A/N: So sorry for the wait again guys! I had to do some real thinking on deciding where I wanted to take this next as it's gonna shape where it all goes as the story progresses. I wanna thank each and every one of my reviewers! Your support of this story that isn't as updated as I would like means the world to me. I do hope you like this chapter and that you continue to review.
Chapter 12
Elena was shaking as she protectively wrapped her arms around herself.
Stefan was watching Elena worriedly. He'd never seen her like this before. The way she has holding herself reminded him so much of his sister, Lexi. Her mannerisms were almost exactly the same as Lexi's. It terrified him to think that she could've been hurt like that.
"Elena," Stefan decided to test it, to see if he was right and prayed to God that he wasn't.
He reached out to touch her shoulder and the minute his fingers made contact with her, she violently flinched away as if he tried to burn her.
Tears stung his eyes. She'd been raped, he just knew it. He wouldn't if he hadn't seen the same thing happen with his sister, but it had. He'd screwed things up so badly with Elena, he had to try to get her to trust him.
"Elena," Stefan forced his voice to come out as calm and soothing and to keep all the anger out. The anger that he felt deep inside for whoever had dared to hurt her. "do you want to sit down?"
Elena was silent for a few moments and than she looked up into Stefan's caring eyes. Just like that her shaking started to lesson, it wasn't as violent as before.
"O…ok." She murmured.
Stefan gave her a small patient smile. "It's alright, Elena. You're safe here."
Elena followed him and sat at one of the empty desks. "I don't…I don't really know what to say to you, Stefan." She looked up at him, tears were forming in her eyes. "I kind of…I kind of thought after what I said to you last night…"
"None of that matters, Elena." Stefan replied softly.
Tears streamed down Elena's face. "It matters!" She hiccupped. "I said things I didn't mean, Stefan." She looked up into his pain filled eyes. "I lied to you. I was…scared."
"What scared you?" Stefan gently countered.
"I never should've gone to that stupid party!" Elena cried. "My life is ruined!" She sobbed. "Nothing's ever gonna be the same!"
Tears stung Stefan's eyes. It broke his heart to see her so broken. "Baby," He nearly reached out to touch her but quickly took his hand back, remembering how she'd reacted the last time he tried to physically comfort her. "talk to me."
"You already know, don't you?" Elena roughly wiped away her tears. "God, I can see it in your eyes! The disgust…"
"No!" Stefan sharply replied. "I'm feeling a lot of things for you right now, Sweetheart but disgust is most certainly not one of them."
"But you know? How do you look at me and just…know?" She softly asked.
Stefan sighed. "Did I ever tell you that I had a sister?"
Elena looked at him in confusion and than sadness entered her eyes. Sadness for him. "Had?"
"Yeah…I lost her a few years ago." Stefan admitted softly.
"I'm really sorry, Stefan." Elena replied genuinely. "What happened?" In all honesty she was grateful to have something else to focus on other than her pain. It was some what of an escape.
Pain filled Stefan's eyes and he blinked back tears. Time still had not eased the hurt of losing his baby sister. He didn't know if it ever would.
"She committed suicide." Stefan finally admitted.
Elena was horrified. "Oh my God, Stefan…"
Stefan breathed deeply. "She was in a lot of pain and rather than talking to me, to anyone…she took the wrong way out."
"What…what was causing her pain?" Elena whispered.
"I think you know." Stefan whispered.
"What? I didn't even know her, how would I know what caused her enough pain to take her own life?" Elena cried.
Stefan decided to change tactics. "I see a lot of her in you, you know?"
Elena glared at him. "I'm not suicidal, Stefan!"
"I wasn't implying that you were." Stefan calmly responded. "I meant that I see her qualities in you. You're beautiful and you have a pure heart, just like she did."
Elena shook her head, tears streamed down her face. "I don't feel beautiful." She roughly wiped her tears away. "And I can assure you that there isn't a pure thing about me or my heart anymore."
