Did you know that in the early versions of Little Red Riding Hood end with the wolf eating, killing, and in some versions, raping her? Fun times.

Disclaimer: I disclaim Inuyasha and Little Red Riding Hood, and all of the bands I chose because they have "red" in the title.

Wolf In Red

So she's walkin' through the woods – the Urban Woods, yeah? – with a basket o' goodies on her arm, goodies for the baristas at Granny's Place, the coziest cafe you ever did see. They call her Little Red there for the carrot top she's got and the color she wears; she thinks it's cute, so she lets them.

So she's walkin' and she's groovin' along to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and August Burns Red, when some Big Bad Wolf sees her Red hair and her Red shoes and the basket o' goodies she's got on her arm. They call him a Wolf 'cause he is one – wolf demon, got it? – and 'cause of the big wolfy grin he gets when he sees something he likes, like a girl with Red hair and some goodies on her arm.

The Wolf grins his wolfgrin when he sees Little Red groovin' with her goodies. He makes his way over to her and yanks a little Red earbud out of her ear, and says, "Where's a sweet girlie like you headed with that basket o' goodies, hey?"

And she ain't havin' it, Little Red sure ain't, but she kinda likes the Wolf's confidence so she says, "Headin' to Granny's, that's where. What's a Wolf like you doin' talking to sweet little girlies?"

And the Wolf laughs and says, "Headin' to Granny's too, dontcha know," and she says, "Is that right?" and he says, "That's right."

They have a staring match for about a minute – Little Red vs. the Wolf – until her little Red cell phone beeps and buzzes from inside the basket o' goodies. It's the baristas callin', all "Ayame, Little Red, where ya at with the goodies, huh?" And the Wolf gets in real close to Little Red and says, "I'll get your Little Red to Granny's real quick, yeah? Real quick," into the little Red phone like he owns it. Little Red really ain't having this, she pushes him and his wolfgrin off and says, "Gotta call ya back, girlies," and "Keep the paws off the goodies, got it?" to the Wolf.

The Wolf laughs again and while he does, Little Red is groovin' away with the earbuds back in like she was never talkin' to no Big Bad Anythings. The Wolf likes her little Red attitude and goes for his shortcut to Granny's. The Wolf knows these Woods like the back of his paw and gets to Granny's lickity-split, no Little Reds in sight. He walks in and greets the baristas with wolfgrins and sloppy kisses on the cheek that they all giggle at.

He gets a slap upside the head from Granny herself, though – the Bitch Goddess Kagome, who isn't a Granny at all but takes the name because she knows she's old in the soul. She wears a Granny apron too, to let people know it's okay to call her that. She's starin' at the Wolf with that eyebrow up high so he says, "What's got your apron in a twist, Gran?"

She says, "You know damn what, Wolfbreath. Why you messin' with Little Red?" So he says, "I got a weak spot for little Redheads, Granny. 'Sides that, there's a favor I need to ask you." He's actually a little nervous she'll say no, but Granny is full of surprises, 'cause she smiles and nods and unties her apron when he asks.

Little Red is huffin' through the front door now, little Red earbuds tucked away in the basket when she yells out, "Gotcha goodies, Granny!" Then she plops down at a corner table and unloads the goodies – freshbaked masterpieces for the cafe. Little Red takes a cookie for herself and hums a little Red tune, waits for Granny to sidle up next to her and nearly spits out her snack when she sees who does.

Someone in Granny's apron, hair up in a Granny-pencil-bun, holding a pad and pen and croonin', "What can I getcha, Red?" And Little Red ain't no fool, she knows who it is, but she smirks her own wolfgrin and decides to play along.

"Why Granny," she says, "what big arms you have. You been workin' out, Granny?"

And Granny says, "Why yes, girlie, so's all the better to hold you with."

"Why Granny," Little Red says, "what wide shoulders you have. Growth spurt?"

And Granny's all leanin' on the table and, "Why yes, darlin', all the better to hoist you over like a sack o' potatoes with."

Then Little Red giggles at Granny and leans in like a little Red flirt. "Why Granny," she says, "what massive hotness you have."

"All the better to charm little Red cuties with," Granny says, and smiles a wolfgrin he's about to lay right on Little Red's right then and there.

But the real Granny's sticking her hand between 'em before their wolfgrins can meet, and she's got her Woodcutter of a boyfriend with her – they call him that 'cause he's built like a damn tank and doesn't take well to Wolves who cause trouble. She says, "Not at my Place ya don't." And the Woodcutter's all, "Gimme the apron Wolfbreath and treat this little Red like a little Lady."

So the Wolf gives Granny back her apron and she and the Woodcutter leave with the basket o' goodies Then he makes himself comfortable across from Little Red and grins and says, "Surprise surprise. Without the disguise, this guy's just a Wolf."

And Little Red grins back at him. She offers him the rest of her chocolate goodie and says, "Ya know what? I'm a Wolf too."

Much different from my usual writing style, but I really like it.

Reviews are good for the soul.

Jax