Title: Why…?

Rating: T

Pairing: I assure you, it's HikaKao. Which means Hikaru's on top. And hint of KyoTama.

Warning: Yaoi. OOCness.

Disclaimer: I own! Yeah, like that would ever happen. Ouran High School Host Club belongs to Bisco Hatory-sensei.

Saturday, August 25th, 5:57 pm, he decided that kids these days were insufferable creatures.

Honestly - he bemused with an air of melancholy floating around him while restraining himself from banging his head on the classroom wall – children were a lot cuter in the past. Like, little five-year-old kids who happily chased their cook around, with paint-guns in hands, for a bottle of maple syrup. Or innocent six-year-old kids who expressed their love to their nanny so lovingly and passionately that she promised she would never, ever in her life, think of the word children again. Or adorable six-and-a-half-year-old kids who dressed in pink and blue dresses, telling their guest that she was just as beautiful as any disgusting frog could be before fleeing off and leaving their poor mother to deal with the impending disaster.

Those were little, innocent, adorable children in the past.

Children nowadays, however, were a completely different matter. They were still little, true, but they were not innocent in the way it was meant to be, and certainly – he snorted - were not adorable. They were too weak to chase their cooks around, too heartless to express their love to their nannies, and too unimaginative to call their guests stinky frogs.

Children nowadays were such twisted, cruel products of nature that they were all fascinated with the idea of torturing him.

He banged his head against the solid wall. And after a lot of mumbling and grunting and colorful curses about stupid things such as banging heads against walls in the first place, started to wonder how this deep shit had happened.

Friday, August 24th, 2:30 am, his baby brother arched his back and pleaded him to go faster…

Nope. Wrong memory.

It had happened a long, long, loooong time after that.

Thirty minutes ago. When he still loved children.

Hikaru Hitachiin allowed himself to sunk further into the Host club's loveseat, bathing in the sunlight that had sneaked in through the windows behind him and was now dancing everywhere in the third music room. The dark-haired boy rested his chin on his palm contentedly, a smile grazed over his lips as he caught sight of his baby brother - who was laughing along with a small blond girl on his lap.

Perhaps having to baby-sit Nekozawa Kirimi after the club's working hour wasn't such a bad idea after all. Hikaru had cursed Umehito seven ways to hell and back when the Black Magic president had made a deal with Kyoya ("Keep an eye on her for a while and I'll pay extra"), but now a part of him felt the sudden need to thank the creepy teen. It wasn't everyday that he had the chance to see Kaoru so… innocent, with that pinkish shade adorning the boy's face and that genuinely happy smile as the redhead offered the azure-eyed girl some of his candies. Of course, the younger Hitachiin showed that expression to his twin every time when they were not under the observation of others, but seeing Kaoru's pure smile from this angle was entirely… different.

And strangely satisfactory.

Hikaru smirked. He knew Kaoru was the softer one between the two of them, but never fully understood why his other half was so attracted to the idea of having children. Perhaps it was some kind of side-effect from spending time with their idiot of a King that had changed his brother this way. When they were fourteen, Kaoru had suddenly told him that he wanted a house full of kids. Hikaru had simply cocked an eyebrow at that. The older twin didn't see the beauty in that kind of future, because to him, children would be just as annoying as Tono and that was saying something. But when his baby brother said that he wanted twins, and smiled that innocent smile of his, Hikaru decided that he would like to have babies, too.

With Kaoru, that is.

Talk about babies… If the two of them were going to adopt some kids and become parents in the far future, wouldn't that make his twin the mother? Hikaru chuckled at the thought. That role would fit the redhead perfectly.

And so did a pink apron.

"Takashi, why is Hika-chan smiling like that? It's scary…"

"Leave him alone, Mitsukuni."

Takashi Morinozuka picked his pouting cousin up and walked away, a little more hurriedly than he usually did.

Now that he thought about it, perhaps Hikaru had commit a severe and unforgivable crime which he didn't remember in his past life. Something like stealing fate's pants and selling them to an Ootori at the black market. As a result, she had blown her vengeance onto his face in the form of a cute, seemingly naïve, six-year-old girl.

