Part III (Death! GASP!)

Link sighed sadly. He was very, very sad.

Marth and Roy looked up from their saltine cracker pyramid they were building on the lunchroom table. They were going for the Guinness Book of World Record's title of 'World's Tallest Saltine Cracker Pyramid Built by Guys Probably with Too Much Free Time'. "What's wrong, Link?" Marth asked as Roy sneezed, knocking down half the pyramid.

"Zelda's mad at me," Link sighed, stirring his untouched soup from lunch.

"Well, I would think so," Marth said as he stabbed Roy's hand with a fork. "You did sleep with another woman."

"But it was a hot another woman!" Link said. "Zelda should know I'm too stupid to know better!"

"This is true!" Marth agreed distractedly as Roy attempted to shove crackers into his ear. "But women seem to think men have feelings and are able to think for themselves, which clearly that cannot!"

"That is a very generalized statement, Marth!" Link said.

Roy stopped shoving saltines in Marth's ear and blinked stupidly. "This conversation has confused my tiny brain!"

"I agree!" Marth said. "Let us talk about our hair again!"

"I love my hair!"

"So do I!"

"It's actually a wig!"

"I'm actually a girl!"

"What?"

"Nothing!"

"That's creepy!"

"Yeah."

Link turned away from his two friends as he felt hot tears begin to well up in his eyes. He cried sad tears of sadness into his soup. Now his soup was sad, too. Poor Link's soup.

Suddenly he saw Aurora enter the room. Spotting him, she ran over to his table. She looked very upset.

"Oh Link! I'm so sorry I caused you and Zelda to break up!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around Link. She cried her own salty tears into Link soup. Now Link's soup was very sad. And also too salty. Jeez, what a downer.

Link held Aurora's hands. "Aurora, it isn't your fault."

She sniffed. Even though she had been crying, she was still radiantly beautiful. "But it is! It's my fault that I am so beautiful that no man can resist me! Oh, my life is horrible!"

Link smiled encouragingly. "Well, now with Zelda out of the way, we can be together!"

Aurora beamed. "Oh, Link!" She kissed him on the cheek. Marth glowered at Link and Roy waved a package of crackers at him threateningly.

Just as Link and Aurora where about to say meaningful things to each other, some of the Smashers gasped as a large floating hand appeared out of nowhere! Why, it was Master Hand!

"Good morning, Master Hand!" all the Smashers recited kindly.

"Shut your ugly faces!" Master Hand responded angrily. The Smashers fell silent. "All right, time for announcements. Uhhh…" Master Hand thought for a bit. It's hard to think when you've just been awoken from a drunken coma. Not that I would know, or anything. "Oh yeah, uh, tournament today…maybe about two or seven rounds…uhhh…one-on-one battles…whatever. Just maybe about ten or so of you show up, ok?"

Ness raised his hand. "Master Hand, sir, where should we—" Master Hand kicked Ness in the face. Ness screamed and fell over.

"I hate people," Master Hand grunted. He then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Link turned to look at Aurora excitedly. "This is great! With this tournament, we can show ol' Zelda we're better than her!"

Aurora nodded eagerly. "That is a great idea! Let's go!" With that, the two got up and ran out of the room holding hands.

Roy and Marth still sat at the table. Roy turned to Marth. "What just happened in the past ten minutes or so?"

Marth shrugged. "Who cares! All I care about is my hair."

"Nice rhyme!"

"Why thank you!"

"You're welcome!"

"Indubitably!"

"Huh?"

xxx

Aurora stood in the middle of the Pokemon stadium, fidgeting nervously. The first battle of the tournament was about to begin. She looked into the audience, where Link gave her an encouraging smile.

"Combatant Number Two, get your ass into the freaking Stadium," Master Hand growled over the P.A. system. Finally, a character materialized on the opposite side of the stadium in front of Aurora. It was Mewtwo, looking particularly surly.

"All right, uh, fight each other or something," Master Hand sighed, signaling the start of the battle.

Mewtwo looked up and spotted Aurora. His eyes grew wide in fear. "OH GOD! NOT YOU AGAIN!" he screamed. He fell to the ground and rolled up into the fetal position. "Remember the steps you learned in therapy, Mewtwo, remember the steps," he whimpered, rocking back and forth and sucking on his thumb.

