As the sun rose over Hogwarts, the brilliant rays streamed through Snape's window and began to rouse him from his sleep. As he sat up in his warm sheets and stretched, a good feeling rose up inside him. This was going to be a wonderful day. He just knew it.

At least, that was what he thought before the calendar on his wall alerted him to this particular day's occasion. On the 17th it was Hagrid's birthday, and he had yet to purchase anything for him. Maybe some razors for his ridiculous beard, or a sensible tie, with a note attached: take the hint. The 16th was a Friday, this was 'Lily Evan's Day', and the 15th was reserved for sorting his sock drawer and potion's cupboard. But today, the 14th, was Severus' least favourite day of the year. Apart from Christmas, naturally.

Valentine's Day.

Snape pulled on his robes and placed his hand on the door handle. Nothing would ruin this morning for him, not even some silly holiday. As he made to open the door, he was startled to hear a knock. Gingerly, he prised it open and saw a frightened second year holding an envelope.

"Yes?" he snapped. The second year gulped and then pressed the card into his hand. Snape's face turned an unpleasant chartreuse colour as he scowled.

"From your Valentine, Sir," he stammered, and fled down the corridor, almost running into other messengers in his desperation to escape the Potion's teacher.

"What the devil," Snape muttered, and ripped the message open. The cover of the card was glossy neon pink, and glittering. It had a picture of one of Hagrid's creatures; a Blast Ended Skrewt in the shape of a heart, rolling around. It was either having a seizure or in the process of exploding, as those things were likely to do.

He nearly tore the card in two as he opened it. Glitter came pouring out and flew straight into his eyes.

"DRAGON TURDS!" he swore, as the shiny flecks began burning his eyeballs.

Many minutes later, after removing every last fleck from his eyes, though sadly not from his robes which were glimmering like a disco ball, Snape managed to read the simple message.

Happy Valentine's Day, handsome.

Meet me in the Owlery at 10:00.

Nervously, he glanced over at his shrine to Lily. Her pretty face was staring at him reproachfully. "Don't look at me like that!" he protested.

She didn't blink. Her green eyes were unmoving.

"Come on, Lily! We have to start seeing new people; it's time to move on. I don't want to hold you back, and I'm sure you don't want to do the same for me. Just imagine what the Dark Lord would think if he knew we were together! I'm not your type anyway…Oh, what am I saying? I LOVE YOU LILY, FORGIVE ME! You're the only one for me!"

Snape flung himself at the floor of the shrine, clutching his framed picture of Lily and sobbing. After a while, he calmed himself down and wiped away his tears. He replaced the picture and with a sudden ominous feeling, realised he had never closed the door. A pack of curious first years were gaping at his curled form and the flash of cameras went off. As they met his gaze, they scattered giggling and one girl screamed raucously with laughter.

Without a word, Snape retrieved his coat and slammed the door on his way out.

In the Grand Hall, word had already spread about Snape's hysterics that morning. His mood began to darken as he watched entire houses chuckle over his antics. Slytherin had clearly been attempting to contain themselves and retain a small portion of their house's head's stateliness, but Snape's entrance set them off, clutching their stomachs in mirth.

One student, however, was refusing to take part in the hilarity and was motionless. His green eyes were fixed on Snape's form, glaring blackly at the utter disrespect shown towards his late mother. For the first time, Snape was afraid.

Harry stroked the edge of a butter knife menacingly.

Sitting at the teacher's table, McGonagall came over for the first time in all her teaching career, and patted him awkwardly on the back. "There, there, Severus. I miss her too," she said, and walked away. He received similar treatment from the rest of the teachers, except the few who gave him the same glare that Harry was giving him. He tried to instead fix his eyes on the gaudy pink decorations of the Hall. Unfortunately, Lockheart's legacy had continued.

Before Snape could bite into his bacon and eggs, a sweaty dwarf skipped up to him.

"I've got a singin' telegram, sir, for a Severus Snape. This ain't pretty but I gotta read it, so which one of youse is Severus Snape?" The entire hall went totally silent, straining their ears.

"It's the sparkly one!" someone called out, drawing everyone's attention to the glitter he had not been able to remove in time. A wave of laughter swept through the hall, and did again when a Muggle-born student yelled out 'disco ball'!

"Righto. It's you, then, eh?" said the dwarf, pulling out his harp. "'Ere we go then."

"Your hair is greasy and black

You live in a grubby little shack

Your clothes look like stitched sacks

But I'd love to call you mine.

You have a strange repellent smell

Where your nose ends, I can't tell

You look like you've fallen down a well

But I'd love to call you mine.

My love I'm setting free

Keep your beady eyes only on me

I'll give you a kiss for free

Meet me at 10 at the Owlery.

So I can call you mine."

Snape twitched as the Hall burst into applause. He clenched his fists tightly as they went over the awful rhyming, with cries of 'how accurate' and 'amen', resisting the urge to slam his head on the table. That would just satisfy everyone else. He wanted to hex everyone until they revealed who had sent him that disgusting singing telegram.

A familiar, comfortable feeling of paranoia swept over him as he contemplated who it could have been. Was it Potter? Or Weasley? Or even Granger! They were all out to get him…

Dumbledore kindly granted him the rest of the day off, although the final few OWL Trials were on. He was determined not to attend that meeting at the Owlery.

Sitting in his dank room, he finished penning a furious letter to Lucius Malfoy, the head of the school's Board of Directors, and marched straight to the Owlery. Snape needed that letter's reply immediately, and besides, the students had exams.

It was with a sinking feeling that he noticed chattering voices growing louder as he approached the room. The door was ajar, and the Owlery was filled to its maximum capacity as he discovered that the trial exams had finished ten minutes early. A hush fell over the crowd as they peered at Snape.

"I don't know how you all got here, and I don't know what you're expecting but I think you should all march back out that door, this instant! Or I shall give each and every one of you detention until Easter!" he shouted angrily.

"We've got permission sir. We want to meet your Valentine!" some silly girl cooed.

"Look, my Valentine is not going to walk in through that door, damn it! GET BACK TO CLASS!"

At the conclusion of that sentence, one figure had the misfortune to walk through the Owlery's entrance.

Argus Filch.

"What are you lot doin' in here? Out!" said the caretaker, oblivious to the fact he had just acquired a lifelong title.

'Snape's Valentine.'

He was shocked though, when the students began chanting, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

Snape tried to stop them. "We are NOT GOING TO KISS NOW."

"Oh, right, you're going to snog later," someone exclaimed knowingly.

"Yes, that's right…Wait, no!" Snape just took in the implications of what he had just stated in front of these students. Filch blushed.

"Is there something you wanna say to me Severus?" he asked shyly. Snape did not bother answering and left the remains of his dignity mouldering on the Owlery floor. He needed to stay in his room, in privacy, for the remainder of the day. Or perhaps his life.

But he remembered his purpose for coming into the Owlery in the first place, and gave the letter to the first owl he saw and then ran away, in his shining robes.

Harry and Ron slapped high five, in celebration of a perfectly executed prank and for ruining Snape's morning.

This is why Snape hates Wednesdays.

A/N: I had a lot of input from my sister on this chapter, so thanks for that. Anywhoo, reviews? Should I keep spoiling Snape's morning? ;D