I see nothing in your eyes,
And the more I see the less I like
Is it over yet?
In my head
I know nothing of your kind,
And I won't reveal your evil mind
Is it over yet?
I can't win.

Lavi stared out the window, hurt and confused. Every time he shifted his weight in the chair, the tight fabric of his uniform aggravated the deep scratches on his back and the raw skin where his forearms had been bound. How had it come to this? The first time he'd seen the tall, strange man with ashen skin and eyes like those of a tiger, he'd been quite the gentleman. He had bought fine wine, listened to Lavi's stories, and when they kissed, Lavi melted into his arms like he was made to be there. From that night on, they'd jumped at every opportunity to see each other. It was perfect, love at first sight. But now he sat here, and everything he'd known about his lover was a lie. As he sat there puzzling this fact, Lavi didn't notice the door open.

"Good morning, Lavi." An all too familiar voice greeted him. Lavi turned slowly to face the speaker. He had handsome features and an enigmatic smile that fit his face perfectly. Tyki Mikk. The sight of this man put knots in Lavi's stomach, where only yesterday, he would have been filled with happy butterflies. Lavi stared at him blankly with his single green eye. "I brought breakfast." The man offered.

"Not hungry." Lavi muttered, turning away. How could Tyki be acting so innocent? It was like a slap in the face to Lavi; and the exorcist's still red cheek was proof that he knew that feeling.

"Aw, come on, I brought you desert too." Tyki insisted, striding over to Lavi and placing his hands on the teen's shoulders from behind. Lavi shook his head, remembering all those hands had done to him the previous night.

"No. I'm not hungry." Lavi leaned his head against the windowpane, feeling the cool glass ease his headache, though that did nothing for the rest of him.

"Well we can't have you starving, can we, my little Usagi?" Tyki whispered in Lavi's ear. Once more, an action Lavi would have welcomed before now made him want to puke. For the first time, he turned around and looked Tyki in the eyes. The man's eyes held none of their usual light, but were cold and emotionless. Lavi shuddered and all of his memories from the previous night washed over him.

So sacrifice yourself
And let me have what's left
I know that I can find
A fire in your eyes
I'm going all the way
Get away, please

"No, Tyki. Not tonight." Lavi said, removing his headband, shirt and pants and laying down on the bed.

The older male did the same. "Come on… It's been almost a month, now." Tyki said insistently. "Why not?"

"Why do you need a reason?" Lavi asked, curling into a ball. It was cold out, which Lavi wouldn't have minded if there was snow on the ground to play in- the weather had put both of them in an edgy mood that day.

"Just tell me." Tyki insisted, drawing himself closer to the red-head beside him. There was a harsh tone in his voice Lavi had never heard before. It was a bit unnerving. "What harm would it do?" he almost purred in Lavi's ear. "All I want is-"

"I know what you want, and I won't give it to you. At least, not tonight." Lavi said, feeling a bit afraid of Tyki for the first time ever. Something wasn't right. He sat up and moved to get out of bed.

Tyki grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down. Lavi tried once again to get up, but Tyki just gripped his wrist painfully tight. "You love me, right? This is what lovers do." Tyki crooned, but his entire demeanor had changed. His eyes were harsh with lust and his touch forceful, though not in a playful manner like Lavi was accustomed to.

The young Bookman felt panic in the pit of his stomach. "I never had a choice, did I?" he asked, trying to calm his racing heart.

Tyki yanked on his arm, pulling him down and pinning him to the bed. "No." he grinned a twisted smirk.

You take the breath right out of me
you left a hole where my heart should be
You've got to fight just to make it through
Cause I will be the death of you

"You alright? You seem a bit down." Tyki said. Lavi snapped his head up, somewhat grateful to Tyki for waking him from his nightmarish thoughts before the worst relived itself.

Lavi scoffed in disbelief. "Yeah, 'a bit down'. What kind of idiot do you take me for?" he shot at Tyki. "You act like I'd just forget what you did to me."