Aurora smirked and walked closer. Mewtwo sobbed. "I CAN'T REMEMBER STEP TWO! AHHHHHH!"

Master Hand groaned. "Game, due to Mewtwo's utter wuss-ness." Everyone cheered as Aurora bowed triumphantly and Mewtwo was tied up in a white jacket and carried off the stage by wireframes.

"Yeah, um, next round," Master Hand said lazily. "Whoever—"

"I'm going next!" an angry voice screeched. It was Zelda! The Hylain princess marched up onto the stadium stage over to Aurora. Zelda then slapped her across the face. Everyone in the audience gasped.

"You whore!" Zelda shrieked, her face turning bright pink. "How dare you steal my boyfriend!"

Aurora gritted her perfect white teeth. She slapped Zelda back. "You bitch! I didn't steal him; he came running to me!"

Zelda slapped Aurora again. "You slut!"

Slap! "Strumpet!"

Slap! "Harlot!"

Slap! "Bimbo!"

Slap! "Foot licker!"

Slap! "What?"

But just as Zelda and Aurora were getting into their catfight, a large ball of fire whizzed over their heads.

"What the…" Aurora looked over at Master Hand. Laughing evilly, Master Hand had suddenly begun throwing large flaming balls of…fire, at the Smashers, and generally causing lots of chaos.

"Mwa ha ha!" Master Hand laughed. "I are so evil!"

"OH NO! Master Hand has turned evil!" Link observed intelligently, jumping up from his seat and pointing, for emphasis. Everyone screamed in fear!

Fox frowned in thought. "But why has he turned evil?" he asked.

Falco nodded in agreement. "Yes! There really is no plausible explanation for Master Hand to have suddenly become evil!"

Err…because Master Hand had pulp in his orange juice that morning, and he hates pulp, and he got so mad that he, uhh…became evil.

"That doesn't sound like a very legitimate reason!" Fox said.

"It looks like the author is coming up with some bogus explanation in order to end the story quickly!" Falco observed.

Err…suddenly, Fox and Falco died. What a tragedy. Anyway, the Smashers were running around in panic as Master Hand continued to throw fireballs around and crush things.

"Whatever are we to do?" Link shouted, ducking as a large fireball flew over his head. It hit Luigi behind him, thankfully.

"Even though we are the heroes of multiple video games and have faced tasks much more difficult than this situation, we cannot possibly think of a way to overcome this problem, as our appearance in fan fiction strips us of all our dignity, strength, and brainpower!" Roy cried. He fell to the ground and sobbed like an infant.

Marth ran over to his fallen friend and helped him up. "Don't worry, Roy! We'll make it through together!"

"Oh Marth!"

"Oh Roy!"

Then, they totally began to make out. It was SOOOOOOO CUTE!

But suddenly, Master Hand began to twitch violently, and flop about like a fish. Unfortunately, Aurora just happened to be standing underneath him at the time. Master Hand body slammed Aurora. She was crushed underneath his bulk with a very unpleasant sounding crunch.

"HOLY SHIT!" Link exclaimed. "Where did Aurora go?"

Marth paused from making out with Roy. "You idiot! She just got crushed under Master Hand!" Then he and Roy continued to 'get their groove on'. (It was a very meaningful scene!)

"HOLY SHIT!" Link said again, for humorous effect. Swearing iz funnylol:P He ran over to Master Hand and hacked at him with his sword until he finally lifted up from Aurora's motionless body. As Link knelt down by Aurora's side, Master Hand looked at his watch (How? We shall never know). He got out today's newspaper and a cup of coffee. Finally, he had time to read the comics page.

Meanwhile, Link was trying to wake Aurora up. Despite just being crushed under two tons of hand, her body was just as perfect and flawless as it ever was. However, her eyes remained closed. "Aurora!" he screamed. "Aurora, please don't be dead…" He feared the worst. Oh my god, the suspense.

Link bowed his head. He couldn't believe she was…wait. Did he just see her finger twitch? Gross! I mean…thank goodness!

Slowly, Aurora opened her eyes. "Link," she whispered. "Link, my time in this earthly body is drawing to a close. However, before I leave you, I must help you defeat this horrible evil." She held up her hand. "I call on Bubba, my magical unicorn!"

