"From now on, we tell each other everything."

"All right?"

And that's where we enter, with three best friends duct-taped to three chairs, working out their problems with the hopes of staying best friends. One's feeling left out, the other two are disgruntled, wishing they had just told the third the truth in the first place. It'll end nicely- it always does- but still, the process is tiring.

Carly glanced downward, biting her lip. "You'll tell me everything?"

"Yeah."

"We swear."

The other two aren't expecting anything out of the ordinary. And now we break to three different endings, each surprising in its own way.

*SEDDIE*

"How long was it?" Carly asked, an inquiry lying just below her nonchalant tone. Sam double-takes.

"What?"

"How long did you guys kiss?" Carly expanded. It was a fair question, but her friends looked uncomfortable, unconsciously edging away from each other though taped too tightly to move.

Darting eye contact was exchanged between Sam and Freddie, and Carly swore there was something deeper there. A connection, even if the two aren't aware of it.

"I don't know."

"Like, seven seconds?" Sam said, glancing at Freddie to confirm.

"Seven, eight," Freddie agreed, looking back to Carly.

Carly wasn't satisfied. And who would be? "Oh." A split second of silence, and her natural fangirly side kicked in; "And was it fun?"

And now Sam was getting freaked out. "Fun?"

"Yeah! I mean, did you guys… you know… like it?" There was something to Carly's tone that showed her growing impatience.

Freddie had always been the thoughtful one. While Carly and Sam jumped on their opinions wholeheartedly, Freddie had to stop and think, to come to a decision slowly. Now he thought, looking with shy interest at the girl taped to his arm.

And they answered at once.

"No!"

"Kinda!"

Sam stared at Freddie in horror. "You liked it?" she growled. "You better hope I heard wrong, Fredward, or you'll wake up tomorrow with a squirrel in your pants."

Freddie looked terrified, and not just about the squirrel. Carly came to his rescue. "Oh come on, Sam, you didn't like it at all?" she teased, trying to kick Sam's leg over Freddie. "He can't be that bad of a kisser!"

"He wasn't terrible," Sam admitted, but her eyes were still flaming. Defensive.

"Can I say something?" Freddie asked weakly. Sam glared with her eyes half-closed, a deadly stare that would melt any nerd in a five-mile radius. "Don't kill me, okay?"

"M' not making any promises," Sam grumbled. Carly kicked her again, missed, and left Freddie with a throbbing shin.

"I liked it," Freddie said at last. "For someone who could take the entire hockey team in a fight and win with just a sock full of butter… you're a good kisser."

She wouldn't admit it in a thousand years, and if you asked her, she'd probably destroy you, but Sam blushed like crazy after that. She tried to hide her face, flipping her hair so it fell past her cheeks, but Freddie didn't miss the pleased, embarrassed look on her face. Neither did Carly, who waited with bated breath for something more to happen.

And cue Spencer.

*CREDDIE*

"And was it fun?"

Sam gaped. "Fun?"

"Yeah! I mean, did you guys… you know… like it?" There was something in Carly's tone, but in this ending, it wasn't impatience; if you strained, it could be heard as jealousy, or misconstrued as plain curiosity.

Sam and Freddie looked at each other, measuring the other up with searching eyes. After a moment, they shook their heads vigorously, both wearing expressions of disgust.

"No."

"Absolutely not."

"She tastes like ham."

"Do not!"

Carly looked relieved, and promptly became silent, staring off in another direction, hoping the subject would be dropped after she had gotten her answer.

But Freddie saw it as an opportunity. You could see his face light up with hope, hope that had been crushed time and time again by the dark-haired girl now avoiding his eyes.

"Why do you care?" he asked eagerly.

"Maybe she just wanted to know," Sam said, not especially caring. She struggled against the tape, making sure to hit Freddie as many times as possible.

"Ow- ow- Sam, quit it! But why'd she care if we liked it?" Freddie argued.

"Drop it!" Carly said, a bit more defensively than she would have liked. Now Freddie was very interested.

"Can I have a second kiss?" Freddie asked on a whim. Carly whipped around to face him, looking startled. Sam kicked him. (In every ending, Freddie's legs must hurt.)

"You've been asking for, like, five years, Freddork," Sam said. "What do you expect? If Carly kisses you, the misunderstood nerd will turn into a beautiful swan?"

"C'mon, please?" Freddie whined. "I've only kissed Sam, and it's not like she even counts! Do all girls taste like meat products? I'd like to kn--"

Carly crashed her mouth to his, and, no, she didn't taste like ham. Carly was sweet; Freddie couldn't quite place the taste, so he happily labeled it as simply her. The kiss lasted far longer than seven (or eight) seconds- finally, Sam said loudly, "Okay, I'm gonna throw up, and that's bad news for whoever's sitting next to me!"

Carly pulled back. Freddie looked stunned, staring straight ahead, grinning like an idiot.

"Freddie?" Sam resumed kicking Freddie's poor shin, but the boy wouldn't be brought out of the daze. Carly's spirits skyrocketed just knowing she did that to him.

And cue Spencer.

*NONE*

"And was it fun?"

"Fun?"

"Yeah! I mean, did you guys… you know… like it?"

"Carly," Sam laughed, "it's Freddie. He didn't know what the heck he was doing!"

"You had your eyes open the entire time!" Freddie retorted. "No one keeps their eyes open when they kiss!"

"You didn't do anything- you just sat there! You could've been asleep!"

"Okay!" Carly cut in. "Sor-ry, just asking."

Freddie looked hopefully at his friend. "You know, maybe I'd get kissing a little more if--"

"Ew," Carly said.

"Aw, c'mon!"

None of the three were battling with mixed internal feelings. No one was secretly crushing, or pining, or any of that fun stuff. They were just three friends taped to a chair. It's not the ending that many would choose, but maybe it's the safest.

And then--

"CARLY! Where's my banjo?"

----------------------------------------------

On an unrelated note, my story "Meet The Bensons" was nominated for Best Seddie Story at the first iCarly fan fiction awards. Go vote for me if you want to make this author extremely happy! /shameless self-promotion