While the dark-haired twin was busy drowning himself in the middle of his vivid imagination about a happy family with his dear Kao-chan, Nekozawa Kirimi realized that there was a person named Hikaru Hitachiin in the third music room.

"Kaoru-niichan, that's your brother Hikaru, right?" she asked. And then she stood up without waiting for an answer, walking towards him with a curious look in her big blue eyes. Her pigtails dangled from side to side, and her dress made funny rustling sounds with each of her step.

He swore that he was about to smile at her. Damn close.

…When the brat raised her chubby forefinger to point right at his face and asked the question.

"Why are you seme?"

Ah, the angst.

A cricket chirped.

And another one.

And another one.

There was a dramatic gasp somewhere in the room. From the corner of his eyes, the older Hitachiin could see Renge sparkling with a suspiciously smug look on her face, making him wonder briefly why she was standing there and looking so damn proud.

Time seemed to have been completely frozen. There was no other sound from the rest of the Host club. Mostly because the forbidden question that had never been asked before had just been asked, and partly because they'd just heard fate's maniacal laughter penetrating through the blue sky.

A minute passed.

Several minutes passed.

Then Haruhi's voice broke the still air, "Excuse me… But what's a seme?"

"My cute little daughter!" A dramatic sob, and then a blond flew to hug his beloved rookie. "You shouldn't be listening to such things!"

They all decided to conveniently ignore the two, and time happily swam back to its normal current. Which meant Kirimi's finger was still pointing at Hikaru's face as she repeated her earlier words.

"Why are you seme?"

There it goes again. The angst.

"I mean," The Nekozawa continued her too-much-to-be-a-six-year-old's speech, standing on the tip of her toes as she unstably tried to improve her pathetic height. "I can totally see him as seme..."

She directed her finger towards Kyoya. The raven cocked an eyebrow, before smirking eerily and scribbling something in his notebook. For some reason, Tamaki blushed furiously.

"But you!" Before the dark-haired twin could blink, her finger was at his face again. "How come you're Kaoru-niichan's seme?"

That was the part where Kaoru covered his mouth with his hand and blushed prettily.

…And also the part where Hikaru twitched.

"Maybe because I'm manlier?" he responded as playfully as he could, asking himself mournfully as to why people couldn't kill with their murderous will-power. Don't strangle the brat, Hikaru. Do not strangle the brat.

"No way!" An instant protest, and Kirimi shook her head indignantly. "Kaoru-niichan looks way more like a gentlement! He should be the seme!"

…Perhaps just once? Onegai?

Ah, kids. Some petty sweet shoved into their mouths, and they immediately jumped to the conclusion that you were a pathetic bastard who was not anywhere near your little brother's manliness. And should he point out that it was totally against the law for six-year-old brats to achieve that kind of knowledge?

Renge was still standing there, looking suspiciously proud of herself.

Hikaru twitched again. His baby brother, the almighty seme? Those words sounded so ridiculous to his ears that they almost hurt. Was that Nekozawa too blind to see that it was impossible for his sweet little Kaoru to be a seme – Hikaru's seme? Not with those soft, gentle amber eyes, those sinfully delicious lips and that perfectly slender body of his. Never mind the fact that they were practically identical twins…

Perhaps he should go and kindly explained to the kid in a biological way that seme was the one who always did this and that and these and those to his beloved uke. Which were what he did almost every night to his other half. And the erotic moans his redhead always emitted…

Ahem.

But then again, there was a risk that Kaoru would get terribly mad at him for scarring children's innocent mind with such graphic examples (Then again, at what point was that girl innocent?). So Hikaru pushed his little plan to a far corner of his head, gathering himself to a more mature and more seme-like posture, before looking down at the kid challengingly. "At least every member in the Host club agree that I'm the seme."

Hah, take that.

"Actually, I do think Kaoru's more likely to be the seme." Haruhi, who had been thoroughly lectured by a smug-looking Renge about what the hell was going on, tilted her head. "No offence, Hikaru-kun, but Kaoru-kun is the more mature one... - Stab - I mean, even though he's younger, he acts like he's the older brother... - Stab, stab – And he gives off this impression of a gentle seme…" - Stab, stab, stab.

Evil intention: zero.