"What'd I do?" Tyki asked, taken aback.

Emotion welled up in Lavi and he shouted: "You fucking bastard, you RAPED me!!!"

"What?!" Tyki cried.

This will be all over soon
Pouring salt into the open wound
Is it over yet?
Let me in

Lavi stood up, wincing. He began walking towards Tyki, trying to disguise his limp. "You'll thank me later." He said in imitation of Tyki's voice. "Shut up. It doesn't hurt that bad." He said, echoing Tyki's words from last night back at him like daggers. "If you don't quit squirming, I'll tie you to the bed." Lavi had begun to back Tyki against the wall.

"That? That wasn't rape, you enjoyed it." Tyki laughed nervously.

Lavi removed his jacket, revealing a chest covered in ugly bruises and scratch marks. "Does that look like enjoyment to you?" he asked, trembling with rage.

Tyki Mikk examined Lavi analytically, that same empty look in his eyes. "I told you that struggling would only bring you more pain." The man said in a reasoning tone.

"You son of a bitch I LOVED you!!!" Lavi shouted, slapping the older man.

The stunned man reached a hand up to his face to feel where his grey skin had been assaulted. "You could have told me to stop..." he said after a moment of silence.

"I did. Many times." Lavi pointed out, his voice hoarse and bitter. He had begun to shudder with cold, or rage, or sorrow-he didn't know which-so he gingerly slid his exorcist's coat back over his shoulders.

So sacrifice yourself
And let me have what's left
I know that I can find
A fire in your eyes
I'm going all the way
Get away, please

"I had no idea..." Tyki said softly, reaching out to embrace his lover.

Lavi stepped away from the man, wanting so badly to forgive him and fall in love all over again, but reluctant to get caught in what he knew would swiftly become a vicious cycle. "Yes you did. But you care more about your own pleasure than my health. You're selfish."

"Lavi..." Tyki stepped towards the young exorcist, who backed up slightly. Tyki noticed he was limping.

Lavi needed to sit down; he found the chair and sank into it. He was always sore after him and Tyki fucked, but never near this bad.

Tyki's eyes carried a chill glint in them as he advanced on Lavi. "You know I'd never hurt you, right?" he said in a deliberate whisper, almost a hiss, putting a little too much emphasis on the 'right'. He smiled warmly and wrapped his arms around Lavi, reaching up to stroke the Bookman's red hair. This contradicting behavior gave Lavi the creeps. He felt his heart pounding and knew he had to get out of here, soon.

You take the breath right out of me
you left a hole where my heart should be
You've got to fight just to make it through
Cause I will be the death of you

As Tyki continued murmuring sweet nothings into Lavi's ear, like someone trying to calm a frightened animal, Lavi decided to make his move. Before Tyki had time to react, the exorcist stood up and bolted for the door, tearing away from the other man's grip. He crashed through the narrow hallway and down the stairs, twisting his ankle on the bottom step. He didn't bother to stop, he had to get away. He pushed his way out the door and into the frigid winter air. Icy wind tore at his lungs and he felt tears burning his face. Lavi shoved his way through crowds, pushing blindly to escape this nightmare. How had it gone wrong? What had Lavi done to deserve this? How could Tyki betray him like that?

Lavi's thoughts whirled in agony around his skull. His sudden rush of adrenaline began to wear out and pain returned to his low back and hips. Lavi sobbed silently, hating himself for getting so attached, for being so emotional, for not seeing this coming. He looked up to see himself in a bleak, tree-lined place. It was a park that would have been gorgeous and lush during the summer. Now, the ground was washed out and black, barren branches tore at the sky with ravenous fingers. Lavi saw a wooden bench and sat down heavily. Silently he cursed himself for being such an idiot. Someone had left half a roll wrapped in wax paper on the bench and Lavi bit into the cold bread. Frost crunched beneath his feet and he slipped into nostalgic daydreams of when things were better.

