HEAVEN

r i k u r o k u

by sakura, misa, jenn and topi

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Life should be much, much easier than it already is, Roxas used to think. If someone or something is a certain way, they should stay that way to avoid future confusion, and that's that.

At least, it was what Roxas used to think. To the public, Roxas seemed stoic and yet on top of things—he was in control of his education (he'd had a perfect average since a few weeks after moving to Twilight Town, the only scar being a B–grade he'd gotten was in the eighth grade two years ago) and his social life, having three amazing best friends, an avid Struggler and skateboarder, and a big humanitarian.

Of course, there were people he didn't like and, therefore, couldn't be bothered to be around for any length of time besides none at all, and there were those people who were just naturally better at certain things than him, but that was okay. It was the natural order of things, and who was he to screw something like that up? And besides—to have people he disliked was a normal thing, as were healthy rivalries and such. As his mother had told him once, it was how people were shaped; how they grew up, changed, became the person destiny foresaw them to be. It was natural—it was normal. And Roxas was normal, as well; at least, he reckoned he was. But that was all before he met that boy, the boy who drove the sunburst blonde so exceedingly up the wall that Roxas had to mentally prepare himself into a state of mind whenever he was forced to interact with the boy.

Six months into the school year and he'd strode into the classroom as if he'd gone to the school his entire life instead of being the new kid, and wrote his name in kanji on the chalkboard for the class as the teacher instructed. Riku something-or-other—Roxas didn't care enough to remember his surname, but he did remember that coupled with his given name, the kanji made 'earth-walking stargazer', and the rest of that day all Roxas was think about were stars.

When he finally got home and finished his homework, he dug up a telescope he'd received on his twelfth birthday in the attic, only to discover its lens had cracked and the pieces of fiberglass were falling away. The next day, however, he couldn't focus much on anything the teacher said, as he was absentmindedly doodling stars in the margin of his notebook paper and trying to figure out how much a telescope lens would cost and if he'd have to get a part timer to pay for it, seeing how he currently only had enough to pay for some ice cream after school, and he certainly wasn't going to give that up anytime soon.

His thoughts were broken only once when his teacher asked him to solve a mathematic equation he'd written up on the chalkboard, which, luckily, Roxas already knew how to solve. He made quick work of it and returned to his seat for his work to be dissected and analyzed by the teacher to the rest of his class. When he had looked down and realized what he'd been doing for the past thirty minutes since class had begun, he quickly flipped to an empty page and began hastily rewriting his notes on a starless margin.

The day after that, when he had his art class (the only other class he shared with the new kid, Riku, besides his English class), he couldn't think of anything to freehand except stars, which brought praise from his art teacher ("My, cross hatching the shadows on those stars was an excellent choice, Roxas—great job!") and an embarrassed blush to his cheeks. The Riku kid looked up then, catching Roxas' eye and holding it for a second, then two, and then five as their art teacher droned on. Finally, Riku looked away, turning his attention back to his own work and Roxas blinked before unwillingly turning his focus back to the teacher. "Yes," he said, smiling as if he had been listening to the woman the entire time. "Thank you for the compliment. I appreciate it." And that was that. Riku never looked up from his art for the rest of the period, and rushed off to lunch when class was dismissed. After a week of the nonsense of absentminded stars, staring contests and avoiding-ness, Roxas was getting fed up.

"This is ridiculous," he complained one day to Olette, who habitually accompanied him to Sunset Hill on evenings between the end of school and the beginning of cram school. That day, Hayner had to stay behind at school as punishment for starting a fight in the courtyard that morning, and Pence was busy working on a club-related project that was due soon. They were too busy wrapped up in their own problems, and Roxas wasn't the type to burden them with his. But, of all of his friends, there was one person who always wanted to listen if something was wrong, always willing and eager to help if asked, and that was Olette. And besides, he and Olette attended the same cram school, and it was a good way to keep each other on time if they stayed together until then.

As they sat in the dead grass, Roxas let his legs dangle off of the edge of the hill that was directly above the train tracks, resting his arms on the lowest slat of the wooden fence and pressing the side of his cheek against his flesh, making his word slightly mumbled. "It's like I have a crush on him or something. Completely ridiculous, am I right? Agree with me and say that I'm right."

"Hm? Who is him?" Olette was sitting cross-legged beside him, still in her uniform similar to Roxas', save for the fact that his plaid pants were replaced with her plaid skirt. How she managed she sit like that without flashing the people on the Twilight Line was beyond Roxas, and thus he deemed it something only girls knew how to prevent and left it at that. Olette's head was bent as her fingers were nimbly working to make something out of string and charms, but Roxas didn't pay much attention. "You know, him. The new kid in our class—Riku… something."

