"What the fuck, Sam?" Dean blurted out.

"I so..." Lana bent down, hands resting on her knees, as she tried to control her laughter. "I totally didn't see that coming!"

"Wanna know what I didn't see coming??" Toby growled, jabbing her finger into Sam's chest. "The fake divorce papers you sent me!"

"Shit, this is better than Jerry Springer!" Lana wheezed out.

Sam shot a dirty look Lana's way before turning back to Toby, an uneasy expression on his face.

"What do you mean 'fake papers'?"

"Do I need to word this in Retard or something?" Toby clenched her small hands into fists. "God, I swear if I knew you were this stupid, I would have never married you."

"I'm pretty sure you've always known how stupid I am."

Toby smiled in success, Sam took the bait.

Sam frowned and rolled his eyes. "That wasn't funny when we were married and it's not funny now."

"We're still married!" Toby's eyes flashed, all signs of amusement gone now. "Since you conveniently showed back up here, we can conveniently meet up at the court house tomorrow."

"I'm sure there was some kind of mistake. Bob--my lawyer wouldn't have given fake papers."

"Well, maybe your 'lawyer' got his degree out of a fucking Cracker Jack box!"

"I'm Lana. I don't believe we've met." Lana stepped forward, throwing a grin Sam's way. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Sam narrowed his eyes at her. "Toby...how do you know the papers are fake?"

"My lawyer." She answered as though it were obvious. "All that was signed is void. It's not legit."

******

"Damn you, Bobby!" Sam's voice thundered through the line. "You better tell me you sent the wrong damn papers to Toby and her lawyer!"

"First off, I know you're not telling me what I better do or say." Bobby's voice boomed back. "And second, what ever happened to real marriage? You know, where you actually mean it when you say those vows, and then you stand by those words until death do you part. And as far as I know, Toby Hogg and Samuel Winchester are still kicking."

"Bobby..." Sam's tone was a warning.

Bobby's tone left no room for argument. "Make it work, Sam--or at least try to make your marriage work. I'm not giving any lawyer papers, so if you want a divorce, good luck finding someone that will back up a wanted man."

Sam's face took on an appalled look as the dial tone came down the line. Bobby hung up on him.

"So..." Dean sat at the table in the small corner that passed for a kitchenette in their motel room. "What'd he say?"

"Toby's going to kill me."

Dean snorted. "She won't kill you, Sam. Maybe kick your ass, but not kill you."

"No." Sam shook his head. "She's going to put my balls on one of those things that clinks back and forth."

Dean's laughter filled the small room followed by the sound of a slap and then Dean mumbling.

"I guess I should go talk to her..."

Sam grabbed his jacket and made his way for the door.

"Tell Toby I said 'Hi!!'" Lana called out happily, ignoring the miffed look Sam tossed her way before he left.

******

"Toby, I'm sorry, but we have to stay married. No, no--that won't work...Um, Toby, I know how to fix this: Murder me?" Sam shook his head and sighed, running his fingers through his dark hair. "We could make it look like an accident, just back your car up over me, say you never saw me...Or! We could--"

"What are you doing?" Toby called from the screen door, her eyebrows arched at the pacing man on her porch.

"Mylawyer'sanassholeandwehavetostaymarried."

Toby's door flew out, nearly missing Sam's face by inches, as she stomped out onto her porch to stand in front of him, fists on her hips.

"That better have been Chinese for 'We'll be divorced by Sunday.'"

Sam gave an unconvincing grin and Toby groaned.

"Where the Hell do you meet these people?! Your lawyer got his degree online didn't he?! God, I've always said, 'If you can get a career on there, something's not legit.' Jesus Christ, Sam...you know what? Never mind, we'll get you a new lawyer--a real lawyer. I'll pay for the costs."

"No!"

Toby stared at him, disgusted look on her face.

"You cannot seriously tell me you want to stay married. It was a mistake, we both know. Can't we just move on with our lives already?" She whined. "We'll make it quick and easy."

Sam couldn't help the smirk that crossed his face, though he did regret it when Toby's fist flew out and hit his arm.

Toby groaned and scrubbed her hands down her face, mumbling to herself something along the lines, "I can't believe I'm doing this..." before she said loudly...almost painfully: "Please?"

Sam shook his head with a shrug. He couldn't. He wanted to, but he couldn't. He didn't want to go to jail. He'd been there and he hated it. He really didn't want to become someone's bitch.

The small woman made a growling noise before her fist shot out--Sam groaning a moment later and covering his eye with his hand.

"You punched me!" He shouted, searing pain shooting through his left eye. "You punched me!!"

"No. Fucking. Shit." She growled.

Her fist shot out again but Sam dodged it this time. He smirked at her when her jaw clenched, but he soon got an uneasy look on his face as she smiled and shrugged. Toby's leg kicked out before Sam registered why she had that almost serene smile on her face.

The tall man fell to his knees in record time and his face turned white, then red, and then a bluish.

"Oh my G...Shit..." Sam wheezed in a high-pitched, whine. One hand on his eye, the cupping his groin.

"I need that divorce!" Toby spoke forcefully. "I'm engaged! I'm getting married!"

Sam's hand fell from his eye as he looked up at her, he swallowed thickly so he could speak...or more like squeak out, "What??"