AN: This is my first story. I finally work up the courage to publish it you. It's terrifying but really exciting. I hope you like it.

I want to thank the Project team beta for their help with this story.

All my short life, I've been living on the edge. I'm the kind of person who was always chasing something. It could be chasing my career, sex, adrenaline or simply a feeling. And to say the truth, it's not fun. Of course it brought me to amazing experiences; I climbed Mt. Everest when I was 21, swam with turtles in New Caledonia, and I worked in 4 different countries. Not to mention the countless amazing people I met.

I also had my share of failed experiences; I broke my back while skiing and ended up in the hospital for months, I had a few fights, girls that I dumped before I had the chance to feel something, and I even dumped a few guys. I didn't want to fall for anybody. I don't even think it's possible since I would never open up to another human being.

I'm a very private person. I don't like to let people in because I think they will always end up abandoning me at some point. So why would I bother?

See, all my life I've tried to find someone who deserves me. I don't want to be condescending but it's true, I've never in my life found someone with whom I can have a real conversation, someone
who I can consider my equal. I don't want them to, but for some strange reason, people tend to feel inferior to me. I don't know why they act that way.

The last person I was in a "relationship" with was Emmett. The sex was great between us but as soon as it ended I just wanted to punch him in the face. He kept saying: "You know Eddie, just because I fuck you doesn't mean I'm gay." Thank God he had a pretty ass.

One day he came to see me at my apartment. He told me that he had met someone and was now ready to "commit". He had already talked to his parents about him and they decided to become exclusive. Thus, Emmett decided that it was time for us to have a "real conversation."

"Eddie, you may be a great guy but for the three months that we've known each other, I can tell that underneath the 'Go fuck yourself, no one controls me' surface, you just need someone with
whom you can let go, stop being always in control. You have to find someone you can rely on because otherwise you're gonna end up alone. You need to start trusting people." Emmett had said.

I was in shock. Was what he was telling me true? Was I afraid of people? Did I have to control everything? Did I need to be…dominant? If submission is what I'm looking for, would I be able to do it? I didn't know. In my life, I've always been in control of everything. I chose how I wanted to live my life, who I fucked and if anyone said otherwise, they could go to hell. My parents were the first ones to suffer the consequences of my need for independence. When I turned 18, they had no other choice but to let me go.

I grew up in the small town Asharoken, NY, but I had all the advantages that living near a big city provided. My parents were and are wonderful people and they raised me well. I have values and faith but I'm open-minded and I'm proud to call myself bisexual.

Though, since Emmett, I have to admit that I've been more interested in women. I was trying to prove to myself that I can be happy by being the dominant one in a relationship. To tell the truth, I feel, despite all the feminism stuff, a woman wants a man that takes care of her, protects her and loves her.

This is why if I wanted to be dominated, I would choose a man. Men are powerful, confidant and they can make you feel safe. I wanted to be that kind of man, the protector, the one you can rely on and I tried so hard to be that kind of man. Until now, it worked, I was happy. Well, that's what I thought. Deep down though, I knew it was totally different.

Emmett's words woke up some desires I tried to fight for a long time. To be honest, being the dominant one was exhausting; I always had to be in charge, to be the one that made decisions and I was starting to get sick of it.

However, in my world, even if I pretended that I didn't have limits, I did. I wasn't sure my education taught me how to face those feelings. In my opinion, a man didn't submit; he didn't bend down in front of anyone.

The few relations I had with men have always been rough, animalistic, a full of pure desire. It was a quick, hard fuck. Not that I'm complaining. On the contrary, it feels good to be spanked once and awhile. It's just that right now I want to be with a girl. I want to protect her, take care of her and perhaps love her.

So now I'm in Paris. I've started this new job in a Medical Institute for Cancer where I'm a physicist. I'm 26 and I fucking love being here. Paris is so much greater than you can imagine. In appearance, Parisians don't give a fuck about anybody but deep down, they are really nice people when you get to know them. They're just scared of the unknown.

I currently live and work in the 5ème arrondissement. My favorite time in Paris is by far the night. Everything is slowing down and beautiful, nobody yells and there are always good bands in town.

I was on my way to meet a few co-workers for a concert at La Flèche D'or. I had been there once before. It's a small place but there is always good music and cheap drinks. It's a bit out of the
center of Paris and placed between an old theater and an inn. The outside looks like an old house but once you're inside, you're hit by the beauty of the place. It's decorated with long thick burgundy
curtains and subdued lights. They don't have a lot of tables but you're not going there to sit. You're here for the atmosphere, it's like a private refuge for Parisians after work, and you don't see a lot of tourists in here.

When I arrived, I spotted Alice in the crowd and waved at her to meet me at the bar. I ordered a beer and waited for her to join me. She was a sweet girl. She was short, with dark hair and pale skin. She had a French style; she wore Chloe designs clothes and high Christian Louboutin heels. When you see her, you want to hold her tight and protect her. She seems so fragile.

"Hey, Edward! You came." Even a few feet away, I heard the surprise in her voice.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss a night out with you," I said, wrapping an arm around her waist to hug her.

"I'm sure…" Her tiny hand on my neck indicated I should bend down to kiss her. She kissed my cheek and held me tight.

I was used to physical contact after all this time in France, but I was very surprised at the intimate gesture. We weren't that close but I welcomed it anyway and tightened my grip around her waist.

"Edward! You're her-" James stopped when he saw how Alice and I were holding each other. "Oh, sorry to interrupt. I'm gonna go to the men's room." His eyes never left Alice, but before he turned, he shot me an evil glance that ran through my spine.

"What was that? It was weird," I questioned Alice.

"Nothing, James has been trying to get with me for a couple months but he never worked up the nerve to ask me out…" She said her voice full of regret.