Stefan looked her over intensely for a moment before responding. "And I can assure you, you're wrong. On both accounts."
"I've been wrong about a lot of things, Mr Salvatore." Elena replied, her tone cold and indifferent. "But not this."
Stefan sighed. "It's Stefan."
"And it's Mr Salvatore to me." Elena responded sharply. "You're my teacher. It's inappropriate. There's nothing between us." She breathed deeply as tears stung her eyes. "There…can't be." She covered her face with her hands and broke down crying.
"Elena," Stefan choked back a sob of his own just seeing her fall apart like this. "I'm so sorry I hurt you." He reached out to gently place an arm around her shaking shoulders and was hurt when she involuntary flinched but relieved that she didn't try to pull away.
Elena leaned into his comfort as she sobbed harshly. After what had happened to her, she couldn't even contemplate the idea of anyone touching her without her wanting to throw up, but with Stefan it was different. He wasn't just anyone, he would never be just anyone. She was in love with him. He was the only one to ever make her feel like she was cared for.
"I don't know what hurts more." Elena cried out.
"Then tell me what does hurt you." Stefan gently spoke. "I'm here, baby. I love you." As if sensing her thoughts, he added. "No matter what. You're not alone."
I love you too, Stefan. Elena tearfully thought to herself. But I'm scared once I tell you, you won't anymore.
"I…" This was stupid. He knew how she felt about him. She laid it all out last night, but saying them again after she'd been rejected by him before…saying them again when she was this vulnerable was just too scary for her. "I'm scared." She finally settled with.
"Of what?" Stefan gently whispered. "Elena, tell me what you're scared of. Lets start there."
"Something happened to me last night." Elena admitted tearfully. "I'm afraid once I tell you what it is that you'll take all of this back."
Stefan's heart broke at that. There had been signs but she was already confirming what he feared had happened to her.
"I won't, Elena." Stefan firmly assured her. "I love you and there is nothing you could ever say or do that would ever make me take that back."
"I went to Caroline's party and I was miserable the second that I got there." Elena tearfully began. "I think Caroline could sense that something was up with me but she didn't press me." She chuckled bitterly. "She so eagerly accepted my claim that I was fine. Then again, she always has. No one knows me anymore. No one cares."
That wasn't acceptable. Stefan refused to let her believe that was true. "Hey," He gently tilted her chin upwards so her eyes would meet his. "I know you. I care. I always have and I always will. Don't forget that and don't let anyone including yourself make you think differently."
"You're the only one that ever has." Elena softly replied. "I spent the next three hours at that party thinking about you. I wanted it to stop, I wanted my pain to stop. I drank so much it's a wonder I didn't end up with alcohol poisoning."
"Elena," Stefan whispered, hating himself for how much pain he had caused her with his lies. "I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I was convinced that if I let you be with me, I would just end up hurting you more."
Elena blinked back tears. "I know but that doesn't really matter, Stefan. It hurt more without you. If you hadn't said those things…if I hadn't left here convinced that there was not a single person on the face of this planet that cared anything about me, than maybe…"
Anguish was etched in Stefan's features. "Maybe what, Elena?"
"I think you know." Elena painfully said.
"Please tell me." Stefan gently demanded. "Elena, please let me help you."
"You can't help me." Elena whispered.
"Tell me what happened." Stefan repeated.
"I was drunk. There was this guy." Elena blinked back tears, taking a shaky breath. "He seemed nice, but…"
"But what?" Stefan softly asked. "Did he…?" He felt anger welling up inside of him at the mere thought of it. "Elena, did he hurt you?"
A lone tear rolled down Elena's face. "I guess I got what I deserved."
Stefan's entire being filled with anger, sadness and disgust. "No!" He sharply snapped. He regretted his brief loss of control when he felt her slightly shake in his arms.
"Elena," He breathed deeply, trying to calm down if nothing but for her sake alone. "what are you telling me?"
