Hi everyone! I know I haven't updated any of my stories in forever.... I'm really sorry about that, just in case anyone cares. I really prefer original fiction over fanfiction.... but anyways, this story was some random idea that popped into my head the other day. DON'T tell me that "chatspeek isn't allowed on this site" or "script format stories aren't allowed on this site", cuz I've heard it all before and I DON'T CARE. I tried to keep the chat slang to a minimum, though. And I'm from the US, so could someone tell me if Alex or Yassen sound too American? I tried....

DISCLAIMER: Trust me, it's better for everyone if I don't own Alex Rider. This chapter is proof enough.

Between constantly saving the world and risking his neck, Alex Rider was stressed. No, stressed was an understatement. The point was, what Alex really needed was a break from it all. From the nasty rumours at school to MI6, he really needed a holiday. But a holiday was out of the question; every single time he tried to go somewhere out of country and relax, something big and life-threatening happened, always involving some crazy take-over-the-world (rich) madman (and occasionally madwoman, in the case of Julia Rothman.) So instead of drinking coconut milk while lying on a sunny beach somewhere like he really should, He decided to go to the next best thing:

The Internet.

The internet was an amazing thing indeed; you could go anywhere in the world (or even out of the world) from the safety of your seat. And best of all, you didn't need to be yourself on the internet; you could be anyone you wanted. Making an identity was easy. Which was precisely why Alex Rider decided to relax in a chatroom where no one had ever heard of him, under a new name, with a new life.

And so, one monday after school, at precisely 5:05 PM England Time, Alex logged onto "" under the screen name "TruthxLies111". The next page he went to was a list of the different chatrooms. Scrolling down the page listlessly, one chatroom caught his eye: "Assassins, Spies, and Ninjas. The Ultimate Chatroom for Terrorists and Counterterrorists." Alex smirked. It was probably full of cocky teens hoping to trick some idiot into believing they were some sort of secret agent or terrorist. Well, he thought, better this than "Unicorn Central". And so, at precisely 5:07 PM England Time, Alex Rider clicked on the unsuspecting neon link.

[Welcome to Assassins, Spies, and Ninjas! Type your message below and press Enter.]

[TruthxLies111 has entered the chatroom]

Merpgluie: hi!

TruthxLies111: hi...

Terrorists_R_Us: welcome newcomer. are u a terrorist or civil pansy?

Alex grinned and decided to play along. Not as if anyone was actually going to believe him.

TruthxLies111: actually, I'm a 'civil pansy'. I am actually a teenage spy for MI6.

Merpgluie: ooooh, so you're like, British?

TruthxLies111: yep.

Merpgluie: kool. me and Trevor here are American.

Terrorists_R_Us: actually, I'm middle-eastern. and right now I am in my secret lair plotting the United State's demise.

Merpgluie: no, you're in your room, secretly going online cuz you're grounded.

Terrorists_R_Us: shaddup foolish American. I am in Pakistan in my secret lair!!!!!

Merpgluie: ....Trevor, you're across the street from me.

Terrorists_R_Us: LIES!!!!

Merpgluie: I can see you in your room, pounding your fist on the table as we speak.

TruthxLies111: Lol you guys are hilarious. Are you friends?

Terrorists_R_Us: why would I be friends with a dumb American!!?!!

Merpgluie: haha no we're not really friends, rivals more like. some say we hav a sister-and-brother relationship. (I'm a girl, btw.)

TruthxLies111: or a husband-and-wife relationship.

Merpgluie: ...

Terrorists_R_Us: EWWWW!!! I'd rather DIE than marry that THING over there!!!

TruthxLies111: Lol that's mean...

Merpgluie: yeah Trevor, don't say that to a girl! Hmph!

[ColdEyedAssassin has entered the chatroom]

Merpgluie: hiya!

ColdEyedAssassin: Hello.

Terrorists_R_Us: ew how formal.

ColdEyedAssassin: Your unsername is quite damaging to the reputation of terrorists, you know.

Terrorists_R_Us: ...whatever. I know your type. You're the BORING type. I'm leaving.

[Terrorists_R_Us has left the chatroom]

TruthxLies111: ....um... bye, I guess?

Merpgluie: don't mind him, he's always a party pooper.

TruthxLies111: I see...

ColdEyedAssassin: Hmm. Your username, on the other hand, is quite nice...

TruthxLies111: who me?

ColdEyedAssassin: Yes. It reminds me of something someone I once knew would pick... He was always quiet, yet there was a certain kindness in his eyes. He would often put his friends and family before his job.

Unfortunately, that was what killed him in the end.

TruthxLies111: Wow. He must've been a nice guy. I'm sure he'll always be remembered.

ColdEyedAssassin: Perhaps not. His profession prevented him from keeping many personal relationships, and his funeral was small and secretive. And after that, I went and killed his brother! Can you believe it?

TruthxLies111: Well, do you regret it now?

ColdEyedAssassin: I try not to. It was my job; I had no other choice. But now I've caused his son so much pain... the boy, he's a sweet boy, but he hates me now...

TruthxLies111: Maybe it's better that way. No matter how harsh it is, a single truth is better than a thousand sugar-coated lies. At least the son knows it was you who killed him.

Merpgluie: Erm, sorry to interrupt your little sob-fest over here but I just wanted to say that my mom's calling me for dinner, so um.... I g2g. Bye.

TruthxLies111: ok bye

[Merpgluie has left the chatroom]

TruthxLies111: I should probably get going to. I'll be on around this same time tommorow, you?

ColdEyedAssassin: Okay.

TruthxLies111: Bye.

[TruthxLies111 has left the chatroom]

[ColdEyedAssassin has left the chatroom]

Alex Rider smiled in satisfaction as he exited the website. ColdEyedAssassin, whoever that was in real life, seemed to be a nice guy. Even if everything he had typed online was fake mush, it was still nice to talk to someone without actually having to go through his entire life story...

Several hundred miles away, in an unsuspecting flat, Yassen Gregorovich also logged out of the same chatroom. TruthxLies111 reminds me so much of John Rider... he thought tenderly. And while whoever it was on the other side of that username certainly wasn't John, it was still nice to talk to someone about himself without getting cold glares or frightened glances.

~End~

Next chapter: A familiar face joins the scene, and his name is... Alan Blunt!?!? (Be afraid.... be very afraid...)