There was a pause as Roxas watched the girl accidentally knot her string and struggle to unknot it before sighing in defeat and handing it to him. "Can you please fix this…? And his last name is Hoshigashite—not something." She smiled, teasing the blonde beside her. "Anyway, doodling stars all day is nothing, really. It's just something that incidentally relates to him that you found interest in. It'll pass, and then you'll wonder why you even related the two, trust me. When you start having dreams about you two having sex or something, then you know you have a crush on him."

She smiled as Roxas flushed nearly crimson in the dying sunlight. Of herself and Hayner and Pence, Olette was the only person who knew for certain about Roxas' sexuality, and the teen preferred to keep it that way. Hayner had his suspicions, and he often tried to catch Roxas doing something, anything incriminating to prove that his best friend was gay, but they were just that to him—suspicions. Roxas made sure he never did anything weird when he was around Hayner. Late in their eighth grade year, when the blonde was finally starting to trust his new friends, he'd developed somewhat of a crush on Hayner, and spent so much time alone with him and almost giving everything away on so many different occasions that Roxas was surprised he didn't figure anything out yet. Since then, the crush had worked itself out of Roxas' system and all he wanted from Hayner was friendship, and nothing more.

Thinking back on it then, it was all Roxas could do to keep from laughing—when he wanted to be, Hayner could be as dense as pencil lead or as sharp as a tack. It all depended on his mood and what he'd eaten that day.

"W-whatever…!" He untied Olette's knot and handed it back to his friend. Then he got to his feet and grabbed his school bag that was lying almost forgotten behind him. "We're going to be late to cram school if we don't hurry."

He waited as Olette took her project and shoved in into the pocket of her own bag and got to her feet as well, brushing stray blades of grass off of her skirt and socks. She then looked at her wristwatch and yelped in surprise. Roxas smiled at her reaction. "Do you want to run?" He asked, and she scrunched up her nose. "We don't have a choice—let's go…!" And with that, she sprinted down the hill with Roxas close behind, laughing the entire way as they made it with seconds to spare, but made it nonetheless.

That night, Roxas couldn't sleep. All night, he tossed and turned, kicking off his blankets in the darkness of the night, only to grope madly for them when he began to shiver from the cold sweat that coated his body. He dreamed of dark places, of a skyscraper made purely from memories and a familiar white haired boy wearing a dark coat and a black blindfold instead of a starched white collared shirt and tacky blue plaid pants. Then he does dream of starched shirts and tacky uniform pants, except they're not on people, but on the floor. And the owners of those clothes are a heap of pale skin and limbs; scowls and kisses and teeth and the overwhelming desire of more that was nearly insatiable. And Roxas knows it's him from a feeling in his stomach that was simultaneously sick and appeased, and he couldn't stand it.

Because he also knows that the person with him is Riku.

But even when he knows it's Riku, he can't make himself let go of him—or rather, he doesn't want to let go of him. He knows he's dreaming, but his fingers hold on tighter to pallid skin, soft as feathers, and hair white as city snow brushes the blonde's collarbone and shoulder as lips bestow gentle kisses over them. And to Roxas, it's heaven and it's hell, and he hates it and he loves it.

When he wakes up, he realizes that he'd been gripping his pillow so tightly that there are little holes where his nail actually bit through the thin cotton material, and Roxas resolves to chew them all off during the course of the day.

n o t e;; -death- Topi's not doing a one shot? Unheard of! Haa, no, not really—I mean, here it is, part one of HEAVEN. This is a group effort sort of thing between my RL friends and I, like a roleplay—one person created the plot, one person supplied all of the Riku lines and reactions, one person (me) supplied the Roxas lines and reactions, and so on and so forth. Thus, this fic isn't really mine, per se, but I was given permission to post this here. :D

Be forewarned—this is long. Well, maybe not. Right now it's at the 10k words mark and it's not even half finished. It may not be long to someone else, but to me who's only been writing short one shots for two years, this is like the last Harry Potter book. Originally, it was posted on Gaiaonline so the paragraphs were a lot longer. I broke them up so it would be easier to read, so if the breaks seem kind of weird, that's why. -shrug-

Lastly, I wanna thank Sakura and Misa and Jenn for spending so much time on this with me. Oh, the happy funtiemz we had~