I'm waiting
I'm praying
Realize
Start hating
You take the breath right out of me
you left a hole where my heart should be
You've got to fight just to make it through
Cause I will be the death of you

Tyki hadn't meant to hurt Lavi. He had honestly thought his little Usagi had been enjoying himself. Those had been cries of pleasure, not pain. When he saw the hurt and agony in Lavi's eyes the next morning, he immediately hated himself. Lavi's accusations were correct, and Tyki Mikk felt like the lowest form of life on Earth. He heard his own words of apology and they sounded rough on his tongue, harsh and cruel. How could he make Lavi forgive him? Watching the Bookman run away from him was hard, and it was even harder not to follow him. He knew Lavi needed to be apart from him, he'd find the boy later.

Around two o'clock, it started to snow and the air grew colder. Close to five, Tyki grabbed his coat and set out to find Lavi. He walked silently, not even smiling at women who starred in his direction. He felt greatly humbled and ashamed. He walked into the center of town, asking all the shop-keepers if they'd seem a teenager wearing the Black Order's uniform had passed. Finally, on the out-skirts of the city, a seamstress said that he'd knocked her over, running in the opposite direction from where Tyki was headed. He sighed, glancing at the clock, it was already seven. Tyki quickened his pace from a leisurely stroll to a brisk walk. He began to worry about his Usagi.

About half an hour later, Tyki reached a small park, covered in pure, untouched snow. The white heaps shimmered under soft lamplight. Tyki extinguished the cigarette he'd been smoking to preoccupy himself and waded into the thickly piled snow. If Lavi was anywhere, it'd be here: the teen loved snow. He was always throwing snowballs at Tyki's head while his back was turned. Tyki smiled at the memory. Something caught his eye, the figure of what looked like a person, curled up on a bench, covered in snow. That idiot's gonna freeze to death he thought, and went over to see if they'd seen Lavi.

"Hey. Wake up." He ordered, shaking the sleeping figure. Some snow cascaded off of them and a patch of bright red peered through the cold whiteness. "Lavi?!" Tyki exclaimed. No answer. "Lavi?" Tyki felt panic flutter in his stomach. He began gently but swiftly brushing snow off the figure. Slowly, they were uncovered, revealing a black leather jacket with a cross emblazoned on it. Tyki worked faster now, almost frantically. Please be alive, please be okay. He repeated in his head. The man's hand swiped a lump of snow from Lavi's face, revealing blue tinted cheeks graced with a peaceful smile. "Lavi!" Tyki cried again. The young Bookman was completely still. Oh god, oh god. NO! Tyki's gloved hand caressed Lavi's cold, lifeless cheek and he found himself crying for the first time in years. He lifted Lavi's limp form to his chest, clutching onto his lover's frigid corpse. Tyki's mouth tried to form words, tried to apologize, to wake his precious Usagi from this icy slumber. But deep down he knew there was no awakening for his love, and that he himself had dealt the fatal blow.

Random songfic I wrote. Love this song, go listen to it, NOW! It's called Breath, by Breaking Benjamin. Listen to other stuff by this artist too, while you're at it.

I know, I know: WHATS WRONG WITH YOU FOR MAKING THIS SO DAMNED SAD?!?! I seem to have a severe aversion to happy endings... ^_^ 'specially when it comes to Lucky...

Please review!!! Your love is the only thing that keeps me somewhat sane!!! (not really, but it does make my day a hell of a lot happier to know people actually read me stuff!)

--Lavi knows not that Tyki's a Noah in this, hence the reason I never refer to him as such. (this is set reeeeally early in the series, so noone knows what the hell a Noah even is yet...)

Why do all Lucky fics I write end up being in winter? Strange things are afoot...

*snorts and chokes on tea* OMFG! While writing this, Pandora radio played that one song from Mulan (Girl Worth Fighting For)!!! The most spontaneous, non-fitting song EVER! (it was playing the Ballad of Sweeny Todd before, though...)

Haha, long A/N. I apologize for ranting, those of you who read this far...

Once more, for good measure: REVIEW GODDAMNIT!!!