maybe if you could come back tomorrow, or better yet, not at all?"
Kite smirked knowingly. He wasn't actually surprised, but he couldn't let Valens off that easily.
"Busy with what?" he asked. Scotty blinked.
"With me, Kite," Lilly called, appearing behind her partner, "or at least he's trying to be."
Collectively, all five men, their jaws dropped at the small diamond ring now sitting on her finger. Lilly turned her gaze to each of them in turn.
"Now if you wouldn't mind," she continued gently, beginning to shut the door, "Scotty and I have an engagement to celebrate."
Clears throat. Anyway...read and review if you have time! :)