There was a saying, a long time ago, that people should just ignore the commoners. They didn't have enough high-classed knowledge to understand the delicate meaning of words. Words such as 'uke' and 'seme'.

"Of course, my lovely daughter. I can't believe I've been so blind this whole time!" Roses were flying everywhere, and Tamaki flipped his blond hair. "Kaoru's the saner one between those two. He knows how to stop when going too far. Definitely seme!"

...And also ignore brainless non-commoners who would agree with just about anything the commoners with names of Haruhi Fujioka said. They didn't even know what they were talking about.

"Daddy, please don't say it so bluntly. You know our eldest son has a problem with controlling his emotions." A smirk. "I've been wondering if it could be consider an uke thing…."

...And especially ignore smart non-commoners who simply found fun in torturing other people before selling their mangled corpses to Satan and making some profit out of it.

"I think Hika-chan should be the seme!"

Finally. Someone with the right mind.

"…Since Kao-chan doesn't want to be the seme because it would hurt Hika-chan's feelings otherwise!"

Move on, move on. At least there was someone who agreed that he should be seme, and that was the point.

"Hn…"

It wasn't a pitiful look that Mori-senpai had just given him. No, it wasn't.

"Ohohohohohohohohohohoho."

For the love of-

The older Hitachiin grimaced. Whether due to the sound of a high-powered motor scratching against the air or due to that horribly high-pitched voice, he couldn't tell for sure. Renge swayed on her heels before she aproached him gracefully and waved a finger at his face, purposely ignoring the death glare Hikaru was shooting at her.

"My, my, Hikaru-kun. You're such an amateur." A microphone magically appeared on her other hand, only to be brought to her lips. Why did she keep smirking at him, anyway? "According to one of my reliable sources…" - Kyoya's glasses glinted – "Our little Kaoru here…" She paused as if trying to add in some dramatic effects, slowly turning her head to glance at his little brother. "…was the one who fell in love first! Is it true, Kaoru-kun?"

The younger twin choked on his own saliva as all pairs of eyes in the Host club room were suddenly on him. A tint of red crawled across his pale complexion, before Kaoru brought a knuckle to his mouth and cleared his throat. "Well… uhm… Actually I…"

"And while Hikaru-kun was still too blind with his love for another oblivious boy…" He was promptly cut off as the otaku pressed the back of her hand against her forehead, tears swelling up comically in her brown eyes. Haruhi cocked an eyebrow. "…Our lonely Kao-kun had to suffer from an unrequited love, yet he had to force himself to smile because he didn't want to hurt his brother. Ah, the pain! The angst! How seme!"

Silence. And then, "My poor son!" "Wah, poor Kao-chan! Hika-chan was so mean!"

A vein popped up on Hikaru's forehead as he saw his twin being tackled to the ground by two teary blonds. The older Hitachiin re-adjusted his jacket uniform, calmly stepping passed Kirimi (who was giving him a dreadful look because he had had the nerves to hurt her Kaoru-niichan) and towards the long-haired brunette, before detaching the microphone from her fingers. "I don't see a trace of a seme in anything you've said. Are you saying that ukes can't be angsty?"

"Of course ukes can be angsty." Renge snatched her microphone back and glared at him for doubting her skills. "But what Kaoru-kun did were absolute features of seme's angst! When an uke is angsty, he has to…"

"For the upteenth time, I don't care." He growled, spitting his words out syllabically, "The customers want a seme Hikaru and an uke Kaoru, not the other way around."

"Well, for your information, there's been 8,456,713 fan mails on our mailbox which secretly require that Kaoru should be seme. They think it'll be fun to see you two switch roles for a change."

Hikaru glared.

Kyoya smiled.

The un-living creatures struggled and screamed, trying to break free from their hellish prison.

The older Hitachiin clenched his jaw, before turning on his heels and storming out of the room. He'd had enough of this bullshit!

"Ah, the way he swayed his hip… What an uke in denial…" Renge sighed dreamily.

"Please stop picking on my big brother, Renge-san." Kaoru sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose before following his dark-haired twin out the door. This was going to be a long day. "Hikaru, wait for me!"

"Don't you see how he chased after his uke?" A squeal. "My, Kaoru-kun's such a seme in denial!"