"I.." Elena couldn't even look at him and utter these words. She could bare the disgust she knew she would see etched in his features, in his eyes once she did. "I lost my virginity last night. With him."
Stefan wanted nothing more than to press her for a name and than race out of here and torture the life out of whoever had done this to her. She was either raped or she was taken advantage of and no matter which of the two it was, it warranted the guy nothing less than death in his book.
"Elena," Stefan titled her chin up to meet his warm and caring gaze. "did you want it?"
Tears stung Elena's eyes as she looked into his with such uncertainty. "What?"
She couldn't believe he wasn't looking at her in disgust, that he was even able to look at her at all. He was looking at her the same way he always had except with even more intensity and caring. It blew her away and it broke her heart.
Stefan already knew the truth. Already knew what had most likely happened and what her answer would be, but he still needed to hear it from her. And he knew that her admitting what had happened would be the first step in her recovering from it.
"Sweetheart, did you want to lose your virginity to him?" Stefan repeated gently.
Elena gasped.
Was he really asking her that? Didn't he know that if she'd had any choice in the matter that it would've been Stefan that she'd lost her virginity to and not anyone else? Didn't he know that she loved him?
"Stefan…" Elena whispered brokenly.
"Lena, were you…" Tears rolled down Stefan's face. "Baby, were you forced?" His voice came out hushed and his eyes looked anguished.
"Yes." Elena softly replied before losing all composure and breaking down into sobs.
"Oh, God." Stefan had just known it but hearing her admit it… "Elena, I'm sorry." His voice broke as a small sob made it's way out of his throat. "Baby, I am so sorry." Then all at once he looked into her eyes with urgency. "What do you need? Please, tell me what you need Elena. I'll do anything for you. Anything."
Elena sobbed. "I thought you knew, Stefan. I thought you knew that if I'd had a choice in anything in this entire universe…" She placed her hand against his heart, her fingers gripping the material of his shirt. "I love you."
Stefan choked out a cry at that. He smiled gently at her through his tears. "I wasn't sure if I'd ever hear you say that to me. I love you, Elena. With all of my heart. This doesn't change that. I need you to know that."
Elena managed a smile back through her tears. "I wanted you. I wanted to give my virginity to you. I still…" Her features twisted in broken agony. "You're the only one, Stefan! The only one…"
"Come here." Stefan rasped. "I want…Elena, can I please hold you?"
Elena wanted to be enveloped in his embrace more than anything but she didn't want to risk someone seeing. She didn't want to put Stefan in that kind of position.
"Stefan…" There was hesitation in her voice.
"Can you trust me?" Stefan gently asked, mistaking her hesitation for fear. Fear of him. "I swear you're safe with me, Sweetheart."
Elena quickly shook her head, realizing he had the wrong idea. "It's not that. I'm not…you don't scare me, Stefan."
Stefan's features relaxed in relief. "Then what is it?"
"What if someone sees us?" Elena whispered.
"I couldn't care less." Stefan softly told her. "But if it makes you feel more comfortable…"
Stefan stood up and walked over to the classroom door and the window. He pulled the blinds down, effectively shutting out the rest of the world.
Elena let out a small smile.
She walked across the room over to him. The space between them was almost closed.
Stefan gently smiled at her, even as tears still entered his eyes. "Elena, can I hold you?"
He didn't receive a verbal answer but the moment the question left his lips, she rushed forward into his arms. Her hands clenched his shirt tightly as she cried into his chest.
"It's alright, Sweetheart. I'm here, I love you and I won't let go." Stefan carefully wrapped his arms around her, as if he were afraid of hurting her. He didn't know the details of her assault, nor did he know if she'd even reported this. He didn't even know if she'd went to the hospital to get checked out but he prayed that she had.
Those were all questions he planned on finding out the answers to, but for the moment what mattered to him the most was that she knew that he was there for her and that he loved her.
The rest…
The rest would all come later.