In a flash of light a beautiful pure white unicorn appeared in front of them. All the Smashers gasped in amazement.

"Uh, excuse me, but there are no such thing as unicorns," Ness said. Three Smashers kicked Ness in the face.

"Now we can defeat the evil!" Link said, rising to his feet. He turned to Master Hand. "Master Hand!"

"Oh Garfield, your lasagna-snatching antics are so amusing," Master Hand chuckled. He suddenly looked up from his newspaper and spotted Link and the random unicorn, that really has no purpose, but I happen to like unicorns, so I just put one in. So screw you guys!

"What?" Master Hand snapped.

"Look what you've done!" Link exclaimed. "You've destroyed what we all have worked so hard to build, and have killed the only thing I truly loved in this world!" Link felt tears trickle down his face.

Master Hand thought for a second. "…You mean Tingle?"

"No! Aurora!" Link pointed to the dying girl.

Master Hand gasped in horror. "Oh my goodness, how could this have happened! I don't remember any of this happening at all! I must have had amnesia! Yes…amnesia…not anything that has to do with that crystal meth at all…" Master Hand began to sob. "I'm so sorry I did this!"

Aurora stirred. Her breathing was slowing. Link quickly knelt down beside her and looked deep into her fading, rainbow-colored eyes.

…What? What do you mean, her eyes used to be purple-blue? Well screw you!

"Link," Aurora whispered. "My time has come. I love you, but you and Zelda…belong together…get back with her, for me?" Link nodded.

"And one last thing, Link…" Link leaned in closer. Aurora closed her eyes and breathed out her last words. "…Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires." She fell silent. Aurora was dead.

Tears coursed down Link's face. All the Smashers came over and wept over her dead body, even Master Hand, who was mainly crying over the fact he was going to have to use his vodka money to pay for all the repairs he was going to have to make to the stadium.

Zelda threw her arms around Link and sobbed into his shoulder. "Oh Link, I'm so sorry! I was horribly jealous of Aurora, but now I feel awful she's dead! Please forgive me!"

"It's okay, Zelda!" Link said, hugging her back. "You're not nearly as hot as Aurora, but she's dead, and necrophilia is frowned upon, so you'll do!"

As the rest of the Smashers cried and wailed and pulled out their hair and bemoaned the death of the beloved Aurora, Ness walked over to Bubba.

"So…doing anything this evening?" he asked. Bubba gave a disgusted snort and kicked Ness in the face. She then disappeared into a cloud of rainbow gumdrops and tears.

Ness screamed and fell to the ground, holding his throbbing nose. "Why, God?" he groaned. "Why did you create fan fiction?"

xxx

Thus ended the Smashers' brief encounter with the strange yet beautiful girl. Eventually, Zelda and Link got married as Aurora had wished. Zelda gave birth to three children, which were all given the name Aurora in her honor, in spite of the fact all three were male. Master Hand ended the Super Smash Bros. Tournament for good out of respect for Aurora, and as all the Smashers were so distraught with her demise, they all moved to a commune in Iowa to comfort each other. And thus they all became hippies, and eventually caused the decline of video gaming, as all of the games they made from then on were called things like "Tree Hugging RPG" and "Kum-bai-yah Quest".

Geez. Stupid Smashers. Don't they know a Mary Sue when they see one?

T3H END!1!LOLl33tl337!1111one!11

SO YEAH TH$TZ TEE END OFF MI AWSUM STURIE AND UD BETTR REVIEW OTHARWIZE ILL CRI AND CUM 2 UR HOUZE AND KIK U AN STEEL UR STUFF!11! OH YEAH AN IF U SAY SOMETHING MEEN I WONT CARE CUZ U PROBABLY EAT KITTENZ AND PUPPIEZ AN SMALL CHILDR3N AND WERE THE CAUSE OF THE EXTEENSHUN OF THE DODO BIRDS AND THE UNIK0RNZ AND U PROBABLY CUT DOWN RAIN FORESTS AND DON'T RECYCLE EITHAR!11

O YEAH, AND UR A COMMUNIST!1! WAH4WAWAHW4RRARAAWA!1!

Thank you for reading.