"Houshakuji-san, theoretically speaking, there's no such thing as a seme in denial…"

"Never mind that, Kyoya-sama…"

Another squeal floated in the air.

Kaoru Hitachiin slid open the door to his classroom, popping his head inside.

A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as his amber orbs caught sight of his twin sulking in his usual seat. Hikaru had his arms folded neatly on the table, half of his face bruried into them, the other half emerged just enough to reveal a look that promised massacre. The throbbing vein was still evident on the boy's forehead, and if Kaoru listened a bit more intently, he would hear muffling sounds of "Stupid Kyoya", or "Damn that Tono, talking like he's not an uke…".

The younger twin had to try his best to restrain himself from chukling at the image, for he knew that would only irritate his nii-chan further. It was just typical of Hikaru, getting all worked up over such a silly joke despite their daily habit of making fun of others. And he has the rights to say that Tamaki's always over-reacting… The redhead grinned to himself, before making his way towards his older brother.

"Hikaru?"

"…"

"Hika?"

No answer.

"Nii-chan…"

Still no answer.

"Are you angry at me?"

That would stir up some reactions. Kaoru knew. Hikaru knew.

"No."

The older boy grunted, pushing himself up a little to lean back against the chair. He could feel his other half's arms wrapping gently around his shoulders. "But you're still angry." Kaoru rested his chin on top of his big brother's head, closing his eyes as he spoke in his naturally soft voice. Hikaru had always been mesmerized by it, perhaps because the fact that his brother's tone was a notch higher than his own simply made it more beautiful, or perhaps just because it was Kaoru's voice. He didn't know. Didn't care.

For now, Hikaru sulked. "I'm not."

"Sure. You're just pouting because you like it, aren't you?"

"I don't pout, Kaoru." And he pouted.

A quiet laugh, then the redhead lifted his chin up only to settle it on his twin's shoulder. Oh well, Hikaru wouldn't be the Hikaru he loved so much without a drop of childishness.

"Ne, Hikaru…" A purr.

"Hn?"

"Do you want to be the uke?"

"Hell no!"

"That's the point."

The dark-haired teen raised an eyebrow as Kaoru murmured sweetly into his ears, before his baby brother smiled his cat-like smile and pressed their cheeks together. That little devil, he thought while his lips curved into a small pout again, always has the strangest way of comforting people… And yet, Hikaru couldn't help but feel his anger slowly drift away, until all that was left inside him was acknowledgement of the younger boy's warm breath against his neck, tickling his skin and provoking his human desire.

With a swift move, the older Hitachiin reached out and pulled his mirror image to his lap.

"You don't know what you've got yourself into…" he whispered in a husky voice, his lips brushing against the boy's pink ones as his fingers caressing Kaoru's smooth cheek seductively. Amber eyes so similar to his closed half way and a tint of red dusted the younger twin's pale complexion, making something in his stomach curl, begging himto throw his shattered self-control away and just go as far as he could. His brain didn't seem to be any more of a stubborn partner than his body as it complied, and he moved forward, catching and swallowing his baby brother's breath greedily.

Hikaru couldn't, for the life of him, understand why Kaoru always managed to shiver so innocently in his embrace, or why the boy's moan sounded different yet so enticing to his ears every time they took a further step in their forbidden relationship. Andrenaline rushed through his brain when he unbuttoned his other half's shirt and trailed soft kisses down the milky chest, drawing out an excited gasp from his twin's pretty mouth. Kaoru's hands were clutching desperately at his big brother's shirt, and this too, was so sweet and so innocent and so intoxicating that Hikaru knew he just had to mesh their lips again, taking in his little brother's delicious taste of strawberry and maple syrup.

"And they said that you could be the seme…"

"So you're still thinking about it, and not me... So mean…" Kaoru didn't talk in his whiny tone so often, but on those rare occasions when he did, Hikaru found it cute.

"It's because you make it damn hard to forget…"

He smirked, slipping the younger boy's shirt off those slender shoulders, taking a bite on the ivory skin. Kaoru moaned his name again, and Hikaru decided that the world could go to Hell and he wouldn't let his twin go this time. Hikaru Hitachiin had never had the power to do so.