I met James my first day at work, we were in the same department but we didn't have much in common besides the love to party. James is tall, blond, intelligent and very confident, maybe too confident. He must've been pretty into her otherwise he would've never been such a coward. He doesn't seem to be the kind of guy who backs down to anyone, especially in front of a girl.

"You never thought about asking him out?" I asked Alice.

"Poor Edward, maybe in New York girls do that, but contrary to your beliefs, French girls don't throw themselves at guys necks. We just wait and see if it will happen or not," she said looking for James in the corner of the eye.

"But don't get me wrong, we act like this only with the people we want a relationship with…and you don't want a relationship, right?" She said while caressing the back of my neck.

"He-I… don't know… James seems to really like you, maybe you should give him a little more time?" I said surprised by what she was implying.

"I'm tired of waiting," she whispered, grabbed my neck, pulled me closer and kissed me.

Her lips were so soft. They moved on mine like she'd done it all her life. There was music on in the background but I couldn't hear what it was because the people around me were talking too loud. In this moment, I was aware of everything around me. Her smell attacked me and drowned me in an icy place. Her touch felt like a million needles in my neck. I wasn't sure if it was something I liked or not. It was nice to be close to someone but I felt like she was assaulting me and I froze. I didn't know how to react. I mean Alice is a nice, beautiful girl but I didn't want to cause any problems. Of course if James wasn't in the picture, I would grab her and show her how we treat women in the U.S. Unfortunately, James wouldn't get out of my mind, so I just pushed her a little.

"Alice…I can't, James…" She didn't listen and kissed me again but this time, it was more passionate and desperate.

My mind gave up, my dick twitched and I kissed her back, letting my tongue massage hers with all the sweetness I could give. It'd been too fucking long since I'd really held and kissed someone. The icy touch was still here but I was becoming more accustomed to it.

I let my hands travel up her body and cupped her checks, but I realized that she wasn't paying attention. She was looking at James who was coming back to where we were.

Before he arrived, she pushed me back and murmured, "Sorry Edward, like you said I just needed to do something to get a reaction."

I was shocked; I knew she wasn't interested in me, but using me to get James' attention! I felt manipulated.

All I wanted was a drink to forget the humiliation and the suddenly awakened area between my legs. I headed to the bar and ordered two shots and a beer. I drained those quickly and ordered more.

Half an hour later, my head started to spin and I saw James and Alice kissing in a chair. I couldn't take this, it brought back all the loneliness I was feeling before the 8, 9…11 drinks I had.

I was so sad, I always tried to give the image of someone who was happy and in control but what happened tonight proved to me that I didn't have any control. I was just a lonely man who pushed everyone who ever loved me away.

My heart was aching. I haven't let myself care for someone in a long time, and this fact hurt me so much. I had high expectations but that didn't mean I wished to be single. I wanted to take care of someone, to be there for them. But right now, I was alone in a foreign country with absolutely no hope that this was going to change in the near future.

Right then, the band started and all I wanted was to go back my apartment and sleep until I forgot about this. I made my way out of the club and headed to the subway, but as soon as I was outside, I fell down in the middle of the road, head first.

The next thing I saw was a beautiful man inches from my face telling me not to move and stay lying down. It was like a dream, he smelled so good. His voice was like music to my ears. I just wanted to fall asleep while he held me and hummed me to sleep. I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed having those hands on me, touching me everywhere, my face, my hair, my arms, my legs. I should have been worried, he could rob me easily, but I felt safe. I wanted to enjoy the moment. For the first time, I could breathe.

All too soon, the reality of the situation came back to me. A stranger was touching me intimately. So I reacted like any Parisian would have.

"Fuck off, man! I'm fine, get your fucking hands off me." I shot without even thinking. I was in the middle of the street, in a foreign country at 1:00 AM, drunk so it was normal to be a little aggressive.

The man frowned and moved a few feet away. I instantly regretted my words. Why was I always such a jerk?

I stood up and couldn't help moving closer to him. He looked so sad. I felt guilt rush through me. I stayed close to him and looked in his eyes for what seemed like hours. In reality, it was just a few seconds.

His cheeks blushed under my gaze. I liked it so much, how could he have such a reaction to me? I was nothing compared to him. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever laid my eyes on. He had blond, curly hair; his body was well defined and his smell… it was intoxicating.

His eyes were so expressive, they screamed at me: sex, love, lust, companionship. Besides that, I could also see the sadness and loneliness that ruled his life. All those feelings reminded me of my life. Ever since 18, I'd been alone, chasing fate to only find nothing. I might have a good career, enough money to live a comfortable life but none of that was worth being alone.

So without thinking, I lifted my hand and slowly brought it to his cheek. I just wanted to tell him that I knew. I knew how he felt and that it's alright, he didn't have to hide from me.

Right when I was about to touch him, he flinched and took a few steps away from me.

I couldn't let him do that, not when I could make him feel better. I could make him feel good, kiss him and make love to him like I'd never wanted to do before in my life. I wanted to lose myself in him.

Edward! Quite the daydream! Talk to him or you're going to lose him!

"You can't, no one can. I shouldn't have done it…I shouldn't…" My angel suddenly said with regret.

With that, he ran away. I tried to chase him but he was much faster than I, too fast, and he was out of sight in a few seconds.

For the first time in my life I didn't know what to do. I wanted to chase him, to find and heal him. I wanted to finally let someone in and give them power. Unfortunately, how was I going to do that if I didn't know his name or address?

I didn't know how, but I had to, I couldn't let him go. He was the first person in my life that I felt connected to. After all this time, all the things I'd done, I felt like all the events that happened to me led me here to meet him, to help him and to love him.