"I want to see you… naked… taken…. on the teacher's table." he whispered, knowing full well that those golden eyes had widened and that pretty blush had made its appearance on his baby brother's face again.

"Perv…" The younger Hitachiin mumbled, burying his reddening face into the crook of his twin's neck.

"You're the one who fell in love with this perv."

Kaoru couldn't prevent a smile from breaking free as he spotted the smug look on his nii-chan's face.

Oh yes, yes he was.

"Hikaru… Hikaru?"

The dark-haired twin snapped back to reality as a hand waved at his face. He lifted it up and blinked at Kaoru's worried expression, and then it suddenly dawned on him that his stream of thought had just snatched him off the ground again. "Nah, I'm fine." He smiled, tilting his head to the side as his amber orbs drank in the sight of his twin's beautiful features.

Something was off today. Hikaru just couldn't tell what it was.

"You sure you're not sick or something?" A smooth palm was pressed to his forehead. "You just never take decent care of yourself, nii-chan…"

Excited whimpers could be heard from the background. "Kya! Brotherly love!"

Same old thing, same old thi-

"Oh, Kaoru-kun! Such a seme thing to do!"

Silence.

Yeah. Something was definitely off today.

"Excuse me?" A girl immediately stood up from her seat, as if the owner of the previous sentence had just thrown right at her face that she was worse than a commoner. "I think you're mistaken. Hikaru-kun is the seme in this relationship, that goes without saying."

"Please," Another voice interrupted, "Didn't you see how Kaoru-kun took care of his beloved uke? Such a touching scene!"

"Hah" Scoff. "And you call yourself a fangirl? I'm quite disappointed in you, miss. Can't you see the beauty, the delicacy in the way Kaoru-kun placed his hand on Hikaru-sama's forehead? Only an uke can pull off such an artistic move!"

"So can a submissive seme!"

"There's no such thing as a submissive seme!"

Kaoru Hitachiin just sat there, dumbfounded. How did this happen again? he wondered. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a certain otaku brought her hand to her mouth gracefully, her laugh echoing in the air along with the distinctive sound of a high-powered motor.

He nervously darted his gaze towards his older brother. And almost, almost shuddered as he saw a maniacal glint cross his twin's eyes.

No, he thought to himself, it was probably just his imagination. Hikaru might be stubborn to the point he became an idiot, but his nii-chan was still sober enough not to think of…

Perhaps it was also his imagination that the glint in Hikaru's eyes had grown more vicious.

Perhaps it was also his imagination that his nii-chan was scooting closer to him with that annoying smile.

Perhaps…

Utter silence.

And then… "KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

And at the end of the day, Tamaki Suoh sulked at a corner of his Host club, because every single one of his pretty princesses had been taken to the hospital. Bloodloss, they said. Unstoppable giggles, they said. Something about brotherly love and twincest, they said. Isn't it so great, then? His mushrooms smiled at him, and Tamaki started to cry.

Honey had long ago abandoned his cake, tugging at his stoic companion's sleeve and asked him to explain what exactly had happened. The traumatized look on Mori's face didn't help, because Mitsukuni wanted to know and he wanted to know now. "Takashi, can we do that?" He asked innocently, and for a moment, he saw his cousin's face twisted into an unreadable expression.

"So that's about it, huh? I guess he still have some guts in him." Kirimi said, in such an unphazed voice that it startled both Renge and Haruhi into complete silence, before said silence was broken by Umehito's mournful cry that his innocent little girl would never be the same again.

Kyoya smirked, quickly and eagerly taking note on his notebook. He could always use this later if Tamaki ever wanted the impossible named switching roles again.

Kaoru buried his face into his hand, mumbling about insensitive twin and impulsive actions and whatnot.

And Hikaru?

Well… Hikaru had proven to the world that he was, after all, the ultimate seme.

And life continued. Happily ever after.

…

…

…I really don't know what to say… Uhm… Thank you for reading?

My special thanks to SuikaChan555, Anonymous, AuroraExcecution, StormShadow13, ILuvHikaruAndKaoru, suaviorXchu, atomiclint, hitachiin-fangirl, sunshine for their reviews on "Brothernap", and go-play-in-traffic for the review on "Brutal". With love.